creyente7 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 My girlfriend and I who dated for 2 years, broke up recently. I was deeply, madly in love with her, I still am until now, I wake up and sleep with her thoughts in my head. I'm trying to move on, meet other people, talk to other girls but I just can't seem to connect with them. I'm trying to connect with other girls emotionally but it just doesn't feel right, or I'm not feeling anything. With my ex, it was so natural,we clicked instantly, we bonded, and fell hard for each other. I just think I'm never going to fall in love again like I did for my ex. For attractiveness, I try to see all the good qualities of the girl I'm talking to but I just can't seem to find it good enough. I know what I'm attracted to physically, but even when I see that on a girl, I can't find it that attractive. I dont know what's wrong with me, I have good social skills, especially connecting and being comfortable with a girl. But the feeling, or chemistry just isn't there. I think I'm damaged permanently. How can I fix this? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 You need to get over your ex before starting anything new. For your sake, and theirs. Dating 101. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Tik Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Some times it just takes time. Happens to the best of us my good man. The only thing you can do is to start building some mental toughness. Currently you're letting any thought of her take hold in your mind. Whenever she drifts into your head, switch thought and go do something productive or entertaining that would make you not think about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author creyente7 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 But will it ever come back to me? The skill? Has anyone ever felt like that before, where they thought they would never find or click with anyone else like they did with their ex? I just don't ever see myself having the same chemistry my ex and I had. We understood each other on a deep level. Even when I try to ask questions to girls to understand them deeply, I'm just not phased by it or find it worth anything. I'm just like "oh that's cool", where with my ex when she told me something deep and personal I was able to relate and say "I know what you mean, back in the day, my mom would always tell me things...etc." It's like I have no interest to want to know anything about the other person even though I want to Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Yep it will come back though I don't think "skill" is the right word for it. Give yourself time concentrate on the things that you want to do and one day you will find its there again. Link to post Share on other sites
HereTodayGoneTomorow Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Your 'skill' and confidence have taken a hit so you need time to heal. Focus on something else right now ->hobbies, work, gym etc and stay away from wanting to find romantic interests until your confidence has been boosted. You'll be back to full form quicker if you go NC and focus on building your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Tik Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I'm going to be what your best guy jock friend from highschool is going to be when you tell him this... Dude, stop acting like a p*ssy. If you both were so right and amazing for each other then it would have lasted and she wouldn't be most likely railing a guy right now living her life; partying and having fun and what not. You on the other hand are moping around like a little girl that did not get her favourite candy at the local shop. Man up. You're a dude. Stop being so emotional. It was just 2 years. Maybe if it was 40 years then fair enough more understandable but even then, you're falling to pieces over a girl. Has anyone ever taught you to never place your happiness in a girl? Your no.1 priority in your life is yourself and not what some girl made you feel. Don't feel like dating? Then don't. Go find a hobby or or new passion to chase. Maybe focus on your work and furthering your career. Or why not hit the gym and work on some testosterone because you need it. You think she is sitting around moping like you? No way! As a bro, no wonder she wanted out if you can't hold yourself. I've been there dude. As soon as you realise the above, you'll be better off. And yes it will all come back to you. At the moment it may not as your thoughts are clouded but focus on the above and each day, you will get your old self back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author creyente7 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 I'm going to be what your best guy jock friend from highschool is going to be when you tell him this... Dude, stop acting like a p*ssy. If you both were so right and amazing for each other then it would have lasted and she wouldn't be most likely railing a guy right now living her life; partying and having fun and what not. You on the other hand are moping around like a little girl that did not get her favourite candy at the local shop. Man up. You're a dude. Stop being so emotional. It was just 2 years. Maybe if it was 40 years then fair enough more understandable but even then, you're falling to pieces over a girl. Has anyone ever taught you to never place your happiness in a girl? Your no.1 priority in your life is yourself and not what some girl made you feel. Don't feel like dating? Then don't. Go find a hobby or or new passion to chase. Maybe focus on your work and furthering your career. Or why not hit the gym and work on some testosterone because you need it. You think she is sitting around moping like you? No way! As a bro, no wonder she wanted out if you can't hold yourself. I've been there dude. As soon as you realise the above, you'll be better off. And yes it will all come back to you. At the moment it may not as your thoughts