Chasin Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 So its been a week and a half so far since shes been away... My girlfriend started pushing me away a little until I finally told her about it. She then was working on it and apologized all day and I think legitimately felt sorry, and now it just seems so... Gone. She's at an internship for 2 months, 6 1/2 week remaining. 3 Weeks ago before she left, it was a constant "Hey babe" and all lovey dovey. Now all I get is a "Hi" "Hey". I try being cute with her and she may just read the text. Or the other night, she was getting all lovey dovey and then I bring up my 2 bestfriends and something just snaps with her and she loses the lovey dovey feeling. She said she felt confused by it. EVERYTHING was perfect before she left. Now all of a sudden things just..... Aren't that great anymore. She tells me she loves me, I'm her drive to come home (since she's so in love with it up there.) But something to me is screaming that she doesn't feel that way anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Internship for what? Is it a difficult type job? Sometimes having a rough time of it, can put a real strain on desire. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chasin Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 She just told me she loves me and wants to date me and all but she's not in love with me. And she wants to date the rest of her internship so she can come home and see if we fall back to where we were. Her excuse that she's not IN love with me anymore is because she's so in love with where she is and what she's doing. Though it's only been a week and a half so mahnr that can change?! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Hah it's not where she is and what she is doing, it's who she is doing it with. When people do a 180 degree turn, it's because someone is influencing their decision. Don't buy that crap about we will wait and see, she is letting you down easy. Kick her to the curb, she's done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Zen Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Most women do the "fade away". They don't like to end relationships abruptly the way most men do. Instead, they let the relationship slowly die. Usually they decide its over long before they actually dump you. The best thing you can do for your dignity is dump her first. You are not happy and she will not accommodate you, so why are you sticking around and kissing her butt? That's why she is losing respect for you. Dump her NOW. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Most women do the "fade away". They don't like to end relationships abruptly the way most men do. Instead, they let the relationship slowly die. Usually they decide its over long before they actually dump you. The best thing you can do for your dignity is dump her first. You are not happy and she will not accommodate you, so why are you sticking around and kissing her butt? That's why she is losing respect for you. Dump her NOW. I don't like the word dump. I am a woman and when I move on from someone, I talk to them with respect. You should talk to her, tell her you've enjoyed the time you've had with her but it's time to move on. Wish her all the best in her studies and for her future. Then, move on. Don't look back. Date others. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 She just told me she loves me and wants to date me and all but she's not in love with me. And she wants to date the rest of her internship so she can come home and see if we fall back to where we were. Her excuse that she's not IN love with me anymore is because she's so in love with where she is and what she's doing. Though it's only been a week and a half so mahnr that can change?! She wants her cake and to eat it... So are you happy for her to sleep with others than come home and cosy down with you... No didn't think so. Just end it and move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chasin Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 You guys are all wrong about her seeing or being with another man lol. I can assure that. I think ending it with her may be the best option even though she keeps kind of freaking out how she doesn't want to lose me.. She keeps saying she does love me, she does want to be with me. Soooo confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 You guys are all wrong about her seeing or being with another man lol. I can assure that. I think ending it with her may be the best option even though she keeps kind of freaking out how she doesn't want to lose me.. She keeps saying she does love me, she does want to be with me. Soooo confusing. I thought you said she loves you but IS NOT in love with you. She is just emotionally attached which is normal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 You guys are all wrong about her seeing or being with another man lol. I can assure that. And I can assure you that Every. Single. Person. Ever. who has been cheated on, said exactly the same thing as you. I was thinking there was 3rd party involvement even before you revealed that she's given you the ILYBNILWY line. It's one of the most commonly uttered lines by cheaters. Seriously, it's like they follow a script or something. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chasin Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 She's not cheating, I promise. I had her old iPod I was uploading music to for her dad's nephew and happened to get a text.. Of course it being her texts, I kinda snooped through like any boyfriend/girlfriend would do.. Nothing of that nature was found, therefore I can assure no cheating was/is going on. @MobGetMoney - You're absolutely right. All this has made me realize I am being smothering, needy, wanting her focus. I do worry and I truly need to realize she is busy doing her thing up there and need to back off.. A lot. Though how do I? I understand not trying to be all lovey-dovey and what not.. But how do I not come off too needy, or too much? I've never done this and am so new to all of this.. @Smackie9 - She admitted to loving me, a lot, though not sure or whatever about being IN love with me. Though after we talked about all that, I texted her saying, "It's kind of hard and weird for me to tell you I love you and it not be the same kind of love back." So during my class she texted me about 3 times.. "Okay then don't say it if it feels weird." "This is killing me. Like I love you and I don't wanna lose you." "I've never felt weird telling you I love you. I can't believe you feel weird." Then again, later on she again told me she's afraid to lose me and doesn't wanna break up. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Nothing of that nature was found, therefore I can assure no cheating was/is going on. She doesn't know how to delete texts? Never heard of a burner phone? How do you know she even uses phone to communicate with the other guy? Facebook, email, IM, etc... there's a million ways to communicate these days. Just because one is clean, doesn't mean anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chasin Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 She doesn't know how to delete texts? Never heard of a burner phone? How do you know she even uses phone to communicate with the other guy? Facebook, email, IM, etc... there's a million ways to communicate these days. Just because one is clean, doesn't mean anything. It's been getting texts -- I've turned it off before giving back to her cousin or whatever -- though didn't realize it until I was adding music to it just yesterday. She doesn't have a burner phone, I can assure you that. She's 20, only saved up enough to do this internship, not go buy a burner phone. I really don't think she's cheating on me. Like, that is literally the least of my worry, as it has been this whole relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Chasin... Once upon a time there was a girl who told a boy that she wanted to date other people while she went away for a few months. The boy stressed and worried while the girl was chatting up and flirting with the guy she was working with. The boy stayed home and baked cakes and the girl went out got drunk and had some fun times with the chap she was flirting with but thats ok right because she did say... She then went home and decided that boy was a drip because he let her do what ever the heck she wanted because he oh so loves her... Girl moved on, boy was broken hearted for months if not years... We all come here confused as heck and stressed, thinking that our situation is "unique". None of them are and when you look at it from an outsiders point of view it all becomes OH SO clear! Please listen. We may all sound like a bunch of a-holes but we are telling you this to protect you from more hurt and pain. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chasin Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 Chasin... Once upon a time there was a girl who told a boy that she wanted to date other people while she went away for a few months. The boy stressed and worried while the girl was chatting up and flirting with the guy she was working with. The boy stayed home and baked cakes and the girl went out got drunk and had some fun times with the chap she was flirting with but thats ok right because she did say... She then went home and decided that boy was a drip because he let her do what ever the heck she wanted because he oh so loves her... Girl moved on, boy was broken hearted for months if not years... We all come here confused as heck and stressed, thinking that our situation is "unique". None of them are and when you look at it from an outsiders point of view it all becomes OH SO clear! Please listen. We may all sound like a bunch of a-holes but we are telling you this to protect you from more hurt and pain. I completely understand you guys might think that. And I'm more than grateful for all your advice because I definitely need it, especially about being so needy. But from the look of her texts, even to her bestfriend I happened to run by, there was no other guy. She lives on property with a majority of women (40+) from all around the world. The guys who are there are not young, at all either. So I'm not worried about any of that. Yes we all think our relationships are "unique", but cheating is not something she'd do. I'm not in denial, or anything. And in any other situation, ugh yah, I'd instantly jump to cheating as well. But it's not like that with this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Well I am afraid young women do sometimes date older men... over 10 years ago I was celebrating my then partners retirement party... the oldest of my exes children is 4 years younger than me... Just saying. So you don't want to believe what she has openly said to you about how she wants to go out with other men... Please don't do this to yourself. go find a girl that does want to be with you. It is that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Cut ties my friend. Why would you want to be with someone who isn't "IN LOVE" with you. scew her, she isn't worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Maybe she's confused, and discovered her gay side. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chasin Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 Maybe she's confused, and discovered her gay side. Lmao I hope not. With how Christian she is, that would be mind blowing lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 The loving you but not in love with you is not a good sign. And it's not usually something that is reversible. She is basically saying that she enjoys your company, has an emotional attachment to you, thinks you're a great guy, wants to keep you around for talks... but does not have passion or sparks for you. This is bad because usually that kind of sexual chemistry doesn't grow. It's either there or it isn't, and what ends up happening is that she keeps you around for companionship and conversation until she meets a guy that she has instant chemistry with. Then "instant chemistry" guy will get her full attention and devotion because of the feelings he inspires in her. And you will get brushed aside, regardless of your emotional investment in her, simply because he makes her feel a certain way. I'm not saying she cheated on you, but I think someone may have caught her eye. Normally the "I love you, but not in love with you" is prompted by a comparison of some kind, especially regarding "how a guy makes her feel". It doesn't mean she's cheating- she may only have a crush or brief flirtation. But the point is- she is chasing passion, chemistry and sparks. And the ILYBNILWY shows that she's decided you aren't someone that can give her that. I know you don't want to give up, but you should consider the harsh reality- she just doesn't love you the way you need to be loved. If you decide to wait for her, you are just setting yourself up to be the back up, the shoulder to cry on, the guy who will always be there for her. And yes, many guys do settle for that, thinking he'll prove his love and make her realize what a great match they are. They think "she'll appreciate me when the loser jerk dumps her", but it rarely works like that. In fact, remaining available to her after she admits she isn't in love with you kills the passion even more on her end. This is because it shows that you will tolerate less than you want & deserve from her. And when guys settle like that, it's unattractive. Your loyalty and devotion will not be appreciated, but be seen as desperation. You don't want to volunteer to be the nice guy friend that she can count on but doesn't feel sexually attracted to. You see her friendliness and the emotional attachment as a good sign, but it's redundant if you are missing the one thing that differentiates friendship from a relationship- a physical bond. I'm sorry but I think your gut feeling is correct. This is the end and you need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Lmao I hope not. With how Christian she is, that would be mind blowing lol. Mmmm convent raised girls are the worst... didn't you know??? Some of the stories Nuns could tell you would make your eyebrows shoot through the roof... Didn't you know this? The bible (Old Testament) does state that Mans seed shalt not touch the floor and be wasted... it does not state how you shalt use it though! Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Good luck my friend. From my own personal experience, I can tell you that when someone says "I love you, but I'm not in love with you", it's over and done with. She may not have found someone yet, but that line means that she's out there actively looking. You should end it and start finding someone who IS in love with you. Link to post Share on other sites
kripster Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 So its been a week and a half so far since shes been away... My girlfriend started pushing me away a little until I finally told her about it. She then was working on it and apologized all day and I think legitimately felt sorry, and now it just seems so... Gone. She's at an internship for 2 months, 6 1/2 week remaining. 3 Weeks ago before she left, it was a constant "Hey babe" and all lovey dovey. Now all I get is a "Hi" "Hey". I try being cute with her and she may just read the text. Or the other night, she was getting all lovey dovey and then I bring up my 2 bestfriends and something just snaps with her and she loses the lovey dovey feeling. She said she felt confused by it. EVERYTHING was perfect before she left. Now all of a sudden things just..... Aren't that great anymore. She tells me she loves me, I'm her drive to come home (since she's so in love with it up there.) But something to me is screaming that she doesn't feel that way anymore.. If you decide what to do, then do it and leave it. Don't let your mind pool over something you can just not know. Girls don't say anything explicitly Link to post Share on other sites
Nines11 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Yeah shes gone, my ex went to uni and within a week or 2 wanted to break up! She planned wedding and everything with me but as soon as she left home and went to uni it was over.. I was gutted was a 4 year relationship, sounds like you must be pretty young and it will hurt but you cant expect someone so young to stay with you forever. Time to move on, i bet my life she will never get back with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chasin Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 I really REALLY appreciate everyone's advice. It was hard for me at first. Really hard. Though realizing how unhappy I am that I'm dating someone who doesn't want me back, all of your advice, and everything else included, I've finally grown the balls to end it. Like the saying goes, "Why make someone a priority when you're just an option?" Again, thank you everyone for helping me realize. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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