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Girl never contacts me first.


reliablewolf

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I've gone out with this girl twice already, both times, I was the one who asked her. Every time I've ever contacted her, whether it has been through facebook or texting, it has been me that started it.

 

So after our last date which was this past Tuesday, I've decided to disappear and see if she contacts me at all. Here I am on Friday night, three days later, and I've got nothing.

 

Anyone ever go through something like this? The girl responds to you, acts like she likes you when you go out, accepts every date proposition, but never ever initiates contact. Obviously its a sign that she's disinterested, but I don't get why she'd go through all that instead of just saying "no". We have fun when we go out, but I never hear from her afterwards.

 

Either way, I've moved on to someone else, but I find it to be a waste of time when people do this.

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I don't necessarily see it as a sign that she's disinterested at all. Sounds more like she's one of those women who are hardwired to think that you never contact the man first (in the early stages of dating) and you let him initiate all contact etc. etc. A gameplayer basically.

 

If she was disinterested, I'm sure she wouldn't go out with you. I also think if you had kept seeing her she probably would have started initiating contact somewhere later down the road.

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writteninreverse

It's not a sign that she's disinterested. It's a sign that she is a female who lives on planet Earth. Guys initiate. That's the way of the world and if you can't go along with that, then you don't deserve to be in dating world.

 

Ladies start initiating once it has been clearly established that you two are an item now. Until then, the guy is the one doing the heavy lifting. You better get on board with this or you will risk losing what could be a very nice relationship.

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She may just believe she should let you take the lead this early in the relationship. Don't make an issue about it. I'm sure if you two keep getting along, she will change that some.

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I went thru this exact same thing recently. I can tell you she isn't interested. You should NOT have to initiate every text, call, or date. That is utterly ridiculous. If you are putting in 100% from the start and she isn't putting in anything (only passive responses), then she is definitely not interested even if she responds. Someone who is interested in getting to know you actually puts in some degree of effort to let the other person understand that they care. I agree with you that people should not play these types of games...it is definitely a waste of time.

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Yes, I never initiate in the first few weeks of dating someone. Then, when it's clear that things are going well and he is making me feel happy and special, I start initiating slowly. When I am in a relationship is 50-50. Plus, right now I'm in a relationship and I organize almost all dates.

 

That's how I work in dating and for me it's not game playing, it's how I am. I don't really care if someone moves on because of this because it just means we are not compatible and I can't be attracted to him if he's not courting me. I had a guy who wanted me to ask him on dates, told me so, and I did, I did it for three months, but it made me feel extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't fear of rejection, because he told me that's how he wants it and I knew he'd say yes, but I just felt he wasn't courting me and it felt very unnatural to be handling things that way....like I was the one courting him. I like to be courted in the beginning.

 

Women give a lot in established relationships, at least in the courtship stage, I really really reaaaaly like to have those feelings, get treated to things, get surprises, get flowers etc. Doing those things is what makes me attracted to a guy.

 

True, this may make me vulnerable to players who know these things, but I still can't help it. Can't get a girl boner if I'm the one initiating, I'm the one paying, I'm the one doing that stuff.

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You made the right move to move on. I wouldn't classify it as "disinterested", maybe she might be lukewarm about you at best.

 

"I got nothing better to do tonight, might as well go out with XXX and see where that goes".

 

Either ways, if she is interested, she has your number/facebook, so she knows how to contact you.

 

But it seems like you want someone that initiates sometimes and shows interest, so you might be better off cutting your losses.

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It's not a sign that she's disinterested. It's a sign that she is a female who lives on planet Earth. Guys initiate. That's the way of the world and if you can't go along with that, then you don't deserve to be in dating world.

 

Ladies start initiating once it has been clearly established that you two are an item now. Until then, the guy is the one doing the heavy lifting. You better get on board with this or you will risk losing what could be a very nice relationship.

 

Then how do you explain the following....

 

I went thru this exact same thing recently. I can tell you she isn't interested. You should NOT have to initiate every text, call, or date. That is utterly ridiculous. If you are putting in 100% from the start and she isn't putting in anything (only passive responses), then she is definitely not interested even if she responds. Someone who is interested in getting to know you actually puts in some degree of effort to let the other person understand that they care. I agree with you that people should not play these types of games...it is definitely a waste of time.

 

If she, once in a blue moon, messages me on Facebook or texts me about my day or asks me ANYTHING about my life, but never initiates dates. FINE. I get it. But, this girl literally acts like I don't exist unless I contact her first. How is that a sign of interest at all? I couldn't fathom being romantically interested in someone yet, at the same time, go completely silent and not attempt to communicate at least once. It makes no sense.

 

I've made up my mind that I'm not contacting her unless she contacts me first, I'm not going to initiate every single time because it makes me feel like she's just responding to be polite, not because she actually likes me.

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writteninreverse
Then how do you explain the following....

 

 

 

If she, once in a blue moon, messages me on Facebook or texts me about my day or asks me ANYTHING about my life, but never initiates dates. FINE. I get it. But, this girl literally acts like I don't exist unless I contact her first. How is that a sign of interest at all? I couldn't fathom being romantically interested in someone yet, at the same time, go completely silent and not attempt to communicate at least once. It makes no sense.

 

I've made up my mind that I'm not contacting her unless she contacts me first, I'm not going to initiate every single time because it makes me feel like she's just responding to be polite, not because she actually likes me.

 

maybe because she's too busy responding other people who are more then happy to initiate conversations with her.

