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3 extensive dates...ask to be exclusive?


writteninreverse

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writteninreverse

Hey all,

 

So i've been seeing this person a few times and things are moving at a speed that i'm not used to in my experience.

 

The first date was a meetup at a park and it lasted about 6 hours. The night ended in a heavy make-out session.

 

A week later we went on the second date involved a night out at a bar and she ended up staying at my place. We had sex and then had brunch the next day. So all in all, this was about 8 hours together.

 

A week after the second date was the third, also involved dinner at a nice restaurant. She stayed over and we had sex again. This time we spend the whole next day together as well and went our separate ways the following night. So we basically spent about 24 hours with each other.

 

I really like this person, so i'd love to make things exclusive but i'm not sure if this is the right time to approach it. Normally, i'm told that talks about exclusivity should happen around date 6-8, but I feel like our dates have been epics. From an emotional standpoint, I feel like we are already at date 6-7. But we've still only been in each other's lives for approx 3 weeks, so logically this feels too soon.

 

What do you think loveshack? any advice?

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I see no harm in asking. I would want that too in your shoes. And it seems she is really into you too. You don't have to call each other bf/gf but at least give each other the assurance of not seeing other people. I say go for it.

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Hey all,

 

So i've been seeing this person a few times and things are moving at a speed that i'm not used to in my experience.

 

The first date was a meetup at a park and it lasted about 6 hours. The night ended in a heavy make-out session.

 

A week later we went on the second date involved a night out at a bar and she ended up staying at my place. We had sex and then had brunch the next day. So all in all, this was about 8 hours together.

 

A week after the second date was the third, also involved dinner at a nice restaurant. She stayed over and we had sex again. This time we spend the whole next day together as well and went our separate ways the following night. So we basically spent about 24 hours with each other.

 

I really like this person, so i'd love to make things exclusive but i'm not sure if this is the right time to approach it. Normally, i'm told that talks about exclusivity should happen around date 6-8, but I feel like our dates have been epics. From an emotional standpoint, I feel like we are already at date 6-7. But we've still only been in each other's lives for approx 3 weeks, so logically this feels too soon.

 

What do you think loveshack? any advice?

 

Whilst things seem to be moving (quickly) in the right direction, don't forget to enjoy the process of getting to know her, it's still early days.

 

I love the process of getting to know someone, properly, and then making the decision (or if it gets brought up) what we're doing ie exclusive/whatever else.

 

Does sound like you're on the right track, but maybe keep things ticking over and if it gets anymore serious, casually ask if she's seeing anyone else?

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If you both feel the same intense chemistry then there is nothing wrong in making it official. I have an ex boyfriend who asked me on our 3rd date to be exclusive, I felt as strongly as he did so I was thrilled he was asking. We still took it slow and kept dates at 2 -3 times a week and introduced friends at 3 month mark and family at 6 month.

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If you both feel the same way go for it. I've met women with high chemistry and it is nearly impossible to slow it down. When you attempt to slow it down you just create problems.

 

 

What are you fears? You'll get hurt? That is completely irrational. It doesn't matter if you become exclusive now or 2 months from now. If she is going to hurt she is going to hurt you.

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writteninreverse

I see that a few people have used the phrase, "if she feels the same way". This is the part that i'm not certain about. She hasn't said anything so overt like "i'm really into you" but her actions indicate otherwise. Spending a whole day with me, passionate kissing & sex, lots of cuddling, hand-holding etc. I don't know, it's clear that she's into me but i'm not sure if she's ready to go all-in yet. We met thru online dating and I know for a fact that she's been contacting other people. But then again, she agreed to spend her prime-time weekend dates with me, which just confirms my statement that she's into me but not willing to go all-in yet.

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Being exclusive does not really mean going all-in. It just means Let's get off line and concentrate on each other to see if we can connect on a deeper level. If it does not work after a few weeks or months you go back fishing. Being exclusive does not mean you start taking her to your mom on Sunday night for dinner.

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Hey all,

 

So i've been seeing this person a few times and things are moving at a speed that i'm not used to in my experience.

 

The first date was a meetup at a park and it lasted about 6 hours. The night ended in a heavy make-out session.

 

A week later we went on the second date involved a night out at a bar and she ended up staying at my place. We had sex and then had brunch the next day. So all in all, this was about 8 hours together.

 

A week after the second date was the third, also involved dinner at a nice restaurant. She stayed over and we had sex again. This time we spend the whole next day together as well and went our separate ways the following night. So we basically spent about 24 hours with each other.

