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Always attracted to the same type: the Alpha Male Hero


venusishername

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venusishername

Since I've been unattached for the past three years (first time ever being single over the age of 18), I've gotten to really know what I'm looking for, attracted to, want. I guess that's the good thing about being single to find that out!

 

But I'm finding though without fail that I'm drawn to a particular type of man even as far as even his profession and/or hobbies. I don't think it's coincidence. I think there's something to be said for that. I used to try for a different 'type' chasing security and maybe stability and lack of risk.

But within the past year, I'm finding I just can't fight my attraction to men who are of a certain type.

 

 

For example, all my adult life I went for the rebels, the leaders of the pack and alpha males. I like someone who's very confident and assured, strong and commanding of a room, a leader. (Certainly nothing wrong with that, right?!) How do you think all the First Ladies got where they did ;)

I'm finding myself lately and consistently getting involved with men whose careers put them in great danger, and who have hobbies that are also physically challenging. I.e. military, cops, firemen/rescue, etc.

Is this a primal and innate feminine draw by getting excited by the 'hero' type?

 

 

I've dated lawyers and salesmen who had very secure, and frankly very boring and predictable day to day lives. I chased the security a man with that kind of mindset and personality offers, but always find myself coming back to the risk and excitement of the hero.

I don't consider myself a damsel in distress, but I'd sure like to be with a guy who can rescue me and protect me if need be.

The guy I've currently been spending time with is with the Fire Department, he has a boat and as nervous as I was when he took me sailing the other day (his passion), I totally felt safe with him. He was reassuring that he would never let anything bad happen to me because well, he's a rescue ocean lifeguard too.

Last guy was a military pilot, officer, many deployments, seasoned in the service. Brave, strong, totally in control.

Someone I've been chatting with online lately and will be meeting soon, as it turns out is military too, the real deal TopGun fighter pilot.

Strong attraction to cops too but haven't dated any.

My last boyfriend was a former Navy guy whose hobby and passion was sailing. He bought a sailboat and sailed it across the Pacific Ocean from California. He could build or fix anything, and was strong and very masculine. I always felt safe with him. Macho man.

 

 

I find it totally thrilling when a man has a license to kill and whose job is to save lives and take others if necessary. Hence the attraction to police and military.

Do other women feel this way? Is it superficial or is this just a purely primal response? What's your experience and type?

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Some people have a type. I know I do.

 

You have identified yours. Nothing wrong with that & it's good to be self aware.

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I feel like that to a degree. I used to think it was about the leader type or 'alpha' but in fact it's their darkness I relate to because they tend to understand mine. That makes me feel understood.

 

My point is, perhaps it's an aspect of your personality you feel they relate to.

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I've dated a bunch of firemen. I love them. It also doesn't help that I myself wanted to be a cop. I'm not only attracted to the men who perform these jobs but I'm into the professions myself. When im on a date and I hear "I'm in finance." My eyes just glaze lol.

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There's absolutely nothing wrong to have a "type" that you're attracted to. I don't think anyone would disagree with that statement.

 

I also will say that most women would be in agreement with you (regarding "hero" types).

 

That actually gets me to thinking what kind of WOMAN I usually go for. Which is completely opposite of the kind of man that you want. I avoid tough/in your face/out-spoken/etc. women like the plague. Have no attraction to them at all. That stereotypical sassy nurse lady that'll verbally kick your ass? **** that. NO way. Wouldn't even entertain the idea of having anything beyond a professional relationship with.

 

Give me the quiet, dainty, (perhaps) less confident lady. They're my type.

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I am not attracted by that type. I like nerds. They should be into science, engineering, that type of stuff. I have no clue what I'd talk about with a police officer.

 

I like men who are calm, don't fly off the handle, and I'm not into that "witty banter" that everyone is into.

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I like blondes or redheads with blue eyes, nice legs and bums(small ones) flat stomach, smallish chest, sarcastic and fiery. Very specific :)

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Its totally understandable that you are attracted to that.

 

I think that anyone can be that type of guy she's talking about.

