She Finally Messaged Me Back

[IronZ]

Some of you kept up with my other thread. To reiterate for those that didn't, long story short, I met a really nice girl on Tinder and we texted and got closer for a week before she rescheduled our first date. She made new plans with me and kept talking until finally she stopped responding to my messages.

 

For almost a week I didn't hear from her. Today was supposed to be our date and I still hadn't heard from her. I sent her a final message saying that what she did really hurt me, and that she could've just told me she didn't want to go out. I thought the message was very well worded and straightforward.

 

A few minutes later my phone buzzes. She sent me 2 texts. One saying how I was right and what she did was really bad. And that she got freaked out about meeting a stranger. (Although to be fair our meeting was supposed to be in a crowded place during the day, for a very laid back coffee date.)

 

The second message said she hoped I could forgive her. At this point I was ecstatic. This was a chance for me to salvage things. I sent her a reply a bit later saying that I understood not being ready and that if she wants to we can take things slow, or she could just tell me to leave her alone and I would.

 

Aaaand now the silence again. It's only been about an hour since I sent it but I'm sure she saw it. I don't know what to think anymore. I made lunch and sat down to eat but I can't even bring myself to eat. I feel dizzy, and like this gut-wrenching feeling at the pit of my stomach. Why is this happening again? I'm probably overreacting but man this is not a good feeling.

 

I wish she would just reply back telling me we can try again. How can she say she knows what she did is wrong and then turn around and do it all over again? Or maybe she's doing something else and hasn't seen the message. Or she saw it and she's not sure what to write back. I don't know.. This feeling sucks.

[avoforastig]

Some of you kept up with my other thread. To reiterate for those that didn't, long story short, I met a really nice girl on Tinder and we texted and got closer for a week before she rescheduled our first date. She made new plans with me and kept talking until finally she stopped responding to my messages.

 

For almost a week I didn't hear from her. Today was supposed to be our date and I still hadn't heard from her. I sent her a final message saying that what she did really hurt me, and that she could've just told me she didn't want to go out. I thought the message was very well worded and straightforward.

 

A few minutes later my phone buzzes. She sent me 2 texts. One saying how I was right and what she did was really bad. And that she got freaked out about meeting a stranger. (Although to be fair our meeting was supposed to be in a crowded place during the day, for a very laid back coffee date.)

 

The second message said she hoped I could forgive her. At this point I was ecstatic. This was a chance for me to salvage things. I sent her a reply a bit later saying that I understood not being ready and that if she wants to we can take things slow, or she could just tell me to leave her alone and I would.

 

Aaaand now the silence again. It's only been about an hour since I sent it but I'm sure she saw it. I don't know what to think anymore. I made lunch and sat down to eat but I can't even bring myself to eat. I feel dizzy, and like this gut-wrenching feeling at the pit of my stomach. Why is this happening again? I'm probably overreacting but man this is not a good feeling.

 

I wish she would just reply back telling me we can try again. How can she say she knows what she did is wrong and then turn around and do it all over again? Or maybe she's doing something else and hasn't seen the message. Or she saw it and she's not sure what to write back. I don't know.. This feeling sucks.

 

She sounds like a flaky gal. You're energy would be better spent looking for someone else. Don't waste mental energy on these types. It happens to the best of us. There could be thousands of reasons why she canceled or didn't respond but none of them can be personal since she doesn't know you. Good luck with the next one?

[stillcold]

Some of you kept up with my other thread. To reiterate for those that didn't, long story short, I met a really nice girl on Tinder and we texted and got closer for a week before she rescheduled our first date. She made new plans with me and kept talking until finally she stopped responding to my messages.

 

For almost a week I didn't hear from her. Today was supposed to be our date and I still hadn't heard from her. I sent her a final message saying that what she did really hurt me, and that she could've just told me she didn't want to go out. I thought the message was very well worded and straightforward.

 

A few minutes later my phone buzzes. She sent me 2 texts. One saying how I was right and what she did was really bad. And that she got freaked out about meeting a stranger. (Although to be fair our meeting was supposed to be in a crowded place during the day, for a very laid back coffee date.)

 

The second message said she hoped I could forgive her. At this point I was ecstatic. This was a chance for me to salvage things. I sent her a reply a bit later saying that I understood not being ready and that if she wants to we can take things slow, or she could just tell me to leave her alone and I would.

