Is it ok to be selective even if you don't date much?

[Guitarisgood]

I was pretty sheltered through my youth due to family and self preference and so my dating history was not much. I was never taught anything from anyone so learnt a lot online, when I started local club sports etc.

 

Fast forward today, I'm in my early 20's and still consider myself lacking in dating experience. But I've always been a more 'sensi' type; kind of more in tune with woman than the macho and banter side of things. Hence I was always surrounded by woman and can easily talk to woman and once I became more confident and learned, I can now go up to and talk to any woman and flirt and charm them quite well. Getting a number and even a date isn't hard for me but I need a 'spark' with a girl if so. My history is short but; a couple dates here, a short fling there and a 2 month period I went out with a girl.

 

Yet nowadays I find myself really selective and I am not sure if it is a good thing or not. While spending my time doing more better things than flowing through dates that won't amount to much, I feel the lack of experience may be a deficit to me in the long run.

 

Hence I sometimes feel I should just roll with it and date and do anything with any girl. Yet I don't. I was at a party last night flowing with girls and there were at least 5 girls I could have easily hooked up with and gone home with. A couple actually wanting a relationship with me. Yet I didn't; I mean I got close - inches from kissing and the likes but pulled away because they just didn't pull that 'spark' for me.

 

Was chatting to my mate this morning and he basically berated me for the lost opportunities. He doesn't have much standards but so if a girl walks up to him and is keen, he'd go the distance.

 

So now is the morning after and I'm sitting here in self reflection. 20's are the years to not care and yet I do. Is there something wrong with me? Am I wrong to be selective; even with girls at parties to hook up with? I guess I don't want to blink my eye and see myself end up old and still hitting town as a single.

[J2911]

I was pretty sheltered through my youth due to family and self preference and so my dating history was not much. I was never taught anything from anyone so learnt a lot online, when I started local club sports etc.

 

Fast forward today, I'm in my early 20's and still consider myself lacking in dating experience. But I've always been a more 'sensi' type; kind of more in tune with woman than the macho and banter side of things. Hence I was always surrounded by woman and can easily talk to woman and once I became more confident and learned, I can now go up to and talk to any woman and flirt and charm them quite well. Getting a number and even a date isn't hard for me but I need a 'spark' with a girl if so. My history is short but; a couple dates here, a short fling there and a 2 month period I went out with a girl.

 

Yet nowadays I find myself really selective and I am not sure if it is a good thing or not. While spending my time doing more better things than flowing through dates that won't amount to much, I feel the lack of experience may be a deficit to me in the long run.

 

Hence I sometimes feel I should just roll with it and date and do anything with any girl. Yet I don't. I was at a party last night flowing with girls and there were at least 5 girls I could have easily hooked up with and gone home with. A couple actually wanting a relationship with me. Yet I didn't; I mean I got close - inches from kissing and the likes but pulled away because they just didn't pull that 'spark' for me.

 

Was chatting to my mate this morning and he basically berated me for the lost opportunities. He doesn't have much standards but so if a girl walks up to him and is keen, he'd go the distance.

 

So now is the morning after and I'm sitting here in self reflection. 20's are the years to not care and yet I do. Is there something wrong with me? Am I wrong to be selective; even with girls at parties to hook up with? I guess I don't want to blink my eye and see myself end up old and still hitting town as a single.

 

 

I think this is a great post ! Good for you too. I think it is a great thing this day and age to be selective! With all of the scams , and loss of traditional ways and diseases out there today , one should be selective ! If I chose more wisely in my past and didn't waste as much time and money on former women , I'd certainly be a much wealthier guy today with much less heartache !!!! I think your thoughts are a good thing actually!

[LookAtThisPOst]

I was pretty sheltered through my youth due to family and self preference and so my dating history was not much. I was never taught anything from anyone so learnt a lot online, when I started local club sports etc.

 

Fast forward today, I'm in my early 20's and still consider myself lacking in dating experience. But I've always been a more 'sensi' type; kind of more in tune with woman than the macho and banter side of things. Hence I was always surrounded by woman and can easily talk to woman and once I became more confident and learned, I can now go up to and talk to any woman and flirt and charm them quite well. Getting a number and even a date isn't hard for me but I need a 'spark' with a girl if so. My history is short but; a couple dates here, a short fling there and a 2 month period I went out with a girl.

