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Girl playing hard to get. Suggestions???


Physx7

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Ok, so I met a girl off a dating site and we REALLY hit it off on the first date. We had a great dinner, came back to my place and spent hours talking, kissing, etc. In fact, she almost slept over that night. The only reason she didn't was because she didn't have a change of clothes and she doesn't sleep well in a new place, so I actually had to encourage her to leave at like 3am. However, since then, she has been flaky. Here is what happened...

 

Sometimes she will respond to texts immediately, sometimes it takes her hours or even a day or longer to get back. She talks about how interested she is in me and how anxious she is to see me again, but yet she seems to make no effort to make plans. She had a "family emergency" that she said brought her out of state for a week (shortly after our first date), so that of course got in the way of a second date. She complained to me about how she finally found a great guy she likes and then this came up and how she wanted to see me again when she got back if someone else didn't scoop me up first.

 

She just got back from being out of town yesterday. She told me how bad she wanted to see me and how she was going to come see me that night (even though she had to drive all day long). It was no surprise when she never did come to see me, but the frustrating thing is she never even text or called me. She said if it was too late by the time she got back that she would definitely see me the next day, yet she never contacted me today ("the next day") either.

 

I can't really tell if she isn't as interested as she is acting she is, if there are maybe other options she is looking at, or if she really just does have a crazy schedule. However, I don't see why someone can't take 30 seconds to send you a quick text to say hi and let you know what's going on. On the other hand, my friend took a look on the dating site and it seems as if she hasn't been on it since our date.

 

I really don't know how to deal with this? I'm assuming she is playing hard to get because she wants to make sure I'm genuinely interested, but it has been dragging on for a week and a half now and is just getting discouraging to me.

 

What do you feel is the best move at this point? I didn't bother messaging her today because I don't want to seem desperate. I'm thinking of messaging her tomorrow and just asking how things have been since she got back; maybe teasing a little about how she still hasn't come to see me yet. I'm not sure whether or not I should call her out on the whole "playing hard to get" being discouraging to me or not. I mean I sort of feel if she truly is interested, if she finds out her playing hard to get is making me discouraged in us, she will drop the game, but I really don't know if it might just end up making her uncomfortable? I don't like games, but I really do like this girl and want to try to see where things can go. When we do talk, she is so sweet and seems really into me. Advice???

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Physx7,

 

and how she was going to come see me that night (even though she had to drive all day long). It was no surprise when she never did come to see me,

 

(my italics)

 

my guess is that she has found someone nearer, and suggest you do the same....:rolleyes:

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Just ask her on another date, see what she says.

Any more flaking and it's time to move on. Actions mean more than words.

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You should have ****ed her the night she came over. Never make that mistake again.

 

Anyway, there's no such thing as playing hard to get. This woman us toying with you because she knows she has you on a leash. Listen to her actions not her words.

 

Don't initiate anything again. Go after other women. If she initiated a conversation with you. Take a day to respond and only text back twice then say you have something else to do and don't respond again.

 

You have expressed your interest and invited her. The ball is in her court now. DO NOT ask her again.

 

It is important you start prospecting other women in the hopes that this one doesn't work out.

 

He said every single thing I would have loved to say.

 

At this point, you are playing your game. The only way to win most of the times is to just not play at all.

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Thanks for all the feedback. As far as the suggestion of sex on the first date, I know she would have lost respect for the relationship if we had, so I didn't push it.

 

Anyway, maybe I have made things too easy for her here. I guess I will just back off and see what happens.

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Wait a minute.

 

You had one great date then she went out of town for a family emergency. Why are you doubting that there was a problem? Having to deal with a genuine emergency is not PLAYING hard to get. It's having a crisis that takes precedence over everything, especially some guy she just met.

 

I don't know what the emergency was but let's assume it was a family member in the hospital. After one date, why does anybody think a single date -- perfect stranger -- rates any consideration under the circumstances? Something like that would also explain why she responded quickly some times & took longer other times.

 

OP you are complaining because after a week of being out of town dealing with whatever it was AND driving all day, although she said she wanted to see you, she didn't come rushing over. Really? She's probably mentally & physically exhausted. She probably needs to do laundry & check in with work but everyone here is condemning her for not making a 2nd date a priority. Get real.

 

Give her the weekend to settle back in. Hopefully she'll reach out to you. But you can call her Monday to ask for a 2nd date. Have a little compassion.

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She is not playing hard to get, she is just not that interested and my guess is it's because there is another prospect she is working on.

 

On top of leaving your communications unattended she stood you up. She has no excuse for doing that. In the dating world it's an unacceptable behavior, I don't know why some think it would be acceptable in this case here unless she drove and dropped dead asleep when she got home.

 

How you handle it? You don't. You let it go and search for someone better suited.

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Wait a minute.

 

You had one great date then she went out of town for a family emergency. Why are you doubting that there was a problem? Having to deal with a genuine emergency is not PLAYING hard to get. It's having a crisis that takes precedence over everything, especially some guy she just met.

 

I don't know what the emergency was but let's assume it was a family member in the hospital. After one date, why does anybody think a single date -- perfect stranger -- rates any consideration under the circumstances? Something like that would also explain why she responded quickly some times & took longer other times.

 

OP you are complaining because after a week of being out of town dealing with whatever it was AND driving all day, although she said she wanted to see you, she didn't come rushing over. Really? She's probably mentally & physically exhausted. She probably needs to do laundry & check in with work but everyone here is condemning her for not making a 2nd date a priority. Get real.

 

Give her the weekend to settle back in. Hopefully she'll reach out to you. But you can call her Monday to ask for a 2nd date. Have a little compassion.

 

Well, it took her 2 days after our date to let me know about the family emergency. While I understand where you're coming from, it takes 30 seconds to text someone and let them know you have a family emergency. To not do so is just inconsiderate in my opinion. I have a very busy life, but if I am actually interested in someone, no matter what I have going on, I would at least take a minute out of my day to keep them updated and not leave them hanging.

 

Yes, the night she came back it didn't surprise me that she wasn't up for getting together (even though she was the one pushing for it). However, she said if we didn't get together that night, we would definitely do so the next day, yet again, no call or text. Again, I get what you're saying as far as her having a lot to take care of, but to not take a minute just to message or call me makes me feel like she really just doesn't care that much.

 

I am getting very mixed signals. She talks about how interested she is in me, how bad she wants to see me, how much she wished she didn't have to leave, but then will leave me hanging for days with not even so much as a one-line text. I'm just really not sure what to take away from it.

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She is not playing hard to get, she is just not that interested and my guess is it's because there is another prospect she is working on.

 

On top of leaving your communications unattended she stood you up. She has no excuse for doing that. In the dating world it's an unacceptable behavior, I don't know why some think it would be acceptable in this case here unless she drove and dropped dead asleep when she got home.

 

How you handle it? You don't. You let it go and search for someone better suited.

 

This could be a possibility as well. I know because I was doing the same thing to another woman a few weeks ago. I kept her hanging on, but she was my second priority. I am getting the feeling I am the one in that boat here. But, the difference is I never made that girl feel I was *really* interested and always kept it casual with her, whereas this girl has acted as if she is really interested and anxious to see me again, but makes no effort. I've never dealt with someone like this before and it's just frustrating. Our date went amazing and when we do chat, I really like her personality.

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After one date with somebody I can't imagine telling them about a family emergency. They aren't going to be anywhere on my radar of priorities. 48 hours after her emergency started she reached out. That sounds like she cares.

 

It's only been one date.

 

Watch her actions, not just her words. The fact that she said if she couldn't make that night, she'd see you the next day but didn't is a legitimate gripe.

 

Again, I'd call her Monday. Try to arrange a 2nd date. If she flakes after that, walk away.