 

Aaaand now the silence again. It's only been about an hour since I sent it but I'm sure she saw it. I don't know what to think anymore. I made lunch and sat down to eat but I can't even bring myself to eat. I feel dizzy, and like this gut-wrenching feeling at the pit of my stomach. Why is this happening again? I'm probably overreacting but man this is not a good feeling.

 

I wish she would just reply back telling me we can try again. How can she say she knows what she did is wrong and then turn around and do it all over again? Or maybe she's doing something else and hasn't seen the message. Or she saw it and she's not sure what to write back. I don't know.. This feeling sucks.

 

OP, you barely know the girl so just drop her. You know why barely know her even though you think you guys got close by texting for a week? Because a girl and I had e-mailed each other for over ONE YEAR before actually meeting in person and guess what? No matter how deep our conversations were over a block of text, it was still over a BLOCK OF TEXT; there is no body language, no voice, no emotions, nothing! It was like meeting her for the first time, which it exactly was! All those things we talked about meant nothing and went right out the window. You cannot know someone or get "close" to someone that well over non-physical forms of communication. So just drop her and move on man; you're making a fool out of yourself over a girl you DO NOT EVEN KNOW! (and I am saying this in a heart-felt way, not condescending or insulting! I just want you to see yourself from an outsider's perspective since your logic is really cloudy right now.)

 

Besides, you barely know her and you told her you were hurt that she didn't hold the date? That's one big way to look insecure/desperate. You're not going to have a chance after expressing your feelings like that. Sure it hurts and I'm not saying what happened to you won't hurt, it would hurt me too, but the fact that you came off like that to her gives off a very insecure vibe considering you DON'T EVEN KNOW HER/NEVER MET HER! Just let go, learn from your mistakes, move on and date someone else.

 

Trust me, I've made the same mistakes you have. Just forget her, she clearly doesn't want to meet up with you and she won't. Good luck OP, wish you the best.

[NJ123]

Some of you kept up with my other thread. To reiterate for those that didn't, long story short, I met a really nice girl on Tinder and we texted and got closer for a week before she rescheduled our first date. She made new plans with me and kept talking until finally she stopped responding to my messages.

 

For almost a week I didn't hear from her. Today was supposed to be our date and I still hadn't heard from her. I sent her a final message saying that what she did really hurt me, and that she could've just told me she didn't want to go out. I thought the message was very well worded and straightforward.

 

A few minutes later my phone buzzes. She sent me 2 texts. One saying how I was right and what she did was really bad. And that she got freaked out about meeting a stranger. (Although to be fair our meeting was supposed to be in a crowded place during the day, for a very laid back coffee date.)

 

The second message said she hoped I could forgive her. At this point I was ecstatic. This was a chance for me to salvage things. I sent her a reply a bit later saying that I understood not being ready and that if she wants to we can take things slow, or she could just tell me to leave her alone and I would.

 

Aaaand now the silence again. It's only been about an hour since I sent it but I'm sure she saw it. I don't know what to think anymore. I made lunch and sat down to eat but I can't even bring myself to eat. I feel dizzy, and like this gut-wrenching feeling at the pit of my stomach. Why is this happening again? I'm probably overreacting but man this is not a good feeling.

 

I wish she would just reply back telling me we can try again. How can she say she knows what she did is wrong and then turn around and do it all over again? Or maybe she's doing something else and hasn't seen the message. Or she saw it and she's not sure what to write back. I don't know.. This feeling sucks.

 

Dude, this girl doesn't seem as nice as you think she is. She sounds really flaky & shady. She likely finally messaged you out of some sort of guilt. Something extremely similar happened to me. I was talking to some girl on OKCupid & I got a message from her a week later likely due to feeling guilty. Than nothing ever again. Guarantee she messaged you before so she doesn't have that guilty feeling anymore.

[NJ123]

OP, you barely know the girl so just drop her. You know why barely know her even though you think you guys got close by texting for a week? Because a girl and I had e-mailed each other for over ONE YEAR before actually meeting in person and guess what? No matter how deep our conversations were over a block of text, it was still over a BLOCK OF TEXT; there is no body language, no voice, no emotions, nothing! It was like meeting her for the first time, which it exactly was! All those things we talked about meant nothing and went right out the window. You cannot know someone or get "close" to someone that well over non-physical forms of communication. So just drop her and move on man; you're making a fool out of yourself over a girl you DO NOT EVEN KNOW! (and I am saying this in a heart-felt way, not condescending or insulting! I just want you to see yourself from an outsider's perspective since your logic is really cloudy right now.)

