Do I not make myself clear?

[Ashley S]

Hey people! I have been ignoring this guy and not talking to him. My dad knows him very well, and so does my mother. He has been calling my house phone, and my mother picks up the phone and he says to her "Hey! I have been trying to go out with you guys for over a year! Me, Ashley, You (my mom), Jason (my brother), and Dan (my dad) need to go out!" My mother said "Well you know Ashley will go out she's 21." He said "Is she 21? I didn't know that?" "I would have taken her out for drinks then!" Umm...He damn well knows that I am 21 years old! I don't know what kind of a weird head game he's playing there, but he keeps trying to go out with me somehow and I think he's using my parents to get to me.

 

 

I made it clear with him that I am not the booty call type, and I haven't been talking to him and I have been ignoring him. I also don't want to go out with him to a bar because I fear that he wants something in return or he'll get me drunk enough to do stupid things. I don't know if he just wants to innocently hangout? Or if he's trying to hook up with me? I don't know why he wants my mother and my father to come out too? Well give me your opinion on it Thank you!

[CatalystNX]

If he did indeed know your age and said he didn't, he's certainly interested in you. Whether for a casual hook-up or more is tough to say considering the conversation you posted.

[Assasda]

there is another side to this story.

First of all, why did you have to let him know that youre not the bootycall type?

 

secondly, why are you scared of him so much? Seems like you do know him.

And if you think that you do stupid things drunk, you probably are very capable of doing stupid things sober

- Drunkness doesnt turn you into a different person

[Ashley S]

If he did indeed know your age and said he didn't, he's certainly interested in you. Whether for a casual hook-up or more is tough to say considering the conversation you posted.

 

 

How does that show interest if you "act" like you don't know the person's age? I understand. I should have been in depth about it. Thank you for sharing your opinion.

[Ashley S]

there is another side to this story.

First of all, why did you have to let him know that youre not the bootycall type?

 

secondly, why are you scared of him so much? Seems like you do know him.

And if you think that you do stupid things drunk, you probably are very capable of doing stupid things sober

- Drunkness doesnt turn you into a different person

 

 

Because he asked me out months ago, and I told him "I am not the booty call type....sorry no" Then I started to ignore him, and not talk to him, but he's talking to my parents a lot it seems. That makes me a little nervous. I am scared because I like him, I just fear that if I get drunk I will do stupid things, and/or give in to his desire which is to hook up with me, and he get what he wants. Drunkenness loses inhibitions, and you can make poor decisions when you are drunk verses when you are sober. I think we all are imperfect beings and we all do make mistakes, but I would not consider myself a person that does "stupid things sober". I don't really do stupid things drunk. I just fear that I would because there is a hidden desire for him, but he wants something different, so I don't want to give him what he wants.

[Redhead14]

Because he asked me out months ago, and I told him "I am not the booty call type....sorry no" Then I started to ignore him, and not talk to him, but he's talking to my parents a lot it seems. That makes me a little nervous. I am scared because I like him, I just fear that if I get drunk I will do stupid things, and/or give in to his desire which is to hook up with me, and he get what he wants. Drunkenness loses inhibitions, and you can make poor decisions when you are drunk verses when you are sober. I think we all are imperfect beings and we all do make mistakes, but I would not consider myself a person that does "stupid things sober". I don't really do stupid things drunk. I just fear that I would because there is a hidden desire for him, but he wants something different, so I don't want to give him what he wants.

 

First of all, how do you know he wants you for a booty call? Nothing you've said here indicates that. If, however, you know him well enough and he has that kind of history, just forget about him. Don't communicate with him beyond the fact that he is a friend of the family apparently. If that's what he wants, you don't have to give it to him.

 

You said you like him but you're afraid that if you get drunk with him, you'll do something stupid. Seriously? Don't get drunk with him. From what you're saying here, he's trying to get to you through you parents. That is really just about immaturity. He doesn't have the nerve to approach you directly or he's hoping your parents will have some influence over you.

 

You say you have a hidden desire for him and you are assuming he only wants sex with you. If you like him, you have nothing to lose by going out on a date with him. Keep yourself in check, listen to him carefully, don't be overly flirtatious or leading and see what his words and actions say to you. If you are uncomfortable, don't go out with him again. Tell him after the date that you enjoyed yourself, but that you two aren't a good match or something to that effect.

 

If you are that uncomfortable about him, just plain don't go.

Edited November 18, 2014 by Redhead14

[preraph]

Him trying to manipulate the situation by using your parents is a big red flag. He's trying to get them to make you go out with him.

[hotpotato]

If you dont want to go out for drinks, then dont.

Perhaps kindly suggest going somewhere else (picnic, museum, etc). If he doesnt wabt to spend time with you at other more innocent venues, that could be a sign...

 

Your gut is probably right. He most likely wants a piece.

 

At the end of the day, you dont have to go out with him if you dont want to.

[Ashley S]

First of all, how do you know he wants you for a booty call? Nothing you've said here indicates that. If, however, you know him well enough and he has that kind of history, just forget about him. Don't communicate with him beyond the fact that he is a friend of the family apparently. If that's what he wants, you don't have to give it to him.

 

You said you like him but you're afraid that if you get drunk with him, you'll do something stupid. Seriously? Don't get drunk with him. From what you're saying here, he's trying to get to you through you parents. That is really just about immaturity. He doesn't have the nerve to approach you directly or he's hoping your parents will have some influence over you.

 

You say you have a hidden desire for him and you are assuming he only wants sex with you. If you like him, you have nothing to lose by going out on a date with him. Keep yourself in check, listen to him carefully, don't be overly flirtatious or leading and see what his words and actions say to you. If you are uncomfortable, don't go out with him again. Tell him after the date that you enjoyed yourself, but that you two aren't a good match or something to that effect.

 

If you are that uncomfortable about him, just plain don't go.

 

 

I am going by history why I think he wants me for a "booty call". You're right! But he doesn't seem to ask me out now. This weekend me, my mother, my father and possibly my brother are going to a restaurant/bar for a family friend's birthday party, and it's like a open birthday party anybody can go. My mom was telling him about it, and he said "How are you going to get me in? are you going to say i'm your date or something hahaha" "Is Ashley going?" My mother and I thought that was weird, but of course my mother is the type that really doesn't look into things and let's things go. I am ok with going to this birthday party with him, it's just I don't want to give him the wrong idea...as in I don't want to give him the impression that I am into him and will have sex with him or something? You know what I mean? I might not go and just let my parents deal with him hahaha. It sucks though because I want to go, I don't know what to do. It's so stupid, and ridiculous, I just find it weird that he is going through my parents, and wants to hang with them. He made that point "I've been trying to hang out with you guys for over a year now" I am thinking "Well maybe you should get the hint", lol. You are right I have nothing to lose, but if he were to properly ask me out, maybe I will consider. Thank you for your feedback

Edited November 18, 2014 by Ashley S

[Ashley S]

Him trying to manipulate the situation by using your parents is a big red flag. He's trying to get them to make you go out with him.

 

Hmmm...you are onto something!

[Ashley S]

If you dont want to go out for drinks, then dont.

Perhaps kindly suggest going somewhere else (picnic, museum, etc). If he doesnt wabt to spend time with you at other more innocent venues, that could be a sign...

 

Your gut is probably right. He most likely wants a piece.

 

At the end of the day, you dont have to go out with him if you dont want to.

 

He did ask me out to normal places like a restaurant and what not, but I feel I can't trust him. I like him though. It's weird. I think that is why I am just trying to ignore him, but him talking to my parents is strange. He knows them, his dad knows my dad, and they work together, I get it, but he is not super close to my parents though. He was more close to me, but of course I cut that closeness off because I thought he was playing or toying with me. I wouldn't even call him a "family friend" honestly. Thank you! And you are right! I don't have to go out with him, it's just weird about the whole talking to my parents thing and trying to go out with them haha. Thanks!!

