I have a crush on my professor

[Caskette]

Is it okay to date a professor? And if he texts you extensively about his family and friends and his love for alcohol and shows a keen interests in your likes and dislikes? Does it mean something?

Edited October 25, 2014 by Caskette

[OwMyEyeball]

It means you're in for an education on human behaviour. Tuition-free and no textbooks required.

[NJ123]

Is it okay to date a professor? And if he texts you extensively about his family and friends and his love for alcohol and shows a keen interests in your likes and dislikes? Does it mean something?

 

It wouldn't be a problem if they weren't your professor. Ditch that class if you want to date him.

[stillafool]

Yes it means your alcoholic professor is trying to sleep with you as he has with probably many other easily impressed students like you.

[Tayken]

@OP.....

 

It's just like this social studies teacher

 

Teacher Elizabeth Alexander sexting with student arrested at Scott County High School - YouTube

[sid3]

I'm gonna go with she's nasty, but the smart money says her victim considers her nice.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yes it means your alcoholic professor is trying to sleep with you as he has with probably many other easily impressed students like you.

 

I slept with my alcoholic professor. Well, he was a professor in a different department, but I digress. We waited until I had left the university and made it very clear to each other it was not going to be a long term or monogamous relationship. We were in such different parts of life: I was 22 and ready to go out into the world of work, he was 41 and separated with a child and a crazy busy career. Unfortunately I'm not kidding about the alcoholism, either.

 

It worked for us for six months, because we expected nothing from one another other than company. And mindblowing sex. And we both stayed open to seeing others, too (while being honest with everyone). Eventually I met a guy I wanted to pursue a proper relationship with and shortly after, the professor met a new partner he's still with.

 

We're still close friends, meet for a drink occasionally, text every now and then and the odd catch up phone call. He's a dear person to me and we both learned an awful lot from one another. It was one of the best six months of my life and the most sexually exciting time of my life too. An 'awakening' would be too weak a term. I'd be lying if I said I didn't see him in my life in a friendship role for the long term. It was a bit of an S&M situation, I won't go too much further into it but let's just say he knows more about the stuff in my mind and my desires and sexual interests than anybody else ever will, which is sad to me but unfortunately just the way things are. It took meeting somebody as perverse as him for me to begin to open up about my own preferences. We both pushed each other to the sickest limits I could imagine and had the best time doing it. It was a bit Christian Grey before the books ever came out lol, only ten times more hardcore.

 

You haven't given enough information really for me to have an opinion on the situation however. But in most situations like this I would be wary of expecting it to anywhere other than fun, it's not likely to turn into anything long term... and be wary he's not abusing the power differential to get into your pants. He may well be doing it to other students and just striking out with all of you to see who bites.

 

I've been hit on by two other professors other than this guy, both of whom I turned down. Both of whom were clearly interested frequently in the student body being a source of potential dates. One was cheating on his partner with lots of female students, who were not aware he wasn't single. The other seems a decent enough guy, but as the course is almost entirely mature students I guess he just sees it as a potential source of new girlfriends if he struggles to meet them elsewhere. Although he appears to wait until they graduate to actually make the move, and doesn't seem to be inappropriate during the professor/student relationship.

 

If he is STILL your professor, or has any impact at all on your grades, DO NOT go there. It's not worth risking your education over, or your grades, or how awkward it could all become. Plus I would question his morals if he's willing to sleep with an active student of his, knowing all of the power imbalances inherent. On one hand he's the all powerful professor, admired by students, there's a certain status attached to the professor being interested in you because so few will risk their career crossing that line. On the other hand you could argue being a sexy young 20 whatever year old, you have the power because it's not something a 40 odd year old guy gets to happen easily.

 

One of the features of the fling I had with the professor was 100% honesty, about everything. About anyone else we were seeing, about what we wanted from one another, about where it wasn't going, about feelings if they got involved. I would have been wary if he started promising the world or wanting to become my partner. I'm pretty sure looking back, from what we've both said, that at times we were at least a little bit in love with one another, but the lid stayed firmly on and at the end he was delighted for me meeting someone who could give me what I wanted and needed long term, and no hard feelings were had. I definitely love him as a person although that part of our relationship is dead and buried.

Edited October 25, 2014 by acrosstheuniverse

[Tayken]

This is the reverse of this...older female teacher with 3 young boys

 

Hot teacher Meredith Powell seduced 3 underage boys, arrested in Tacoma Washington - YouTube

[Caskette]

I slept with my alcoholic professor. Well, he was a professor in a different department, but I digress. We waited until I had left the university and made it very clear to each other it was not going to be a long term or monogamous relationship. We were in such different parts of life: I was 22 and ready to go out into the world of work, he was 41 and separated with a child and a crazy busy career. Unfortunately I'm not kidding about the alcoholism, either.

