Hard time with new girlfriend.

[Tophound269]

Heya, first time here so bear with me hehe. I've been in a relationship with this girl I've been seeing for just over 2 months and I'm having a seriously hard time at the moment. Personally I've had a couple of longer lasting relationships, around 1 year-ish however this is my girlfriends first ever 'real' one. The problem is she's not affectionate in the slightest, hates romance, has no idea how to respond to compliments, she despises texting so replies with like a couple of words and one 'x' on the end. When we're alone together it's not too bad, as she likes to touch my body but as soon as we're apart it feels as if we're hundreds of miles apart eventhough she's like a 20 minute drive away. She's recently just comeback from where she originally lives because shes at Uni near to where I live and she seems even more distant since shes comeback. I haven't seen her 'properly' in about a week and whenever I ask her to come round or for me to go see her she always busy, either with Uni work, or visiting her relatives, it literally feels she has no time for me what so ever. We work in the same company but don't see each other much whilst working but after work I'd usually get to see her for a little while and talk and stuff by our cars or occasionally go back to hers/mine. This is seriously starting to get me down now and I'm not sure what to do, I honestly do Love her to peices but I haven't a clue what to do, the last thing I want to do is break up with her and I'd rather fight through this and get to the cause. I'm not sure if it's just her lack of experience, how she just generally is or if she's starting or trying to push me away. I'm going insane here! Thanks for any help guys, much appreciated.

[d0nnivain]

I'd talk to her. Express that you would like a bit more affection. I wasn't all that crazy about when I was younger and inexperienced. I was afraid of where it would lead & didn't want to give out mixed messages or "tease" a guy so I drew the line very far away from affection. It may be her issue.

 

 

As for the texting, I can't help you because I hate it too. Would you consider calling her more?

[MercuryMorrison1]

It could be any three of those things...Lack of experience, Her personality, or possibly her trying to push you away.

 

Some people just aren't cuddly and touchy feely. I personally am not so much so that way, but I do let the women in my life cuddle with me and all that stuff mostly for their benefit and also I must admit it does on occasion feel nice.

 

Based on the information given really the only thing anyone here can do is speculate.

 

But trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it most likely feels that way for a reason.

[Tophound269]

In the 2 months we've been going out we haven't as of yet had a phone call. I personally don't like texting too much either as it just drags on and doesn't feel personal in the slightest, saying that I have tried to call her twice when she went back home but she didn't pick up either because she said she was busy driving eventhough I called her like 4 hours apart and when I say she could call me she says that she gets nervous and thinks the man should call first. Shes admitted to try be a little more affectionate but just says it really isn't her. I'm not fussed that she isn't affectionate but it's nice to know how she feels once in a while. Before she went back home last week everything was perfect but it's only since she's come back shes gotten really quiet and less responsive and generally kind of half arsed and when I ask her if everything is alright just says she's fine and nothings wrong. Hopefully I'm seeing her today so i'll just see how she is with me when we're alone, I just don't wanna have a proper deep discussion about everything and make it weird as it's only been 2 months. God I hate this feeling haha.

Cheers again.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Honestly, she sounds a lot like me. I'm not one for the romantic/cutsey/affectionate stuff, hate texts and constant contact because I'm just not really expressive that way. But in person, yeah, I want to talk to, touch and just generally "be with" my bf and am enthusaistic about being together when present which sort of makes up for my lack of kissy face emojis via text in person, because that's just how I personally express my affection/feelings.

 

If it really bothers you I would talk to her but also try to figure out whether it bothers you because you feel she's genuinely disinterested/pulling away or because you really just crave that additional form of expression. If you feel like she's honestly interested in you and feel comfortable and adequately "romanced" in person then I'd say she's just more of the type who is more comfortable conveying those emotions face-to-face. You know...like those cavemen used to do before the internet and cell phones.

[Tophound269]

After reading what your reply Lernaean_Hydra you've basically just opened my eyes to how much of a numpty I was being. She is exactly how you described and I don't even know why I was questioning these things. I think from my previous relationships my ex's were clingy and needy and in all honesty it did my head in and thats why they're my ex's really, so it just took a little time for me to transition as I've never had a girlfriend like her. Not gonna lie but this way is perfect and it's hit me like a truck just how stupid I was being and how much of an awesome thing we have got. We usually call each other on the days we don't see one another but not excessively or crazy amount of none stop texting, so in conclusion thanks for all your help, made me have a serious reality check.

[Poppygoodwill]

Sorry...have to suggest that perhaps she's just not that into you... all the signs are there: she's not particularly communicative, she doesn't seek out your attention, she doesn't make time for you (a week and she can't find even a couple of hours to see you?!?), doesn't want 'romance' and couldn't be arsed to be in touch with you. I mean....what makes you think she likes you?

 

Usually when someone likes a person, they can't help themselves from seeking time and contact with that person. Like you are doign with her. The way you describe it, it seems a bit like a one way street.

[Tophound269]

No no, you have it all wrong. The only problem was the way we communicated which was by the majority through texting. When we're together she cant keep her hands off met, communicate alot, she's romantic and does seek out my attention. She'd rather be personal and actually hear me speak to her over the phone than send texts which aren't personal in the slightest and damn right hates it. As for not wanting to see me she tries at every possible chance she has when she isn't busy with uni work among other things. All it was, was she wasn't too big on public affection and she hates texting with a passion as it isn't personal in the slightest. Anyways it's all figured itself out now and we couldn't be happier, thanks for all your replies.