adelante Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 (edited) Hi, I'm a 19 yo unexperienced girl and I have been dating this 22 yo guy for a month or so. The thing is, he is very insistent about sex, and I am worrying that he may be saying those things and treating me nicely only to have sex. He never pressures me but he is always talking about it. On our first date he said: "come to my house" and I said no. In the second one same thing, and I said no. On the third one same thing and I said NO. I don't know if this is normal or something I should expect from a date? One of our dates was on Sunday and by Tuesday he had already sent me two messages saying we should get a room, though he was making some kind of joke. And he makes implicit remarks about sex. On our last date he started to talk about us. He asked what we would be considered in Brazil (he lives in the US) and I told him we don't have the date thing in here and we would be "ficantes" which means we kiss each other but can kiss other people too. And then he said we should be exclusive, that is, he only wants to be with me and I wouldn't be able to be with other people either, and I agreed. So, I started to be really sure he liked me. Then in the morning I went to his bed (we slept at a friends' house) to cuddle. I wanted a romantic cuddle and he was 100% lust. I started by hugging him and caressing his chest and soon he was kissing and biting my neck area and breathing deeply in my ear while holding me and squeezing my body parts. I don't know what to think of it. do you feel turned up when a girl cuddles with you in bed? How much do you feel like touching her and can you "control" it? (I mean, of course you can, but how strong is it?) last thing, I did some research on body language and this is what I found out of his behaviour 1. signs of lust - his hold is firm and he squeezes my waist a lot - 9 out of 10 times he kisses me in full-blown smooch and sucks my lips and tongue 2. signs of desinterest - he looks away when we are together or seems distracted 3. signs he likes me - he leans towards me - he laughs easily - he kisses my forehead - our first romantic kiss was yesterday and he cupped my face while kissing It seems like he is attracted to me but he sends mixed signs on whether he likes me or not. am I reading the signs right? I don't know what to think of the situation. I'm worried that he may be deceiving me just to get laid, that he is pretending to like me. can someone help me? Edited November 15, 2014 by adelante Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Welcome to LS Generally, most young men his age are driven hormonally to spend time with women for sexual pleasure. Nature built us that way to reproduce when we're young and healthy and best able to care for offspring. If you're wanting him to gush over theoretical physics and get into deep emotional and spiritual discourse, I'm afraid it'll be awhile, if ever. If a man seeks you out and spends his valuable time with you, he likes you, for something. Only way to know for sure is to play it out. If he's constantly focused on physical pleasure and sex, to the exclusion of all else, then that's his focus. If it's not yours, it's a miss and you move on. Plenty of other fish in a young lady's sea. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Bito Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 The only reason? No. He probably finds many qualities about you that he likes. Is it his favorite thing about you? Probably. Romantic Love is generally based upon selfish desire. Do you expect him to love you unconditionally after only a month of daiting? Relationships have stages. Right now your in the honeymoon phase. Try not to overthink it. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 he is a 22 year old man and sounds perfectly normal. this is what they mean when they say women mature faster than men. you're interested in deep feelings/talking/connections/not always having sex and he is interested in sex 24/7. it is normal relationship stuff and most guys in/around your age will be similar and will not be able to 'just cuddle' a woman they want. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 If you want a real relashionship what ever you do don't sleep with him right away if he stays around for a while with out getting some then hes really into you as person thats how you truly tell.. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I wouldn't take a 22 yr old that seriously...they are self-absorbed and just wanna "get some"... Link to post Share on other sites
Author adelante Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 (edited) thanks for the advice everyone!! I can conclude then this is normal and it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like me If you want a real relashionship what ever you do don't sleep with him right away if he stays around for a while with out getting some then hes really into you as person thats how you truly tell how long would a while be? I know it depends, but more or less? Edited November 16, 2014 by adelante Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 He's 22, he keeps talking about sex. Yes, he wants to get into your pants. What young guy doesn't? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adelante Posted November 16, 2014 Author Share Posted November 16, 2014 He's 22, he keeps talking about sex. Yes, he wants to get into your pants. What young guy doesn't? I know he does, and that's okay, what I am worried about is that he may be pretending to like me to get laid. I am very clueless about the subject as this is my first time dating and I don't know if he is being deceitful. how can I tell if he is only interested in sex or if he also likes me? Link to post Share on other sites
Coe Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 You'll just have to assume he likes you for more than just sex. Asking to be exclusive generally means he likes you as more. As for asking you to go home on each date... I'm a bit older than 22 but when I go on a date and it goes well I will of course invite a girl back to my house, not fussed if she says no which most do on date 1 and 2. But I am always going to try Some men get lower sex drives as they grow older. I find the opposite to be true though. But we do think about more than sex, sometimes we think about cars, motorbikes and sport too Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 I can't say for sure that he is only interested in sex but it certainly is a high priority for him. He sounds too pushy for my tastes but as long as he is being respectful when you say no or not yet, I wouldn't dump him just because his libido runs higher than yours. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 thanks for the advice everyone!! I can conclude then this is normal and it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like me how long would a while be? I know it depends, but more or less? Maybe a couple of month's to be on the safe side I dont like the fact hes asking all the time thats pressuring you not to mention killing any mood that might naturally come up yeah hes 22s but he also has two heads and is quite capable of using the second once in a while.. Link to post Share on other sites