That lawyer could be that guy, that sales person could be it

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Is it superficial?

No. On the contrary. It's from the depths of your psyche that you feel such strong attraction to this type of man.

 

Little more you can do than accept it and feel some satisfaction at having learned that little tidbit about yourself.

 

My type is the deeply feminine. Nurturing, compassionate, full of empathy and love.

 

We seek in others the aspects of ourselves that, for whatever reasons, we tend to deny.

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Ruby Slippers

I like exceptionally intelligent guys. They tend to dominate in academics and career because they're smart. I've dated a kinda nerdy, skinny smart guy, and a couple of conventionally sexy, hot smart guys. Smart and hot is kind of a lethal combination.

 

My primary type seems to be the handsome, charming engineer, usually in the brainier disciplines, such as aerospace. I just had a first date with a guy who fits this description. Electrical engineer, management, career world traveler. But he seemed to display some of the downsides of the type - vanity, arrogance. He reminded me a little too much of my ex in how much emphasis he put on his own accomplishments. He is accomplished, but it turned me off that he seemed more interested in talking about himself than learning more about me.

 

Maybe I can find myself a nerdier engineer who's not so full of himself.

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venusishername
I like blondes or redheads with blue eyes, nice legs and bums(small ones) flat stomach, smallish chest, sarcastic and fiery. Very specific :)

 

Oh yeah, physical type is something totally different. For me it's over 6 feet tall, brown hair and green eyes with the body of David Beckham. However, if someone's got the personality traits I'm attracted to, that usually will take precedence to my physical type. Both? Man of my dreams.

 

No. On the contrary. It's from the depths of your psyche that you feel such strong attraction to this type of man.

Little more you can do than accept it and feel some satisfaction at having learned that little tidbit about yourself.

My type is the deeply feminine. Nurturing, compassionate, full of empathy and love.

We seek in others the aspects of ourselves that, for whatever reasons, we tend to deny.

 

 

Very interesting. Yes, someone pointed that out to me recently, that I'm a really bold and brave person, and I always thought I was reserved and hesitant and chased stability. I guess at the root of me is that adventurous and vivacious risk taker who craves excitement. Interesting to think about.

I have always been extremely feminine, I guess it's natural for me to be drawn to the extremely masculine.

 

OP, get in line, alot of women are attracted to the type of men you like. Nothing odd about your choice at all.

 

 

I was just curious. Someone told me recently I should stop chasing this fantasy, and I was like 'WHY?' That's what I like. The heart wants what the heart wants.

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venusishername

Maybe I can find myself a nerdier engineer who's not so full of himself.

 

I know a few haha!! They're all married though.

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chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

I think it's problematic to chase a fantasy at the expense of reality. Everyone has preferences, and there's nothing wrong with that. But it sounds like you're rejecting men because they don't meet an extremely specific set of criteria, in which case you're never going to be happy.

 

Fantasy is just that: fantasy. It isn't real. Even Prince Charming will drive you up the wall every now and again. You need to be more open to possibilities. Don't try to force something that's not there, but don't immediately write someone off because he isn't 6'1" with rock-solid abs either. Find the guy that makes you embarrassingly happy---the guy, not the fantasy. He may be short and slightly bald. Maybe he'll be older or younger than your fantasy man. Maybe he has a ridiculous hobby. I don't know. But I do know that all of those things (his height, job, appearance, and so on) just don't matter when you fall in love.

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I like exceptionally intelligent guys. They tend to dominate in academics and career because they're smart. I've dated a kinda nerdy, skinny smart guy, and a couple of conventionally sexy, hot smart guys. Smart and hot is kind of a lethal combination

 

So, Ruby, what makes a guy "hot"? :love:

 

By the way, did you transition over to the multidaters? One of your recent posts made me think maybe you did. :confused:

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OP, makes perfect sense, since your body is a chemical factory and responds chemically to stimulus, and for you, in additions to thought processes, also chemical in base, favoring the alpha male action hero model, real inputs of sight, sound, smell and touch augment those thoughts and stimulate your hormonal responses, causing feelings of attraction, which is essentially wanting more of that 'feel-good' brain and body chemistry.