 

Besides, you barely know her and you told her you were hurt that she didn't hold the date? That's one big way to look insecure/desperate. You're not going to have a chance after expressing your feelings like that. Sure it hurts and I'm not saying what happened to you won't hurt, it would hurt me too, but the fact that you came off like that to her gives off a very insecure vibe considering you DON'T EVEN KNOW HER/NEVER MET HER! Just let go, learn from your mistakes, move on and date someone else.

 

Trust me, I've made the same mistakes you have. Just forget her, she clearly doesn't want to meet up with you and she won't. Good luck OP, wish you the best.

 

I did have a girl through text tell me she cared about me when we never even met. She also said "she's already there" in terms of wanting to have sex with me. I never did pursue anything with her though due to a few different things. To this day, I'm still unsure what her true intentions were though.

[IronZ]

Dude, this girl doesn't seem as nice as you think she is. She sounds really flaky & shady. She likely finally messaged you out of some sort of guilt. Something extremely similar happened to me. I was talking to some girl on OKCupid & I got a message from her a week later likely due to feeling guilty. Than nothing ever again. Guarantee she messaged you before so she doesn't have that guilty feeling anymore.

 

It's possible you're right, and she's trying to alleviate her own guilt. What I can say though is talking to her before all this happened, she really did seem cool. I could certainly understand if she was too afraid to pursue anything, but she should still be able to talk to me like we used to. I wouldn't mind putting the meeting off until she feels comfortable. Why does she need to cut me off cold turkey like that? That's what I don't get. I thought I had finally opened up the lines of communications but it seems like it's all just going back to where it was.

[NJ123]

It's possible you're right, and she's trying to alleviate her own guilt. What I can say though is talking to her before all this happened, she really did seem cool. I could certainly understand if she was too afraid to pursue anything, but she should still be able to talk to me like we used to. I wouldn't mind putting the meeting off until she feels comfortable. Why does she need to cut me off cold turkey like that? That's what I don't get. I thought I had finally opened up the lines of communications but it seems like it's all just going back to where it was.

 

She was most likely just saying that as a safe excuse. Makes her look innocent, while pretty much turning you down at the same time. Likely scenario is that she found someone else & only replied to you when you said you were hurt so she won't feel guilty about it. I've heard that excuse so many times about a girl saying she's scared to meet a stranger. Like you said, it was supposed to be in a crowded area so that excuse is bs in my opinion.

[IronZ]

She was most likely just saying that as a safe excuse. Makes her look innocent, while pretty much turning you down at the same time. Likely scenario is that she found someone else & only replied to you when you said you were hurt so she won't feel guilty about it. I've heard that excuse so many times about a girl saying she's scared to meet a stranger. Like you said, it was supposed to be in a crowded area so that excuse is bs in my opinion.

 

Yeah I know. Like the other guy who replied to me said my judgement is really cloudy right now. I need to step away from all this and clear my head. Can't get caught up too much into this mess. It still really bugs me though.

 

Truth is I'm a really great guy and I treat women well. I'm respectful and a total gentleman. I can be charming, genuine, sweet, and a really good friend. If none of these qualities speak to her, then it's really her loss. I would never throw someone away like trash if they were offering me all that. Unbelievable.

[NJ123]

Yeah I know. Like the other guy who replied to me said my judgement is really cloudy right now. I need to step away from all this and clear my head. Can't get caught up too much into this mess. It still really bugs me though.

 

Truth is I'm a really great guy and I treat women well. I'm respectful and a total gentleman. I can be charming, genuine, sweet, and a really good friend. If none of these qualities speak to her, then it's really her loss. I would never throw someone away like trash if they were offering me all that. Unbelievable.

 

The problem isn't with you, it's her. Also, if for some reason she contacts you again, I wouldn't even reply back. She screwed you over twice already, just move on entirely. She's too shady.

[Ruby Slippers]

Don't get so hung up on an OLD profile. You know almost nothing about this woman. She's pixels at this point, so it's a waste of energy to get too worked up about her. For all you know, she has a boyfriend, is considering getting back with her ex, is too burned from her last relationship to get involved right now, or is busy with her FWB.

