Eternal Sunshine Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Just wondering how you all feel about this. I am not a big talker so usually there are silences like that on early dates with me. Sometimes more, sometimes less it depends how nervous I am and how well I connect to a guy. Also, if a guy is really outgoing there is less of that. I personally don't mind them because I find super talkative people draining, but I am not like most other people. I know all the standard conversational topics/questions but find that asking them feels forced and is almost worse than the silence. ... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm with Mia Wallace on this subject. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 It's about clicking I guess. No rules to what you should talk about. If you click at a basic level it can flow. Yes I hate being talked at non stop as well. If a girl ventures her life story then I get drained. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 You know you genuinely have a connection with someone when you have comfortable silences instead of awkward ones. Look at couples out together. Do they talk non stop? Of course they don't. Sometimes they're just together. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyHairy Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Honestly I don't have this problem. I talk and I talk a lot lol Person I've been hanging out with/seeing is the same and we talk for hours upon hours with no silences. When there is a silence this we both sorta just smile and look into each others eyes. That's when you know you have a connection when you can do that and just smile and talk and laugh together for hours at a time. Anyways nothing wrong with some lulls in the conversation. Just don't make it awkward, its always good to bring up a previous idea or thought or topic of conversation if your out of ideas tho that usually helps. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm a chatty person so I can almost always fill. I'm probably one of those people you would consider draining (but I do try to be sensitive to the fact that I know I have a big personality which can be overwhelming.) If it's a comfortable silence, there is no need to fill. Not all silence is bad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm fine with moments of silence. I allow them to happen if they creep in and pick up afterward. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 For me, a big thing that leads me to want to be with a man is how natural and comfortable I feel with him especially with regards to conversation. A good date for me is one where we're talking a lot, laughing, and having fun and the time seems to be flying by. Small silences for a short time are fine and they don't have to be awkward but if the date is filled with lots of painfully awkward silences where I am searching for things to say instead of a natural back and forth with some periods of comfortable quiet, that for me just means we're not clicking very well if I feel like the conversation is forced and not natural. If I can't talk to a man comfortably and feel good and natural with him then there is little chance I'll want to pursue anything further with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm a talker and really extraverted so I prefer to be around other people who are also talkers and extraverts. Not to say I don't have my quiet moments. I do indeed. I've been known to pull people out of their shell. Not really pull them but make shy people comfortable enough to talk more. I shared comfortable silences with my boyfriends. It was always very nice. Special, even. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 You know you genuinely have a connection with someone when you have comfortable silences instead of awkward ones. Yes. A friend and I were talking about this very subject the other day. I said that I used to be more uncomfortable with moments of silence and felt I needed to fill them with something. Now I'm more relaxed and see them as the empty spaces between the notes. Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Last woman I dated told me I was an awkward silence. I replied "I'm silent, you're the awkward part". She then shut the f*ck up and silence became a little more enjoyable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 If you have a problem conversing, make dates more about doing things that you can talk about and that would spark other topics. Or do something active like cycling or playing tennis. Go to an art museum and when viewing French Impressionists you can talk about your trip to Paris or how you went to a great French restaurant in town (just an example), or in the antique furniture section mention how it reminds you of your grandma's house when you were a kid. Link to post Share on other sites
RockyCruz Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Just wondering how you all feel about this. I am not a big talker so usually there are silences like that on early dates with me. Sometimes more, sometimes less it depends how nervous I am and how well I connect to a guy. Also, if a guy is really outgoing there is less of that. I personally don't mind them because I find super talkative people draining, but I am not like most other people. I know all the standard conversational topics/questions but find that asking them feels forced and is almost worse than the silence. ... Personally, I don't mind. For me, she can talk a lot or sit there in silence, it wouldn't make a difference because.. It's not what she says that counts but the connection. The eyes, the smile, the sitting there just to be together and chill. The touch, that spark, the way she moves her hair away, exposing her neckline (yes ladies we men notice hahaha) looks down, flashes her eye lids as she looks up, and her eyes are smiling. The way she bites her lower lip and starts playing with her hair. I rather have this kind of magic than talking just to fill the space. Even the way she just sits there, just there.....magic. If all fails I have this.. I have hired some Mexican mixed with Brazilian, shaken with Scottish and splashed with British/American small band, who will step out of the Shadow to play... LA LA LA BAMBA LA LA and it would sound so bad, that she will faint. Then she'll wake up an hour later, and that would have filled the hour gap. She wouldn't know what happened. But yeah. I won't mind. As long there's chemistry with her. It's fine by me. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 So you don't like awkward silences that you seem to create, but you also don't like it if a guy is too talkative? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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