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After one date with somebody I can't imagine telling them about a family emergency. They aren't going to be anywhere on my radar of priorities. 48 hours after her emergency started she reached out. That sounds like she cares.

 

It's only been one date.

 

Watch her actions, not just her words. The fact that she said if she couldn't make that night, she'd see you the next day but didn't is a legitimate gripe.

 

Again, I'd call her Monday. Try to arrange a 2nd date. If she flakes after that, walk away.

 

Thanks for the advice. I sent her a very short text a little while ago. All I sent was that I hope things haven't been too hectic since she got back, but since I haven't heard from her yet, I'm assuming they are. I didn't bother to ask her out or to see her because I'm leaving that one in her court. At this point, I'm leaving it alone for a while. Like you said, I will probably give it one more shot on Monday and if she flakes out again, I'm done.

 

If I do hear from her later today, I'm not sure what to do if she asks to hang out this weekend. I'd like to, but I don't want to seem like I'm on her beckoned call. I have plans with another date tonight, but in all honesty, I would much rather see this girl. I guess I'll have to wait and see if I even get a response at all first before I over-think it.

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If I do hear from her later today, I'm not sure what to do if she asks to hang out this weekend. I'd like to, but I don't want to seem like I'm on her beckoned call. I have plans with another date tonight, but in all honesty, I would much rather see this girl. I guess I'll have to wait and see if I even get a response at all first before I over-think it.

 

If you already have plans you should't break them for her.

 

While I disagree with MobGetMoney about claiming somebody sexually or that this woman lost respect for you because you didn't have sex with her that fist night . . . the basic point that you have to man up is valid.

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Sigh...she lost respect for you because you didn't know how to CLAIM her sexuality when you had it in your hands. That's why she lost respect for you. Stop putting women on pedestals thinking they're virgin marys. They're not. Learn from this and stop pedestalizing them.

 

That's not the case. We fooled around some on my bed, but she made it clear she didn't want to go *that* far that night because she didn't want me to think she is that type of woman and didn't want me to be the type of man who *wants* the type of woman to sleep with someone on a first date. Trust me, I tried to work it. There's a very clear boundary between what you are terming as "claiming" someone and "rape." The type of woman you seem to prefer is not the type I go for. I am very persistent and confident, but I'm never forceful. So, there was no "pedestalizing" of anyone here. I can assure you, sex would not have been consensual that evening as she has more respect for herself than that - at least from what I gathered.

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If you already have plans you should't break them for her.

 

While I disagree with MobGetMoney about claiming somebody sexually or that this woman lost respect for you because you didn't have sex with her that fist night . . . the basic point that you have to man up is valid.

 

Thanks again. She actually replied to my text today, saying she has been crazy busy since she got back, but that was all she said.

 

As far as manning up, I agree, but I'm not sure the best way to handle this? I haven't replied to her yet, as I'm not sure of the best response.

 

I figure this can go a few different ways:

 

1. If I stop pursuing and back off, she might think I'm not interested enough and therefore not worth it.

 

2. If she's the type who likes the man to pursue for a while at first and I stop, another guy might take the lead in that regard if I back off.

 

3. If I keep pursuing while she is being flaky, I'm being a pushover.

 

4. If I make myself too available, I may seem too desperate or uninteresting for her.

 

I'm thinking when I do text her later today, I will just be casual and tell her I hope she gets caught back up with everything soon. I'm also thinking I might mention something about her letting me know once she is as I would like to see her, but just leaving it open as far as that for her to pursue. Not sure what else to do that might be a better idea at this point?

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Only way to play the play hard to get girl is to show no effort and be indifferent. Either she was in it for the ego boost and she will go NC, or you will beat her at her own game and she will be attracted to it.

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I think she's a flake and is keeping you around for an ego boost. That's why she keeps sending oyu positive messages/texts, but not doing anything more about it.

