amergirl_08 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 (edited) I meet a guy a few months back online. There is about a 2 hour drive between us and he has a professional job and is a busy man, which does cut down on the speed of our dating. We went on out first date over labor day weekend and have since been on about 6 more dates. I really like him. The last 2 have gone to a sexual level which I am okay with but I am not sure where the relationship is heading and that I am not ok with. He seems into me on so many levels. We text a little each day, he is trying to catch up on shows I like and so forth. But at the same time there is a level of distance that I am not sure about. We haven't really had any deep conversations about our lives, just skimming the surface. I am curious as to whether he isn't also dating other women. We haven't had any discussions of exclusiveness. Is it ok for me to ask what he wants from me at this point or will that just scare him away? Edited November 23, 2014 by amergirl_08 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I think you should just assume he's seeing other women, especially since you're not feeling the intimacy. It may just not be the right match if there's a void there, and certainly commitment won't change that void. Have you at least done a background check to be sure he's not married? You should. I don't think it's time to talk about where it's going since you still haven't talked about anything all that personal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amergirl_08 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 He isn't married, I do know that. I've been to his house, stayed at his house, not a trace of a woman there, He really is a busy man, he is a doctor. And we have had some general discussions, but not the deep down feeling discussions. I myself I'm not the best at communicating and have been told I am hard to read in the past. So some of that may be my fault. He may not be able to tell where I stand. I am use to men for lack of a better term marking there territory with me. Although I generally in the past have not felt that those men ever really knew me. I do feel like this guy has a good representation of who I really am, which is refreshing but at the same time I just don't know where it is going or where he wants it to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 He sounds OK to me. I have had several guys call me 4 or 5 times an evening during the first week of meeting them, then they are gone with the wind within a month. Regarding your situation, this doctor sounds very sincere and not some flake that disappears. I think it is best to let him initiate things with you, and don't be too available, (for example, if he texts you, wait a bit before texting back). Give him a chance to miss you. Personally, I think email and texting are not good for early dating, as it doesn't create the feelings of missing the person enough. Also, a good time to bring up where the relationship is going, is when he initiates sex with you. The reason why this is a good time, is you are conveying to him that you want to know how he feels, as you won't have sex with someone who may not be interested. I think he's very much interested in you, but time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 But at the same time there is a level of distance that I am not sure about. We haven't really had any deep conversations about our lives, just skimming the surface. I am curious as to whether he isn't also dating other women. We haven't had any discussions of exclusiveness. Is it ok for me to ask what he wants from me at this point or will that just scare him away? If you haven't pushed for deep conversations and talk of exclusivity, especially after having sex, he isn't take you seriously. You are serving a no strings attached dish to him, at the expense of your feelings. The problem here is you are used to being treated as a piece of meat or object to attain. I don't know if this guy will treat you any different if you mention anything to him, but you need to exert boundaries and making yourself clear to men before you have sex with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amergirl_08 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 Yeah, I think I'm gonna try to hold off asking anything until I see him again. I think I am just use to men who at first want to take up all my time. Again something that I like that he doesn't do, but it makes it feel off too me at the same time. The distance thing too may be part of the issue, it creates a lot of down time to be spent elsewhere and I just have a fear that will lead to him either not wanting to do the distance thing or meet someone else. He had other plans this weekend that were kind of vague and I think that has just put my worries into overdrive. I worry the "old college friend" was actually a date. Which may have just been an old college friend. *shrug* I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens next. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amergirl_08 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 (edited) I don't really think he is the type of guy who would treat me like meat. I just don't know if he is still keeping his options open or not. We haven't had any discussions of being exclusive so he is technically allowed to, I am under no disillusion to that. Mostly my issue is that I would like for him not to be or at least for me to know if he is or not so I can bail out. Edited November 23, 2014 by amergirl_08 Typo Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts