How should I proceed in this relationship?

[V987S]

Hello,

 

I hope you wonderful people can help me shed some light on my relationship.

 

I am 26 dating a very attractive-looking 31 year-old divorced mum. We have decided to be exclusive for four months now.

 

Initially she seemed mature; however as the relationship progresses, several alarming concerns began to show.

 

I will outline them below:

 

1. She is naturally flirty and likes the attention of other guys, and she will not stop them from continuing to flirt with her both in person and via phone/FB messages.

 

2. She still secretly keeps in touch with her f* buddy who still has feelings for her - whom she denies having had relationship with.

 

3. She sometimes likes to be dramatic whenever I calmly raise these issues with her.

 

A few months after the start of the relationship she started taking me for granted by doing the things I outlined above repeatedly - I told her I wanted a break.

 

By doing so she became at first accusatory and antagonistic, only to beg me to take her back a few hours later. After setting clear boundaries and expectations to address the outlined concerns, I agreed to take her back.

 

She has since tried quite hard to cut contacts with guys - including her f* buddy - and not flirt back with them.

 

However, I now find it quite difficult to trust this woman - especially whenever we have disagreements she would sometimes disappear for half a day and her f* buddy would post consoling messages on his Facebook page which clearly are for her to read.

 

On a different note, when we are together we normally have the best times; often this would abruptly end when I raise my concerns about the issues above to her.

 

How should I proceed with this relationship?

[PegNosePete]

I would view even one of those points as a red flag. You should not be getting this drama 4 months into a relationship. She is showing you what your future holds if you stay with her. I would bail if I were you.

[V987S]

I would view even one of those points as a red flag. You should not be getting this drama 4 months into a relationship. She is showing you what your future holds if you stay with her. I would bail if I were you.

Thank you, Peg.

 

I also am trying to decipher her recent posting after our argument on her timeline.

 

It shows a scenic photo and says someday her prince will come and stand here with her.

[Emilia]

How should I proceed with this relationship?

I think you know the answer: no.

[Brooke02]

You should dump her. Still in contact with her f*** buddy, I wouldn't put up with that crap..

It's only been 4 months, get out now.

[PegNosePete]

It shows a scenic photo and says someday her prince will come and stand here with her.

That seems pretty obvious to me.

She has not yet met anyone who she considers her prince - and is still looking.

[d0nnivain]

Being flirty in general especially if she is open about it may be just her nature.

 

Lying about secretly interacting with her FWB . . . that is a bad thing & if it doesn't stop you should walk away.

[V987S]

I have now questioned her motive for posting the message. She simply said it was a nice scenic photo.

 

I am going to see her tomorrow, should I break up with this girl when I see her or demand answer and then make a decision?

[Adele0908]

Maybe she's testing you. Maybe she is not ready for something serious. I can't tell. As a woman, it sounds like she's just having fun. But then, you noticed she was not available for "half a day". That seems kind of extra to me.

 

I say ask your friends around you if they think she really wants you and go from there.

Edited November 22, 2014 by Adele0908

[V987S]

That seems pretty obvious to me.

She has not yet met anyone who she considers her prince - and is still looking.

 

 

Thanks, Peg.

 

She did tell me that I am the 'one' a while back.

[V987S]

Maybe she's testing you. Maybe she is not ready for something serious. I can't tell. As a woman, it sounds like she's just having fun. But then, you noticed she was not available for "half a day". That seems kind of extra to me.

 

I say ask your friends around you if they think she really wants you and go from there.

 

Thank you, Adele.

 

I did mention that to her when I told her I wanted a break, she admitted to not being used to a committed relationship since she was 'single' for quite a few years after her divorce.

 

Also, she has constantly told me that she loves me and misses me when we are not together.

 

How do I assert dominance? I do not want to threaten to leave her because I would rather just do it if I have to.

[Adele0908]

Oh so you saw my original reply lol.

 

I changed it because I wasn't sure if you needed to be more dominant, as I realized I don't know really know how you carry yourself or anything.

 

I think dominance comes from having a strong sense of purpose in your life, and letting your purpose in life be your priority, rather than your relationship.

To me, a dominant man does not put up with b.s. He is understanding and can show compassion, but he will leave a situation or relationship that compromises his integrity or knocks him off of his path.

 

When she sees that she comes secondary to your purpose, then she would respect your strength of character, and feel more comfortable surrendering to you. Your confidence in yourself is what makes you attractive.

[V987S]

We had a long face-to-face chat last night.

 

I confronted her with the issues and made it clear that I will reconsider the relationship if she does not stop.

 

I also calmly listened to her concerns; she did say that after the fight she wonders if I should be with another woman and asks if I want a new girlfriend. I said that I will not leave her if she addresses the issues in a mature way.