 

It worked for us for six months, because we expected nothing from one another other than company. And mindblowing sex. And we both stayed open to seeing others, too (while being honest with everyone). Eventually I met a guy I wanted to pursue a proper relationship with and shortly after, the professor met a new partner he's still with.

 

We're still close friends, meet for a drink occasionally, text every now and then and the odd catch up phone call. He's a dear person to me and we both learned an awful lot from one another. It was one of the best six months of my life and the most sexually exciting time of my life too. An 'awakening' would be too weak a term. I'd be lying if I said I didn't see him in my life in a friendship role for the long term. It was a bit of an S&M situation, I won't go too much further into it but let's just say he knows more about the stuff in my mind and my desires and sexual interests than anybody else ever will, which is sad to me but unfortunately just the way things are. It took meeting somebody as perverse as him for me to begin to open up about my own preferences. We both pushed each other to the sickest limits I could imagine and had the best time doing it. It was a bit Christian Grey before the books ever came out lol, only ten times more hardcore.

 

You haven't given enough information really for me to have an opinion on the situation however. But in most situations like this I would be wary of expecting it to anywhere other than fun, it's not likely to turn into anything long term... and be wary he's not abusing the power differential to get into your pants. He may well be doing it to other students and just striking out with all of you to see who bites.

 

I've been hit on by two other professors other than this guy, both of whom I turned down. Both of whom were clearly interested frequently in the student body being a source of potential dates. One was cheating on his partner with lots of female students, who were not aware he wasn't single. The other seems a decent enough guy, but as the course is almost entirely mature students I guess he just sees it as a potential source of new girlfriends if he struggles to meet them elsewhere. Although he appears to wait until they graduate to actually make the move, and doesn't seem to be inappropriate during the professor/student relationship.

 

If he is STILL your professor, or has any impact at all on your grades, DO NOT go there. It's not worth risking your education over, or your grades, or how awkward it could all become. Plus I would question his morals if he's willing to sleep with an active student of his, knowing all of the power imbalances inherent. On one hand he's the all powerful professor, admired by students, there's a certain status attached to the professor being interested in you because so few will risk their career crossing that line. On the other hand you could argue being a sexy young 20 whatever year old, you have the power because it's not something a 40 odd year old guy gets to happen easily.

 

One of the features of the fling I had with the professor was 100% honesty, about everything. About anyone else we were seeing, about what we wanted from one another, about where it wasn't going, about feelings if they got involved. I would have been wary if he started promising the world or wanting to become my partner. I'm pretty sure looking back, from what we've both said, that at times we were at least a little bit in love with one another, but the lid stayed firmly on and at the end he was delighted for me meeting someone who could give me what I wanted and needed long term, and no hard feelings were had. I definitely love him as a person although that part of our relationship is dead and buried.

 

 

Thank you so much for your response. It was good to read on those lines.

However, I'll tell you my situation in a bit of a detail, I don't necessarily think that he's interested in me, basically I am confused, it could be a platonic friendship as well however i come from a conservative country where in a teacher and student relationship is quite professional, friendly yes but not over friendly. In this case, It's my first experience, I am the class representative so we had to exchange numbers, while talking midst work related, he tends to reply enthusiastically and tells me details about his family and friends and all that.The other day he had a festival in his house and we texted till 1 am. Now, i just want to know is it okay for a professor to take out that much time for a student? I am just awed by him and find him alluring because he is at a position of authority and he's cute, i know sooner than later I will grow out of it, however those texts which he keeps sending though nothing flirtatious about them but very sweet but maybe with a hint of teasing and sarcasm, but all that is done extremely subtly. Like i told him about my liking for a certain TV show and the next day he said he was watching the same show on TV.

I am not used to all this and it's very new, I don't read too much into smiles and eye contacts for I feel that could have been my head over imagining stuff , but my friends do insist that he looks at me weirdly. In my class i am the only girl he texts to and the age gap is about 6 years, we're both in our 20's.

[Caskette]

It wouldn't be a problem if they weren't your professor. Ditch that class if you want to date him.

 

 

oh that's not possible in my college! he will be teaching me till may'15. and sadly I can't do anything about it.

[Caskette]

Yes it means your alcoholic professor is trying to sleep with you as he has with probably many other easily impressed students like you.

 

 

 

HAHA!! I don't think that's the case and i feel you misinterpreted my statement, when I said that he shares about his love for alcohol, It doesn't necessarily mean he is alcoholic, I just found it odd for a professor to share that kind of information with a student.

 

but none the less, thanks for replying!

[Caskette]

I'm gonna go with she's nasty, but the smart money says her victim considers her nice.

 

HAHAHAHAHA! That's not the case. But thanks anyway!!

[Caskette]

It means you're in for an education on human behaviour. Tuition-free and no textbooks required.