 

If someone isn't ready to meet someone in real life, they have no business wasting people's time on a dating site. But many people do, I'm sure.

 

For the record, I've heard many people here say that Tinder is the most casual of all dating sites (I've never used it - it's just an app, right?), so I'd say you'll want to keep your expectations as low as possible with that one.

 

And don't take it personally. When I'm getting to know men online, any of a million things can turn me off and make me lose interest. It's nothing personal. They're just not what I'm looking for. And it goes both ways.

Edited October 22, 2014 by Ruby Slippers

[Mrin]

Anyone else think this is strange that we're talking about a Tinder connection here??? I mean, isn't that what Tinder is all about? Low investment prior to meeting? This would make much more sense if it were an eHarmony or even a Match connection. But Tinder? I mean, that's a place where "'sup?" constitutes a pickup line and "where u at?" is a well formulated date proposition.

 

Just saying. OP: I wouldn't give this girl much more effort. She's definitely no down with with whole OLD scene.

[Diezel]

Tried to warn you a bit... told you that just because she "showed" interest, it didn't mean she was interested. Dude, it's a flake, it happens. It's OLD. She probably had other guys.

 

I'm actually surprised she even messaged back admitting to what she did, but it was just to alleviate her guilt. Some of these flaky people sometimes can't stand the fact that someone is upset at them.

 

And then you went and asked if you could take things slower? I can guarantee that's entirely the wrong response to have sent to her.

 

That along with a message saying that she had hurt you? What were you expecting? That she'd suddenly realize her mistake and that that message was the thing that'd make the light bulb turn on?

 

Chalk it up to a learning process. But the next time something like this happens... you don't send that message a week later, you send nothing at all and on to the next one.

[IronZ]

Thanks guys. I'm more level headed than this. Sometimes you get attached though and judgement becomes bad. I see the consensus is she's not good for me and I should let this go. It's just frustrating that I invested so much time and energy into this and it just lead me down a rabbit hole. She seemed so genuine before. I shouldn't have let my guard down.

 

 

Anyone else think this is strange that we're talking about a Tinder connection here??? I mean, isn't that what Tinder is all about? Low investment prior to meeting? This would make much more sense if it were an eHarmony or even a Match connection. But Tinder? I mean, that's a place where "'sup?" constitutes a pickup line and "where u at?" is a well formulated date proposition.

 

Just saying. OP: I wouldn't give this girl much more effort. She's definitely no down with with whole OLD scene.

 

It doesn't matter how or where you meet someone. I don't think you read my first thread but I actually met a really nice girl once on Tinder and we had a pleasant coffee date. The reason that didn't work out was because we really didn't have much interests aligning and we both saw it wasn't going anywhere. It was mutual. Some people on Tinder are actually just seeing what's out there and open to a real connection. If you use online dating sites then Tinder is just another option. Who are we to say what any of these people are really looking for?

 

The reason I got so attached was because we took things outside of Tinder. We texted each other for over a week (seemingly nonstop) before she got flaky. This wasn't a "sup" on the app that we're talking about.

 

Anyway, it happened. What can I say? I guess she turned out to be a lot different than she led on. My mistake giving her the benefit of the doubt. Time to move on.

[fatfish]

I really dont understand why people can take tinder so seriously. I clicked match with guys but never really replied, or replied then i stopped cuz i didnt really mean to ever meet them anyway. But mayb cuz girls get much more matches than guys. Then I met like a really hot guy, and thats the one i'd get physical with and I did. right on first meeting. After that i didnt really care and he was the one who contacted first. and now he wanted to see me again. and I did like him so I said yes. I mean it should be pretty simple right? i think its about the click. If u dont have it just move on. Normally i can tell straight away if im gonna like the person or not so its just **** yes or no. So.. tinder.. well.. maybe u should try some proper dating site!

 

Cuz tbh, girls, if they like u, they'd do anything. Today a guy messaged me asking to hookup. I told him straight away that hes cute but not hot enough for me to do it. And some guy I went on date with, after that was full on me, I turned down straight away and he still kept complimenting me, I just totally replied whenever I was bored or in the mood for some banter. But with that hot guy I met, I was so excited, I'd get with him anytime. There would be no flake because I'd definitely catch him. Haha. I did almost make a plan to see a guy then I know I wouldnt like him so why waste my time, so I just leave it. Most of the time I just dont reply. Hope I haven't hurt anyone...