 

I really like this person, so i'd love to make things exclusive but i'm not sure if this is the right time to approach it. Normally, i'm told that talks about exclusivity should happen around date 6-8, but I feel like our dates have been epics. From an emotional standpoint, I feel like we are already at date 6-7. But we've still only been in each other's lives for approx 3 weeks, so logically this feels too soon.

 

What do you think loveshack? any advice?

 

Its a little bit weak. I think.

Like youre trying to lock her dowm because you have some insecurity.

You really dont know the girl yet.

Wait until like 6 months.

 

In my opinion, you shouldnt be asking her anything. It'll just happen

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Hey all,

 

So i've been seeing this person a few times and things are moving at a speed that i'm not used to in my experience.

 

The first date was a meetup at a park and it lasted about 6 hours. The night ended in a heavy make-out session.

 

A week later we went on the second date involved a night out at a bar and she ended up staying at my place. We had sex and then had brunch the next day. So all in all, this was about 8 hours together.

 

A week after the second date was the third, also involved dinner at a nice restaurant. She stayed over and we had sex again. This time we spend the whole next day together as well and went our separate ways the following night. So we basically spent about 24 hours with each other.

 

I really like this person, so i'd love to make things exclusive but i'm not sure if this is the right time to approach it. Normally, i'm told that talks about exclusivity should happen around date 6-8, but I feel like our dates have been epics. From an emotional standpoint, I feel like we are already at date 6-7. But we've still only been in each other's lives for approx 3 weeks, so logically this feels too soon.

 

What do you think loveshack? any advice?

 

In my mind, exclusivity should come right before or right after sex. All it means, really, is that you each could date others but not have sex with them until it becomes clear whether or not you want a committed relationship with the person you having sex with. It's about protection from disease and allowing you to better focus on that person as a potential long-term boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

However, three weeks is pretty quick to do that. If I did have sex with someone and there has been no discussion of exclusivity. I would self-impose exclusivity. IN other words, I'd stop seeing other people myself and tell that person that's what I AM doing, not asking him to do it. In the meantime, use protection. If the man said he would do that because I'm going to do that, great. If he doesn't, I might move on anyway. I can't say for sure though, I haven't been down that road . . . yet :)

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In my mind, exclusivity should come right before or right after sex. All it means, really, is that you each could date others but not have sex with them until it becomes clear whether or not you want a committed relationship with the person you having sex with.

 

Ouff! That is tricky. What you are talking about is sexual exclusivity only. It's the road to a FWB situation. Exclusivity should be we don't sleep with others, if we are sexually active, and we won't pursue others either.

 

 

It's about protection from disease
Being exclusive does not protect you from disease unless you both wait the 3 month mark then go get tested first.

 

Makes me laugh when I talk about this with people and they say: Oh we just date for a while then we know each other and then we stop using protection. AS IF because you date someone exclusively for 3 months it means they are free of STDs.

 

 

and allowing you to better focus on that person as a potential long-term boyfriend or girlfriend.
If you want to concentrate on someone then you need to stop going on dates with other possible prospects.
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Ouff! That is tricky. What you are talking about is sexual exclusivity only. It's the road to a FWB situation. Exclusivity should be we don't sleep with others, if we are sexually active, and we won't pursue others either.

 

 

Being exclusive does not protect you from disease unless you both wait the 3 month mark then go get tested first.

 

Makes me laugh when I talk about this with people and they say: Oh we just date for a while then we know each other and then we stop using protection. AS IF because you date someone exclusively for 3 months it means they are free of STDs.

 

 

If you want to concentrate on someone then you need to stop going on dates with other possible prospects.

 

Yes, all this true and is the reason people should really wait before having sex anyway. I'm just saying that if you've already gotten to that point with someone, you need to have some kind of disclaimer to say where you stand.

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If you are feeling it & you want it, talk to her. It's a bit early for my personal tastes but mine is only one opinion & I don't know either of you.

 

Before you start the conversation though, ask yourself what you will do if she says she doesn't want to be exclusive. Until you know how you will react to all possible outcomes of the discussion, don't start it.

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Wait until like 6 months.

 

6 months? If she has half a brain she will be long gone. Who wants to be intimate with someone who screws around?

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6 months? If she has half a brain she will be long gone. Who wants to be intimate with someone who screws around?

 

Did I say anything about screwing around?

BTW OP already had sex with the girl.

Try reading the posts sometime

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