Rachelmcandrew Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I was set up on a date with a great guy at the end of September - it went really well and the next day he texted me to ask me out again. The second date went really well too, and then he went on holiday for 2 weeks. He kept in touch and spoke to me every single day on holiday, and then the day he came back he made plans with me for a third date. We went on this date on Friday (it is now Wednesday). While he texted me immediately after the date, he hasn't made any plans for this weekend with me, and now I'm worried that he has lost interest. On our last date, I actually let my guard down and we were flirting loads, plus we had a few debates and I told him some things I probably shouldn't have, as well as referring to the future - nothing too serious, just restaurants we should go to, and my upcoming holiday in December. He talks about the future (involving me) a lot too. Yesterday we were flirting and he said I should let him know when he has another chance to get some 'brownie points' with me and I suggested this Friday. Now, he hasn't got back to me and I think I've massively turned him off. Is there anything I can do at this stage or is this a lost cause? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 He asked you out 3 times now, when do you plan on jumping on board and participating to this dating with him?? It's YOUR turn to ask him out on a date. If he paid for the first 3, then YOU make clear to him the date is YOUR treat. You pay. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Exactly, he probably thinks that you're not interested in him, since he has arranged 3 dates and you are not reciprocating. Either that or he thinks you're just after free meals and not prepared to reciprocate. Call him up and invite him somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Three for three here. Phone him and ask him out. Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I don't agree with the other two posts. Since you mentioned getting together on Friday with him, the ball is in his court now. If you contact him again at this point, you will unfortunately look to eager, i.e. (desperate), and that is not a good position to be in at this early dating stage. If you rush things and make the wrong decision, it could be over very quickly. Patience is the key. If you do not hear from him within a month or so, then I think it would be OK to ask him out, and if he accepts, that's great, but if he doesn't, then you can move on. Hope all goes well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
InsaneTrombone Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I was set up on a date with a great guy at the end of September - it went really well and the next day he texted me to ask me out again. The second date went really well too, and then he went on holiday for 2 weeks. He kept in touch and spoke to me every single day on holiday, and then the day he came back he made plans with me for a third date. We went on this date on Friday (it is now Wednesday). While he texted me immediately after the date, he hasn't made any plans for this weekend with me, and now I'm worried that he has lost interest. On our last date, I actually let my guard down and we were flirting loads, plus we had a few debates and I told him some things I probably shouldn't have, as well as referring to the future - nothing too serious, just restaurants we should go to, and my upcoming holiday in December. He talks about the future (involving me) a lot too. Yesterday we were flirting and he said I should let him know when he has another chance to get some 'brownie points' with me and I suggested this Friday. Now, he hasn't got back to me and I think I've massively turned him off. Is there anything I can do at this stage or is this a lost cause? He's a great guy, he has scheduled and taken you out / paid for 3 dates. Flip the script. Ask him out somewhere. At the very least, you'll get the answer you desire without waiting a freaking month (torture?) like the above poster suggested. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I don't agree with the other two posts. Since you mentioned getting together on Friday with him, the ball is in his court now. If you contact him again at this point, you will unfortunately look to eager, i.e. (desperate), and that is not a good position to be in at this early dating stage. If you rush things and make the wrong decision, it could be over very quickly. Patience is the key. If you do not hear from him within a month or so, then I think it would be OK to ask him out, and if he accepts, that's great, but if he doesn't, then you can move on. Hope all goes well. This is 2014. The man showed his interest in asking her out 3 TIMES. He's done more than his share. Men also need to feel we are interested in them. In this day and age if she waits 1 month you bet he will have moved on to someone else. How can asking him out be a wrong decision? If he likes her he will be delighted she is reciprocating! A man does not suddenly lose interest in a women JUST because she showed interest after 3 dates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 If you contact him again at this point, you will unfortunately look to eager, i.e. (desperate) "She double-texted me and asked me out, that totally made me lost interest" - said NO GUY EVER. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 "She double-texted me and asked me out, that totally made me lost interest" - said NO GUY EVER. Agree^^^^^^^^^^ There is nothing to imply she is any kind of Stage 5 Clinger or anything like that at all. He's stepped up to plate on three dates in a row and consistent contact between dates. He'd be kind of dumb not to sit back a little and see if she was willing to forth a little effort into it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Patience is the key. If you do not hear from him within a month or so, then I think it would be OK to ask him out, and if he accepts, that's great, but if he doesn't, then you can move on. Hope all goes well. Why wait for a whole month and then ask him out? I don't see the logic in sitting around for a whole month, then making a move and possibly getting rejected. Strike while the iron is hot. The fact that he is showing interest now and has been consistent with asking her out, OP you should be reciprocating interest by taking a risk and putting yourself out there. Plan a date. Ask him out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I agree. OP, this isn't the 17th century dear. Time to reciprocate and ask him out on some dates, unless you're from a patriarchal religious cultural that forbids women from asking men out on dates. If you don't ask him out on the next date, then I think you'll lose out on dating a guy who has clearly communicated to you that he likes you. Call him up and ask him out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Now, he hasn't got back to me and I think I've massively turned him off. Is there anything I can do at this stage or is this a lost cause? Quickly break up with him. Send him a text at how upset you are, and selfish of him, that he has not planned out the next 10 dates. Make sure to iterate to him that you are a type of woman that expects a guy to take all the initiative, right up until he gets you a wedding ring. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
most_distant_galaxy Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Find an activity that you really want to do and invite him. Cinema, gallery, walk near the beach, you choose. If he doesn't want to come along, go on your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 "She double-texted me and asked me out, that totally made me lost interest" - said NO GUY EVER. Quoted for truth. Ask him out and make it clear it is your treat and your date to plan. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachelmcandrew Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 I asked him out, he said he already has plans. That's it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I asked him out, he said he already has plans. That's it. Did he offer an other day ? Link to post Share on other sites
soph-walker Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 If he didn't suggest another day, maybe leave it a good few days before contacting him and drop him a 'hi how's tricks' kind of text, which you could use to lead into setting up another rendezvous? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachelmcandrew Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 Nope, no suggestion of another day. It's quite clear that as suspected hes no longer interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Ah well, at least you found out for sure, rather than being in limbo. On to the next...! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachelmcandrew Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Something I forgot to mention, that might be pertinent to this discussion is that while I was tipsy on the last date he mentioned 'next time' and I said I would plan it. In fact I insisted on it. Then I changed my mind the next day and sobered up and hoped he would take the initiative and do it instead but he didnt. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Yes that is probably extremely pertinent. If someone failed to back their words up with actions then it would cause me to lose interest too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Something I forgot to mention, that might be pertinent to this discussion is that while I was tipsy on the last date he mentioned 'next time' and I said I would plan it. In fact I insisted on it. Then I changed my mind the next day and sobered up and hoped he would take the initiative and do it instead but he didnt. I would assume that the person was playing games with me - which you kind of were - and I would lose interest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Something I forgot to mention, that might be pertinent to this discussion is that while I was tipsy on the last date he mentioned 'next time' and I said I would plan it. In fact I insisted on it. Then I changed my mind the next day and sobered up and hoped he would take the initiative and do it instead but he didnt. Lesson # 1: You need to participate in planning dates and in paying your turn in a way that shows your interest Lesson# 2: If you say something you need to back it up with actions. If you don't you look flaky and uninterested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rachelmcandrew Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Don't guys prefer to chase women though? Every single article I've ever read about relationships says to let him pursue you, let him pay, let him make all the first moves. Evan Marc Katz says it, Natalie Lue says it, the Rules books are all about it. Thats what I've been following. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Promises are only as strong as the person who keeps them. And, the moment you make someone promise you something. is the same moment you ask them to lie to you. OP, dating is a two-way street. There has to be equal contribution from you as far as planning the dates or the relationship won't work out. Oh, and Evan Marc Katz is a hack. He doles out the worst dating advice on the planet. My cat gives better dating advice than Katz. No, seriously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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