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Where did he go?

renee713

By renee713,
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renee713

renee713

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This is the first time I am posting but have been reading some of the other posts. It seems that a lot of people go through similar situations but I could use some advice.

 

Earlier this year, I went through a tough break-up. I gave sometime before I started dating again so I could just focus on me for a bit. I went into dating with a completely open mind-set with no real expectations. In the past, I would usually date just one guy at a time but decided to try and multi-date to see what I really liked and what I truly wanted. I joined multiple dating sites, and I went on quite a few dates. A few went beyond the first date, and one guy in particular I developed a liking for. We seemed to have a good connection and a lot in common. Even though I had my profile still up, he was the only one who I was still really dating. I was at the point to take it to the next level, and we ended up having sex one night last week. It was amazing. And when I left the next day, we planned on seeing each other later that week. Ever since then, he has not been communicating with me. He hasn't been texting me at all so I kinda cut back on trying to reach out to him. I briefly mentioned getting together again, and he said he didn't know if he could this week because of the holiday but he would let me know if he were free. That's the last time I heard from him. I didn't see him as the guy who would just use me for sex but that's how I feel right now. I feel a bit mislead and a bit hurt. Since it was the first guy post break-up, it hurts a bit more and I am taking it very personally.

 

I don't want to completely write him off yet but I feel like he has already written me off. I just keep trying to figure out what happened. I can't seem to wrap my head around it.

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Blakely

Blakely

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I highly recommend you read up on Oxytocin! I'm sure you will hear from him again, men tend to go into caveman mode after sex outside of a committed relationship. I just went through this and decided to take sex off the table by not meeting up with him where sex can happen.

 

Im not holding out hope for him to stay in the picture once he realizes I'm not willing to be 'friends' with benifits on his terms.

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Frank2thepoint

Frank2thepoint

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Even though I had my profile still up, he was the only one who I was still really dating. I was at the point to take it to the next level, and we ended up having sex one night last week.

 

Possibly the guy noticed you still had your dating profile up, so he didn't take you seriously because you didn't present yourself in a serious manner. Not sure if you communicated anything exclusive to him before having sex, but I'm assuming you didn't, so you gave him a free ride. Pun intended. Also, he may have thought you were giving out free rides to other guys. I highly doubt you will be able to salvage this, but do learn from it. Next time, be upfront and clear about what you want, so there is no confusion. Communication is always necessary.

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Blakely

Blakely

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Also called 'rubber banding'. Just let him go and do his thing, don't contact him let him come back to you. If may be a few days or a week or weeks. If you've moved on, let him know. If you're open to seeing him again, just go with it and see how he treats you. Actions can't lie.

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renee713

renee713

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So just a quick follow up. I took down my profile from all of the dating sites yesterday. Not only because I was bummed about this guy but it's kinda hard to start dating around the holidays. So he actually texted me and said that he saw it was down and asked me why. What do I say to him?

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Adele0908

Adele0908

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You could just say that you aren't liking the dating sites, or that you don't really want to be on the dating sites right now. It's honest without revealing everything. Or you could tell him the whole truth, that you find dating depressing around the holidays.

 

About your original post.

 

"I was at the point to take it to the next level, and we ended up having sex one night last week."

 

YOU were at the point of taking it to the next level. But what about him?

 

You wanted to push the relationship forward, but he also has to want to push the relationship forward. In fact, he, as the man, is the one who will lead the relationship toward commitment and exclusivity.

 

You don't have to do anything. He will want to push the relationship forward with you if he feels enough attraction and connection with you.

 

Read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and It's a Guy Thing

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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Back the truck up. I'm assuming he's seen your profile because he's got one too, no? Kind of a pot-kettle situation if so. Unless I'm totally misreading this.

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mortensorchid

mortensorchid

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Multi dating does that to people. Move on, he's not interested anymore and you sounded lukewarm at best. Keep on going.

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