 

 

 

Hahaa! that is interesting in more ways than one LOL

Thanks!!

[Gloria25]

I don't see what's sexy about this guy?

 

Well, lemme reconsider...the alcohol or his family issues?

[NJ123]

oh that's not possible in my college! he will be teaching me till may'15. and sadly I can't do anything about it.

 

Well, than don't do anything with him. Why take the risk? You'd be kicked out of school if it's found out about & it would possibly ruin your future.

[Caskette]

I don't see what's sexy about this guy?

 

Well, lemme reconsider...the alcohol or his family issues?

 

 

well, the alcohol is not really a persistent problem, I wrote that because i found it odd for him to share when I never asked him anything related to that. and he's not an alcoholic. About the family, it's just he extensively shares stuff with me and takes keen interest in mine as well and I find it strange because he is a professor at the end of the day.

Also. He's very cute,knowledgeable and intimidating, fact be told I love texting him, it's the rush i get when i see his name on my phone.

[Caskette]

Well, than don't do anything with him. Why take the risk? You'd be kicked out of school if it's found out about & it would possibly ruin your future.

 

True very true! but you know how mind always wanders towards the forbidden fruit. I keep fantasizing that what if we can keep it a secret. also, I'm not sure about his feelings and I really want to know. Probably I'm reading too much into it already.

[NJ123]

True very true! but you know how mind always wanders towards the forbidden fruit. I keep fantasizing that what if we can keep it a secret. also, I'm not sure about his feelings and I really want to know. Probably I'm reading too much into it already.

 

Well, it seems your going to do what you want anyway regardless of the repercussions so I don't see why you came here asking for advice on what to do?

[avintagegirl]

I will preface this by saying I have been in and worked in an academic setting for nearly 20 years, so I have a good deal of knowledge with student/teacher relationships.

 

Is it okay to date a professor? And if he texts you extensively about his family and friends and his love for alcohol and shows a keen interests in your likes and dislikes? Does it mean something?

 

Not if you are his student, it's inappropriate and an ethical violation on his part.

 

Does it mean something? I don't know, maybe he is trying to get to know you. Do the questions seem intrusive? What is your gut feeling?

 

i come from a conservative country where in a teacher and student relationship is quite professional, friendly yes but not over friendly.

 

This is generally how it should be. A professor is there to educate you on the topics in the course. Some professors will go on to mentor you, but this is all done in a positive and professional manner.

 

 

I am the class representative so we had to exchange numbers, while talking midst work related, he tends to reply enthusiastically and tells me details about his family and friends and all that.The other day he had a festival in his house and we texted till 1 am. Now, i just want to know is it okay for a professor to take out that much time for a student?

 

I don't know what details he is giving so I cannot speak to the appropriateness of their content. Texting until 1 am - that is inappropriate and not professional. While he may not have crossed any lines, if I were his supervisor I'd advise him to knock it off.

 

Of course a professor can take out a great deal of time for a student. I had an amazing mentor who I saw nearly daily. However, once I left school for the day, that was the end of our contact. There was no texting during the wee hours.

 

 

I am just awed by him and find him alluring because he is at a position of authority and he's cute, i know sooner than later I will grow out of it, however those texts which he keeps sending though nothing flirtatious about them but very sweet but maybe with a hint of teasing and sarcasm, but all that is done extremely subtly. Like i told him about my liking for a certain TV show and the next day he said he was watching the same show on TV.

I am not used to all this and it's very new, I don't read too much into smiles and eye contacts for I feel that could have been my head over imagining stuff , but my friends do insist that he looks at me weirdly. In my class i am the only girl he texts to and the age gap is about 6 years, we're both in our 20's.

 

Yes and its your awe of him that is why all schools have codes of conduct for their faculty members to discourage inappropriate and unethical behavior. All too often students have that awe for their teachers and without rules and regulations sometimes faculty members will engage with students in ways that are not the most professional. Maybe its just a high for him to be interacting with you this way, but it could be perceived as too much on his part and it could be viewed as seriously unethical.

 

HAHA!! I don't think that's the case and i feel you misinterpreted my statement, when I said that he shares about his love for alcohol, It doesn't necessarily mean he is alcoholic, I just found it odd for a professor to share that kind of information with a student. but none the less, thanks for replying!

 

I have to admit, I thought the same thing - that he may have an issue with alcohol. It is odd for a professor to do that, but maybe due to his age he hasn't matured enough to see how his actions can me seen as irresponsible and inappropriate.

[Caskette]

Well, it seems your going to do what you want anyway regardless of the repercussions so I don't see why you came here asking for advice on what to do?

 

lol! that's not what i meant. But thanks for your time, anyway!

[NJ123]

lol! that's not what i meant. But thanks for your time, anyway!