Coe Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 Maybe a couple of month's to be on the safe side I dont like the fact hes asking all the time thats pressuring you not to mention killing any mood that might naturally come up yeah hes 22s but he also has two heads and is quite capable of using the second once in a while.. No normal sane guy will wait a couple of months. He will just assume you aren't into him and move on. 3-5 dates is average. Sex isn't some gift women bestow on men, it's a mutual thing to do for enjoyment when you want a relationship to form. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 No normal sane guy will wait a couple of months. He will just assume you aren't into him and move on. 3-5 dates is average. Sex isn't some gift women bestow on men, it's a mutual thing to do for enjoyment when you want a relationship to form. I think that "average" depends on a lot of factors. I dated lots of normal sane guys & never slept with most of them after only 3-5 dates, more like 3x that many dates. Only 1 ever broke things off with me because of that & he it turned out was neither normal nor sane. Sex should happen when both people feel ready for it & that will be at different stages for many couples. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I don't like the way he is pressurising you for sex. Sex should just happen when it feels right, not when some man "is kissing and biting my neck area and breathing deeply in my ear while holding me and squeezing my body parts." That sounds like he made you feel that you were not really involved, that you were just some object. If your gut feeling is telling you he is only with you for one reason, then I would guess you are probably correct. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I know he does, and that's okay, what I am worried about is that he may be pretending to like me to get laid. I am very clueless about the subject as this is my first time dating and I don't know if he is being deceitful. how can I tell if he is only interested in sex or if he also likes me? The dude keeps inviting you over at his house. I mean that speaks for itself right there. If he really liked you, he'd wait. He'd take you out, make a clear effort to get involved, etc.. I mean.. who falls for the "we'll just cuddle on the couch" type deal anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 Watch this - Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 Hi, I'm a 19 yo unexperienced girl and I have been dating this 22 yo guy for a month or so. You are a Brazilian young woman dating an American for a month. In North America it is common (although usually unspoken) to have sex on the first or second date, certainly within the first month of dating eachother. Latin cultures, rooted often in religion, have much longer courtship phases. Sex often leads directly to marriage whereby North American culture sex is a lot more dissociated from marriage. I dont know what you look like but most young Brazilian women I've seen look like goddesses, which if this is the case probably isnt helping to chill his libido. It is up to you what you want to do with your body and what your value system is, but IMO if I was dating a girl for a month I would certainly be expecting sex pretty soon especially at the ages of 19 and 22. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 It's only been a little over a month and you're asking this question? A man, especially a 19 year old man, dates with the hope of having sex. If you don't give it to him too soon and he is more interested in you beyond that, he will wait until you're ready. If you do give it to him fairly soon (and not on a first or even 3rd date), and he sticks around, it's a good sign. However, in this situation, you will need to be patience and see how things go for a while. If he doesn't up the relationship in some way(s), and just stays the same, he's just comfortable with having sex with you and the way things are with you. He may be looking for someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 . In North America it is common (although usually unspoken) to have sex on the first or second date, certainly within the first month of dating eachother. I was dating a girl for a month I would certainly be expecting sex pretty soon especially at the ages of 19 and 22. At 19-20 for me sex wasn't happening for at least a year, if at all. While there are plenty of people who do jump into bed quickly, it's not everyone's norm. OP if you feel pressured, tell the guy to back off. He may disappear on you, but then good riddance. Be very careful about dates in private places. It's easy to give in to the physical side of your relationship even when you know it's not otherwise right for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 At 19-20 for me sex wasn't happening for at least a year, if at all. While there are plenty of people who do jump into bed quickly, it's not everyone's norm. While you are certainly entitled to make your own choices with your own body, waiting a year at 19-20 is definitely at the far end of the bell curve these days and is not even close to normal or average. I remember girls did that when I was in my mid teens in the early 90s. We're in hookup culture now its a completely different world. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I just didn't want the OP to think that based on your experience & what you were classifying as the norm she had to have sex with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 While you are certainly entitled to make your own choices with your own body, waiting a year at 19-20 is definitely at the far end of the bell curve these days and is not even close to normal or average. I remember girls did that when I was in my mid teens in the early 90s. We're in hookup culture now its a completely different world. We are in Brazil, you cannot place your values onto a 19 year old inexperienced girl from another culture. Your hookup mentality may work in your neighbourhood, but not I guess everywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 (edited) No normal sane guy will wait a couple of months. He will just assume you aren't into him and move on. 3-5 dates is average. Sex isn't some gift women bestow on men, it's a mutual thing to do for enjoyment when you want a relationship to form. A guy who is more interested in sex then the girl wont wait but there are men who are interested in a long term relashionship and in those sex is inevitable. No its not a gift but its not owed to men ether if a guy will not wait until im comfortable in the relationship to have sex then so be it he can move on and find a girl more to his liking whose willing to have it sooner there's no shortage of them. I believe the reverse of what you said in that sex comes after the relashionship is formed its just a different view to yours..in my view with in 3 to 5 dates you barely know the person in question and I wouldn't be comfortable.. Edit to add if you communicate that you are into a person but want to wait until the times right then there's no reason for anyone to think the others not into them good relationships requite a lot of communication after all... Edited November 18, 2014 by TigerLilly78 Link to post Share on other sites
Coe Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 I think that "average" depends on a lot of factors. I dated lots of normal sane guys & never slept with most of them after only 3-5 dates, more like 3x that many dates. Only 1 ever broke things off with me because of that & he it turned out was neither normal nor sane. Sex should happen when both people feel ready for it & that will be at different stages for many couples. Are you over 35 by any chance? Link to post Share on other sites
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