Love yourself before anyone else

[amkxoxo]

I just wanted to share a small bit of what happened to me in dating and hope people will use my message and words of wisdom in their dating lives.

 

In early 2013 I started talking to this guy from my college. I was 21 at the time. I was innocent and happy and single. I didn't date much. I wasn't out trolling for men. I wanted a guy in my life but I am not the type to go out looking for one. I knew this guy because he had been a short fling years earlier between him and a friend of mine. I never saw him as anything but my friends short lived ex but we got to talking and he was the funny great guy I remembered meeting years earlier. I was taken with him. I wanted him around all the time. I tried to make plans with him all the time. The closer we got the more I talked about him incessantly. The more my infatuation grew.

 

I wanted to know all about him and i wanted him to like me. We had good chemistry and he was the first guy I ever got that physically close to. We made out and cuddled and had great physical chemistry, minus sex. I was getting so lost in him that I was putting everyone else on the back burner. My friends, roommates, and even on occasions my family. They were happy that I found someone I truly liked for oncee. He was handsome, mysterious, and passionate. I liked him more everyday.

 

But other days were hell on earth. Days when he wouldn't answer my calls. Days where he would ditch me for his friends. Days when he told me he didn't know if he was ready for a relationship after his ex who he recently got dumped by. But I wanted him to like me. I tried to do and be what I thought he wanted. But all along I was losing me and losing everything around me. I lived a double life of being with him and trying to keep my social life from imploding. I kept all my struggles from him because I was afraid they would scare him away. Nights I spent crying afraid I may have said the wrong thing or not been around enough for him.

 

All the while some of my friends turned on me. Mad that I was pursuing this toxic relationship. I saw the true nature in some people who ended up being nasty and mean. Other people were hurt by my lack of interest in their lives because I was in this blinded love. I was losing who I was. That guy and I dated for about 8 months on and off. But he just couldn't commit to me. I was devastated. I at times still am. I just want people to know if they are in similar situation that to be with someone. You can't just love them. You have to love yourself when you are with them. Back then I wouldn't admit to it but now that I think about it, I hated myself when I was with hi . I hated all the times I ditched my friends for him. The times I didn't include some friends because I was afraid they would turn him away. The times I lied to cover up things between he and I. I will never ever do it again. I miss him and what we could have had but I don't miss me being lost in a roller coaster of love. Don't do it people. Love yourself first.

[preraph]

It's a hard lesson to learn. For naturally giving people, the sad fact is they will be taken advantage of and hurt more than others because they want to give even when the other person isn't. It's just a bad mistake. It's not always wise to be giving. I always put more energy into the relationship or pursuing a relationship than most of my guys did. It's a big mistake. I wish I'd had the discipline to just turn it off.