Georgia2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I am going out with a new guy Saturday and I do self cutting. The scars are not that visible but just last night I cut myself again and I don't want to say so on the first date. Obviously if it should turn into a relationship I would tell him but not until then. Please don't say get help because I am on medication and I do get counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I am going out with a new guy Saturday and I do self cutting. The scars are not that visible but just last night I cut myself again and I don't want to say so on the first date. Obviously if it should turn into a relationship I would tell him but not until then. Please don't say get help because I am on medication and I do get counseling. Is there any way you could try to hide them/cover them up? Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I question whether you're doing the right thing by dating at all.. If you haven't come to terms enough with what you're doing to be honest straight up, what makes you think you're ready to let someone else into your life? I see you're getting counselling for this, which is great. I think you should focus on that and yourself for a while, rather than dating. Especially if the anxiety of this date has led to your cutting yourself again (which is what I suspect based on your post). 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Conlan Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 You have two options really. One would be if he asked be honest about it and maybe explain why. The other option is to hide it maybe a long sleeve shirt or a hoodie. I dated a girl awhile back that used to cut herself. I didnt care I just helped her get help after awhile. It didnt work out long term as I moved away to go to college. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I am going out with a new guy Saturday and I do self cutting. The scars are not that visible but just last night I cut myself again and I don't want to say so on the first date. Obviously if it should turn into a relationship I would tell him but not until then. Please don't say get help because I am on medication and I do get counseling. wear long sleeves if its hot where you are make it light wear a floaty over shirt ..... if its cold you will get away with a nice cardigan.....eventually you will have to tell him...i understand why you wouldnt want to do that on the first date.....eventually tell him you used to self harm but dont anymore and that you are on meds and participate in counselling.......which is the truth ..how old are the scars.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 .....eventually tell him you used to self harm but dont anymore That would be a lie. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Maybe try some makeup to hide them. That's what I used to do to hide my tattoo for work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Going out with a new guy Saturday what excuse should I give if he asks about my scars Good luck on the date. If he mentions anything or asks, what you shared here is fine as a response - you're getting help and taking some meds. Then move on. Dating is getting to know. What's on your body from cutting is real. It's you. That's OK. Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I think it's wonderful you're seeking help. Have you discussed this date with your therapist? Personally, having been where you are, I don't think this is a time for you to date. I think you should focus on yourself not add another person to the mix that could potentially affect you in a negative way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Aside from the fact that you are doing this to yourself, if he sees it/them and asks about them, just say "Oh, that's a long story. For another day." No reason to lay it all out right now when you don't know this person at all. It might scare him off. Maybe further down the road, once you have established some kind of trust, say something like "I've had some problems and I chose to self mutilate over it. But I have received treatment and I feel a lot better." End of story. As for your doing it to begin with, I'm glad you are in treatment for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Not to be a dick, but I'll ask straight up: Should you even be dating right now? Is that really a priority? Can you handle a possible relationship? A possible break-up? 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Not to be a dick, but I'll ask straight up: Should you even be dating right now? Is that really a priority? Can you handle a possible relationship? A possible break-up? I asked this too. Dicks unite! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
blue_jay_bird Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 You should not being even going on a date. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 That would be a lie. for some reason i read it she wasnt self harming anymore.....i assumed in other words.....thanks gaeta i went back and re read opening post..........deb Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 hey op when i first read your opening post i dont know how i missed that you had cut the night before ....reading what i want to read...i assumed that you were healing......thats why i asked how old the scars were...... i agree with the other posters you arent ready yet to date......keep up the counselling..... i have some really deep scars on me some of them self inflicted some of them not from me..... i have dated with scars that have healed.......they go a silvery white and become not so noticeable....in between scars healing and turning silvery white is probably how long you should wait to date.......,......for me ....a year without self harm and some deep soul searching...best wishes...deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Wear long sleeves. At some point at a later day you should just tell him the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I question whether you're doing the right thing by dating at all.. If you haven't come to terms enough with what you're doing to be honest straight up, what makes you think you're ready to let someone else into your life? I see you're getting counselling for this, which is great. I think you should focus on that and yourself for a while, rather than dating. Especially if the anxiety of this date has led to your cutting yourself again (which is what I suspect based on your post). Sweetie: You should not be dating yet. You must fully address all those things which are causing you to cut. You have to be able to love yourself first and treat yourself well before you can do that for someone else. I promise you when you do that and then start dating, you will be able to find someone who will look past those scars. And, when you do start dating, you don't have to call attention to the scars, but inside be proud of them in a little way, because they will eventually just become vague reminders of what you've been through and how strong you really are! All the best to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Just tell him the truth, he's going to find out anyway. But, since it is fall and temperatures have dropped I think you can cover them with long sleeves. Link to post Share on other sites
Chemist Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 why do you do it? Out of curiosity.. if you know. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I agree with hiding them as much as possible. I think the answer . . . that's a long story for a another day is your best bet. He may be able to read between the lines; he may also assume you were abused. What did you do on past dates when this was an issue? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 why do you do it? Out of curiosity.. if you know. I am interested to see if OP will respond to this. If she does respond, it will be a good sign of where she is in the process of healing. A woman/or man who cuts has very deep wounds beyond those cuts. Being able to talk about the reasons for cutting is a healthy thing. I would, however, not recommend divulging too much detail here. It's not for us to know. A general statement would suffice. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I am interested to see if OP will respond to this. If she does respond, it will be a good sign of where she is in the process of healing. A woman/or man who cuts has very deep wounds beyond those cuts. Being able to talk about the reasons for cutting is a healthy thing. I would, however, not recommend divulging too much detail here. It's not for us to know. A general statement would suffice. Only because you posted the last part is this OK. Nobody should be forced to lay out intimate details of such a complex issue on a message board. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Only because you posted the last part is this OK. Nobody should be forced to lay out intimate details of such a complex issue on a message board. Yes. If she is comfortable enough, all she really needs to say is that she is aware of the cause (s) and is in the process of processing and accepting it/them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chemist Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Only because you posted the last part is this OK. Nobody should be forced to lay out intimate details of such a complex issue on a message board. I have the ability to force her to tell me as much as I have the ability to force trolls to never post on a forum again. Of course it isn't force, it was a question. People can choose to answer them or ignore them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Folks, let's stay focused on the upcoming date and potential inquiries about the thread starter's scars. Additionally, due to other issues, responses from the thread starter may be delayed so, if questions are posed, please wait for a response. No need to post up reminders or off-topic rhetoric. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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