are clouded but focus on the above and each day, you will get your old self back. Lol thats a bit harsh, but that came from a highschool jock so i cant complain. Anyways you are right, I should just set girls aside and work on myself. But the thing is my day is filled with activities already. I go to school full time and and athlete full time. I barely have an hour a day for myself. But when I do find the time, I feel empty, like a part of me is missing. Yes its only 2 years, but alot happens in 2 years. We might not be compatible but we still shared our lives and memories together. I guess my main point for even talking to other girls is trying to replace my thoughts of my ex with a new girl. I know its like a race to whoever finds a replacement first but I would be devastated if she already found someone. For 2 years, her and I constantly had sex, tried all sorts of things in bed, had sex outdoors, i mean literally everywhere. Just imagining some dude doing that to her kills me. Im probably venting. But knowing if it'll ever come back to me helps. Falling in love feels good and its what I look for, not hookups. So maybe thats why im looking for answers Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 It takes time to get over it. 2 years is a long time. How long since your break-up? And are you still in contact, ie. "hey let's be friends, in other words let's rip each other's wounds open every other day"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author creyente7 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 We broke up 11 days ago. We took a break more than a month ago and got back after a week, tried to make it work for 3 weeks but didn't work out so we officially ended it. She lost feelings for me and just was incompatible Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 We broke up 11 days ago. We took a break more than a month ago and got back after a week, tried to make it work for 3 weeks but didn't work out so we officially ended it. She lost feelings for me and just was incompatible Mate give yourself a break... Your young (much younger than some of us fossils on here), it was a long time to be with someone and its only 11 days???! Really??? Go out with the lads and have some fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Brooke02 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 We broke up 11 days ago. We took a break more than a month ago and got back after a week, tried to make it work for 3 weeks but didn't work out so we officially ended it. She lost feelings for me and just was incompatible It's gonna take months not days. You should not be dating at all, you are not ready & it isn't fair to the other person. It gets easier day by day even though it's a snails pace it feels like. Look at it this way. One door closed, another opened. But you have to get through the corridor to the other door, even if it's only one step a day, a week etc. But you will eventually get there. Just make sure your not standing at the closed door waiting for it to open. You will know when your ready to date again. Until then just get through this and be happy by yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author creyente7 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 Yes it's only been 11 days, I might be more emotional than some guys here when it comes to break ups but I can't help it. I just feel like to fill that part of me that's missing I have to replace it with someone else. I know she's not thinking of me. She's probably thought about it long before she officially ended it. My ego and confidence has been shattered and I feel the need to seek validation by other women to fill that void. I don't know, I'm an emotional wreck, some days I'll be strong and think it was the right choice, some days I doubt myself and think of all the "what ifs". I guess by me talking to girls, I know that I was doing the right things in my previous relationship and she just couldn't handle them. It makes me feel better but at the same time it doesn't because I can't seem to get anywhere with these girls. But maybe I'm still fresh wounded. Might take time for me to open up again to something new. I don't know, I'm lost and confused. Sorry if Im being hard headed Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I just heard something today that I think is very interesting. A psychologist said that heartache affects the same part of your brain as physical pain, like breaking a leg or arm. And she said, "You can't walk on a broken leg," in other words, nor can you love while your heart is still healing. Link to post Share on other sites
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 The only thing that can help you is TIME. Most of us have been in your exact shoes. Don't try to find a replacement to fill the void. You need to stand on your own two feet before getting into another relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Brooke02 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 You do need to give yourself time to grieve. Your thread should be in the coping /break up section. You will get a lot more help over in that section. There's more people in the same situation that can relate with you. :-) hang in there it does get easier and you will be happy & love again. You must believe that. I know, I've been through it a couple times. Link to post Share on other sites
Tik Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 The others here have given you good advice. You are young my friend and a relationship should not be the focus. Make the most of this time to go out, party but still study hard to prepare for university etc. If you have time to think about her, you have time to switch focus and use that time constructively. It is hard I know; heck, look at me with all my time to do stuff and I'm on here amusing myself posting on a dating site. Link to post Share on other sites
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