[Ashley S]

Oh! Forgot to add that my dad ran into him 2 days ago, and he asked what everyone was doing, and my dad said I was out with friends, and my mother was out either with me or with someone she knows, lol my dad is oblivious. So, when he spoke with my mom, he said "Where did you and Ashley go the other night?" I am thinking "And why does he care? Why is it relevant to him?" Well my mother told him "I went out with my friend to dinner and Ashley went out with some of her friends, but she got into a fight with her friend's boyfriend because he was being rude and his friends were being rude. She had a bad night, all I heard was that they were just being douchebags and they were being rude and disrespectful towards Ashley and her friend" He said "She needs to stop coming home crying, it seems to happen a lot....douchebag guys? No!! No guy is a douchebag!" He said that sarcastically, but I don't get that at all? I didn't come home crying nor did my mother even said I came home crying. Just weird, and just giving more details. lol. Thanks everyone!

[ExpatInItaly]

I would be extremely turned off by any guy trying to reach me through my parents. It's immature and manipulative. And I would not be pleased that my mother doesn't enforce better boundaries and shares my whereabouts and friend drama with some guy who randomly calls. In my frank opinion, she should use a bit more discretion.

 

You seem to post quite a bit about guy(s) you ignore who then try to get to you through your family. Are you posting about the same person? Or are these different guys?

[Ashley S]

I would be extremely turned off by any guy trying to reach me through my parents. It's immature and manipulative. And I would not be pleased that my mother doesn't enforce better boundaries and shares my whereabouts and friend drama with some guy who randomly calls. In my frank opinion, she should use a bit more discretion.

 

You seem to post quite a bit about guy(s) you ignore who then try to get to you through your family. Are you posting about the same person? Or are these different guys?

 

I think I have written about him or talked about him in some of my posts, but no not every one is about him. I am always stringing guys along because of my trust issues. You are right when you say that my parents shouldn't be engaging with him. My mom thought it was strange, however, my mother is the type that overlooks things and always finds the "good" in people, and to me its just strange and weird. Thanks for your feedback!

[Ashley S]

Hey everyone! This is the same guy form my previous post "Innocent hangout? Or is he trying to hook up with me?" I thought by me ignoring the guy and not talking to him, and telling him I am "not the booty call type nor am I not players" would be enough for him to know that I am not falling for his BS. He was asking my mom if we all can go out this weekend, but do guys not get the hint? I thought I made myself pretty clear lol.

 

 

Let's just say if you were him, and I told you "Hey, I won't go out with you because you're a player, and I am not into players, and I refuse to be someone's booty call, sorry no. I won't go out with you" And, I don't talk to you, or call you, and I don't try to see you etc. Would you take that as I am not interested? Wouldn't that be clear enough? I don't know if he thinks that he'll get me drunk enough to do stupid things like hook up with him, and I don't know if that's the reason he is pushing to go out with me and my parents to a bar/restaurant this weekend? Do I not make myself clear?

[CatalystNX]

Seems pretty clear to me. Are you sure that's all he's after, though?

[Jules Dash]

It is very clear to me. It is very annoying when people can't take a hint but it is even more annoying when you make it clear to them that you are not interested yet they still persist.

[Jules Dash]

I think the fact that you keep making posts about this guy shows that he has a shot. I bet he sees something in your behavior that makes him think the same thing. It doesn't take a lot of effort to pursue a woman these days. A few calls, a bunch of texts...easy stuff. It's not hard to do all that, even if she isn't a sure thing. Also, I'd like to add that every last girl I ever met that said she wasn't into players and booty calls, was into players and booty calls.

 

 

He has a point here.

[Enema]

He probably see's "I won't go out with you because you're a player" as you asking him to prove he's a good guy.

 

Should have just said, "Sorry blah blah, I'm not interested in going out again. Good luck!"

[ExpatInItaly]

I think the fact that you keep making posts about this guy shows that he has a shot. I bet he sees something in your behavior that makes him think the same thing. It doesn't take a lot of effort to pursue a woman these days. A few calls, a bunch of texts...easy stuff. It's not hard to do all that, even if she isn't a sure thing. Also, I'd like to add that every last girl I ever met that said she wasn't into players and booty calls, was into players and booty calls.

