Veeah Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I've been seeing this guy for a month; we're both in our mid-20's. So far I like everything about him: he's working 2 jobs while going to school, seems very mature, confident, very intelligent, and laid-back. He's kind of shy in the beginning but I find it cute. I just recently found his instagram and discovered a whole other side to him. He comments on many girls' pictures, leaving either flirty emojis or things like "You're so sexy.." "Omg your pics are going to get all of my likes" "Damn baby how are you doing?" Some of the things he would post on his profile would be sexual quotes and how much he loves women, for their body and their mind. Going further back on his posts, I see that he's always either "I don't need love/Women need too much" or "I miss being in a relationship" I'm so torn. On one hand, in person he seems like such a great guy because he's so ambitious, confident, and seem to have everything in his life together (working and going to school). On the other, this person he's portraying online is so. for lack of a better word, desperate? What are your opinions on a guy who acts like this on social media, someone who hits on every pretty girl but will immediately turn into a misogynist when he gets rejected? Link to post Share on other sites
Haerts Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Looks like he's not that confident, even less mature. Anyway, have you ever considered that maybe these are his friends and he's just fooling around? Social medias can be a bitch, really. I found out my ex's Twitter and he used to post things like "definition of being sexy: my neighbor" or "I'm now having lunch and I wish this waitress would give me her number", while we were still dating. I never took it too serious, especially after I saw him post something like "I can't take Twitter seriously, I'm sorry guys!". He used to post a sh*tload of stupid stuff too. Try to take things slowly, don't worry about it and enjoy the moments with him. It could be that he's just kidding. Instagram is more personal than Twitter is, but you never know. Maybe you should follow him on Instagram and see if he follows you back. Eventually you could ask him, why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 such a great guy because he's so ambitious, confident, and seem to have everything in his life together (working and going to school). This contradicts your thread title. Am I missing something here? I guess it's fair to assume with the mention of instagram, that you two are younger? If that is the case, I'll suggest stop wasting your time trying to get something steady with a guy that is obviously not ready for that sort of arrangement. The more I hear about Facebook and Instagram, the more I tell myself that it was the right decision not to dabble in that nonsense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 It is unacceptable behaviour whether done on social media, in a bar, at work, over the phone, or by carrier pigeon. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 That's the problem with social media. You expose yourself in ways you might regret later. He is clearly different in person vs online. Whom is the genuine one? Regardless, I am sure he was not expecting you to find his account. Now he might regret that you did. Which would further contribute and fuel that persona. I am a big advocate of no social media accounts. It is best that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 That's the problem with social media. You expose yourself in ways you might regret later. He is clearly different in person vs online. Whom is the genuine one? Regardless, I am sure he was not expecting you to find his account. Now he might regret that you did. Which would further contribute and fuel that persona. I am a big advocate of no social media accounts. It is best that way. You and me both. To better expand on this..... Comment: How social media fools us into revealing more than we intend to Social Media and the Perils of Posting Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I find it weird that youre stalking his instagram. Think to yourself OP. What if this guy were to check your internet history in the last few months. What would he think of you. All you find out, is that he was a single guy and he liked sexy women. If you cant handle that, or if you think that is, in some way misogynistic, he's not the dude for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Veeah Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I know stalking his Instagram is wrong. At first it was out of curiosity but then I found it to be contradicting with what I've been seeing in person, that is why I was concerned. I really like him and I want this work out. I just find it weird for him to still get at other women while he's telling me he wants a mature and serious relationship with me. I don't really use social media either, which is why I'm confused as to if I should take what I saw seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Trust your gut. If you really felt it was OK or not a big deal, you probably wouldn't be posting here. I went on several great dates with a guy I really liked. Super smart, handsome, funny, seemingly respectful, cool as hell, lots of mutual interests. Then I found his blog, and he was a totally different person -- an attitude towards women that I just couldn't get with. I ended it, just saying I didn't think things would work out. I'm more inclined to think the real you is the one you're being on the internet when you feel free to do/say what you think, v. the one you present to someone you've just begun dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I've been seeing this guy for a month; we're both in our mid-20's. So far I like everything about him: he's working 2 jobs while going to school, seems very mature, confident, very intelligent, and laid-back. He's kind of shy in the beginning but I find it cute. I just recently found his instagram and discovered a whole other side to him. He comments on many girls' pictures, leaving either flirty emojis or things like "You're so sexy.." There is nothing wrong with a single man who flirts with other women. Especially so if he is in his early 20's. Nonetheless, people can have very different personas online vs. offline. Sounds like in person, he's a bit more introverted whereas online, he's extroverted. I can see that it's a bit alarming when you're seeing two different sides of the coin. Which is the real one? The fact of the