 

Than what is it that you meant? You said you fantasize about being with him basically. And want to know his feelings. So what if he happened to say to you he wants to go on a date with you or something. Than what would you say? You'll be going into really dangerous territory.

[ExpatInItaly]

No, generally it's not okay for professors to engage in this level of contact with students. My father has been in academics for more than 40 years, and I have been in the same environment for almost 10. In most institutions, it would be considered a serious breach of conduct. And I have a feeling if he's comfortable enough to do so with you, he's very likely done so with other girls before.

[Arieswoman]

caskette,

 

No - period.

[acrosstheuniverse]

It generally wouldn't be appropriate for somebody to text you about personal issues as he is doing, don't be fooled for a second: he will be able to tell how impressionable you are and that you're in awe of him.

 

You don't want anything to happen between you, trust me. If you feel about him the way you do, then anything less than a full blown relationship would probably hurt and leave you feeling used. I mean really, genuinely think hard about the possible ramifications. Is it worth risking your education over? In most universities it would be the tutor at fault and not the student, but it still doesn't look good and it risks jeopardizing your grades, maybe even those of the rest of class if he ends up suspended pending an investigation.

 

In your situation I would actually encourage you to be the one to take charge in this situation and STOP texting him about non-work issues. Just put an end to it, remain professional. You are at university, not primary school, see this as an exercise in professional behaviour however difficult it may be to follow through. Ironically it may make him chase you even harder if it turns out he is after getting into your pants, but that's not the point. Don't make a big deal over it, just stop replying so quick, and don't reply to anything unrelated to work. Do you think you could do that?

 

The fact you're getting a rush when you see his name on your phone means you're in too deep already and need to get out, it's not healthy to have such a deep crush on someone unattainable, and if it is attainable then like people have mentioned, it's a whole huge other can of worms. I would be surprised too if he hadn't crossed the line with other students before, or currently, too.

 

Like I say, I have had three separate professors cross the line with me, or try to. The first, it was only with me (the one I ended up in a semi-relationship with, and still speak to very frankly), but the other two, well they kinda tried it on with a handful of students each year, hoping one would bite. Admittedly, both were careful not to try actually set up dates etc. until the classes were over, but the third guy would do inappropriate stuff like send me a facebook message to notify me of my grades rather than let me know via the appropriate channels. Everybody knew his reputation so even if anyone had have been interested it's unlikely anyone would have gone there, as it would have been seen with such derision by the rest of the class!

[Caskette]

I will preface this by saying I have been in and worked in an academic setting for nearly 20 years, so I have a good deal of knowledge with student/teacher relationships.

 

 

 

Not if you are his student, it's inappropriate and an ethical violation on his part.

 

Does it mean something? I don't know, maybe he is trying to get to know you. Do the questions seem intrusive? What is your gut feeling?

 

 

This is generally how it should be. A professor is there to educate you on the topics in the course. Some professors will go on to mentor you, but this is all done in a positive and professional manner.

 

 

 

 

I don't know what details he is giving so I cannot speak to the appropriateness of their content. Texting until 1 am - that is inappropriate and not professional. While he may not have crossed any lines, if I were his supervisor I'd advise him to knock it off.

 

Of course a professor can take out a great deal of time for a student. I had an amazing mentor who I saw nearly daily. However, once I left school for the day, that was the end of our contact. There was no texting during the wee hours.

 

 

 

 

Yes and its your awe of him that is why all schools have codes of conduct for their faculty members to discourage inappropriate and unethical behavior. All too often students have that awe for their teachers and without rules and regulations sometimes faculty members will engage with students in ways that are not the most professional. Maybe its just a high for him to be interacting with you this way, but it could be perceived as too much on his part and it could be viewed as seriously unethical.

 

 

I have to admit, I thought the same thing - that he may have an issue with alcohol. It is odd for a professor to do that, but maybe due to his age he hasn't matured enough to see how his actions can me seen as irresponsible and inappropriate.

 

 

Firstly, I'd like to thank you for your inputs.It really means a lot.

 

@Bold : Well, He just seems to surprise me with every conversation, he texts me to know about classes which will be scheduled next to next week and that he'll be 5 minutes late to class. That's how he initiates it or once he text-ed , when i changed my display picture, however not in complimenting way or anything.About the texts he is an over sharer and yes quite inquisitive he wants to know about my siblings and my plans and all that. Though, never has he crossed any boundaries. But he replies immediately like he's always available for the chit chat session with a student which absolutely bewilders me that how can a man with his job and intellect can have so much of time for a student.

 

@Italic : Yes, the immaturity is what i think it is, but still he seems to be very responsible and serious about his job.Contradictory to that statement sometimes the alcohol conversations lead to him talking about his smoky trips. and one thing he doesn't end the conversation,I have to do it most of the times out of my guilt or the inner voice which compels me to do so.