ExposedBrick Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 i e been dating my gf for about 5 months. I met her during a time of dating burnout. I think there was a sort of half-spark of chemistry during the early dates. Since then, my level of interest in her seems to vary. I keep questioning myself whether I love her or not. We enjoy doing a lot of the same activities, she is attractive, and she is a genuinely nice person. I know she really likes me but sometimes I'm just not sure she understands me. She is a quiet person and sometimes I yearn for more conversation and banter. She is more of an introverted person and seems to shy away from calling me, although she does text me regularly. I honestly think she is a great woman, and I don't know if I can do any better. I'm starting to think online dating has warped my mind into thinking the grass is always greener. I can't say there is a definite problem between us, but I just don't feel head over heels. I've put a lot of effort over the past year or two into finding love. How do you know when you're truly in love? Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 If you're not feeling it, then you're not feeling it. I don't think you are. If you feel like there is someone else, someone different or better out there.....then you are definitely not in love. You've laid it all out there in your post, half chemistry, lacking conversation...she doesn't fulfill your needs. It's not working for you. Doesn't mean she's a bad person, she's just not the perfect girl for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExposedBrick Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 If you're not feeling it, then you're not feeling it. I don't think you are. If you feel like there is someone else, someone different or better out there.....then you are definitely not in love. You've laid it all out there in your post, half chemistry, lacking conversation...she doesn't fulfill your needs. It's not working for you. Doesn't mean she's a bad person, she's just not the perfect girl for you. Do you think I'm being foolish if I break up with her? I can't help but think maybe I'm being too picky sometimes. I feel really bad. I honestly don't know how to tell a great human being I want to break up without a compelling argument to cal it up. I'm so conflicted. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Do you think I'm being foolish if I break up with her? I can't help but think maybe I'm being too picky sometimes. I feel really bad. I honestly don't know how to tell a great human being I want to break up without a compelling argument to cal it up. I'm so conflicted. Absolutely not. I think you'd be foolish to continue on when your feelings aren't there for her. Also, continuing with her is unfair to her.....imagine keeping her under your wing preventing her from finding someone who does love her and everything about her. You tried and you learned what you want from a relationship, take those tools and use them as building blocks for the next. That's how we grow and find "our person". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bolase Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Agreed with the previous poster. When its real it happens fast and you don't want it to stop. You seem like you'd be fine, not even upset with it ending right now (aside from hurting her feelings of course), which means you are not going to fall in love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 ExposedBrick, Please don't lead this girl on if you really aren't sure about your feelings for her. It's a difficult thing to do but you need to sit her down and tell her straight that you are sorry, but you don't want the relationship to carry on because you don't feel the right way about her. Reassure her that she did nothing wrong and you still think she's a great person but she's not for you. Then make a clean break of it and go NC. Don't try and "let her down gently" by throwing breadcrumbs such as " we can still be friends", " I might chnage my mind in the future" - that's just keeping her dangling and it's mean. You are actually doing her a favour by setting her free to find a guy that is really into her and thinks she's awesome - so do it soon. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExposedBrick Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 ExposedBrick, Please don't lead this girl on if you really aren't sure about your feelings for her. It's a difficult thing to do but you need to sit her down and tell her straight that you are sorry, but you don't want the relationship to carry on because you don't feel the right way about her. Reassure her that she did nothing wrong and you still think she's a great person but she's not for you. Then make a clean break of it and go NC. Don't try and "let her down gently" by throwing breadcrumbs such as " we can still be friends", " I might chnage my mind in the future" - that's just keeping her dangling and it's mean. You are actually doing her a favour by setting her free to find a guy that is really into her and thinks she's awesome - so do it soon. Good luck. I think you're right. Two other times I've been in love were different. I wanted to be those women every minute of every day after 5 or 6 dates. I'm having trouble telling someone I think you're great and like you a lot, but I'm just not in love. Is there a good way to phrase that or just be blunt? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 EB, You need to tell her straight so that she is very clear that you want it to end. Trying to sugarcoat it only makes the dumpee think they still have a chance, and gives them false hope. It is a sad fact of life that sometimes relationships have to end because they just aren't working, and it's no-one's fault. The best anyone can do in this situation is to be honest. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 If it had been 5 days, I'd maybe tell you to give it some time if you're unsure. But it's been 5 months. If you're not 'feeling it' at 5 months, you've been in that R for 4 months too long. Do the right thing and set her free. It's the best course of action for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
andytownsend Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Here's a lesson buddy, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. If that's the only reason why you want to break up with her then that's not a very good reason. You're just going to regret breaking up with her in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Here's a lesson buddy, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. If that's the only reason why you want to break up with her then that's not a very good reason. You're just going to regret breaking up with her in the long run. So he should settle for someone he's not in love with and he's not really happy with, just because there might not be someone else better? I really really really dislike this "GIGS" thing. It doesn't exist. It's not about the grass being greener. It's about you not settling! And if he stays with her, he will be settling, since he doesn't seem to be in love with the girl. And he'll be doing a disservice not just to him but to her as well, as he's keeping her from finding someone who gets butterflies when they see her. Someone who will, in the end, make her happier. I wish people would stop talking about "GIGS". It's not a real thing! OP, you clearly aren't feeling this, so you need to let her go. And let yourself go as well. it's not your fault. But don't drag this out any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
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