How do you get BFs/GFs

[Marek]

To me, it's a puzzle. To guys, how did you get your girlfriends? Did you wait for ques from her to make a move, or were you introduced to the girl through your social network, or by some other means?

 

Girls, how did you get your BF? Did you just act flirtatious and they picked up on it and made a move? Or were you introduced via friends, etc?

 

I don't know how to talk to girls, unless it's about academics, otherwise I don't know what to say. Sometimes I feel like cracking a one-liner but then think "No, she'll think your weird or stupid" and this causes me to act very formal.

 

I'm 6'2" and 210 lbs. I've had 5 one-off dates with different girls from OKcupid, but they were a disaster. Did not know what to say. In fact, one girl left the date after about 20 minutes because, according to her, she didn't feel and "chemistry". I've been single for 9 years now and I'm 30 years old and still don't know how to obtain a girlfriend.

 

It's not just sex, but being intimate with a female, having her touch, leaning on me as we watch DVDs... I miss all that sort of sentimental type stuff. And not being able to get girls is hurting my already fragile psyche.

[Andy_K]

Practice. Relentlessly.

 

I can relate. At 20/21 the idea of getting a girlfriend seemed hopelessly out of reach for me. Even if I got a girl I wanted, I wouldn't have known what to do. None of this came naturally or easily to me whatsoever, every tiny bit of progress was bought with blood, sweat, and tears.

 

I went to the gym to improve my appearance. I read books on body language, psychology, dating, relationship dynamic, how to hold conversations, and so forth. I've read the lot, and I practiced everything. I'd spend hours chatting on dating websites, and went out on dates too. Most of the dates would go nowhere, even though I was mostly 'dating down' as it were. Girlfriends and flings came and went with time, some that I was into more than others. With that came a more genuine sense of confidence.

 

I'm now ten years on from there. I've never stopped trying to improve, and I'm at the point where I'm turning down perfectly nice girls I would once have jumped at the chance to be with, because I'm on the search for someone that's really special and right for me. One day I'll get my lucky break and find the right one.

 

If you stop feeling sorry for yourself and work at it, you will too.

[PegNosePete]

^ Right, practice practice practice.

 

You seem pretty good at getting dates from OLD (contrary to what most people around here seem to think!) so you're definitely good a that. Now you need to work on your real life skills to get that second date, and progress it to more.

 

Have you seen the Expedia ads "travel yourself interesting"? Well it doesn't just apply to travel. You can do many things to give yourself interesting conversation topics. Travel is definitely a good one. Think where you'd love to go and what you'd like to do, and DO it. In 6 months you'll have some great stories about where you've been, and some plans on what you'd like to do next. If travel is out of your price range then there's plenty of other things you can do. Take up a few new hobbies, join some clubs, watch the news or documentaries instead of Simpsons reruns. If you have interesting and funny things to say then you'll find your dates go a lot better and the women will be a lot more interested in you. It's called "being charming" and it's essentially the same thing as having chemistry. Few people are born being naturally good at it, we mostly have to work on it as you would any other skill. You get good at it by watching others, getting out and about, and mostly by practicing.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

all my gf's were friends at first.

 

 

 

Did not expect anything, just happened through time.

[rdet123]

What i've learned being a girl is that I don't worry about what I say will sound stupid. I just talk to each guy the same and it makes it so much easier because then you aren't putting them on a pedestal and thinking "they'll think i'm stupid if I say that" I think it's common knowledge not to blurt out some things, but for the most part, just talking and bringing up topics is a good way to make conversation.

 

I think you must be a good looking guy if you're getting dates from girls already. I think your problem is you must be too filtered and too serious. Don't take yourself too seriously when dating, because it's just no fun that way. Make jokes, act confident in what your talking about.

 

I guess what i'm trying to say is...don't think too much about how you'll be perceived by the other person. The only way they will know your personality is if your real with them and don't have a filter on what you want to talk about. Good luck!

[d0nnivain]

It's a combination of things. The conversation may open on a neutral topic like academics but then you add in a bit of flirting. It can be something as easy a smile or a compliment. Look at her body language: is she leaning in toward you? does she touch you? Is she twirling her hair or dangling a shoe?

 

If you see those signs (& it doesn't to be all of them) ask for a simple date: would you like to grab a coffee with me? would you like to get a drink after work? From there you keep talking & after a few dates, possibly dinner, you talk about being in a relationship. Hopefully somewhere in there you will have kissed or more.

[dragonfire13]

I'd say I've been out with around 6 guys (I'm talking dated consistently). I only ever called two of them my boyfriend.

 

Essentially, these guys were "boyfriends" because they were the ones open to being a committed relationship.

 

So I think it just boils down to finding someone who wants a relationship as much as you do.

[Mrin]

Online Dating for me. But as someone else said, practice relentlessly. A lot of it is getting comfortable and being cool with rejection. I never did this for practice but more just for an experiment - I would basically just declare an entire night a flirtation night. Would go out and do something with my friends or by myself and made a vow to flirt with every attractive woman I saw. The point wasn't to get numbers or even for it to go anywhere. Just to flirt and have some fun. Shed your expectations on results and you just might find you enjoy yourself a lot more.

 

Best of luck!