matter is, you simply don't know. At least not yet anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Veeah Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 snowflake, that's what Im thinking also. For me, I can be shy in person but I'd feel more comfortable doing and saying what I want online, and in my opinion that would be the "true" version of me. I'm just not sure if that applies to everyone else. There is nothing wrong with a single man who flirts with other women. Especially so if he is in his early 20's. Nonetheless, people can have very different personas online vs. offline. Sounds like in person, he's a bit more introverted whereas online, he's extroverted. I can see that it's a bit alarming when you're seeing two different sides of the coin. Which is the real one? The fact of the matter is, you simply don't know. At least not yet anyway. Hi Divasu, you're absolutely right. There's nothing wrong with a single man who flirts with other women. But he's flirting with them while he's in a relationship with me. I wonder if he's still flirting with other women because our relationship is still new, but I'd like to think that when someone asks for a relationship, that means they want to be exclusive.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Nonetheless, people can have very different personas online vs. offline. You mean like people on here especially? Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Hi Divasu, you're absolutely right. There's nothing wrong with a single man who flirts with other women. But he's flirting with them while he's in a relationship with me You said in your OP that you have only been seeing each other for a month. Is this a relationship? For you, maybe. For him? Do you know? Have you discussed this? Was exclusivity agreed upon. If not, then he is single. Just wanted to mentiom that because this could very well be the reason behind his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Hi Divasu, you're absolutely right. There's nothing wrong with a single man who flirts with other women. But he's flirting with them while he's in a relationship with me. I wonder if he's still flirting with other women because our relationship is still new, but I'd like to think that when someone asks for a relationship, that means they want to be exclusive.. Sorry. I missed the part where you said you were in a relationship, which obviously changes things. In which case, you're correct. You mean like people on here especially? LS especially? I don't believe there is an accurate way for me to know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Veeah Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) You said in your OP that you have only been seeing each other for a month. Is this a relationship? For you, maybe. For him? Do you know? Have you discussed this? Was exclusivity agreed upon. If not, then he is single. Just wanted to mentiom that because this could very well be the reason behind his behavior. I'm sorry, I should've been more clear with my post. By seeing, I mean officially being in a relationship. It was actually his idea. He said he's not into casual dating and saw us as a long term thing. ...the more I talk about this, the more I'm starting to think this relationship was rushed.. Edited November 1, 2014 by Veeah 2 Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 If you guys are exclusive, then you need to dump him. If you guys aren't exclusive, you need to stop contact and just move on. Don't make excuses "such a great guy because he's so ambitious, confident, and seem to have everything in his life together (working and going to school)". There are tons of guys like that, but that doesn't mean they get a pass doing/saying whatever they want on social media. Making comments like the ones he's made sorta gets him kicked off your "such a great guy" category. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Yeah, if the comments were made while you two were a couple. - He'll have to answer for that. You gave a lot of important information in your supplimental posts. The "relationship" seem like it was rushed after only 1 month. That screams insecurity on his part - And I'll back-track and say, if this is the case, then you are totally correct to be checking his instagram. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 ^ Just for the simple fact, that you havnt even gotten time to get to know him yet. After becoming exclusive so early. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Trust your instincts. It's telling you he is not the right one for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 He sounds like a loser. Enjoy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 No, that's just wrong. I would dump him. Social media gives us so much more information and it's easier than ever to weed out losers. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Veeah Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Thanks everyone, your replies gave me a lot of insight. I've been thinking about it a lot and I think I might just go with my gut instinct that something's not right about this guy. I want to give this relationship some more time to see where it goes but it just all feels too weird knowing he has this other side to him Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I've been thinking about it a lot and I think I might just go with my gut instinct that something's not right about this guy. There you go...sometimes we need to run things by others, and then gauge it by our own thoughts. A sheep dressed in Lamb clothing, is still a Sheep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnOldshoe Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I think you already know what you need to do : ) You have to kiss alot of frogs to find your prince, this guy sounds like a toad. At least you found this out now and not when you have been with him for years. If he is flirting with other people so soon into a relationship you never know what he will do in the future. A friend was telling me something similar, she started seeing a guy and was telling me that he has still been using tinder and chatting to other girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 I find this behavior to be pretty off-putting and it is already causing a problem with you. You can either tell him to knock it off and that you will not tolerate this, or you can just break it off with him now. At least it's only been a month. Link to post Share on other sites
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