 

Such is why my generation of males was taught as boys to be the runner, the jumper, the champion fighter, the captain of the football team, and grow up to be a policeman, fireman, etc, and were given soldiers to play with and fake 'kill' other soldiers with. We were socialized into action hero roles. Heck, my dad was a relatively boring CPA (accountant) and I was still socialized that way. It was normal. Guys who aspired to less 'masculine' goals in life ran the risk of social ostracizing.

 

Times have changed perhaps, but some of the ancient drives have not. You feel what you feel. Good luck with your choices.

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Ruby Slippers
So, Ruby, what makes a guy "hot"? :love:

The main thing to me is intelligence. But when I said "hot" above, I meant in the conventional sense - very good-looking, handsome.

 

By the way, did you transition over to the multidaters? One of your recent posts made me think maybe you did. :confused:

No, I still don't multi-date. I've been on OLD for about a month and have only wanted to go on dates with 2 guys so far. As soon as we set the date, I stopped visiting the site until it was clear he wasn't the guy.

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The main thing to me is intelligence. But when I said "hot" above, I meant in the conventional sense - very good-looking, handsome.

 

 

No, I still don't multi-date. I've been on OLD for about a month and have only wanted to go on dates with 2 guys so far. As soon as we set the date, I stopped visiting the site until it was clear he wasn't the guy.

 

You certainly stick to your principles. Sometimes I think I should just throw in the towel and have a blast multidating until I get in trouble!

 

By going offline until the "date" do you mean initial meeting or a real "date"?

 

I usually find on initial meeting that I would rather not be there, it takes 5 seconds or so sometimes. :sick:

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Ruby Slippers

By first date I meant first meeting. I know my approach is more conservative than most. I like to clear my head and actually consider the man in question. If I do that, I feel I've given it a fair shot and can either proceed or move on without looking back.

 

In only one case did I meet the guy and immediately think "no", and that was the case in which he falsely advertised himself as 50 pounds lighter. In the other cases, I thought anything from "maybe" to "yes". I screen pretty carefully before I meet anybody. I end up meeting about 1 out of 10 guys who suggest meeting. Most of them fumble somewhere along the way and I lose interest.

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OP, get in line, alot of women are attracted to the type of men you like. Nothing odd about your choice at all.

 

No way man it's totally original. I just saw a unicorn fly by my house! No ****ing way!

 

Where is my ignore button...

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Let me translate what all the other women are saying to you. When they say things like:

 

Hey good for you! Everyone has a preference and it's nice to know your type.

 

What it really means:

 

You found out that the type of man you want is only 1% of the population at best. No wonder you are single. Besides I'm better looking than you anyway and if that man does show up he's mine bitch.

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By first date I meant first meeting. I know my approach is more conservative than most. I like to clear my head and actually consider the man in question. If I do that, I feel I've given it a fair shot and can either proceed or move on without looking back.

 

In only one case did I meet the guy and immediately think "no", and that was the case in which he falsely advertised himself as 50 pounds lighter. In the other cases, I thought anything from "maybe" to "yes". I screen pretty carefully before I meet anybody. I end up meeting about 1 out of 10 guys who suggest meeting. Most of them fumble somewhere along the way and I lose interest.

 

Wow, very conservative, after you've set up the first meeting -- the dreaded "coffee date"? -- you stop visiting the site until you actually meet. 1 out 10 who suggest a meeting pass your screening.

 

When do these guys find out your policy? Do you expect the same of them? I imagine few or none of them are acting as you are. If not, how do you handle that?

 

How is this working for you? It seems like you've been looking for quite a while -- not that that is unusual.

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I feel like that to a degree. I used to think it was about the leader type or 'alpha' but in fact it's their darkness I relate to because they tend to understand mine. That makes me feel understood.

 

My point is, perhaps it's an aspect of your personality you feel they relate to.

 

 

what she said*

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