Puzzling BF

[VanillaSpice71]

OK.. In a nutshell..I have been seeing this guy for a year and bit now. Met him online, it started out causal and sexual then developed further. HE wanted to take things to the next level basically there has been commitment issues on my part due to the fact that I do not trust him (based on things he has told me about himself and his past).. and questionable actions. But thus far we both decided to stick it out and forgive one anthers differences.

 

The relationship has always been rocky.. but lately its been usually rocky. His "thing" is the Casino. I never thought much of it at first. We used to go and have a drink and what not. I know he has worked at Casinos in the past. He decided to take a job as Poker Dealer at one doing some days some night shifts. Then he said he was going to change his schedule to doing nights from about 6pm till anywhere between 4am-10am. He said he wanted to see how much money he can make, the potential. His goal as 10,000 in a month. He ended up doing it for two months. He said this is where the money comes in at the poker tables. (after 3am) He was working like 16 hour shifts, six days a week. Needless to say I became back burner. All the sudden it felt like I had a ghost bf. not that i minded him working BUT i felt drastic change suddenly and felt like a much less priority and felt neglected in all aspects. He didnt balance us between work. We barely talked, sex dropped down, he never visited me. And when he said he would he would flake almost everytime. SO naturally i got very resentful and suspicious. As our whole relationship did a 360. I felt bitter that he was choosing job and money over me and was hardly making 10% effort to fit me in. He complained I wasn't being supportive. And how can i complain if someone work's hard. But the thing i don't get is where is the money to show. He drives a piece of **** car and recently downgraded to 1 bedroom living.

 

Now, he decided to take a break from that job. And he told me he is going to PLAY poker 8 hours a day. WHo does that? Unless you are a professional and high roller? He also recently mentioned that he had to go to Gamblers Anonymous before adn is planning on going on Vegas PTA tour or whatever the hell its called in April. I am thinking he might have a problem or is up to something shady?? I am so, so frustrated because i am not a psychic and cant know what he is up to. I don't have a car and am usually stuck at home with child so i can validate his whereabouts for piece of mind. AND his phone for clues, forget it. He guards that **** as if it were the messiahs gold. Actually have never seen the inside of his phone. lol (face down on the table, takes to bathroom with him etc) .. but demands to see mine upon request. ANYWHO..

 

I guess i feel like his hunger for money games is putting huge strain on the relationship. He seems happy and carefree doing Himself. When I bitch and complain he just says simple few word sentences"don't worry everything will be fine, we are in love". He always seems busy and distracted even in text messages. Or maybe is lying to me and having an affair and deceiving me or distracting me from the truth?? I don't know if im paranoid or insecure, or something is up. I have no physical proof of ****, just hunches and i am kept in the dark. i give up on talking to him. no use.. i have to make shots. he is a professional con artist and actor.

 

But what he did this weekend really irked me. on Friday night we had plans. He wanted to come to my house @ 1:30am, so it old him forget it as he was supposed to come earlier. and i went to bed and spent the night to myself which is fine and better than going our parting. because that is too late. he is a night owl i have to be with my daughter through the day and i am a student in the week. i missed a day of school last week cuz he kept me up till five AM knowing i have to be up early. i feel like he doesn't respect my time or my schedule. it is a new schedule for me.

 

...Then Saturday we made even more special plans. we have a special sexual ritual thing between us and planned it for 11pm @ my place. I shaved my legs, lit the candles, made a playlist of sexy songs, painted my toes and hands red in the salon cuz its his favorite color, body milked up, hair pressed etc. 11:30 rolls around he says he is coming.. ok i started to get a bad feeling. i just chill , chat to a gf and pour some more wine, cuz i remember he always use to wait for me while i was out with my friends. then 12:15AM rolls around. he is texting me saying all thse excuses and he is sorry he is running late. Then 1:22AM finally comes and I suddenly get super pissed. adn say F THIS. i feel like a damn fool. I can wait an hr and a bit but not 3, especially after he pulled this same crap just last night. I tell him "i am going to bed, GOODNIGHT AND F YOUUUU". i blew out the candles, locked the door and closed the curtains and turned off my phone. I specially asked him because he was late on Friday, NOT to come at that time again and to please respect my time and that I am waiting for him. He said OK. BUT for some reason, ATEOTD, he decided to push it and disappoint me. He did show up again @ 1:30 am for second night in a row but i locked him out and ignored him. And he left.

 

I didnt talk to him for a couple days. i block him but he calls private. he said "I am so sorry babe, baby?/ I want you in my life, i will be on time next time i promise" etc it all seemed FAKE AND INSINCERE AND BULL****.

Then he asked if he could come on Sunday i said NOPE, then he asked for Monday i said NOPE, then begged to come lastnight and I said NOPE. I talked to him a bit today on the phone.. but i don't know if i should of because I am actually still so so pissed. When I think about him and his actions i get super irritated. i don't even wanto see his face or talk to him because i feel like im wasting my breath.

 

I also cant help to think how much thousands of dollars i have witnessed him throw away at those casino tables and i think to myself man I could of really used that for rent. As i have been struggling bad in making the decision to go back to school. I mean my bills are not his responsibility but he sort of strikes me as stingy and narcissistic. I got eviction notice, went to red cross for emergency help and interfaith. stress to the max, broke and desperate. And he couldn't be there for me during those times emotionally coz he was "working". The only way i felt i could react was with attitude towards him. adn some rebellion. because even when he has free time in day before his shift he wouldn't come by and take me to coffee or lunch or just come by to say hi, as we used to do often.

 

So, i guess What is your take on his behavior and what should i DO? Am i being to anal?

[smackie9]

If it were me I would just jump ship. The problem is he doesn't see it as a problem. He's a big boy, he is going to do what he wants whether you think it's wrong or not. I had an ex that decided to not bother to look for a job and sell coke instead, I jumped ship the minute I found out, and we were together for 5 years. I never regretted it.

[CarrieT]

I would break up with him as well.

 

I was living with a son - and grandson - of casino owners and these people have a very special relationship to gambling and money that is similar to those who abuse alcohol. It is an addiction and there is very little you can do to change them.

 

There will always be "one more hand" or a "bigger steak" they will be chasing and the relationship will take a back burner to the card game.

[Gaeta]

Are you seriously asking us if you should bail out of this?

 

Y E S

 

You do not have a relationship with this man no matter how hard he is trying to convince you you do. He does not enhance your life in any way. He is a source of stress and pain and nothing more. He has no respect and consideration for you.

 

You are a struggling mother back to school to better your situation and your daughter's. Do you really need that kind of BS in your life? He is only a disturbance keeping you from your goal.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Wow. Re-read your original post and imagine that your daughter had written it instead. What would you say to her?

 

You know this relationship is not right for you. Move on.

Edited October 21, 2014 by seekingpeaceinlove