JonClark Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I need to get this off my chest. A few days ago I found out from a mutual friend that the girl I've been dating for a while now has been texting another fella! And by texting I mean A LOT texting for the past month or so. She met him AFTER she met me, so obviously I'm the first option. After a few dates we made out, she invited me to her birthday party and we danced all night. We even met the day after for coffee and we've been very close. Some of her friends even started asking if we were an item. I'm really nice to her that's why it comes as such a blow to the face! I consider myself very romantic and she seems to like it like that. I'm a year older than her (I'm 20, she's 19), but the fella she's been texting with is SIX years older!!! I found out from a mutual friend that she's going out with him :( I don't understand any of this!!!! She met me first and we clicked and then this guy comes along, her SECOND option, and she's giving him a chance? My friend is saying that if she truly felt something for me she wouldn't have started with someone else. What is happening????????? What have I done wrong??????? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Dating is not like a line for an amusement park ride. Its more like a line for a nightclub. The bouncer tells the guy third from the back he can get in because he looks cool. Mark my words, do not waste any more time with this girl. I know you like her, but nothing is more dangerous to a man your age than a 19 year old girl. It took me two of them to learn that lesson. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillcold Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 John, she's a 19 year old girl with plenty of options and you're just one of them. A 26 year old guy is going to be way more appealing to her than a younger man, aka you. She's young and she's definitely going to test all her options. Ditch her.. cause if she liked you as MUCH as you like her, then we both know she wouldn't start dating another guy. Move on right now, very little damage has been done. She's just another naive 19 year old girl trying all her options. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Some people consider "dating" to basically be shopping around. You two got close, but what you had may not have seemed like a relationship to her while it did to you. There needs to be some sort of relationship/bf&gf/exclusivity talk between the two of you. Now if you were "in a relationship" and she's going out with some guy, I'd say drop her fast. You should have that talk with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Chemist Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 ya'll be a bunch a' sissies. Have you actually asked her on a date or did you just hang out? Does she think it is more than friends? If those are yesses, then tell her you want to be exclusive. Worst case, she says no. Then you move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Jon, here is what you do. No more texts, phone calls etc unless she initiates. If its a text don't answer. If its a phone call or you see her face to face then you stomp your foot down hard. You do not enter into chit chat/ negotiation. This is what you say. I have heard that you are dating other guys and while I appreciate that we have never had the "chat" about exclusivity I think that the length of time in which we have been dating should really be testament to us being a couple. There are only 2 people in a couple and you have introduced a third. I am not up for sharing when it comes to women and consider what you are doing to be cheating so from this point forth I consider what we had over. I have to go now. Then you either hang up or walk away. If you are walking away do not look back and go and find some friends and start a conversation with them crack a few jokes and let her see that you are just fine with out her even if it feels like you have been kicked in the balls. Now is the time to get her running to you - or for you to run away if she isn't going to play ball. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 It's all about keeping your self respect through these kind of things. That is what is important and keeps you attractive for other women. The act of walking away will do you good in the long run. It's a shame, I get it, you got involved, but don't forget to step back and look at the big picture. If the situation causes turmoil, you have the option to walk away and choose for self respect, there will be another one. Link to post Share on other sites
quidproquo89 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 as others have said, being nice isnt enough be a good guy who is fun, humourous and playful with her. Nice guys arent exciting enough Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 as others have said, being nice isnt enough be a good guy who is fun, humourous and playful with her. Nice guys arent exciting enough Actually they can be - as long as they are not push overs... *and they are normally WAY better in bed as they are not so selfish*... The key words are "push and over"... Stand up for yourselves chaps! Just because you are nice, caring and lovely doesn't mean that you have to be treated like the proverbial dog poo on the shoe! *really must start taking own advice at some point* Link to post Share on other sites
quidproquo89 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Actually they can be - as long as they are not push overs... *and they are normally WAY better in bed as they are not so selfish*... The key words are "push and over"... Stand up for yourselves chaps! Just because you are nice, caring and lovely doesn't mean that you have to be treated like the proverbial dog poo on the shoe! *really must start taking own advice at some point* lol. Yeah I really meant good guy not nice guy. The difference as you say being - not a push over 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I need to get this off my chest. A few days ago I found out from a mutual friend that the girl I've been dating for a while now has been texting another fella! And by texting I mean A LOT texting for the past month or so. She met him AFTER she met me, so obviously I'm the first option. After a few dates we made out, she invited me to her birthday party and we danced all night. We even met the day after for coffee and we've been very close. Some of her friends even started asking if we were an item. I'm really nice to her that's why it comes as such a blow to the face! I consider myself very romantic and she seems to like it like that. I'm a year older than her (I'm 20, she's 19), but the fella she's been texting with is SIX years older!!! I found out from a mutual friend that she's going out with him :( I don't understand any of this!!!! She met me first and we clicked and then this guy comes along, her SECOND option, and she's giving him a chance? My friend is saying that if she truly felt something for me she wouldn't have started with someone else. What is happening????????? What have I done wrong??????? You haven't done anything wrong. Dating is about finding someone who is "for you". You are apparently not in a committed relationship with her. You and she are both free to date others. You need to develop a little thicker skin. Why shouldn't she check into her options. She isn't sure she wants to be exclusive with you perhaps ior she does but she doesn't have enough information from you to show her that's what you want. If you want to be exclusive with her, you need to have that conversation with her. Otherwise, you date others as well. YOu may or may not find out whether she's the one you want to be exclusive with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
andytownsend Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 You are both too young to be tied down to a person and date exclusively because the world is full of exciting possibilities and she realized that. And it's not you're dating exclusively, you're still in a trial stage and she's trying to weigh her options and you should to. The minute you realize this, opportunities and possibilities will come knocking at your door. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Jon, here is what you do. No more texts, phone calls etc unless she initiates. If its a text don't answer. If its a phone call or you see her face to face then you stomp your foot down hard. You do not enter into chit chat/ negotiation. This is what you say. I have heard that you are dating other guys and while I appreciate that we have never had the "chat" about exclusivity I think that the length of time in which we have been dating should really be testament to us being a couple. There are only 2 people in a couple and you have introduced a third. I am not up for sharing when it comes to women and consider what you are doing to be cheating so from this point forth I consider what we had over. I have to go now. Then you either hang up or walk away. If you are walking away do not look back and go and find some friends and start a conversation with them crack a few jokes and let her see that you are just fine with out her even if it feels like you have been kicked in the balls. Now is the time to get her running to you - or for you to run away if she isn't going to play ball. What you're talking about is essentially him dropping her and moving on, which may be a good idea if things go nowhere, but it shouldn't be his first go-to option. I agree with you on something though. When I start dating a girl and we go on multiple dates spanning multiple months, we both sort of know what we have is a relationship. We don't need to classify it or change our facebook status to know that we're in one. At least that's how it's always been to me. Some people have different views on this though. It's possible this girl thinks he's dating other girls as well and since he never made it a point to have an exclusivity talk with her, she figures she might need other options. I think what he needs to do right away is talk to her and ask if she wants to be in a relationship. He shouldn't wait around for her to see this other guy. Do it as soon as possible OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 You're both young, I wouldn't take dating so seriously.... Have you had an "exclusivity" talk? But still, even "if" you two decide to just see each other, you're both still to young to be takin' this mess seriously. Use this time to enjoy company and find out what you really want so once you're done with college, have a career and are in a better place - you can make an informed decision in a mate. BTW, she's not gonna be the same person at 20, 25, or 30...So, don't get all tied up in how much you "think" you wanna be with her so seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
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