LucieE Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 This is going to be long and I apologize in advance. Lol. Please help me if you can! I am 21 years old and I need some advice. Please do not be judgemental. There is a man that I am very attracted too, and I think he is 53 years old (almost positive not for sure definitely in that range). I am very young and focused on my career right now, I have my own home that I purchased and I work two jobs. I consider myself very mature and boys /men my age can be irritating because they aren't ambitious or mature. I am not looking for a serious relationship or children or marriage. This isn't a money thing, I know where he works and I would be almost confidant that make more than he does. This is the entire story. He eats at the same restaurant at a same certain day/time of the week, every week alone on his lunch break just like I do. He is very attractive and I know for sure he isn't married. We always eat our lunches alone. Anyways one day he came up to me and told me I was very beautiful, I said thank you and that was it. I am very shy so I kind of clam up when around people I don't know or am attracted too. Every week since then it's progressed, he smiles and says hey, I smile, we both giggle / smile when we catch the other one looking at us. Finally, I decided to do something about it in my own shy way. I asked one of the girls who works at the restaurant at that time in the day if she knew anything about him or if he was single (at that time I didn't know) she said she would find out. I would go back in after that and see him but the worker told me she didn't find anything out because she hadn't seen him and he was still just smiling and laughing but no actual conversation or anything was going on between us. I ended up stopping going to that restaurant because I thought because he didn't ever actually make a move on me that he wasn't interested. My job among other things is to take customers bill payments that they have. We have a driv thru drop off at my work, and he comes by and pays his bill there. The last time he came by it was Halloween. Everyone in my office was dressed up. I was Cleopatra lol. When he came by one of the other girls that I work with was waiting on him, I tried to coyly go over to her to see if he she needed help so that he would see me. When he saw me he lit up got a huge grin and waved I waved back and smiled, I walked away and he could not stop looking at me. I knew that he was goin to be driving off so I decided to walk out to my truck, he stopped and pulled over and said "hey, I always want to talk to you at ---- but we're always eating." I said "oh it's okay" "you look really nice". I said "thank you" (remember shy )then I said "my name is ---- " he says "my name is Scott". He says "believe me, if I wasn't SO old in a second" and I didn't know what to say so I just smiled and at first I kind of took it as rejection because I thought he was just saying that because he thought I was too young or didn't like me whatever because he never actually asked me out or anything. He ended up saying bye and leaving after that. I realize looking back that he may have taken me not saying anything as rejection and it was probably silly of me to think that he meant that that way. I guess my question is what do you think? Do you think he likes me and I messed up? Should I have been more forward? I'm not used to making the first move. What can I do to make sure he knows that I want him? I also am worried about the whole experience thing, I've been sexually active with one person for almost 2 years but that was it. I thought about walking into the restaurant this week, I know he will be there, and giving him my number. Is that too forward? What do older men like ? Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 He's obviously attracted to you. Most older men would be thrilled to have a young woman attracted to them. That doesn't mean he will be comfortable with the age difference but you won't know unless you try. If you really want to give it a try then absolutely ask him out. Show up at the restaurant and ask if you can sit with him for lunch. That would be a great way to get to know each other better. If you like how that goes then be forward and ask if he'd like to do dinner next time, or any other kind of date for that matter. Bowling? A sporting event? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 i normally dislike when women go chasing after men, but in this instance you are probably going to have to be very forward. any decent man will *not* make a move based on the huge age difference and the possibility of coming off as a perv. if this is truly something/someone you want you're going to have to not be shy and really express your interest in him. but definitely try to find out if he is married/has kids, etc. it might be real awkward if you find out he is, or if his kids are your age. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 He definitely sounds interested. I have had situations where I have met younger girls (like 10 years younger) and been hesistant because of the age difference. I haven't been as aggressive as I normally would be and end up being more "Friendly" just because I don't want to come across as creepy. In one situation the girl was a bit more responsive so I knew there was interest and pursued it. I would definitely somehow hint to him that you would be open to eat a meal together... that would be like a "date" with little/no pressure. You can then go from there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sedona Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 Yes, he's interested. But the obvious question is why you want to pursue this. Don't get me wrong. I am not being judgemental, and understand the mutual attraction. I dated with a man 14 years older, for six years, so I know something about it. But if you want a relationship that lasts then you might want to think twice. There are so many obstacles, with differemt interests, friends, etc. Plus he's going to get old a lot sooner than you. If you're happy with just a fling, that's another thing. But do check if there's a wife or OW. Really check. Don't take his word. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 then I said "my name is ---- " he says "my name is Scott". He says "believe me, if I wasn't SO old in a second" and I didn't know what to say so I just smiled and at first I kind of took it as rejection because I thought he was just saying that because he thought I was too young or didn't like me whatever because he never actually asked me out or anything. That wasn't a rejection by him, it was an expression of interest, a compliment with safe cover allowing him to back off if you didn't respond positively, and yet still offering an opening for you to express some interest back. If you had done so, it would have essentially communicated back "well, it doesn't bother me..." and you're off to the races. Having said that, your silence probably didn't come off as a complete rejection to him, maybe just shyness, especially since you smiled. But if you want to open up the conversation again, it is probably back in your court to make some kind of an overture, just to get things started again, and telegraph your interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 #GoTeamGrandpa 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucieE Posted November 11, 2014 Author Share Posted November 11, 2014 Thank you all for your advice and opinions. I really appreciate it. In response, Sedona, I think if I had an idea of what I want for this, is just a fling friends with benefits kind of thing but we care about each other somewhat. A relationship where I can learn and grow from him and we can stay friends after but I am not looking for anything serious or marriage or kids and I would prefer that we can keep our personal lives (kids ex boyfriends ex wives parents friends etc) out of it. Id like for it to be a secret somewhat. I know 100% for sure that he isn't married. I definitely know. I looked it up on records.....sorry if I sound creepy but I wanted to make sure before I did anything and rather than take someone's word for it. Thanks everyone for your response and thanks Trimmer I feel like you helped clear it up for me. I'm just nervous now lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 I am in this guy's age range and I can say with 99% assurance that "believe me, if I wasn't SO old in a second" he is saying he would love to but he's concerned that you might not want such an old guy, that he might come off as a creep, that it might be inappropriate, etc. etc. etc. I am concerned though that you are thinking of a fling or a fwb. He might have or soon have other ideas and you might end up really hurting him. Believe me, the fire burns older people too! If fling is really all you want, you should tell him, upfront, right away. Now, I would say you should ask him to talk, and then tell him you are interested. He is probably much more afraid to make a move than he would be if her more your age. You might also step back and ask yourself, if you really clicked with this guy, would you want that or would you run off? What if you fall for him? I have been in a situation like this for real once or twice in the past few years, believe me, on this I know what I'm talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Don't worry for a second about your supposed lack of experience! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucieE Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 Well, there have been some updates. I called him today after looking up his number in the phone book. I left a message and he called me back about 20 minutes later and left message (I was at work at this time couldn't answer) He is very complimentary (told me how sweet my voice sounded)to me on the message. I called him after I got off work and spoke to him. He told me he was really happy that I called. He was very complimentary towards me and kept telling me how pretty I was and how much he really loved my hair. The only thing I thought was odd is how he spoke. It was almost like he was purposely trying to sound younger ? He kept saying what's up, oh mann, things like that. I don't know if he was just trying to sound younger but I took it as him being very casual about the conversation. I wasn't sure if he was serious or not about things. He did keep saying how happy he was when he heard my message and I was the last person he thought would call. I asked him how old he was (53 like I thought) and I told him my age. We only talked for five minutes. He asked me where it stayed and I told him I have my own home in ---- which is about 15 min from where he is in ----. He didn't really commit or was serious about anything. At first I thought he was hesitant about things. After we discussed the age, and I told him it didn't bother me, he said "you are very very pretty everything about you is attractive and I am attracted to you" but no comment was made about whether or not the age difference bothered him. He said twice "look really think about this, I mean I'm 53." Finally towards the end of conversation he said "well what do your weekends look like". I told him I was free this weekend except for Saturday night. He made no commitment to us hanging out this weekend. I said "well, call me if you're free." He said "okay I'm happy you called". But that was it I'm really not sure how to feel about it ? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 This - He said twice "look really think about this, I mean I'm 53." This, speaks volumes. He's telling you he is prepared to take this liaison to whatever level you're comfortable with, and he's game and up for it - he has no doubts about himself, but he questions your judgement, and whether you really know what you're letting yourself in for - because he sees this, potentially, as a possible long-term thing. 'I'm 53' means 'and I'm not getting any younger, so every day you spend with me will see changes, in both of us....' This is, in any case, how I'm seeing this. (50+ woman.....) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucieE Posted November 13, 2014 Author Share Posted November 13, 2014 Yes. I agree with you. I did say after he said that "look really think about this, I mean I'm 53." "Well, I understand that it couldn't be anything super serious." And he said "right, right" I think what concerns me most is he just talked oddly I feel like I couldn't get a read on him Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 telephones are the pits. They lack the essential body language input. Take the bull by the horns, make a definite date, meet up (daytime, to begin with) and really discuss where you both see this going. Emphasis on the 'both'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 You need to be careful that he may end up being the one wanting to be serious...and that could create more of a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 He is probably insecure about his age. It is not appealing when someone tries to act like someone much younger, though. He should try to act his age (within limits, not like an old man, but dignified about it) and assume it has some advantages. I think some of the other posters are right, HE is the one who could be the serious one. If you really just want a fling, tell him so. Well, you already did, but tell him again so there is no misunderstanding. Personally, if you are really interested, I think you should go for it, and see where it leads. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 He is probably insecure about his age. It is not appealing when someone tries to act like someone much younger, though. He should try to act his age (within limits, not like an old man, but dignified about it) and assume it has some advantages. Agreed. He most likely is trying to act younger because of the insecurity; 32 years is a pretty big gap. He should act like that guy off the beer commercials: the worlds most interesting man. #swag 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 He should act like that guy off the beer commercials: the worlds most interesting man. #swag Exactly! I haven't seen the beer commercial, can you be specific? Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 I've seen one or two of these. Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Exactly! I haven't seen the beer commercial, can you be specific? Or, you can go to youtube and punch in: worlds most interesting man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucieE Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 I think he maybe does feel insecure. I just can't tell if he is interested or not. I know it seems silly but I don't know why he didn't make definite plans. He asked me what my weekend was like and I told him I just couldn't hang out saturday night but I was free any other time. I would pursue it further and make plans but I don't want to bother him if he isn't thrilled about the age gap. I tried to leave the ball in his court by saying "call me if you're free " I love those commercials hahahah aha In all honesty he doesn't look 53. When I first met him I thought he was in his late thirties early forties. His hair isn't gray and he doesn't look old old lol Link to post Share on other sites
lalily Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 If you're asking me- The age difference is way too big and you should go for someone around your own age. BUT you say you're not interested in anything serious, so if you really wanna do it why not, you're both adults. Ask him out. Even if he thinks you're too young for him and/or isn't interested he'll be flattered that a young woman is interested in him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Or, you can go to youtube and punch in: worlds most interesting man. Not as interesting as these men, and these girls......I want a sugar mama 'Sugar Daddies' Hook Up with Young Women - YouTube Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 If an insecure guy like me can handle it, so can he -- I'm older than he is. He needs to decide in my opinion, does he want to do it and does he still have the cajones. You've given him plenty of an opening from what you say. If he still doesn't step up to the plate, you could always ask him out yourself, but I don't know if I'd want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LucieE Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 Thanks to everyone for the advice and comments. I feel confident that this is something that I want and I don't feel insecure or weird about it at all. As far as if he wants this to be more serious than I do, I wouldn't write it off completely. I would be open minded to being monogamous and committed to each other. I just don't think marriage or children would be something I would want to pursue. I've left it in his hands so we'll see where it goes! I'm not used to pursuing a guy or being the first one to initiate things and I feel like I definitely let him know I'm interested and if he wants to go out it's up to him. I don't wanna feel like a little puppy chasing after the big dog. Thanks again for all of y'all's help though ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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