 

Her going out with you is a sign of her interest. What do you need, some sort of ribbon-tied letter hand delivered to your door saying, "I am interested in you."?

 

She's agreed to spend her time with you when she could be doing a host of other things. Sounds to me like she's at least somewhat interested.

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mortensorchid

After much trial and error, this is how I see things:

 

 

 

 

 

 

1) Encounter 1 - If I (the woman) has not heard from the man within the first 24-48 hours after the first get together, I will not hear from him again 90% of the time. The other 10% might call or contact again a week or so later because there was a mild interest. I will have a 2nd encounter with that person maybe, but after that 2nd encounter I will not hear from him again after that. He might be a friend, but he won't be a lover.

 

 

2) Encounter 2 - After the 2nd encounter (granted that he contacted me within the first 24-48 hours without a VERY GOOD excuse), I will send a text or something after that to keep things going.

 

 

As to the future? Well that's up in the air, but the initial stages of it would require a man to call me back. As for your situation? If she is not going to call or text you after that 2nd encounter at least once, then she's not interested. Just a fact of life.

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If a woman doesn't initiate contact...it doesn't necessarily mean she isn't interested...but the interest isn't all that high.

 

As long as you're not putting all your eggs in one basket...why don't you just try asking her out on a casual date?

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It's not a sign that she's disinterested. It's a sign that she is a female who lives on planet Earth. Guys initiate. That's the way of the world and if you can't go along with that, then you don't deserve to be in dating world.

 

Ladies start initiating once it has been clearly established that you two are an item now. Until then, the guy is the one doing the heavy lifting. You better get on board with this or you will risk losing what could be a very nice relationship.

 

This post sums it up man. My last semi-serious thing, it was maybe 5 dates until she started asking me to do things with her. That number can change depending on how much the girl feels you are into her during your dates (physical contact, ending with a kiss etc).

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Here's a thought, you could ask her why she doesn't instead of trying to interpret signs as if you were reading tea leaves.

 

But if you come at her all hostile about it and if she knew you were already moving on to someone else, I'm sure it would be over anyway.

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So after our last date which was this past Tuesday, I've decided to disappear and see if she contacts me at all. Here I am on Friday night, three days later, and I've got nothing.

 

Either way, I've moved on to someone else, but I find it to be a waste of time when people do this.

 

It's Saturday where I am. On Tuesday night you disappeared on this woman with no explanation. You are playing games. When you did that she didn't know that you wanted her to call you. All she knows is you stopped calling her. In order she most likely thinks you were not into her, or that something happened to you. From your behavior she had NO IDEA that you wanted her to call you.

 

Now on Friday when you posted. . . you are already moved on. Really? That was fast. Three whole days. Wow. But again, how was the 1st girl supposed to know that?

 

The more mature move would have been to discuss her lack of contact with her. Point blank say, I've notice I always contact you. I'd really love it if you called or messaged me once in a while.

 

You blew it not her.

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but the initial stages of it would require a man to call me back.

 

Hmmm...I guess equality doesn't extend this far then.

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He didn't blow it!

 

They weren't compatible

 

The only thing that was "wrong" was that after 2 dates he was upset she didn't contact him. Instead of talking to her about that maturely, he decided to play a disappearing game. Then he moved on in 72 HOURS.

 

There wasn't enough time to determine comparability & if the only thing that was bothering was that she didn't call him & he was left to always initiate he needed to tell her that not run away.

 

So yes, he blew it. If he had discussed his concerns with her, she may very well have stepped up to the plate but now she's left wondering what she did wrong. She doesn't know that this particular guy wanted a less passive woman. She was doing what society used to tell women to do: sit by the phone & wait for him to make the 1st move.

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beautifulinside2

I have found it better for men to initiate contact to give them their chase factor.

 

I am dating someone I like a lot after a month and I still hardly ever initiate contact because he has his own hobbies and interests I don't feel the need to bother him. He will get in touch when he is free.

 

I plan most of our dates, whenever he does contact which is everyday. We see each other 2-3 times a week and we live an hour away.

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If you really cared for her, you wouldn't play games with her.

 

Maybe she was sick, she was confused you didn't call her, she didn't want to appear too desperate by contacting you, she was afraid of appearing too eager,...

 

And how can you know they weren't compatible, it takes months to see that...

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If people can take selfies in the hospital...she can send a text at least saying "hello, when can we hang out again?"

 

For me to go 3 days without talking to someone I'm interested in I'd have to be:

1) In jail and have already used up my phone call to call my mom

2) In the hospital with tubes coming out of my mouth

3) at the gym for 72 hours straight

4) feeding starving children in a developing country

 

...See what I'm getting at?! I know that everyone is different but if you can't make an effort before we are official to show any interest, that's pretty indicative of how the relationship will be. In my case, I would initiate all the time. I realized that and didn't call (she never answered or called back anyway) or text for 3 days. On the 3rd day of no contact, she sent me a text and we talked. After that, she never initiated again and I got fed up with keeping a conversation going. Let's just say it's been 3 weeks since we last spoke. Essentially, she wasted a few months of my time. Bottom line is don't let anyone waste your time...it's more valuable than the money you spend on dates!

Edited by LostOnes05
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This post sums it up man. My last semi-serious thing, it was maybe 5 dates until she started asking me to do things with her. That number can change depending on how much the girl feels you are into her during your dates (physical contact, ending with a kiss etc).

 

Same for me.

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I think she likes being chased rather than doing the chasing. If it seriously bothers you that much keep seeing her until you become exclusive and then politely bring it up and say it would mean a lot to you if she could initiate contact first sometimes.

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