Georgia2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I had been texting with this guy he takes 40 or minutes to respond to every text. First he blamed his sister for using his phone. Then I mentioned it yesterday. He said it was because of his phone. I didn't believe his lame excuse so I canceled the date last night we had for today. Why would he blame his phone in taking so long to respond? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Is this when you are in a texting conversation or just whenever you send a random text? In both situations, how quickly do you expect him to respond? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgia2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 Is this when you are in a texting conversation or just whenever you send a random text? In both situations, how quickly do you expect him to respond? It is after EVERY text he takes forever to respond. I think 15-20 minutes is a decent time frame per text when not working while getting to know someone. But 40 minutes or more to respond to EVERY text is rude. I respond instantly when I get a text. Taking this long to respond to a text shows me he is not really that interested in me. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 40 minutes doesn't sound like forever to me. Maybe 3 days and I would be concerned. How quickly do you want him to text you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 It is after EVERY text he takes forever to respond. I think 15-20 minutes is a decent time frame per text when not working while getting to know someone. But 40 minutes or more to respond to EVERY text is rude. I respond instantly when I get a text. Taking this long to respond to a text shows me he is not really that interested in me. Have you tried to just call? 40+ mins for someone who isn't working...that is too long for every single text. Link to post Share on other sites
rdet123 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Yeah I don't think 40 minutes is too long. I would take just as long to respond as he does. If it were hours before he responds then I would be aggravated, or days! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 It is after EVERY text he takes forever to respond. I think 15-20 minutes is a decent time frame per text when not working while getting to know someone. But 40 minutes or more to respond to EVERY text is rude. I respond instantly when I get a text. Taking this long to respond to a text shows me he is not really that interested in me. Maybe he is busy doing things and isn't hanging on to his phone awaiting texts. If I'm cooking or in the shower or whatever I don't carrying my phone around with me or run back to it if it beeps. Why don't you call him? It would get rid of the need for texts so you can both get on with other things. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 It is after EVERY text he takes forever to respond. I think 15-20 minutes is a decent time frame per text when not working while getting to know someone. But 40 minutes or more to respond to EVERY text is rude. I respond instantly when I get a text. Taking this long to respond to a text shows me he is not really that interested in me. It shows that he's not interested in immediately replying to your texts. Does he take 40 minutes to respond when chatting over the phone or speaking in person? That might taken as a genuine sign of disinterest in you ... Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Wow, he's probably glad the date was cancelled! Seriously, how clingy? You're not even in a relationship and you're already complaining about how long he's taking to text back. When I'm getting to know someone new it might only be a few texts per day, or a couple/few hours between texts. It's ridiculous to expect someone to be so glued to their phone they're replying within the hour. Plus, don't you want someone to reply because they want to rather than because they feel pressurised into? If someone's texting behaviour was really an issue for me I would just not pursue things further, I wouldn't try and alter them, especially when it's so early! If a guy gave me grief about how soon I was replying to messages (even a 'jokey' 'busy? ') I think I would cancel meeting them. Too controlling and demanding, very quickly. Major red flag. Rather move onto somebody more chilled out who respects my time and my autonomy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 This is what I detest about social media, people often think they own you. I am definately not avoidant but sometimes I like some alone-time to recharge. He responds back to you that seems a sure sign of interest to me. I know friends who get crazy because their girlfriends never give them alone-time. They jump unto those friends whenever they see their so online. Not saying you do, but I guess he has a life too. Small talk can be nice, but sometimes people contact you on bad times, when you need to concentrate on work, or are doing chores. The times it takes him doesn't mean anything to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 This is what I detest about social media, people often think they own you. I am definately not avoidant but sometimes I like some alone-time to recharge. He responds back to you that seems a sure sign of interest to me. I know friends who get crazy because their girlfriends never give them alone-time. They jump unto those friends whenever they see their so online. Not saying you do, but I guess he has a life too. Small talk can be nice, but sometimes people contact you on bad times, when you need to concentrate on work, or are doing chores. The times it takes him doesn't mean anything to me. But how hard is it to say...hey I'm busy right now I will text you later. It doesn't mean that someone owns you, it's not THAT serious. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 But how hard is it to say...hey I'm busy right now I will text you later. It doesn't mean that someone owns you, it's not THAT serious. Why should they have to? Me not texting is a sign I'm not in a position to reply right now, or that I don't want to for whatever reason. Both of those are valid. I might be sat talking to my best friend over coffee for two hours in a coffee shop. I'm not going to break up the discussion, bring my phone out to reply to some person I barely know just to make sure they don't kick off or get offended. They do not own my time or actions. If my BOYFRIEND is texting me about something serious or timebound and I can't reply there and then I will reply and say 'sorry baby, this is happening, I'll get back to you in *time* or e-mail me at work'. Because we're in a relationship and I know it's important to him. Some random person? Nah. If their life is so boring that they're actually noticing and getting annoyed at how quickly I text them back then they're not the guy for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgia2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 Wow, he's probably glad the date was cancelled! Seriously, how clingy? You're not even in a relationship and you're already complaining about how long he's taking to text back. When I'm getting to know someone new it might only be a few texts per day, or a couple/few hours between texts. It's ridiculous to expect someone to be so glued to their phone they're replying within the hour. Plus, don't you want someone to reply because they want to rather than because they feel pressurised into? If someone's texting behaviour was really an issue for me I would just not pursue things further, I wouldn't try and alter them, especially when it's so early! If a guy gave me grief about how soon I was replying to messages (even a 'jokey' 'busy? ') I think I would cancel meeting them. Too controlling and demanding, very quickly. Major red flag. Rather move onto somebody more chilled out who respects my time and my autonomy. It is not clingy. If I expected an instant reply every time that would be clingy. I've texted with guys in the past that would respond much quicker than this guy did. When a guy is interested they respond quickly to me this guy is showing he doesn't like me that much. He was showing me major red flags by blaming his sister or his phone in taking 40 minutes or more to respond. Why couldn't he have been honest? Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Some people's phones go through periods where they aren't getting proper service, and texts won't send. Mine does it frequently. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Why couldn't he have been honest? Why are you SO convinced he's lying? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgia2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 Why are you SO convinced he's lying? I think he's lying because first it's because his sister used his phone then he just says its his phone. He's not saying why his phone won't allow texting to always work. I have an iPhone and my texting always works. It's very rare I have to resend a text. If it doesn't go through my phone lets me know. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 It is not clingy. If I expected an instant reply every time that would be clingy. I've texted with guys in the past that would respond much quicker than this guy did. When a guy is interested they respond quickly to me this guy is showing he doesn't like me that much. He was showing me major red flags by blaming his sister or his phone in taking 40 minutes or more to respond. Why couldn't he have been honest? Wanting 15-20 minute responses is clingy as it shows you need absolute reassurance that he is interested.....every 15-20 minutes. Sounds like you should either go back to the guys who texted quickly enough for you or make a point of telling a new guy that you expect him to take no longer than 20 minutes to reply to a text if he wants to date you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgia2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 Wanting 15-20 minute responses is clingy as it shows you need absolute reassurance that he is interested.....every 15-20 minutes. Sounds like you should either go back to the guys who texted quickly enough for you or make a point of telling a new guy that you expect him to take no longer than 20 minutes to reply to a text if he wants to date you. I still don't think it's clingy. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 It took me 8 hrs to respond to my girlfriend the other day because I was busy doing shet. Doesn't mean I don't love her. She completely understood. If I was expected to have to respond to texts within 40 minutes, I wouldn't stick around. That's completely unreasonable to me and would definitely feel like a leash. I get to texts when I can. Sometimes that's a few minutes, other times it's hours. I have friends that don't text back for weeks. If it's important make a phone call. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 (edited) I still don't think it's clingy. I don't think it's clingy or shows that she doesn't have a life. I've never experienced this from a guy on a regular basis. Maybe every once in a while. So maybe I just can't attest to it. I get to texts when I can and so its not a big deal to me and I wouldn't expect more from someone else. I'm not usually busy but that doesn't mean someone else isn't. Edited October 25, 2014 by WhatIsLove2014 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 (edited) Coming from a guy, it's way clingy and bordering on psycho. Sorry if that's rude but I just can't agree with needing a response within 40 minutes. Edited October 25, 2014 by rester 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Sorry if that's rude but I just can't agree with needing a response within 40 minutes. yeah. My phone acts up sometimes, and I'm not attached to it. I often leave the house without it. People who know me, know not to expect instant responses. I'll get back to them when I see it. Heck, I'm in my bedroom right now, but my phone is in my purse in the living room. It's been in my purse since 6 this morning. Not bothered. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Coming from a guy, it's way clingy and bordering on psycho. I find it clingy and I'm female. I actually got smothered in a 7 month LDR partly due to this behaviour. He was hugely insecure, controlling, manipulative and with a nice touch of emotional abuse to round it off...... The relationship from hell in other words.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Geez, you're upset at 40minutes? Just by that, you sound like a nightmare to date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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