skyblue707 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I went on a few dates with this guy and everything seem to be going well, after a great weekend together, I contacted him and he seem distant-he kept making these excuses how busy he was going to be. Anyway, he told that we could get together later in the evening, so I waited-but he never texted me, until I texted him and asked him-then he said, "I don't think so tonight. Then I told him that I felt rejected and said that he just feels "indifferent about us right now." I was like wtf? How can someone change feelings sooo quickly? I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 At some point you just realize they're not the right one that keeps you interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Well, a few dates is what people need to determine if people are a right fit for them or not. Something could have come up that made him realize you guys weren't a match, or it could be a lot of little things that added up. Don't ask us what, because it honestly doesn't matter. It could be he didn't like the color of the shirt you wore to your religious background. Who cares what the reason actually was, just that the conclusion is the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author skyblue707 Posted November 21, 2014 Author Share Posted November 21, 2014 Does this have anything to do with looks? Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Does this have anything to do with looks? Impossible for anyone to tell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Dating is all abotu testing the waters and 'trying' people on. So he tested the waters and discovered sooner than you did that you weren't a good match. YOu dodged a bullet. No one wants to be with someone who isn't really into them. Be grateful that he 'fessed up so soon rather than kept you hanging and wondering. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Maybe he's met someone else with whom he feels a stronger connection? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Oh who knows. It happens though, all the time. Most likely it is not about you—it's about him. I had one guy pretty much disappear after five very good dates, with whom I had a good connection. No explanation, he just stopped responding to texts. I was pretty devastated then, but quickly realized he probably just wasn't ready/emotionally available for an actual relationship. He resurfaced several months later and did the same thing, but the second time, I understood him better and didn't worry about it when he vanished. There are all kinds of factors that have to go into two people taking the next step together. Timing, connection, availability, interest level, etc. It's quite rare, actually, so when it doesn't work out, it's best to no sweat it. Especially after only three dates. Yes, it'd be great for him to have had a better explanation, but that would be ideal after three months. Sorry though, it does suck. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I think it was a mistake that you contacted him after the first few dates, as it didn't give him a chance to miss you, and perhaps call you again. Sometimes if we rush things, and make the wrong decision, it can end very quickly. In addition, I don't think it was good that you told him that you felt rejected, as this could come across that you are too eager. The early stages (first few dates) should be "light and breezy", just finding out about the basic facts about each other. It is OK to ask about prior marriages, children, parents, siblings, etc. early on, but not good to appear too available. In addition, he could have just broken up with someone and was not emotionally available. Perhaps if you want to give it one more chance, possibly a week or so before Christmas, you could send him a brief text or email, wishing him a Merry Christmas, and just say "please contact me if you want to get together sometime", or something similar. If you don't hear from him then move on emotionally. You sound great and intelligent and there are many more fish in the sea. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author skyblue707 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 Well, what about what I want????? Why does it have to be one-sided? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Well, what about what I want????? Why does it have to be one-sided? Well … both people have to be into each other for things to progress! Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 What do you want? Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Well, what about what I want????? Why does it have to be one-sided? Uh it doesn't matter what you want if he doesn't want the same thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I have a lot of experience on this topic. With most men - after a first date -this is the OPPOSITE of indifference: Last night I met a guy at a concert. - I instantly wanted to get to know him more - I wanted to stay with him for as long as possible and I didn't want the night to end - I could barely control myself around him as the chemistry was very intense - I felt an emotional connection as well as the physical chemistry - I cannot wait to see him again - you see them rather than your friends or as well as your friends (and still make time for your friends of course) but a man who is excited MAKES TIME for you... To see you... Tell tale sign number ONE that you are NOT indifferent about a person: you grin like an idiot all day after you first meet them.... AND: I am not dating other men because I am too into this guy. I cannot be really into