 

Yet nowadays I find myself really selective and I am not sure if it is a good thing or not. While spending my time doing more better things than flowing through dates that won't amount to much, I feel the lack of experience may be a deficit to me in the long run.

 

Hence I sometimes feel I should just roll with it and date and do anything with any girl. Yet I don't. I was at a party last night flowing with girls and there were at least 5 girls I could have easily hooked up with and gone home with. A couple actually wanting a relationship with me. Yet I didn't; I mean I got close - inches from kissing and the likes but pulled away because they just didn't pull that 'spark' for me.

 

Was chatting to my mate this morning and he basically berated me for the lost opportunities. He doesn't have much standards but so if a girl walks up to him and is keen, he'd go the distance.

 

So now is the morning after and I'm sitting here in self reflection. 20's are the years to not care and yet I do. Is there something wrong with me? Am I wrong to be selective; even with girls at parties to hook up with? I guess I don't want to blink my eye and see myself end up old and still hitting town as a single.

 

You don't really mention what it is you're selective about. All you told of these lost opportunities is that you "pulled away" because there was "no spark."

 

Were you simply not attracted to them physically? Was it their drunken stupor that turned you off (if they were drunk)...if not either, then what was it specifically?

[Coe]

It isnt a good or bad thing. Its personal choice really. Personally I prefer to have lots of fun with the wrong girls. I dont think there is a right girl out there for anyone really. These are just unrealistic romantic ideas. I blame Disney.

[SycamoreCircle]

The trick is learning to be selective about the things you don't see. I'm in my late 30's and learning that what the person holds inside is the all important thing. What is the capacity for this person to care about others? How has this person treated people in the past? How do your boundaries and morals compare? I think getting a good hold on these things in respect to yourself and other people can save you a lot of visits to LoveShack.

[GravityMan]

It's good to be selective, as long as your standards are reasonable. Most good men and women are selective about the people they date...hell they're selective about almost anyone they associate regularly with.

 

However, many people in their teens and 20s learn what they're selective about by hands-on life experience. In other words, they learn "on the job"...it's often the most interesting and fun way...and for some things it's the only way. For example, a college guy briefly dates some cute college woman and soon realizes that he really doesn't like A and B about her, and does like C about her. He learned something new and may take that into consideration in the future. Part of learning about yourself throughout your teenage and early adulthood years is discovering your tendencies, what makes you "tick" and what you're selective about.

 

Just don't be one of those crazy guys who won't date someone because her forehead's 2 millimeters too big or her knees are too sharp.

[Tayken]

I was pretty sheltered through my youth due to family and self preference and so my dating history was not much. I was never taught anything from anyone so learnt a lot online, when I started local club sports etc.

 

Fast forward today, I'm in my early 20's and still consider myself lacking in dating experience. But I've always been a more 'sensi' type; kind of more in tune with woman than the macho and banter side of things. Hence I was always surrounded by woman and can easily talk to woman and once I became more confident and learned, I can now go up to and talk to any woman and flirt and charm them quite well. Getting a number and even a date isn't hard for me but I need a 'spark' with a girl if so. My history is short but; a couple dates here, a short fling there and a 2 month period I went out with a girl.

 

Yet nowadays I find myself really selective and I am not sure if it is a good thing or not. While spending my time doing more better things than flowing through dates that won't amount to much, I feel the lack of experience may be a deficit to me in the long run.

 

Hence I sometimes feel I should just roll with it and date and do anything with any girl. Yet I don't. I was at a party last night flowing with girls and there were at least 5 girls I could have easily hooked up with and gone home with. A couple actually wanting a relationship with me. Yet I didn't; I mean I got close - inches from kissing and the likes but pulled away because they just didn't pull that 'spark' for me.

 

Was chatting to my mate this morning and he basically berated me for the lost opportunities. He doesn't have much standards but so if a girl walks up to him and is keen, he'd go the distance.

 

So now is the morning after and I'm sitting here in self reflection. 20's are the years to not care and yet I do. Is there something wrong with me? Am I wrong to be selective; even with girls at parties to hook up with? I guess I don't want to blink my eye and see myself end up old and still hitting town as a single.

