How do I know if I am being flaked on or if it's a legit excuse?

[DBryYES]

I am a trusting guy who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sadly it blows up in my face especially in dating. My friend has a one date cancel policy. If you cancel on him once, especially in the last minute, he is done with you. That sounded a bit harsh to me. How do you deal with date cancelations?

[acrosstheuniverse]

I would give somebody one chance to reschedule in case there was a genuine reason. Two cancellations is enough for me to walk away especially when nothing is invested. If they cancelled I'd expect them to quickly rearrange another date and attend.

 

You just bide your time, and it will play out. If somebody cancels on you, they should be the one to rearrange and make a concerted effort to be around you and meet up soon. If they don't do that, they're not interested. It's not rocket science, it's actually the simplest part of dating. If somebody doesn't put in any effort to be around you, it's going nowhere.

[DBryYES]

I would give somebody one chance to reschedule in case there was a genuine reason. Two cancellations is enough for me to walk away especially when nothing is invested. If they cancelled I'd expect them to quickly rearrange another date and attend.

 

You just bide your time, and it will play out. If somebody cancels on you, they should be the one to rearrange and make a concerted effort to be around you and meet up soon. If they don't do that, they're not interested. It's not rocket science, it's actually the simplest part of dating. If somebody doesn't put in any effort to be around you, it's going nowhere.

 

Problem is things kept on coming up with this girl and she would make a new time. But then, she did not even show up and would not even reply back to me. I had a feeling the signs were there. I should have given up the second time. I don't want this happening again and I get made to look like a moron.

[KatZee]

I give a guy a one date cancellation chance.

 

If he cancels on me once, he has one opportunity to reschedule with me to meet up.

 

If he gives a half-assed attempt or is ambivalent about it, I'm over it.

 

A guy who wants to see you and who has a legit reason to have canceled, will be quick to reschedule, with an ACTUAL plan, a day, and time that he is free.

 

I just dealt with someone who was so flaky.

 

We set up a date for a Wednesday, he cancelled the day of because of work obligation. I said it was fine and to let me know when the next time he was free was. He didn't.

 

He then texted me that Friday asking if I didn't have any plans over the weekend, would I like to get together. I said, yes that works for me, when are you free?

 

No response. He texted me on Monday asking how my weekend was, and he was immediately deleted.

[fred123]

women do that to us guys all the time katzee.

what if he messages you again saying hi?

[DBryYES]

Men and women do it to each other. There is an alarming lack of courtesy and respect in dating today. Both sexes are equally involved. Instead of just saying they aren't interested, it turns into a huge cat and mouse game that ultimately goes nowhere.

[fred123]

but what if that guy is just a friend and katzee has misread it?

 

he sent a nice message saying how was your weekend and she deleted him? isnt that childish?

[DBryYES]

but what if that guy is just a friend and katzee has misread it?

 

he sent a nice message saying how was your weekend and she deleted him? isnt that childish?

 

I think what happened was, the other dude asked her on a date and she accepted the date. But when she replied back and asked what time the date was, the dude never replied back. He left her hanging. She has every right to be upset.

[KatZee]

but what if that guy is just a friend and katzee has misread it?

 

he sent a nice message saying how was your weekend and she deleted him? isnt that childish?

 

This guy is most certainly not my friend. I've never met him. He is nothing to me. He initiated talking to me on a dating site, and then flaked on me TWICE.

 

Deleted. Done. Why are you going to ask me to go out on the weekend, and then not respond to my text when I ask when you're free, and then text me like you don't even realize you just flaked on me? Lack of respect. Lack of respect for my time.

 

I respect people's time, please respect mine. And if you don't? Take a walk, or i'll force you to take that walk.

[KatZee]

women do that to us guys all the time katzee.

what if he messages you again saying hi?

 

It will be ignored.

 

It's not about what gender does what to who. It's about respect and common courtesy. There are tons of s.hitty people out there. I don't keep those people in my life.

[DBryYES]

This guy is most certainly not my friend. I've never met him. He is nothing to me. He initiated talking to me on a dating site, and then flaked on me TWICE.

 

Deleted. Done. Why are you going to ask me to go out on the weekend, and then not respond to my text when I ask when you're free, and then text me like you don't even realize you just flaked on me? Lack of respect. Lack of respect for my time.

 

I respect people's time, please respect mine. And if you don't? Take a walk, or i'll force you to take that walk.

 

That is almost exactly what happened to me. What he did was very disrespectful of your time. If he had no real plans to get with you, he should have just left you alone.

[KatZee]

That is almost exactly what happened to me. What he did was very disrespectful of your time. If he had no real plans to get with you, he should have just left you alone.

 

Exactly. I mean, he could have wanted to get together, but it wasn't on any serious level and he was just taking his sweet time about it, dragging it out, flaking on me... that to me is stupid.

 

And 9 outta 10 times these guys are not going to do the right thing and "leave you alone" they just keep stringing you along. So it's YOUR responsibility to weed these people out, and get them out of your life.

 

I'm not on a dating website to "make friends" and have new texting buddies. Waste of time.

[DBryYES]

Exactly. I mean, he could have wanted to get together, but it wasn't on any serious level and he was just taking his sweet time about it, dragging it out, flaking on me... that to me is stupid.

 

And 9 outta 10 times these guys are not going to do the right thing and "leave you alone" they just keep stringing you along. So it's YOUR responsibility to weed these people out, and get them out of your life.

 

I'm not on a dating website to "make friends" and have new texting buddies. Waste of time.

