quidproquo89 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 (edited) Hey, so I've suddenly had an influx of women returning my interest on OLD. Not saying this to be big headed as you know how flaky and unreliable OLD is. However I am going on a date on Thursday with 'A'. 'B' has also expressed interest to go out the following week. 'C' might be a possible the next week also. I'm also chatting to 'D' and 'E'. You don't know what someone is like until you date them. So should I at least go on a date with these girls. I'm no player and I'm a one girl at a time kind of guy. But as its OLD and you don't know anyone until you meet them in person. What are the ramifications of dating this amount of people in a number of weeks? I don't feel its unethical, I just wonder if it will fry your brain? Because so far they all seem very nice, grounded, easy going women. Or should I just concentrate on one at a time? As I say you don't know them until you meet them? Edited October 26, 2014 by quidproquo89 added more Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 If you meet someone you really click with, you'll probably naturally want to focus just on her. Until then, you are free to date whomever. Just be honest and don't conceal what you're doing to win favor. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 If you meet someone you really click with, you'll probably naturally want to focus just on her. Until then, you are free to date whomever. Just be honest and don't conceal what you're doing to win favor. so if a girl asks if I'm dating anyone else, I should say yes? I wouldn't want to be rejected as a player, when I'm honestly not. Or just be a complete turn off? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 At this point, you're just messaging with several women at once. Perfectly above board. You know almost nothing until you meet. If you meet and don't click, continue with other dates. If you meet and are kinda interested but iffy, do what feels right. If you are very interested, you will probably want to focus on her - but again, you can do what feels right. You have no obligation to be transparent about dating more than one person at a time, but I personally feel it's only fair. I think sex changes things and you should make sure it's clear where you stand there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StrongLass Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 There's should be nothing wrong w/ something along the lines of "I'm not seeing anyone seriously, I'm just trying to get out & meet new people so I can find the right girl for me" 5 Link to post Share on other sites
bene Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 As you said, OLD is flaky and all these prospects might not turn into dates. You might not be interested in them after first date or vice versa. This is not to be pessimistic, but at this point these girls are just contacts. This abundance of dates can work itself out naturally If you get beyond few dates with someone and want to get to know them better, you just stop going out with the others. My advice is not to mention dating others when you are on the first date. If the girl downright asks, you can give some general answer but don't bring it up or go into details. Also I wouldn't ask if they are dating others. Maybe it's just me but when someone talks about other dates with me, I feel like I'm talking to a buddy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 got a date Thursday, Sunday and the following Thursday. Just updating Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 The best way to find the right person is to meet as many as possible! And until you've met them in person you can't know how you feel about them anyway. My rules were a) total honesty (if someone asks whether I'm dating anyone else I'll say 'yeah I'm talking to a few people, turns out it's a pretty good way to meet people!' and presume they are too) and b) no sexual intimacy unless I had decided to focus on that person and end it with the rest. I would only go on maybe two dates max before I knew that either 1) I wanted to focus on them and them alone, or 2)I wasn't interested in them enough to see them again. I was always honest with people. It's totally ethical. I would sometimes go on three dates with three different guys in a week. It got exhausting. I think I ended on going on dates with about ten or twenty different guys in a month or two last time I was single until I met the guy I started a relationship with back in January. I am still mates with a few of them, the ones it mutually didn't work out with, which is nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 the only thing I'm afraid of is being out with one date and seeing another date. I hope it never happens, but could be quite awkward as you haven't yet decided who you want etc. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 the only thing I'm afraid of is being out with one date and seeing another date. I hope it never happens, but could be quite awkward as you haven't yet decided who you want etc. Yeah I guess it might be slightly awkward, but at the end of the day you're not doing anything wrong, and the majority of these girls will be dating others too if they're smart. Plus if you're only seeing each once or twice before you can see if you're into them, I doubt you're gonna run into others that easily. Just play it cool 'Hey! Amy, this is Laura. Laura, Amy.' bit of small talk. You don't owe anyone an explanation but if they ask you can say 'it's funny actually, I met her on the same site' and leave it at that. A socially skilled date will understand, a more inquisitive one may push it but if they do, be blunt. Never dishonest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 Got chatting to my Thursday date on sunday and we realy got on via facebook so we decided to meet early. We met yesterday at 4pm and I got home about 2am this morning. Went very well Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Lol... When I think of the term "serial dater" then I just think of someone who's a playa, just jumping from chick to chick to chick cuz they just like tasting different flavors of the week. I don't think it's wrong to let the person know before sex happens and/or if they ask that you are seeing several people. I mean, until the exclusivity talk happens, you have a right to keep your options open. Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 the only thing I'm afraid of is being out with one date and seeing another date. I hope it never happens, but could be quite awkward as you haven't yet decided who you want etc. Haha. That exact thing happened to me but I played it to my advantage. We've now been dating for a year and a half. Here's my post about getting busted multi-dating... https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/384389-too-much-old#post4766891 Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 C sounds really hot bro. Go for C lol. On a more serious note, you're single and "dating." You have every right to check out all your options. Like you said you won't know about someone or what connection you make until you meet them in person. For all we know A could be the one and the rest are just busy work for you. You should still give them all a chance though. What if 4/5 of them flake out on you? Keep your options open and go for it. You have nothing to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 so if a girl asks if I'm dating anyone else, I should say yes? I wouldn't want to be rejected as a player, when I'm honestly not. Or just be a complete turn off? Say "NO" and don't even think twice because you are NOT dating anyone else yet. You're meeting a bunch of women for first the first time. Although we call it a "date" to clarify romantic interest, the first meeting between people who meet online is NOTHING like a traditional date. It's more like the interaction after a man asks a woman if he can buy her a drink at the bar and she accepts. It's perfectly fine to multi-date several women at once if you met online. If you continue to do so after two dates, that's when I think you are crossing the line... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Say "NO" and don't even think twice because you are NOT dating anyone else yet. You're meeting a bunch of women for first the first time. Although we call it a "date" to clarify romantic interest, the first meeting between people who meet online is NOTHING like a traditional date. It's more like the interaction after a man asks a woman if he can buy her a drink at the bar and she accepts. It's perfectly fine to multi-date several women at once if you met online. If you continue to do so after two dates, that's when I think you are crossing the line... Serial dating is about a guy or a woman who probably doesn't want strings/commitment. They just like the "thrill" of dating new people and maybe sex. Multi-dating is about looking for someone who is right for you for a possible long-term relationship. And, yes, if you're just going out with a few people here and there on first dates, say no. If you've been dating someone or a couple beyond the first date, so what. You are just dating them. Say, yes, just dating not committed. If they think that just because you want to go out with them once and not see anyone else, they are delusional. If, however, you've been dating someone that you've slept with and continuing to see without exclusivity and/or are nearing that arrangement, you shouldn't be dating anyone until that arrangement goes away. I think when they ask that question, it's more likely that they don't want to date someone who is already "taken" and possibly cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 However I am going on a date on Thursday with 'A'. 'B' has also expressed interest to go out the following week. 'C' might be a possible the next week also. I'm also chatting to 'D' and 'E'. That is only 5 - slacking a bit?? You don't know what someone is like until you date them. So should I at least go on a date with these girls. I'm no player and I'm a one girl at a time kind of guy. But as its OLD and you don't know anyone until you meet them in person. So meet them and get to know them a bit then you can make an informed decision as to whom you think you should be in a relationship with... What are the ramifications of dating this amount of people in a number of weeks? I don't feel its unethical, I just wonder if it will fry your brain? Because so far they all seem very nice, grounded, easy going women. Great - but just because you like them all now doesn't mean you will in a couple of weeks time after you discover that they have some really weird habits or are just not the one for you... If you concentrate on just one at the moment and it turns out she is on best behaviour and is not what you thought then you are still getting to know the others... They may be pretty annoyed if they are really into you but then that would be moving WAY too fast anyway... And you are getting it all over in one go so you can deal with it all and if one of these is the one you want to be with you can sort out the rest before its a problem... Or should I just concentrate on one at a time? As I say you don't know them until you meet them? Add a few times to that sentence! People are always on best behaviour on first dates so let it settle and see how you go. Don't sleep with any of them just yet, just get to know them and see how you go... Answers in bold and you have renewed my faith! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Trust me, out of a pool of 5 dates the odds are slim that even one of those dates you will both feel strongly enough to have a second. I used to date serially but given how much effort is rewuired vs the chance of hitting it off dating in parallel is the best way- if you have the options in your area that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 You make your own rules and be prepared to explain them if you are asked. I make 3 contacts then I hide my profile. I know by experience I cannot handle more. I will go up to 3 dates with them at the same time. More than 3 dates I feel it's misleading a man if I am not that into him. Out of 3 contacts there is always 1 that will eliminate himself right from the get go over coffee. Out of the 3 maybe, and I insist maybe ONE will make it to a 3rd date with me. If we make it to a 3rd date and are both looking forward to a 4th one I then not go back online, I keep my profile hidden and I put all my attention on that man and getting to know him. Also, if I meet someone for the first time and for both of us the sky opens up and we hear harps playing then I am not going to jeopardize this by fishing new prospects. I am not going to want to fish new prospects anyway. You have nothing to worry, it's so hard to find someone compatible, you're not going to end up having to chose between 2 wonderful ladies. It's more like which flake do I dump first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 I met this girl (the Thursday date girl - who I ended up meeting yesterday) and we really hit it off. And we are going on our second date on Thursday as originally planned. I really like her. I'm edging toward just sticking with this one. But perhaps my inexperience has clouded my judgement. All I know is I really like her. Our 9 hour date felt like a few hours, very comfortable like we'd known each other for a long time 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 You make your own rules and be prepared to explain them if you are asked. I make 3 contacts then I hide my profile. I know by experience I cannot handle more. I will go up to 3 dates with them at the same time. More than 3 dates I feel it's misleading a man if I am not that into him. Out of 3 contacts there is always 1 that will eliminate himself right from the get go over coffee. Out of the 3 maybe, and I insist maybe ONE will make it to a 3rd date with me. If we make it to a 3rd date and are both looking forward to a 4th one I then not go back online, I keep my profile hidden and I put all my attention on that man and getting to know him. Also, if I meet someone for the first time and for both of us the sky opens up and we hear harps playing then I am not going to jeopardize this by fishing new prospects. I am not going to want to fish new prospects anyway. You have nothing to worry, it's so hard to find someone compatible, you're not going to end up having to chose between 2 wonderful ladies. It's more like which flake do I dump first. I haven't asked her but she gives the impression that I am the only one she has eyes for and I would feel weird about going to see other girls when I like her equally as much! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I met this girl (the Thursday date girl - who I ended up meeting yesterday) and we really hit it off. And we are going on our second date on Thursday as originally planned. I really like her. I'm edging toward just sticking with this one. But perhaps my inexperience has clouded my judgement. All I know is I really like her. Our 9 hour date felt like a few hours, very comfortable like we'd known each other for a long time That is great. Go out and enjoy the date without pressure on yourself or the moment. Hope for the best and be prepared for the worst always. And, remember, the worst is not the worst really. If there are no other dates, it just means it wasn't right. And, early on, try to keep the dates a little shorter. Leave them wanting more. It's ok that the first lasted 9 hours, just make the second a little shorter. In the very beginning, spending too much time talking and covering so much, the conversations get a little "thinner" because you've already talked about so much. If you guys want a third date, great. Go from there about the length but don't let them all be long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 I'm soo tired today after 2 jobs and 3 hours sleep that I'm a little stressed. I want to just see this first girl but am afraid of letting the other two go without a meeting. At the same time I feel that I would be a little half arsed with the next two as I really dig the first one? Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 the length of the date wasn't intentional it just happened. We just enjoyed each others company and at the end we didn't have to talk we just felt comfortable. Also the chatter is about all sorts of things, endless topics, quirky comments and observations, experiences etc. The well of convo seems quite deep 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 That is great. Go out and enjoy the date without pressure on yourself or the moment. Hope for the best and be prepared for the worst always. And, remember, the worst is not the worst really. If there are no other dates, it just means it wasn't right. And, early on, try to keep the dates a little shorter. Leave them wanting more. It's ok that the first lasted 9 hours, just make the second a little shorter. In the very beginning, spending too much time talking and covering so much, the conversations get a little "thinner" because you've already talked about so much. If you guys want a third date, great. Go from there about the length but don't let them all be long. I never considered the length of a date to be an issue if your both comfortable and enjoying it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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