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bf from the past wants to meet up


Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher

I got a fb message from an ex boyfriend from about 12 years ago. i don't have this person added as a friend on fb, but i was just checking through "other" messages. Although I am over the way he treated me all those years, I can't forget. He wanted to see me for a cup of coffee and see how I was going after all these years. I am curious but at the same time, I don't want to see this person. Am I right to reject his offer? It might look like I still carry a grudge, but i'm quite black and white, once a relationship is over, so is the contact you have with that person. He's never apologized for the way he use to treat me but then I don't want to hear one either.

 

Has this ever happened to anyone else? a bad gf/bf from the past suddenly out of the blue contacts you? and what have you done? what was the result?

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
As a guy, we generally contact women from our past when we want to get laid.

 

But 12 years? 12 years? if it was 2 that might make sense but 12? I would have thought he would have forgotten what the sex was like with us. Unless he's really desperate for sex and all the prostitutes have decided to go on strike. And all his other ex girlfriends have rejected him. Perhaps he's going through his ex-girlfriend phone book and trying to see whose available.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
I think you said this as a joke, but I assure you, this happens.

 

You should worry less about why he is contacting you and think more about whether or not you want to talk to him. I gather by your post that he wasn't good to you, so why would you even consider talking to him? People rarely change.

 

I think people do change, but I'm just curious. It has been 12 years after all. I just wanted to know what other people stories of meeting up with the ex has been like. Have you enigma32 met up with an ex for some hanky panky?

 

I think i'll just ignore his message.

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as a female, yes, this has happened. and, like you, i didn't see any point in it. generally, people only come around for two reasons: 1) they are doing great and want to brag to everyone they have ever known or 2) their life is in the toilet and they either hope yours is too, or want to remember a time when someone actually cared for them. either way it will add nothing to your life, especially since you've completely moved on. unless there is something you need from him or something to gain by meeting up, who cares. in my case the one who came back around (5 years after), left me curious. i never met with hi, but later found out he was after a recommendation for a job and i was in that line of work. so, he needed a favor and was reaching out. never responded to him though and it was for the best.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher

Thanks newmoon

 

I think even an apology is unnecessary. I'm very black and white. VERY. I gave myself closure. Meeting him would be like meeting a stranger. I would think his life was in the crapper. I would think that if he had a great life and doing really well, id be the last person in the world he'd brag to. After all, he treated me appallingly, what would he gain by bragging to someone he had little respect for. After all it's been 12 years! I think for 5 years ago, I actually reached out to him to say hi. I immediately realized it was a bad idea and deleted him off of fb. I never looked back. Crazy how he is now the one contacting me, and now I'm the one who will probably ignore him. People are strange. Especially the motives of ex boyfriends. lol.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
Meeting up with an ex, or at least a girl I dated a time or two, is usually one of the first things I do when I am single. I even contacted one from over a decade ago :)

 

And how did that go for you? Very limited success?

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Thanks newmoon

 

I think even an apology is unnecessary. I'm very black and white. VERY. I gave myself closure. Meeting him would be like meeting a stranger. I would think his life was in the crapper. I would think that if he had a great life and doing really well, id be the last person in the world he'd brag to. After all, he treated me appallingly, what would he gain by bragging to someone he had little respect for. After all it's been 12 years! I think for 5 years ago, I actually reached out to him to say hi. I immediately realized it was a bad idea and deleted him off of fb. I never looked back. Crazy how he is now the one contacting me, and now I'm the one who will probably ignore him. People are strange. Especially the motives of ex boyfriends. lol.

 

i take it as a compliment. if an ex reaches out after all those years you actually meant something to them. and it wasn't until some point much later that they come to that conclusion and decide "hey, she might STILL like me enough to take my call/email/gesture or give me something i need." they don't realize that wrongs can be forgiven but not forgotten. i eventually found out through a mutual acquaintance why my ex got in touch - perhaps you will eventually find out as well someday and you can laugh at his reason.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher

well, i find most men are more forgiving of themselves. Especially those who make excuses for their previously bad behavior. " I'll contact her. Yeah I was a dick to her all those years ago, but surely she would have forgotten about it by now." And your right, forgiven but not forgotten. I still haven't forgotten about how I was bullied at school. I mean sure, it's not something I think about or dwell on or even choose to remember, but you never forget. Same with bad boyfriends.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
Heh. Why do you assume I had very limited success? I met up with her a few times, but I decided not to have sex with her after all.

 

Because I would be very surprised if an ex girlfriend would agree to have sex with an old boyfriend.

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Because I would be very surprised if an ex girlfriend would agree to have sex with an old boyfriend.

 

Haha! I did. I met up with an old bf from 25 years ago about 4 years ago, we were both single at the time. We had sex. We never had a nasty break up though & neither of us has ever treated the other badly. Our lives just changed & we moved on. It was great to see him again, he's as handsome at 45 as he was at 18 & he's very successful. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him.

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I had a BF from 10 years ago contact me through FB the same way. He messaged me, but we weren't friends. He ended up wanting a FWB relationship and claimed his wife was no longer interested in having sex. He even went so far as to claim his wife said it was okay for him to seek sex outside of the marriage. I never met him because I didn't want to get involved in that drama.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher
I had a BF from 10 years ago contact me through FB the same way. He messaged me, but we weren't friends. He ended up wanting a FWB relationship and claimed his wife was no longer interested in having sex. He even went so far as to claim his wife said it was okay for him to seek sex outside of the marriage. I never met him because I didn't want to get involved in that drama.

 

Some people are so desperate it's revolting! So glad you said no!

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I agree with newmoon and enigma's suggestions, either he is newly single, wants to brag or needs support. I also agree with you and think you should ignore the message.

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