Jadedbyluv Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I've been on 3 dates with this guy who is actually a great guy. But I just don't feel the connection. I have tried to give it some more time to see if the connection will develop but how long do you wait? I was considering one more date but at this point, it would be leading him on. I'm going with my gut on this. Am I putting too much value in the connection/chemistry? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 How is he different from men in your past with whom you've had a connection/chemisty? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillcold Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Hey OP, it's funny cause I'm in your exact same situation but I'm a male in this case. My girl is great on paper but the connection was lacking, but we've been out on over 10+ dates and it's slowly building. I wanted to cut it off after 5 dates but then I still was unsure so said what the heck, I'd rather try my best with her so then I can confidently say it wasn't meant to be rather than give up early and have regrets as they are a great person. What parts are you lacking in connection? Is it conversation wise? Attraction wise? Do you find the dates somewhat boring? What is exactly making you doubt? But overall, I wouldn't cut it off until you're sure. You've only been on three dates and you're still interested as you like his character and qualities, so you're not leading him on. If he opens up his feelings and then you do lie about your feelings, then you're leading him on. Other than that, play it cool and ride it out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 What do you feel is missing OP? Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I don't think sparks have to fly the instant you meet up, but 2-5 dates is generally enough time to determine if there is a slow buildup of chemistry and interest on your end. If you still don't feel any click for this guy after a few outings and spending time alone, just wish him well and go your separate ways. Like everyone else, he wants to be desired for more than his 'on paper' qualities. He can be a good guy at a good place in his life, he's just someone that's not the right fit for you, that's the quandry of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 (edited) I know exactly what you're going through. I met a great guy on eHarmony. On paper we were the "perfect" match. We communicated for a bit through email then texting and it was easy and engaging but when we spoke on the phone and eventually met, it was a whole other thing. Physically, he was definitely my "type"; tall, dark and handsome with a football physique but there was something missing and I couldn't put my finger on it. He was clearly very interested in me and continued to ask me out. I had no real reason to decline and chalked up the disconnect I was feeling to just needing more time with him. I mean, how could we NOT connect? After about 5-6 dates, I realized that I just wasn't feeling it with him despite my efforts to convince myself otherwise. It wasn't fair to continue dating him if I had no real feelings for him apart from friendship. He wanted more. The whole thing kind of pissed me off actually because I finally met a guy who seemed to be perfect for me on paper yet whenever we were together, all I could do was count down the minutes until our date(s) was over Moral of the story? I think you owe it to yourself and to the other person at least a couple of dates to see if there is something there. If you still don't feel anything for them then perhaps it's time to pull the plug and for the both of you to move on. Nothing worse than leading someone on when you already know in your gut what the outcome is going to be. Good luck. Edited October 22, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. More time isn't going to make it better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jadedbyluv Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 I'm not overly physically attracted to him. I don't feel excited to make plans with him like other guys Ive had a connection with. He always texts me first and I don't respond back for long periods of time. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I've been on 3 dates with this guy who is actually a great guy. But I just don't feel the connection. I have tried to give it some more time to see if the connection will develop but how long do you wait? I was considering one more date but at this point, it would be leading him on. I'm going with my gut on this. Am I putting too much value in the connection/chemistry? Honestly? Depends on the degree of connection and what else you got going on. When women say connection, I think two things. Either emotional attraction (which is garbage) or connection like laughing at the same stupid jokes and having good conversations. That can be with anyone, same sex and platonic too. If I met a woman who didn't connect with me totally but she was a good woman, and everything else seemed good, I'd try and make it work at this point in life. ESPECIALLY if she was into me. That ain't chopped liver. As usual, it's never 100%. People always think it's either NO connection or 100% connection, just like NO attraction or 100% attraction. Degrees, degrees, degrees. If you have options aplenty, then move on I guess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 (edited) I'm not overly physically attracted to him. If he's not physically attractive, then he's not good on paper. Edited October 22, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillcold Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I'm not overly physically attracted to him. I don't feel excited to make plans with him like other guys Ive had a connection with. He always texts me first and I don't respond back for long periods of time. If you're not physically attracted to him, then move on. If you're not excited nor looking forward to seeing him then there really is no reason to even be with him as a friend let alone date him. You have your answer: end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Okay, this is a tough one. I am a big believer in chemistry and it is either there or it isn't. I've stuck around for 10+ dates where there wasn't any chemistry and that was about 7 dates too long. But let me briefly share a story with you. I almost didn't give my current GF/love of my life a real chance. Like with you, she was great on paper and to be honest, great in person. Our first date lasted upwards of 6 hours. But I didn't feel that spark. That tension. I'm an old fashioned guy so I only gave her a hug. We met up a second time a week later for an 11 hour date. Through the first half, it was good but still no magnetic connection for me. And then I kissed her and that changed everything. Let's just say that when I woke up (alone - i'm still old fashioned) the next day, I pulled my dating profiles and waived off any of the other women I was chatting up/dating. The rest is history and I have more chemistry with her than I have ever had with anyone - combined. So my question to you is have you broken that intimacy barrier? Physical touch, kissing, etc... for me that made all the difference in the world. But in the end, you have to go with your gut. Just be sure you've given it that try before you pull the plug. Best of luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
andytownsend Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 If it isn't right, more time won't make it right. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Hey OP, it's funny cause I'm in your exact same situation but I'm a male in this case. My girl is great on paper but the connection was lacking, but we've been out on over 10+ dates and it's slowly building. I wanted to cut it off after 5 dates but then I still was unsure so said what the heck, I'd rather try my best with her so then I can confidently say it wasn't meant to be rather than give up early and have regrets as they are a great person. What parts are you lacking in connection? Is it conversation wise? Attraction wise? Do you find the dates somewhat boring? What is exactly making you doubt? But overall, I wouldn't cut it off until you're sure. You've only been on three dates and you're still interested as you like his character and qualities, so you're not leading him on. If he opens up his feelings and then you do lie about your feelings, then you're leading him on. Other than that, play it cool and ride it out. Agreed.... When I OLD, I'm quick to request a meet in person cuz it's too easy to be "good on paper - even pictures" with your online profile... Now, sometimes feelings can grow the more time you spend with someone that has the qualities and character you're looking for. But really, if you aren't physically attracted to him, then not sure if his qualities and/or time is gonna change that... Link to post Share on other sites
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