nigerian-lover Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 dear forum, i am new here I am from Lagos Nigeria and been in the us for 10 years. I speak English fairly good. I am single, no kids, bachelors degree in management from university of abuja in Nigerian. Now, 34 years of age. I been in us and have been dating a lot. In the past 10 years, 4 relationships. They were of course us blacks. One was from haiti though. I have find it tough. They get angry, aggressive, and hostile quickly. They often were hungry and insufficient food in the house. They did not do intimacy even hugs and kisses much. They knew i was from Africa and treated me strangely. Its like, what tribe are you. I could not even get them to call me Nigerian. My funny English too got me some gestures too in black communities. I never experienced any violence or criminal acts from blacks though. The ones I dated would however take food without asking or pick up money when they saw. I would the comfort zone tough. Now, I am in a state where I may have to consider inter-racial dating. i am not sure if it will be white, asian, or latino/hispanic. It seems when a black person dates outside, so much stereotypes and opposition. Buts its been too tough to date blacks. They lack money, resources, positive image, or values. what about you. could you date some black or foreign born african Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 what about you. could you date some black or foreign born african @OP..what is it you are hoping to take away from the answers here You have made such a big fuss here, and make it sound like we are living in the 1800s. You've only got to look around you to see the mixed raced couples of different backgrounds. It could just be the problem lies with you? I am sure most of us would rather be with some decent regardless of race or creed, as opposed to a certain person of a certain colour that might be a : - paedophile - wife / husband killer - physical abuser - gambler - drunk - drug user - deadbeat - leech - liar -cheat Get the picture? All these things are colour blind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I dated an Ethiopian woman when I lived in the northeast. I dated a black woman from Alabama briefly, after I moved to Florida. Both are college educated and have careers, so perhaps the dating issues you mentioned were due to difficult financial circumstances and/or cultural attitudes. As for interracial dating, you probably won't have any problems, but some areas may be more "conservative" than others, so observe what you see happening in your area. BTW, I'm white. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 No, not all things are "color blind".... Depends where you live at and/or the "culture" of the people around you. Some people hold on to negative stereotypes about certain genders, races, etc... But, at the same time, there ARE cultural differences between people of different races and unfortunately within those groups and/or races, the negative ways of being brings about stereotypes. Putting stereotypes aside, there are differences between the races that can interfere with dating and/or RLs. Also, society and/or family may put pressure on people to stay within their race. I'm an odd ball. I'm Black, Hispanic and mixed with Caucasian. I've lived and been exposed to so many things that without getting to know me, you wouldn't know I have certain preferences. I've had Black people comment about my hair or say mean things like 'you don't listen to "our" kind of music' when duh, I listen to a little bit of everything, but is there something wrong with me singing to a Salsa song? I mean, a gf told me I need to get rims for my truck and I kinda looked at her like she was crazy. So, my point being - yes, there are differences, but you gotta expose yourself to people with an open mind to dating - who have benefited to being exposed to different cultures/people/etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I love Africans...mostly for the exotic accent. I met a woman from Kenya and started crushing on her, hard, and I don't usually date African Americans, though I'm not against it. Race is a man-made construct, where history has made it a big deal for people. Me? I like who I wanna like. But if you want my honest answer, if you're living in the US, certain areas are more open with the IR scene than others. For instance, if you live in the Southern United States, it's still not a widely accepted notion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nigerian-lover Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 @OP..what is it you are hoping to take away from the answers here You have made such a big fuss here, and make it sound like we are living in the 1800s. You've only got to look around you to see the mixed raced couples of different backgrounds. It could just be the problem lies with you? I am sure most of us would rather be with some decent regardless of race or creed, as opposed to a certain person of a certain colour that might be a : - paedophile - wife / husband killer - physical abuser - gambler - drunk - drug user - deadbeat - leech - liar -cheat Get the picture? All these things are colour blind. thanks for the comment. I don't expect folks here to be experts. However, just because I am black and dark skinned dont mean i just fit in. I am African and blacks and other potentials have asked why would they want to mix their genes with Nigerian blood. I dont know what to tell them. I came to us and understood black and black. As long as have money, income, resources, and motivation, you can date. But everyone is kinda of scared. They think real African genetics and tribal blood may not be a good fit. In nigeria, dating is aggressive. We have many tribes and segments, but dating is always dominating type. its not male or female but who controls the money and assets. Our anger, emotions, and behavior can become aggressive at times if everything is done done well. This goes to things like clean house, trash taken out, clean lawn, and preparation for next day laid out. The men dont run household. They male-women take turns and occasionally spreads to kids so they too learn and carry on the traits. the Nigerian women are not as submissive as us. The goal is keep harmony and balance not dependence. Interracial dating with other tribes is largely taboo, but do happen.we do have a caste system toward certain tribes, dating, and economic development types. its breakdown slowly but still exist. my family in africa have told me try to teach my partners some Nigerian language, traits, themes i know and show them the culture. but i found it difficult as they are too Americanized and so little tribal instincts. its probably why relationships failing at such a high rate. i do have some many tribal personalities. Since I have been in us, i haven't quite American yet. Everything is dating is very focused, targeted, small steps, and segmented. I never look at broader and holistic picture of things. in dating, it shows and others feel I am closed minded and in soem cases, discriminatory for being so focused on one thing. My dating tactics, good Nigerian love. Offers of hugs, kisses, no..., massages, dinners, drinks, and fun. I have a decent build and about 155 pounds. I have cellulite you see on us black women. However, blacks have been slow to do and feel they need to pick up my culture first. Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Truth is, I love interracial dating. But I also live in Alabama, and this place is so conservative people have disowned their daughter for dating black men. Some areas are more heavily tied to culture. Me personally, my skin color doesn't derive my cultural beliefs. HOWEVER, some people's family do want to keep "pure" for the sake of financial and or cultural beliefs. Find those with an open mind, they are out there. Just not many in my state. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 No, not all things are "color blind".... Did you understand what I wrote above? The list I made above happens amongst every race regardless of colour i.e. not all white old men / women are paedophiles or not all black men/women are druggies 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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