 

I would start peeling bakc.

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MobGetMoney is telling you all the right stuff.

You should never be forceful with a woman for sex, with that being said, if you act the right way, a woman will not be afraid of having sex with you.

She'll open her self up to you and not care about what you might think of her in the future.

- So bro you just dont get it.

 

 

What you need to do is see other women right now.

If she calls you back go out with her and have fun with her, but by all means dont fall in "love" with someone you dont know.

 

So explore other options

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MobGetMoney is telling you all the right stuff.

You should never be forceful with a woman for sex, with that being said, if you act the right way, a woman will not be afraid of having sex with you.

She'll open her self up to you and not care about what you might think of her in the future.

- So bro you just dont get it.

 

 

What you need to do is see other women right now.

If she calls you back go out with her and have fun with her, but by all means dont fall in "love" with someone you dont know.

 

So explore other options

 

So, you're telling me that you believe every single woman in the world is ready and willing to have sex on the first date? I know at least 4 women friends of mine who contradict that belief. They want to be absolutely certain they can trust the guy first and want the guy to respect them, so they make them wait. Personally, I'm looking for that type of woman - not the one that sleeps with every guy they meet on a first date. Now the second date on the other hand...

 

I will agree with you however in that it is definitely time to see other women. However, I just can't agree that I did anything wrong that night. She actually told me she has NEVER gone home with anyone on a first date like she did with me. This coming from a woman who is 24 and doesn't seem to be a liar (only a flake, lol) says a lot. Sure, she might be lying, but the fact that she hasn't been on her dating profile now in over a week (since we last dated) seems to indicate she really might just be extremely busy and everything she told me is legit. It doesn't take away from her being a flake though. I'm just hoping once I get "in" that it will go away. Either way, I already have a couple backups on hand. This girl was just my top priority because of how well we kicked it off.

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Well, nevermind. Just found out she went onto her dating profile again earlier today. Doesn't have time for me, yet has time for her profile, so I'm done there. Not worth the bother.

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Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the advice. This girl clearly wasn't worth my time. I see she now logged in again this evening, but still no word from her. Complete waste of my time.

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Still believe women don't want to get ****ed when they enter your bedroom and cuddle and kiss you? Lol. Don't live in ignorance.

 

I understand OP not wanting to have sex with her

But only if you dont want to.

 

Anyway, MobGetMoney is also correct about you putting her firmly on the pedestal.

Wanting to get "in" with her. Doesnt work man.

You just cant fall in love too quick with someone that you dont know, so I dont understand the "priority" stuff.

 

Anyway, You live and you learn.

Cheers

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Yea, clearly I still have a lot to learn when it comes to women.

 

Since I figure some of you may get a kick out of this, figured I would throw it out there...

 

Since she logged in for a second time today on the dating site, I figured I may as well call her out on not having time for me, but having time for the site. She then tried to turn it on me. She lied and claimed she contacted me Thursday night and never heard back from me. I told her I never got the text and she called me a liar. I showed her a screenshot of my call records from AT&T and she still said I was lying. I gave her my log-in information to see it firsthand and she STILL said I was lying!

 

I then asked her for a screenshot of her text to me and she claimed she deleted it. I then offered her $200 for a screenshot of a call record proving she text me Thursday night, yet she kept wandering onto tangents.

 

She then had the audacity to complain that I contacted her roommate AFTER she had already been online hours on the site before that. I told her I hadn't contacted anyone since our last date UNTIL I found out she logged into her account, she claimed I was lying, I sent screenshots proving it, yet she STILL claimed I was lying!!!

 

This girl seems like she is just determined to save face no matter what, lol. Anyway, seeing how much she has lied and the games she was playing made it a lot easier to move onto my other prospects.

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I really wasn't sure the best way to approach the hesitancy on her part.

 

Hopefully that doesn't turn out to be a missed chance for you....You should have made the move, and even if it was a BJ, you still came out tops

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