someone and date others, as it takes me a while to find a man I am truly into.......Most boyfriends have just been fillers honestly and I went on dates with other men after I met them, my exes..... I met a guy last week or so and THIS is indifference - I logically though to myself : well he is hot and successful, I should give him a shot - I didn't want to make out with him after the first date at all and it left me cold even though he was good looking - I wasn't excited about his texts and I didn't care when I saw him again EVEN THOUGH he was fun to spend time with - I didn't want to give up going on dates with new men Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Well, what about what I want????? Why does it have to be one-sided? No ones saying you have to compromise what you want, however it is a FACT that early on, you have to play the game correctly. Guys get spooked out very easily in the beginning. Women have a habit of getting super excited right off the bat and wind up scaring the guy away with needy behavior. All the "heavy stuff" of feelings, emotions, feeling neglected, rejected and whatever else? Don't do it. If after a period of time (I'd say three months) if they guy has not progressed the relationship to where you want it, you state your needs and he either steps up or you walk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skyblue707 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 No ones saying you have to compromise what you want, however it is a FACT that early on, you have to play the game correctly. Guys get spooked out very easily in the beginning. Women have a habit of getting super excited right off the bat and wind up scaring the guy away with needy behavior. All the "heavy stuff" of feelings, emotions, feeling neglected, rejected and whatever else? Don't do it. If after a period of time (I'd say three months) if they guy has not progressed the relationship to where you want it, you state your needs and he either steps up or you walk. I'm not sure if my behavior was needy. We had sex on our second date and I slept the night at his place a few times. So, doesn't that justify my behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 (edited) Hey OP, I don't think you have done anything wrong. I doubt it is to do with looks because he went on a few dates with you and you slept together. Sometimes people just get to that point and realise they don't feel it. Sometimes we know instantly but other times it takes quite a while to get to know someone and determine it is what you want from them. I know it probably wont make you feel any better, but try to be thankful it was only after a few dates and not much longer. Eg. my ex came to that conclusion after a 9 month relationship. It isn't a nice feeling but I guess you two weren't a good fit. You deserve someone who is head over heels about you. Oh, and you weren't being needy. You are allowed to contact him, it's not a 'game' as others have said. From what you posted, you weren't crowding him or being over excited. As you said, he became distant anyway. It's about him, not you. Edited November 22, 2014 by smiley1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 I went on a few dates with this guy and everything seem to be going well, after a great weekend together, I contacted him and he seem distant-he kept making these excuses how busy he was going to be. Anyway, he told that we could get together later in the evening, so I waited-but he never texted me, until I texted him and asked him-then he said, "I don't think so tonight. Then I told him that I felt rejected and said that he just feels "indifferent about us right now." I was like wtf? How can someone change feelings sooo quickly? I don't get it. He may call you at the last minute to come over at night...maybe...but no mention of an actual date? He's treating you like a booty call. Is that what you want? If it isn't, move on. Sorry, but I'm guessing this started after you slept with him? Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I'm not sure if my behavior was needy. We had sex on our second date and I slept the night at his place a few times. So, doesn't that justify my behavior? Ah! Sorry, I should have read through the entire thread first. Some enjoy the challenge of the initial conquest. Some daters just want casual sex. Some want something more. Some are looking for a relationship. There are often signs about what the person seeks from the outset, but the better you know the person, the more likely you are to figure out what your date actually wants. Ultimately, it seems you wanted different things. Unfortunately, that happens. You can either hang around and remain available to be his booty call whenever nothing else pans out for him, or you can move on. Since you seem a little hurt by his current indifference, I would recommend the latter option. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I went on a few dates with this guy and everything seem to be going well, after a great weekend together, I contacted him and he seem distant-he kept making these excuses how busy he was going to be. Anyway, he told that we could get together later in the evening, so I waited-but he never texted me, until I texted him and asked him-then he said, "I don't think so tonight. Then I told him that I felt rejected and said that he just feels "indifferent about us right now." I was like wtf? How can someone change feelings sooo quickly? I don't get it. guys can do that there is no explanation to that phenomena Before you bash on me, girls do it too, but a bit less! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts