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I'm not your friend


Jame22

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I dated this girl for a little over a month. We went out on 3 dates and hung out a few times and then she started to get cold and dumped me. I almost feel as if she dumped me because I was moving too slow. I kept pursuing her for months even though she told me more than once that she just wanted to be friends. I know, bad bad move. Eventually I gave up and stopped contacting her. Two months after I went silent she sent me an email claiming that she wanted to be on good terms and that I should shoot her a text when I was in town. This message didn't sit well with me and I straight up told her that I wasn't interested in a friendship and wanted to date her. She deleted me from Facebook and I haven't heard from her since.

 

I know I made some huge mistakes. I should of stopped talking to her right when she dumped me.

 

Why did she get in contact with me after two months of no talking? By this point I had made it clear that I liked her several times.

 

Girls; How would you take it if a guy did this to you? Would you have more respect for him? less respect? hurt? not care?

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Guys always see the friendship thing as a negative. The truth is, it gives you a perfect opportunity for her to change her mind about you. But men always take it as an insult and assume it's all over with. What guys don't know is that women are often impressed with the ones who are persistent even in the face of the friendship thing or other obstacles.

 

Unless there are extremely unchangeable reasons for her only wanting a friendship with you, then the opportunity is there to turn the tables. For instance, I had a guy friend who everyone thought I was so compatible with. My ex was always paranoid that we would cheat behind his back. We did have fun together and were very relaxed around one another. But there were two things about him that would, and will, never change that would forever keep him in the friend zone. First of all, his kids are terrors. He has lost 2 other girlfriends over these kids that are very emotionally disturbed. I would never marry or date someone in this situation. Secondly, he acts too feminine for my taste. So, no amount of persistence would ever change my mind. Off and on over the years he has attempted to change our relationship into more than friends but it's never going to happen. That's a scenario where the friend zone is a bad thing. But, the truth is, those circumstances are rare. The majority of the time, a guy can break down the walls.

 

As for what happened with the two of you, I don't know why her text annoyed you but, then, I don't know all the circumstances. First you say you thought it had to do with you moving too slow, then you say it was because she just wanted to be friends. I think she was extending the olive branch and you slapped it out of her hand. Not only that, you shot your chance to change the direction of the relationship. At this point, I'd say leave it alone.

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I dated this girl for a little over a month. We went out on 3 dates and hung out a few times and then she started to get cold and dumped me. I almost feel as if she dumped me because I was moving too slow. I kept pursuing her for months even though she told me more than once that she just wanted to be friends. I know, bad bad move. Eventually I gave up and stopped contacting her. Two months after I went silent she sent me an email claiming that she wanted to be on good terms and that I should shoot her a text when I was in town. This message didn't sit well with me and I straight up told her that I wasn't interested in a friendship and wanted to date her. She deleted me from Facebook and I haven't heard from her since.

 

I know I made some huge mistakes. I should of stopped talking to her right when she dumped me.

 

Why did she get in contact with me after two months of no talking? By this point I had made it clear that I liked her several times.

 

Girls; How would you take it if a guy did this to you? Would you have more respect for him? less respect? hurt? not care?

 

You couldn't wave a bigger sign even if it was plastered on a billboard. She isn't interested. She even saved you the trouble by telling you upfront. Sorry man, them's the break. Move on and find someone else.

 

It hurts, but at least she didn't lead you on. She just decided after a while you weren't for her. She probably found someone else.

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What guys don't know is that women are often impressed with the ones who are persistent even in the face of the friendship thing or other obstacles.

 

I think she was extending the olive branch and you slapped it out of her hand. Not only that, you shot your chance to change the direction of the relationship. At this point, I'd say leave it alone.

 

Really? I thought they were just annoyed.

 

I don't want any olive branches..I want to be treated like a man.

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Guys always see the friendship thing as a negative. The truth is, it gives you a perfect opportunity for her to change her mind about you. But men always take it as an insult and assume it's all over with. What guys don't know is that women are often impressed with the ones who are persistent even in the face of the friendship thing or other obstacles.

 

Unless there are extremely unchangeable reasons for her only wanting a friendship with you, then the opportunity is there to turn the tables. For instance, I had a guy friend who everyone thought I was so compatible with. My ex was always paranoid that we would cheat behind his back. We did have fun together and were very relaxed around one another. But there were two things about him that would, and will, never change that would forever keep him in the friend zone. First of all, his kids are terrors. He has lost 2 other girlfriends over these kids that are very emotionally disturbed. I would never marry or date someone in this situation. Secondly, he acts too feminine for my taste. So, no amount of persistence would ever change my mind. Off and on over the years he has attempted to change our relationship into more than friends but it's never going to happen. That's a scenario where the friend zone is a bad thing. But, the truth is, those circumstances are rare. The majority of the time, a guy can break down the walls.

 

As for what happened with the two of you, I don't know why her text annoyed you but, then, I don't know all the circumstances. First you say you thought it had to do with you moving too slow, then you say it was because she just wanted to be friends. I think she was extending the olive branch and you slapped it out of her hand. Not only that, you shot your chance to change the direction of the relationship. At this point, I'd say leave it alone.

 

You know, telling a man to stay in the friendzone while giving an example as to why that doesn't work doesn't make his situation any more hopeful.

 

If you're going to give him a reason to stay, provide an example positive to his situation. Your argument was extremely counterproductive by example alone.

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If I were in your shoes, I'd move on (I sound like a broken record; I've been telling people to move on over the last two days).

 

 

She deleted you from her FB after everything was said and done. Move on and meet you new women!

 

 

The whole friend zone thing does work out some times, but in my experience its rare.

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Really? I thought they were just annoyed.

 

I don't want any olive branches..I want to be treated like a man.

 

Part of being a man is knowing what you want. If you want to be friends with this woman, be her friend. Don't do it under a guise of wanting to get with her.

 

If you aren't interested in friendship and just want sex, move on and don't stick around.

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You couldn't wave a bigger sign even if it was plastered on a billboard. She isn't interested. She even saved you the trouble by telling you upfront. Sorry man, them's the break. Move on and find someone else.

 

It hurts, but at least she didn't lead you on. She just decided after a while you weren't for her. She probably found someone else.

 

 

She told me I was attractive when she broke up with me. I later went to talk to her about it and I she said she liked me but wasn't ready for a relationship (and she had a bf a month later)

 

I really wasn't happy with her. I should of been smarter and it's mostly my fault, but she could of made the billboard a little bigger.

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If you aren't interested in friendship and just want sex, move on and don't stick around.

 

I don't just want sex but at the same time I'm not going to tolerate being her GF.

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Guys always see the friendship thing as a negative. The truth is, it gives you a perfect opportunity for her to change her mind about you. But men always take it as an insult and assume it's all over with. What guys don't know is that women are often impressed with the ones who are persistent even in the face of the friendship thing or other obstacles.

 

Unless there are extremely unchangeable reasons for her only wanting a friendship with you, then the opportunity is there to turn the tables. For instance, I had a guy friend who everyone thought I was so compatible with. My ex was always paranoid that we would cheat behind his back. We did have fun together and were very relaxed around one another. But there were two things about him that would, and will, never change that would forever keep him in the friend zone. First of all, his kids are terrors. He has lost 2 other girlfriends over these kids that are very emotionally disturbed. I would never marry or date someone in this situation. Secondly, he acts too feminine for my taste. So, no amount of persistence would ever change my mind. Off and on over the years he has attempted to change our relationship into more than friends but it's never going to happen. That's a scenario where the friend zone is a bad thing. But, the truth is, those circumstances are rare. The majority of the time, a guy can break down the walls.

 

As for what happened with the two of you, I don't know why her text annoyed you but, then, I don't know all the circumstances. First you say you thought it had to do with you moving too slow, then you say it was because she just wanted to be friends. I think she was extending the olive branch and you slapped it out of her hand. Not only that, you shot your chance to change the direction of the relationship. At this point, I'd say leave it alone.

 

The friend zone is a clichéd joke for a reason?

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Guys always see the friendship thing as a negative. The truth is, it gives you a perfect opportunity for her to change her mind about you. But men always take it as an insult and assume it's all over with. What guys don't know is that women are often impressed with the ones who are persistent even in the face of the friendship thing or other obstacles.

 

Unless there are extremely unchangeable reasons for her only wanting a friendship with you, then the opportunity is there to turn the tables. For instance, I had a guy friend who everyone thought I was so compatible with. My ex was always paranoid that we would cheat behind his back. We did have fun together and were very relaxed around one another. But there were two things about him that would, and will, never change that would forever keep him in the friend zone. First of all, his kids are terrors. He has lost 2 other girlfriends over these kids that are very emotionally disturbed. I would never marry or date someone in this situation. Secondly, he acts too feminine for my taste. So, no amount of persistence would ever change my mind. Off and on over the years he has attempted to change our relationship into more than friends but it's never going to happen. That's a scenario where the friend zone is a bad thing. But, the truth is, those circumstances are rare. The majority of the time, a guy can break down the walls.

 

As for what happened with the two of you, I don't know why her text annoyed you but, then, I don't know all the circumstances. First you say you thought it had to do with you moving too slow, then you say it was because she just wanted to be friends. I think she was extending the olive branch and you slapped it out of her hand. Not only that, you shot your chance to change the direction of the relationship. At this point, I'd say leave it alone.

 

That's extremely rare, and in those rare cases, the female usually has to have had an initial attraction to the friend in question. Here's a spin to that advice. Know when and where it's a good time to be a friend to a female. Sometimes they end up liking you better, sometimes they don't. It's a number's game in the end.

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She told me I was attractive when she broke up with me. I later went to talk to her about it and I she said she liked me but wasn't ready for a relationship (and she had a bf a month later)

 

I really wasn't happy with her. I should of been smarter and it's mostly my fault, but she could of made the billboard a little bigger.

 

You are attractive, but if you believe she was talking about being attracted to you...well, I got a bridge in San Fran to sell you.

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Versacehottie

Yeah depends on the guy and the circumstances of the situation. It's possible that I would respect the guy for doing so if doing so was genuine to his personality. And it involves how she has been treating you all along. If you threw a tantrum well that probably wouldn't work because it's just a confirmation that she was doing the right thing by just having you as a friend. To me, drama where you care enough to delete people from facebook and such is not very "guy-guy" behavior. So, for example, if you told her I don't want to be friends i want to date you in a calm voice; then no need to delete her just not necessarily respond or comment on her facebook stuff etc, just like I've been too busy to care--that's more likely to generate respect. As someone said above, knowing what you want is a guy trait that women respond to. I'm guessing it may be too far gone to be salvageable but I do know plenty of examples where a guy stayed in girls life and then she came around. But wouldn't do that now in your situation. Just stick with what you said that's your best path--to everything, with her, with another. Good luck

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Yeah depends on the guy and the circumstances of the situation. It's possible that I would respect the guy for doing so if doing so was genuine to his personality. And it involves how she has been treating you all along. If you threw a tantrum well that probably wouldn't work because it's just a confirmation that she was doing the right thing by just having you as a friend. To me, drama where you care enough to delete people from facebook and such is not very "guy-guy" behavior. So, for example, if you told her I don't want to be friends i want to date you in a calm voice; then no need to delete her just not necessarily respond or comment on her facebook stuff etc, just like I've been too busy to care--that's more likely to generate respect. As someone said above, knowing what you want is a guy trait that women respond to. I'm guessing it may be too far gone to be salvageable but I do know plenty of examples where a guy stayed in girls life and then she came around. But wouldn't do that now in your situation. Just stick with what you said that's your best path--to everything, with her, with another. Good luck

 

Personally, it's more manly to be honest with yourself. If it hurts you to see someone you like on your facebook page, you have every right to block them.

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Who knows why she contacted you 2 months later asking to be friends. Maybe it was innocent and she wanted to be friends. Maybe there was a subconscious thought in her head that she wanted to get closer to you. If it was the latter, you definitely blew your chances.

 

I'm not saying you should let a girl drag you around in the friend zone, but each situation is different. Sometimes there is more to it than just her saying she wants to be friends. It's a tough call.

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Who knows why she contacted you 2 months later asking to be friends. Maybe it was innocent and she wanted to be friends. Maybe there was a subconscious thought in her head that she wanted to get closer to you. If it was the latter, you definitely blew your chances.

 

I'm not saying you should let a girl drag you around in the friend zone, but each situation is different. Sometimes there is more to it than just her saying she wants to be friends. It's a tough call.

 

According to him, she was dating someone else shortly after dumping him.

 

She isn't interested in him.

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According to him, she was dating someone else shortly after dumping him.

 

She isn't interested in him.

 

I hadn't read that but thanks for clearing it up. In this situation I suppose what he did was the right call. Man, dating would be so much easier if you could read minds. Then you would know someone's intentions and steer clear of these situations.

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I hadn't read that but thanks for clearing it up. In this situation I suppose what he did was the right call. Man, dating would be so much easier if you could read minds. Then you would know someone's intentions and steer clear of these situations.

 

Nah, then we'd be even more depressed as men. I'd rather guess than find proof.

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todreaminblue

never knock a hand that is stretched out......a hand of friendship and or a hand in need.......when people reach out whether it is positive or negative to either, a need exists....a need to accept.......

 

so if it were me going on my wise grandpas words.......i never knock a hand away......time will tell what need is there.......and i accept either negative ro postive.....i drive my close friends crazy because often the need exists that i get a negative...........

 

in my life i have reached out and someone takes my hand,

even with words in an email someone who tries to understand,

 

often to help me through,i have to say this to you

i have had so many positives, i mean more than just a few,

met some cool people too,

now and again a negative comes along,

destroys my poem and rewrites my song,

but the positives push me along,

enough to know taking/giving friendship is always right and never wrong

 

always accept a persons hand in friendship...imagine its your hand that is reachign out........how would you feel if soemone pushed your hand away.......i have had that physically happen to me...me and soemoen else staring at my hand.........and it isnt a fond memory

 

if i were you i would suggest you try and contact her......tell her you made a mistake and would love a friendship with her...thats what i would do...I wish you luck in life and in friendship...deb

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Ah, being friends with girls you want to date. A subject very well known to me.

 

My general opinion is that it's not worth it.

 

Supposedly it's possible to escape the friendzone, but such tales are only legends of days long past.

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Why did she get in contact with me after two months of no talking?

 

I would assume it was because she thought two months would have been enough time for any romantic or negative feelings to dissolve, and that you could resume a casual friendship, probably because she enjoys your company.

 

By this point I had made it clear that I liked her several times.

 

But she told you several times that she just wanted to be friends, and you continued to be "friends" with her. I think you both should have walked away from the friendship, but she made the same mistake that you did - she kept the friendship going when the other person clearly had different intentions. You can't be that upset with her for doing the exact same thing you did.

 

Girls; How would you take it if a guy did this to you? Would you have more respect for him? less respect? hurt? not care?

 

I would not have very much respect for him, and I honestly would be hurt (for a minute.) She wasn't even asking you to become friends again right away or anything. She was just trying to create an opening for a friendship to be reestablished at some later date, if you wanted to. She was leaving it up to you. You could have responded with a non-committal "Yeah, okay" or not responded at all. But you chose instead to basically be like, "No. If I don't get what I want then I don't want anything to do with you" which is a lot worse than saying, "I still have feelings for you so a friendship isn't going to work out."

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I think it is fine. Just because they don't want the relationship you want, doesn't mean you have to take the one they want.

I don't have enough time in my life for all the girls that tried to friend zone me. I don't necessarily tell them to shove off, but I certainly don't contact them much. I like to ask their dating advice though.

 

Some girls who friend zoned me have asked me on dates, about 5 years later.. because I got my PhD and was successful so of course they want in then. I enjoy ignoring them, or telling them about the girls I am currently dating/going after.

 

A couple really cool ones and I even hooked up. One is now a really good friend of mine. Not all friend zones are bad, but I don't let myself be exploited in them.

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Ah, being friends with girls you want to date. A subject very well known to me.

 

My general opinion is that it's not worth it.

 

Supposedly it's possible to escape the friendzone, but such tales are only legends of days long past.

 

Isn't that what basically every romcom ever made is about? The guy or girl seeking his/her perfect mate and realizing at the end they've been there all along? :laugh:

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I dated this girl for a little over a month. We went out on 3 dates and hung out a few times and then she started to get cold and dumped me. I almost feel as if she dumped me because I was moving too slow. I kept pursuing her for months even though she told me more than once that she just wanted to be friends. I know, bad bad move. Eventually I gave up and stopped contacting her. Two months after I went silent she sent me an email claiming that she wanted to be on good terms and that I should shoot her a text when I was in town. This message didn't sit well with me and I straight up told her that I wasn't interested in a friendship and wanted to date her. She deleted me from Facebook and I haven't heard from her since.

 

I know I made some huge mistakes. I should of stopped talking to her right when she dumped me.

 

Why did she get in contact with me after two months of no talking? By this point I had made it clear that I liked her several times.

 

Girls; How would you take it if a guy did this to you? Would you have more respect for him? less respect? hurt? not care?

 

If I liked a man, he wouldn't be spending months and months pursuing me. If I told a man I didn't want more than a friendship and he continued to pursue me for even a day, I'd have blocked him Period.

 

It doesn't matter why she contacted you after two months. You are asking this question because you are worrying about "what ifs". What if I didn't do such and such, she might be mine now. What if I did this . . . she might change her mind.

 

All this over a woman you dated 3 times in the course of a month. And, frankly, if I had to guess, she was just trying to see if you still had the hots for her because she's in a dating "dry" spell and needed a little ego boost.

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Just because she doesn't want you walking around pissed off at her doesn't mean she has ANY interest in you romantically, which she has been brutally honest about already and told you. You cannot read anything between those lines.

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