 

The same here. Problem is it's hard to know what is real until they screw you over. I guess it's all about reading signs better. It's all about common courtesy and treating me people how they deserve to be treated. Some of us are serious about starting serious relationships. If you are not serious about starting a relationship, get off the dating website and stop playing with people's heads.

[ScreaminEagle]

Well, you can look at two ways, take each situation on a case by case basis and try to gauge whether if there was genuine interest on the persons part and they had a good reason to cancel, or you abide by the old saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".

 

I do agree last minute cancellations the responsibility should be on the canceler to re-initiate plans and communication.

[phineas]

Normally,

If they flake I say "no problem, talk to you later"

And don't contact them again.

 

If they truly are interested they will contact me & make an effort to reschedule with me.

 

if they arn't interested I never hear from them again or I do but its just them looking for attention.

 

Because every time they do contact me & don't reschedule, I do & they flake a 2nd time.

so now I don't do that anymore.

 

Life is so much simpler.

[fred123]

is it different though if you didnt meet on a dating website? like say on facebook or something else?

 

i just wanted to know if you can still be pissed off with him?

[KatZee]

is it different though if you didnt meet on a dating website? like say on facebook or something else?

 

i just wanted to know if you can still be pissed off with him?

 

No. It doesn't matter WHERE you meet someone. Online, in real life, on Facebook, at work, through mutual friends.

 

Disrespect is disrespect is disrespect.

 

If a guy is making it known he wants to take you out, then flakes, and then does not reschedule, or who flakes on the reschedule should be cut out. Plain and simple. The end.

[phineas]

is it different though if you didnt meet on a dating website? like say on facebook or something else?

 

i just wanted to know if you can still be pissed off with him?

 

If your getting pissed off you need to check yourself.

Some stranger is not worth the energy.

This is why I keep first dates simple and dont go out of my way.

 

I also usually have a backup plan so I'm not sitting at home dwelling on it.

 

Never lose your cool when a woman flakes.

Act like its no problem and basically forget them.

 

If you get pissed or call them out.

Every female they know will hear about how much of a creep you are.

 

Its worse than sleeping with her and not calling.

[DBryYES]

If your getting pissed off you need to check yourself.

Some stranger is not worth the energy.

This is why I keep first dates simple and dont go out of my way.

 

I also usually have a backup plan so I'm not sitting at home dwelling on it.

 

Never lose your cool when a woman flakes.

Act like its no problem and basically forget them.

 

If you get pissed or call them out.

Every female they know will hear about how much of a creep you are.

 

Its worse than sleeping with her and not calling.

 

While I agree with having a backup plan, I disagree with the whole not getting pissed off part. That person who flaked is leading them on and wasting their time. They have every right to be mad. While they should keep their cool and not completely blow up at her, I don't think anyone would blame them for being upset.

[fred123]

maybe he is right. if guys get pissed off or annoyed we look like creeps and they will laugh with their fri3nds at us.

 

it is worse than us sleeping with a girl and not calling them back. women hate creeps more than *******s. i want to be the ******* not the creep

[acrosstheuniverse]

If your getting pissed off you need to check yourself.

Some stranger is not worth the energy.

This is why I keep first dates simple and dont go out of my way.

 

I also usually have a backup plan so I'm not sitting at home dwelling on it.

 

Never lose your cool when a woman flakes.

Act like its no problem and basically forget them.

 

If you get pissed or call them out.

Every female they know will hear about how much of a creep you are.

 

Its worse than sleeping with her and not calling.

 

I agree. It would really freak me out if a guy got mad at me for cancelling on him (bear in mind I think I've done that maybe twice ever, and it was because work asked me to pick up a shift last minute and I really couldn't turn down the cash [and on a zero hour contract I didn't have much choice if I wanted to keep getting shifts the next week]). It would be an instant 'no' and I wouldn't want to meet with them.

 

Same goes for guys that are too 'full on' when it's clearly not reciprocated. I had a guy I met on Tinder like that. He'd whatsapp me every day, several times a day, call me when we hadn't planned to speak so I was busy, we arranged a date but I had such a terrible feeling in my gut based on the crazy clingy way he'd been acting already I spoke to my friend and when she said 'if you don't want to go, don't go. You don't owe him anything' I cancelled (I was also not well too but was honestly considering pushing through and attending because I didn't want to be a girl that cancels). I ended up blocking him on whatsapp because he was scaring me with his intensity. So he refound me on Tinder. Blocked him there and found his facebook and blocked him there too before he had chance to find me. He was talking about bringing me gifts to the first date, all this ridiculous stuff. To be fair he'd just moved from another country so maybe they do things differently there. But I like to get to know somebody where it's equal on both sides.

 

You can't get yourself too upset in dating about people you've built nothing with yet, especially people you've not met. It's such a drain of energy. Just let people prove themselves to you, always be dating several people so you're not too focused on any one person. I can't with Phineas' advice enough. Sure, you can feel a little annoyed yourself briefly at how rude somebody is if they stand you up or whatever but then you move on and strike that person from your list of potentials. If you're getting upset at somebody 'wasting your time' then don't put so much time in, don't get carried away, treat dating like something you may fit into your day if you get chance, don't put much effort in for a first date. The other person does not owe you anything. I go in with low expectations until I'm proved otherwise, after all they are complete and total strangers.

 

I would judge somebody as being too immature and not ready to date if they were getting pissed off left right and centre at the run of the mill things that happen when you sign up to the dating game.