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Why do I attract abusers & users? [Updated]


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All the men I have been with are abusers and users. I've been used for money, raped, drugged and emotionally and physically abused by men. I am genuinely a nice person. I would never want to hurt anyone on purpose. I care about other people. Men have even told me I'm too nice. Everyone says I look innocent and I do look younger than I am. I am in my early 30s everyone is always so shocked when I tell them my age. They think I am in my 20s.

 

Why do I attract the toxic men that I do? Most importantly how can I stop it? I would prefer to hear answers from guys only.

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Gotta take a long hard in the mirror. Are you insecure? Do you have low self esteem? Do you like to "fix people" ??? There's a reason you settle in RSs. Good people are often doormats but you have to draw the line at some point and demand better for yourself.

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All the men I have been with are abusers and users. I've been used for money, raped, drugged and emotionally and physically abused by men. I am genuinely a nice person. I would never want to hurt anyone on purpose. I care about other people. Men have even told me I'm too nice. Everyone says I look innocent and I do look younger than I am. I am in my early 30s everyone is always so shocked when I tell them my age. They think I am in my 20s.

 

Why do I attract the toxic men that I do? Most importantly how can I stop it? I would prefer to hear answers from guys only.

 

Maybe turn the a-holes down & try to find an actual good guy. It can't be that hard to spot a guy you know who's going to be a piece of **** unless their serious sociopaths.

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Gotta take a long hard in the mirror. Are you insecure? Do you have low self esteem? Do you like to "fix people" ??? There's a reason you settle in RSs. Good people are often doormats but you have to draw the line at some point and demand better for yourself.

 

I have always had low self esteem and I am insecure. I do NOT like to "fix people" as you put it. I never try to change anyone because I would not want them to do that to me. I have gotten to the point I want better for myself. That is why I asked how can I stop attracting toxic men?

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Predators attack the weakest in the herd. You have to stop being the bleeding sheep. The one predators smell a mile away. These men go toward you cause they smelled they could manipulate and abuse you.

 

Before a man has you locked in a full abusive relationship he has tried o you smaller acts of manipulation and abuse and you let it slide and acceptex it. That is how they slowly get a full grab over you.

 

Learn how to identify small gestures of abuse and drop the man right there.No free pass. When everyone around you is telling you some guy you are dating is sheet beleive them.

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I have always had low self esteem and I am insecure. I do NOT like to "fix people" as you put it. I never try to change anyone because I would not want them to do that to me. I have gotten to the point I want better for myself. That is why I asked how can I stop attracting toxic men?

 

You can't help what you attract necessarily. All you can do is pay better attention (close attention) to men right from the get go. Get better at spotting the red flags and never ignore your gut feeling about them. Be vocal about yourself and what you stand for…what you're looking for and what you don't want to be involved with. Nothing wrong with sharing things like that. You will know when the time is to express such feelings with a guy.

 

Work on building your self worth before getting involved with guys. If you're not strong and confident then you won't attract someone worthy. When you're better, you'll attract better.

Edited by me85
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Self awarness is a good start so now that you know you have a problem it's on to the next step. Gaeta hit the nail on the head, you need to weed these guys out early before they lock you in. Also, you may have a propensity to run from good men. I don't mean that as "women love jerks", I have run from a woman who really likes me before but I'm a chaser and fall for controlling "bytches". So I'm the male version of you, to a lesser extent.

 

Have you thought about dating a shy guy? That could be good for you. There are guys who are shy but still have a spine/balls. I'm one if them!

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Self awarness is a good start so now that you know you have a problem it's on to the next step. Gaeta hit the nail on the head, you need to weed these guys out early before they lock you in. Also, you may have a propensity to run from good men. I don't mean that as "women love jerks", I have run from a woman who really likes me before but I'm a chaser and fall for controlling "bytches". So I'm the male version of you, to a lesser extent.

 

Have you thought about dating a shy guy? That could be good for you. There are guys who are shy but still have a spine/balls. I'm one if them!

 

That is actually the kind of guy I want a nice guy who is shy but still has a spine. I just can't seem to find that kind of guy.

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Predators attack the weakest in the herd. You have to stop being the bleeding sheep. The one predators smell a mile away. These men go toward you cause they smelled they could manipulate and abuse you.

 

Before a man has you locked in a full abusive relationship he has tried o you smaller acts of manipulation and abuse and you let it slide and acceptex it. That is how they slowly get a full grab over you.

 

Learn how to identify small gestures of abuse and drop the man right there.No free pass. When everyone around you is telling you some guy you are dating is sheet beleive them.

 

You stole the words from my mouth.

 

OP I am very sorry you have been through all of this. It must have been very hard. I sincerely hope you will find the help you need to get back on track and find a healthy relationship.

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How do you normally meet guys. What sort of stuff do you do for first dates, how much control of the situation do you take, and what are some of the reasons you've rejected guys in the past?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Let's just not go on and on....
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