Are different communication styles a deal breaker?

[avoforastig]

I've had my current gf for about 5 months. She's attractive, kind, intelligent, low maintenance, and laid back. I usually see her 3-4 times per week. She seems really great on paper, but I often find that we don't seem to click in terms of sense of humor and communication style. She is more of an introverted person while I am more extroverted. Whenever I call her she doesn't usually seem very enthused about chatting just to chat. She'll send me texts periodically throughout the day, but has only called me about 3-4 times over the entire course of the relationship. Often but not always, I feel like I have to take the lead in conversations and provide most of the humor. I have a hard time getting her excited about anything it seems like. Anyway, its leaving me feeling dissatisfied with our relationship. I thought she might open up more over time but things haven't changed. I've tried to discuss the calling thing with no success. I enjoy having regular contact with my significant other. I thought about discussing it with her, but I think its just who she is. I'm thinking about breaking up with her, does this seem like a deal breaker to you?

[Tayken]

but I often find that we don't seem to click in terms of sense of humor and communication style. She is more of an introverted person while I am more extroverted. Whenever I call her she doesn't usually seem very enthused about chatting just to chat. She'll send me texts periodically throughout the day, but has only called me about 3-4 times over the entire course of the relationship.

 

Simply put, opposites don't attract unless of course you happen to be a magnet. There are some underlying issues here from what you describe, and you have to ask yourself...is this someone you see yourself spending the rest of your life with?

 

I mean if she can't even be bothered to call you, that tells me that out of sight is out of mind, and you aren't a priority in her daily goings on. The problem you have is that some women get so wrapped up in this head / mind game to the point that they start to believe that it's the job of the man to do all the running, then they wonder why they get dumped for someone else.

 

Just because a guy is interested in you and shows it, does warrant you shutting down completely i.e. you have this in the bag and suddenly become a gnome.

[Brooke02]

Is it more of she's not a phone person or do you feel she just doesn't want to talk? In not much of a phone person, but if my boyfriend wanted me to call or called me I would. It sounds like she's more laid back than you in person as well. Maybe she just isn't the one for you then.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Nope, my SM communicates differently than I... but most women do diff than men in general. I complement her by being a wee over expressive, as it allows her to know what I feel and all. She is simple yet direct with things. As long as you both understand, it does not matter how diff you communicate your words.

[Standard-Fare]

You said you tried to discuss the calling thing -- how did that go?

 

It does sound like your differing communication styles/expectations could be a dealbreaker, but you should lay that out on the table for her before you just ditch the scene.

 

In her possible defense, though, I will say:

 

1) As women we often hear that "a man will make it clear when he's interested" and put forth a lot of effort in pursuing us. Therefore, we can tend to hang back and let the man do most of the work at the start of a relationship. Some women can take this pattern for granted if it continues for too long, and could use a reminder that a relationship is a two-way street.

 

2) It's possible you haven't found the exact communication style that works for this girl. You said she's not a phone chatter... I can relate to that personally. I don't enjoy it, even in relationships. But this girl seems more into texting. Maybe you'd just need to accept that as your primary mode of contact when you're not together.

[BluEyeL]

In a relationship, the other person will often do things differently that you'd do them. I also wish my BF would call and not text, and be more communicative, but I accept that he's not me. I called him sometimes and in general I choose to focus on the big things, such as values and let go of these little details.

 

If it bothers you that much, talk to her about it or end it, but you may just not like her that much if you stumble on this.

[andytownsend]

It's a valid deal breaker if things like this don't work out. Remember, this person may possibly be the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Would you like to spend the rest of your life with this kind of partner?

[avoforastig]

Is it more of she's not a phone person or do you feel she just doesn't want to talk? In not much of a phone person, but if my boyfriend wanted me to call or called me I would. It sounds like she's more laid back than you in person as well. Maybe she just isn't the one for you then.

 

I don't think there is an ill-will component to being quiet or not calling. However, I can't help but get frustrated at times that she has seemingly no desire to chat. As an introvert, she explained to me that socializing seems to wear her out. I'm the complete opposite where I am energized by socialization. Her lack of enthusiasm(at times complete disregard) for socializing can burst my bubble. I am starting to think this is why I can't convert a strong liking of her to love. I don't know how to explain this to her. Is it unrealistic to want to have conversations like she is an old friend?