so gutted Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Had 4 great dates. I acted normal, no heavy stuff re marriage age etc. He initiated all dates and insisted on paying. 2 dates per week and contact in between. Last date was wednesday, a good 3 hours. Movie and dinner. No contact since ( 2 days). I am not sure why and im worried. I know he is travelling early morning, i wished him a safe trip. I feel a bit put out that im sms him first. Is this a case of him going off me? Why? Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Sit on it. There is a chance he'll reach out. Don't contact him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 I doubted him earlier in the week when he did not confirm a time but he was busy at work. Felt bad for doubting him. 2 days is the longest he has not even said hi. Very annoying, i trusted my gut and he was acting well now he has spoilt it. I will become a doubter at this rate. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Sit tight. If you let this gnaw at you, it will likely manifest in a negative way toward him down the line. Two days of no contact isnt that long after 4 dates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I know the feeling! I feel it in my stomach reading your post, because it reminds me of my experiences. Gah, I hate dating! I'm going to try to keep my current BF for as long as I can, I really don't want to go back to match.com 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 OMG, I can't believe you'd panic after two days! People have busy lives. People aren't always thinking about their next date. Did you really want to have constant checking in going forward into the future? Wouldn't that get old? You really don't want to start something you'll be sorry you started later, and how long do you think you'll have something to talk about if you do it all electronically? What will you talk about in person? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Give it a few more days. Reach out first if you haven't. Despite what women believe it's actually a nice thing to do. Guys appreciate that. If he still doesn't message you then I guess something went wrong and you have to move on. This same thing happened to me these past couple weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I'm not trying to put a dent in your hope here, but is it really so hard keep in touch with someone everyday these days? A simple text for 5 minutes wouldn't kill him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 here is the thing... We can't tell you what to do as we do not know what is going through his mind. I will go absolutely NO contact if I feel like I'm the one constantly asking for dates and she is only semi interested. While you might think you have expressed it, he might be waiting on you to make a move. That said you sent him one text right? It's been 2 days? If you do not hear from him for another day or two then text. But make sure it is respondable. SO many people send text message replies that can NOT be responded too. If you send a lot of short text messages that have no meat to them the guy can and will only do so much to keep the conversation going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 SO many people send text message replies that can NOT be responded too. If you send a lot of short text messages that have no meat to them the guy can and will only do so much to keep the conversation going. YES!! Thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 here is the thing... We can't tell you what to do as we do not know what is going through his mind. I will go absolutely NO contact if I feel like I'm the one constantly asking for dates and she is only semi interested. While you might think you have expressed it, he might be waiting on you to make a move. That said you sent him one text right? It's been 2 days? If you do not hear from him for another day or two then text. But make sure it is respondable. SO many people send text message replies that can NOT be responded too. If you send a lot of short text messages that have no meat to them the guy can and will only do so much to keep the conversation going. Thanks all. He replied very early in the morning ( before catching his flight) to say "thanks x" This was to my earlier "have a good tripx" I reached out and made first contact after 4 dates and 2 days silence because he made all the effort on the dates and paid. Its out of the ordinary for me to see the guy pay. He is on a short trip now. I dont want to be the one chasing him on his return, should i wait now? Does the 2 day silence mean anything? Do i even bring this up? Im really not sure, last time the guy went funny after 4 dates and advice here was that i strangled it! Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 so gutted, please take a chill pill. Do not contact him. The guy is travelling and working and is focused on that. He will contact you when he is free. And, please, please, please do not sleep with this guy until you are more sure of him and have established a sound relationship. Now, go and do something you like to do and forget about him for the moment. Letting your life revolve around a guy isn't healthy for you and will make you obsessive which will be a turn-off to him. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 so gutted, please take a chill pill. Do not contact him. The guy is travelling and working and is focused on that. And, please, please, please do not sleep with this guy until you are more sure of him and have established a sound relationship. Now, go and do something you like to do and forget about him for the moment. Letting your life revolve around a guy isn't healthy for you and will make you obsessive which will be a turn-off to him. Good luck. Thanks. I have no intention of sleeping with him but do need to make that clear. Not sure how to say i would like clarity on where we are headed first... I suspect he is reviewing his options, it takes 30 seconds to text. He had been doing so, and stopped. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 so gutted, You are overthinking this. It is early days yet, so leave it a while before you get round to discussing the sex thing.... Just relax.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I have no intention of sleeping with him but do need to make that clear. Not sure how to say i would like clarity on where we are headed first... It's way too soon IMO to bring this up. Let things progress naturally. I suspect he is reviewing his options, it takes 30 seconds to text. He had been doing so, and stopped. Or he is away on a business trip and busy. I think you need to be a bit more realistic on the texts thing. 30 seconds to text is fine if that is all it takes a couple of times a day. I'm not much of a texter so it takes me 30 seconds to bring my phone to life, go to texts and open a text and read it at least. Then I will either spend the next 30 seconds to reply if it's just a simple short reply. If the text is longer or there is a question I will think of a reply then go back later and respond. My text response can take several minutes to write which is OK if it's a couple or three times a day. If it's every waking hour then it is going to become a problem and over the course of a day it can soak up any free moments of time I have and eat into the times when I am busy too so that I end up working late in order to make up for the time I have lost. For the record I actually now refuse to text when I am busy and a guy knows I am. Even then though I would text my last ex while on a five minute break and he would reply straight away - by which time I was heading back to my desk after having used up my whole break texting him. Let him be on his trip, go do other things, interesting things that you can tell him about when you next see him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 I have heard nothing from him. This is unusual. Last contact was a brief "thanks x" to a have a good holiday text. He is due back today. I did check the site we met on and he has not logged on for a week. Thats nothing for 5 days since we met. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 You really need to calm down. He comes back today, can you at least allow him to come back from the trip and take a day or two to contact you back? You sound like you are going insane over a guy you've barely met. Just relax. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Thanks but is it not unusual that his pattern of contact has changed since we last met? Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Ok, I don't think OP is crazy for noticing that the pattern of communication has changed dramatically. With that said give the guy a chance to settle in. Maybe you need to back off a little bit and see if he contacts you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Its frustrating because its almost like he has got me interested and backed off. So i will give him until end of day tmrw. Fed up of trying to act cool and fun and have my emotions played with. I'm not going to try again with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Did you two have sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 No we didnt. Maybe thats it - 4 dates and he wasnt getting it so no point carrying on the act. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 So how is he playing games with you then? I don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 By leading me on. 4 dates, lots of contact every day at one point then every 2 days, no gaps. He paid. Now nothing - i feel led on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Nothing - i guess i really expected sone contact today. Really demotivating. Link to post Share on other sites
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