Edited October 23, 2014 by fatfish

[NJ123]

I really dont understand why people can take tinder so seriously. I clicked match with guys but never really replied, or replied then i stopped cuz i didnt really mean to ever meet them anyway. But mayb cuz girls get much more matches than guys. Then I met like a really hot guy, and thats the one i'd get physical with and I did. right on first meeting. After that i didnt really care and he was the one who contacted first. and now he wanted to see me again. and I did like him so I said yes. I mean it should be pretty simple right? i think its about the click. If u dont have it just move on. Normally i can tell straight away if im gonna like the person or not so its just **** yes or no. So.. tinder.. well.. maybe u should try some proper dating site!

 

Well, obviously Tinder is mainly just a hook up app, and your post just proved that. You didn't give any of those other guys you matched with a chance because they weren't hot enough to you obviously, but than when a really attractive guy matched with you you went to sleep with him.

[NJ123]

I really dont understand why people can take tinder so seriously. I clicked match with guys but never really replied, or replied then i stopped cuz i didnt really mean to ever meet them anyway. But mayb cuz girls get much more matches than guys. Then I met like a really hot guy, and thats the one i'd get physical with and I did. right on first meeting. After that i didnt really care and he was the one who contacted first. and now he wanted to see me again. and I did like him so I said yes. I mean it should be pretty simple right? i think its about the click. If u dont have it just move on. Normally i can tell straight away if im gonna like the person or not so its just **** yes or no. So.. tinder.. well.. maybe u should try some proper dating site!

 

Cuz tbh, girls, if they like u, they'd do anything. Today a guy messaged me asking to hookup. I told him straight away that hes cute but not hot enough for me to do it. And some guy I went on date with, after that was full on me, I turned down straight away and he still kept complimenting me, I just totally replied whenever I was bored or in the mood for some banter. But with that hot guy I met, I was so excited, I'd get with him anytime. There would be no flake because I'd definitely catch him. Haha. I did almost make a plan to see a guy then I know I wouldnt like him so why waste my time, so I just leave it. Most of the time I just dont reply. Hope I haven't hurt anyone...

 

Well, you certainly seem like a relationship material woman lol

[fatfish]

Well, obviously Tinder is mainly just a hook up app, and your post just proved that. You didn't give any of those other guys you matched with a chance because they weren't hot enough to you obviously, but than when a really attractive guy matched with you you went to sleep with him.

 

Haha yes, but after that he contacted me and he wanted to go out. He lived far away and he wanted to come over to see me for the weekend. And after the hookup we still snapchatted, instagram, whatsapp like normal. I think its just how u act I guess. I'm pretty chilled about it all so we are both cool about it. Not like hookup then never see each other again. I used to have anxiety too but then I think its all about mindset. I know myself and I know how attractive I'm, everything works out well.

[fatfish]

Well, you certainly seem like a relationship material woman lol

 

haha i know what i want and i go for it! That night I found that hot guy I wanted some action so I got him. Was worth it, totally solidly attractive. Then after that he wanted more, then ok i consider it haha

[IronZ]

I really dont understand why people can take tinder so seriously. I clicked match with guys but never really replied, or replied then i stopped cuz i didnt really mean to ever meet them anyway. But mayb cuz girls get much more matches than guys. Then I met like a really hot guy, and thats the one i'd get physical with and I did. right on first meeting. After that i didnt really care and he was the one who contacted first. and now he wanted to see me again. and I did like him so I said yes. I mean it should be pretty simple right? i think its about the click. If u dont have it just move on. Normally i can tell straight away if im gonna like the person or not so its just **** yes or no. So.. tinder.. well.. maybe u should try some proper dating site!

 

Cuz tbh, girls, if they like u, they'd do anything. Today a guy messaged me asking to hookup. I told him straight away that hes cute but not hot enough for me to do it. And some guy I went on date with, after that was full on me, I turned down straight away and he still kept complimenting me, I just totally replied whenever I was bored or in the mood for some banter. But with that hot guy I met, I was so excited, I'd get with him anytime. There would be no flake because I'd definitely catch him. Haha. I did almost make a plan to see a guy then I know I wouldnt like him so why waste my time, so I just leave it. Most of the time I just dont reply. Hope I haven't hurt anyone...

 

Sounds to me like you're just superficial. Not everyone is like that. I'm sure some women on Tinder are exactly like you and using it as a hookup app for whoever they consider "hot guys." Doesn't mean that's always the case.

[fatfish]

Sounds to me like you're just superficial. Not everyone is like that. I'm sure some women on Tinder are exactly like you and using it as a hookup app for whoever they consider "hot guys." Doesn't mean that's always the case.

 

I'd admit that I'm superficial. I care about looks. But i wasn't just looking for hookups. That night I wanted some action so I went for it. I mean I'm pretty chilled about it all. I normally would take what people could offer.

 

But yea still I find it quite sad when people take it very seriously, like heart to heart like this when there are people like me out there. I hope I didnt hurt anyone....

[NJ123]

haha i know what i want and i go for it! That night I found that hot guy I wanted some action so I got him. Was worth it, totally solidly attractive. Then after that he wanted more, then ok i consider it haha

 

But you see why Tinder gets such a negative rep. What you just said in your posts are why a lot of men think the Women on there aren't relationship material girls. They think the girls on there are slutty & would never do anything with them except to have sex with them. I seen your other thread, & you'll never have an actual relationship with this guy on there except for meetings for sex.

[IronZ]

I'd admit that I'm superficial. I care about looks. But i wasn't just looking for hookups. That night I wanted some action so I went for it. I mean I'm pretty chilled about it all. I normally would take what people could offer.

 

But yea still I find it quite sad when people take it very seriously, like heart to heart like this when there are people like me out there. I hope I didnt hurt anyone....

 

The thing is though, you're up front about what you want. You saw something you wanted and you went for it. You didn't lead anyone on or string them along. What this girl did to me was not ok.

[fatfish]

But you see why Tinder gets such a negative rep. What you just said in your posts are why a lot of men think the Women on there aren't relationship material girls. They think the girls on there are slutty & would never do anything with them except to have sex with them. I seen your other thread, & you'll never have an actual relationship with this guy on there except for meetings for sex.

 

Hmm yea but the thing is I'm not looking for rls atm. When I met him I was looking for some action and I'm happy to casually date him if he wants. And he did initiate to go on date this weekend actually. And I dont agree about being slutty. I have respect for myself and for anyone who knows what they want and goes for what they want. And for Tinder, imagine so many people on there and how easy it is to get a match, its hard to take it seriously. I have no prob getting with guys IRL, and I do have many interests going on atm so I have many options, with each guy I do have a category for and I behave accordingly. It doesn't reflect anything about rls material or not. Or maybe It's just a phase in life I guess haha U know, people can always lie about their history, especially from tinder, and mostly their behaviours follow ur intention as well.

[fatfish]

The thing is though, you're up front about what you want. You saw something you wanted and you went for it. You didn't lead anyone on or string them along. What this girl did to me was not ok.

 

But I really hope you dont take it so seriously like that, like dont invest too much on someone u havent yet met. Cuz now its more about u than about her u know. So its not good start. Maybe she has had another match with another guy in the meantime? Actually guilty as charged, i did this before. I just lost interest, wasnt in the mood anymore and then the guy kept bombarding me with messages, like LOTS! Not one guy but like 2 guys, then on FB as well. And I found it very unattractive. So it made it even worse when i sensed his anxiety/low selfesteem/ insecurity! I think you should move on

[InsaneTrombone]

But I really hope you dont take it so seriously like that, like dont invest too much on someone u havent yet met. Cuz now its more about u than about her u know. So its not good start. Maybe she has had another match with another guy in the meantime? Actually guilty as charged, i did this before. I just lost interest, wasnt in the mood anymore and then the guy kept bombarding me with messages, like LOTS! Not one guy but like 2 guys, then on FB as well. And I found it very unattractive. So it made it even worse when i sensed his anxiety/low selfesteem/ insecurity! I think you should move on

 

I think I'm dealing with a girl that is doing the same thing you described. She hasn't responded to my last 2 texts for almost a week now, but she keeps sending me snapchats of herself and what shes doing. Like, if you aren't interested anymore why keep sending me ****? And if you are still interested, why not text me back?