 

To answer you...there is nowt wrong with you. In this day and age, you can't be too careful especially with these young women and some older ones too that have a few drinks and becomes unconscious letting every Tom Dick and Harry have a piece.

 

There is a whole bunch of diseases out there and the last thing you need is contacting something from someone that can't keep their legs closed. Additionally, you don't know where their mouths have been, what has been inside them.

 

However, if you do find yourself hitting it off with someone who is just as keen to get it on, make sure you double up my friend

[Leegh]

I think it is great to be selective. I know of a guy who is not selective, and a lady friend of his became pregnant by him, and even though he didn't love her, he married her, and the marriage lasted only six months and then he filed for divorce, (after the baby was born). It cost him a lot of money, as the marriage was hard to get out of. Another good thing about being selective, it that one can avoid a lot of diseases, as unfortunately there are quite a number of "social" diseases going around.

[d0nnivain]

You have to be true to yourself.

 

 

I went on an OLD date with some guy who bragged to me that he had been on about 300 1st dates. A few minutes after meeting him I wanted to run screaming from the room. Anyway my point is I doubt he had more than 3-4 2nd dates. So he had a high number of dates. It certainly didn't make him a more attractive or interesting person.

[J21]

I think it's better to be single and free than be tied up with someone you are lukewarm about. When you meet that special someone you'll be glad you didn't waste time with someone you didn't really care for.

 

Life isn't a ledger of how many girls you can sleep with or hook up with.

[carhill]

I would opine it's even more important to be selective if one rarely dates, presuming one dates with purpose and reason. Make each iteration count.

 

That same perspective would apply to a person who is dating with a specific purpose versus dating for enjoyable social interaction. While one may interact socially with a wide variety of people, and enjoy those interactions immensely, that's different from dating to find a person to marry and produce children with. It's a different focus. In the latter case, one would necessarily want to be more selective in such choices and perhaps date less but with more purpose and intent.

 

Lots of options. Pick what suits one's needs best at the time.

[preraph]

Your buddies are still in the dog phase and what they're doing is dating, it's having meaningless sex. Now that's all well and good as long as you're not hurting people in the process and being honest, but I want you to listen carefully to what I am about to say and I think you'll see the truth in it.

 

You have something your buddies don't have. You have a natural affinity and rapport with women. It's a gift. These guys can't even dream of that and will probably never have it. You can afford to be selective instead of hitting everything that moves because you see women as people and it will be at least another 10 years before your buddies do, if then. You are actually way ahead of the game. As you see, it's men who grade you on your experience. Women are more interested in your personality and attitude than they are your sexual expertise. And another thing you have to realize is those guys are just hitting it. They're not skilled! They're just doing what makes them feel good. They're not good in bed. They're selfish from A to Z in every way they deal with women, including sex. Because you have this respect for women and easy way with them, you will be more skilled with them right away because you will care and listen to them. And that's what women want.

[Guitarisgood]

Thanks guys, it's funny that you can be surrounded by woman but simply not find the one you want. Yes the few dates, I've had my bad dates or when things end I've had to suffer the consequences of realising I dated the wrong girl of a social group I'm part of etc. Not to mention the heartbreak. I guess it makes me hesitate with woman now regardless even if I'm laying on my moves and I get to that point of no return and then a moments thought and I pull back.

[angel.eyes]

I've always been very selective, even as a teenager. I think it's why I've had such great relationship experiences and have such a positive view of the opposite gender. For me focusing on quality was the right choice despite peer pressure to be more "open" to guys who were interested.

 

You'll have to figure out what works best for you. But no, a slew of one night stands and hookups will not prepare you to be a good relationship partner. It's a totally different skill set. As another poster pointed out, you have skills, including a natural ability to connect with women, that some men never get. You're way ahead of the game relative to your friends.

[angel.eyes]

Thanks guys, it's funny that you can be surrounded by woman but simply not find the one you want. Yes the few dates, I've had my bad dates or when things end I've had to suffer the consequences of realising I dated the wrong girl of a social group I'm part of etc. Not to mention the heartbreak. I guess it makes me hesitate with woman now regardless even if I'm laying on my moves and I get to that point of no return and then a moments thought and I pull back.

 

You'll gradually learn what traits matter, and which ones are meaningless fluff in picking the right partner. You want to be selective about the stuff that matters...character, values, integrity, respect for others, kindness, etc.