 

This. I think he probably senses that you like the attention.

 

If you want to be clear, simply tell him, "I'm not interested." That's it.

[guest569]

"not the booty call type nor am I not players" could be clearer. He might not think he is a player, so just say "I'm not interested"

[Andy_K]

If you didn't like him, you'd ignore him instead of making these posts all the time. So clearly he has a chance if he conveys the right impression.

[almond]

Telling him that you're not the booty call type and that you're not into players simply translates to: "I'm interested but I want to make you work for it a bit."

 

If you're not interested in him personally, then simply tell him. By making assumptions about hs motivations and character and voicing them in the way that you have, you're basically stringing him along, making him put in effort to hook you.

 

The fact that he is openly approaching your parents, and that both them and yourself entertain this, is encouraging to this guy.

 

You're not as silly as you're making out - if you want him to go away, you know exactly how to do it. Surely you can see what's going on here?

 

 

Goodness

[Ashley S]

I think the fact that you keep making posts about this guy shows that he has a shot. I bet he sees something in your behavior that makes him think the same thing. It doesn't take a lot of effort to pursue a woman these days. A few calls, a bunch of texts...easy stuff. It's not hard to do all that, even if she isn't a sure thing. Also, I'd like to add that every last girl I ever met that said she wasn't into players and booty calls, was into players and booty calls.

 

 

I am curious, and he would have a shot if he wasn't a player, but I know that won't change. When he calls I don't pick up, I don't talk, nothing! When he came over my house I ignored him and went upstairs and he was downstairs in the living room talking to my parents. Maybe for some women that is true, but I am not into players lol.

[Ashley S]

He probably see's "I won't go out with you because you're a player" as you asking him to prove he's a good guy.

 

Should have just said, "Sorry blah blah, I'm not interested in going out again. Good luck!"

 

 

You're right! But that goes along with I don't want to be mean. When I was younger and more bold, I got rejected by guys and a lot of them were mean, and a lot of them were honest, and it crushed me. It really made me feel low about myself. So, I guess I have that in me to not be mean because I know how it feels to be rejected when someone doesn't like you, and it's not a thing where I don't like him, I do, it's just he's a player, and I don't want to be played lol. I think you are right when you said he is trying to prove me wrong basically. I just can't bring myself to say "NOT Interested" because I feel like it's mean, it takes me back to even a year ago when I really like this guy and he flat out told me "Look, I don't like, I am not interested" I was so hurt Thank you for the feedback!

 

"not the booty call type nor am I not players" could be clearer. He might not think he is a player, so just say "I'm not interested"

 

 

Yeah...it's hard for me to be stern because I was rejected many times and I know that feeling. I don't want to be mean because when I was rejected by guys whether they were nice about it or mean about it, I still felt really low, and crushed about it. It took my self esteem way down. It was hard for me, and I don't want anyone else to experience what I experienced. You have a point and I am taking it into consideration. Thank you.

 

If you didn't like him, you'd ignore him instead of making these posts all the time. So clearly he has a chance if he conveys the right impression.

 

 

I am curious, and he would have a shot with me if he wasn't a player lol.

 

Telling him that you're not the booty call type and that you're not into players simply translates to: "I'm interested but I want to make you work for it a bit."

 

If you're not interested in him personally, then simply tell him. By making assumptions about hs motivations and character and voicing them in the way that you have, you're basically stringing him along, making him put in effort to hook you.

 

The fact that he is openly approaching your parents, and that both them and yourself entertain this, is encouraging to this guy.

 

You're not as silly as you're making out - if you want him to go away, you know exactly how to do it. Surely you can see what's going on here?

 

 

Goodness

 

You're right lol. It does seem to be that way. I can see how that can be misconstrued. It's hard for me because I was always rejected and felt so low about myself, and so I don't want to hurt him, but I know it's probably best if we keep a distance, because I do like him it's just I am not into players and to me he is one. Thank you for the feedback!