New to dating, got a number, now what?

[samverhoeff]

I am 26, male, have never dated, been way too shy.

 

Anyway I went to a gig last night and thought to myself, girls there would share the common interest of liking the same band as me, so decided to step out of my shell (with the help of alcohol) and chat to a girl and get a number.

 

The girl next to me in the crowd was cute, so I talked to her before the show, and we agreed to talk about the show. The show finished, she was still keen and we went outside and chatted. Before I could ask for her number, she said "we should exchange numbers, can I give you mine", I took it, texted her a silly flirty message just to make sure it was a real number, and she texted back positively.

 

After a while more talking I got a cab home, and sms replied to her message and said "Hey, add me to facebook" and gave my details.

 

Anyways, its 11pm next day and no add on facebook or text reply from her. From what I have read here, girls usually don't initiate first contact? I am feeling rejection, but am thinking maybe she just woke up sober the next day and was too shy to add me on FB. I was really out going at the gig and I am generally really shy - and she seemed even more extroverted than myself. She seemed keen on the night, and surely her giving her number is a positive - well I thought it was at the time anyway?

 

I am happy to call her, just scared of rejection, from what I have said, should I just not waste my time and call?

[Ruby Slippers]

The day after you get the number, call her. If she doesn't answer, leave a short, upbeat message. Only follow up if she responds positively to the message.

 

I generally lose interest in guys who wait too long to call after getting my number (more than a couple of days, forget it), or call and don't leave a message (so wimpy).

[Chemist]

The day after you get the number, call her. If she doesn't answer, leave a short, upbeat message. Only follow up if she responds positively to the message.

 

I generally lose interest in guys who wait too long to call after getting my number (more than a couple of days, forget it), or call and don't leave a message (so wimpy).

 

who in the hell checks voicemails?

Call her or text her. If you ask her on a date, I think calling is a bit better.

Also, I usually wait two days, but whateves, doesn't matter. I got a dinner date texting the night I got the number and calling 2 days later.

 

I texted a girl 3 nights ago, about 4 weeks after the number, she ignored it. I saw her at the bar the next night, she said Hi, I called her out for ignoring her text, she called me an ******* for waiting 4 weeks to text her.

 

I am going to text her again tomorrow, let you know how that rolls. Haha.

[Tayken]

Also, I usually wait two days, but whateves, doesn't matter. I got a dinner date texting the night I got the number and calling 2 days later.

 

Surely, you can see that texting helped with you getting that dinner date?

 

Personally, I txt right after the number is given to me. It's usually a little intro to let them know who this is, followed by something humorous / sarcastic.

 

I then send a pic of me so they don't have to go to a site to see it, and ask that they reciprocate. Works all the time for me, and sometimes I get more than I asked for

[Chemist]

Surely, you can see that texting helped with you getting that dinner date?

 

Personally, I txt right after the number is given to me. It's usually a little intro to let them know who this is, followed by something humorous / sarcastic.

 

I then send a pic of me so they don't have to go to a site to see it, and ask that they reciprocate. Works all the time for me, and sometimes I get more than I asked for

No I mean I texted a girl and asked her to dinner in the text, 10 minutes after getting her number.

 

I called another girl 2 days later, they weren't the same one. I am saying a day two days, the night off.. doesn't matter.. as long as it's not 4 weeks. Or a week according to some.

[Mrin]

For f*cks sake, stop adding women to your Facebook. Why do you want a woman knowing everything about you in one glance and possibly misjudging you? Keep everything to simple texts and phone calls. Nothing more. Nothing less.

 

In fact, I'm strongly against people having Facebook. If you desperately need one, I'd keep it strictly for family.

 

This. I know I hated it when I was single and a woman I barely knew wanted to friend me on FB. Wouldn't do it.

 

Just call her. Now.

[Ruby Slippers]

who in the hell checks voicemails?

Normal human beings?

 

If a guy calls and doesn't leave a message, I see that as wussy and usually lose interest.

[samverhoeff]

This. I know I hated it when I was single and a woman I barely knew wanted to friend me on FB. Wouldn't do it.

 

Just call her. Now.

 

 

Ok thanks, I am new to it all, so probably good she didn't add me on FB, I didn't even really think it through. Will call in a few hours

[Tayken]

In fact, I'm strongly against people having Facebook.

 

Wow...I thought I was the only one that feels this way, considering am a techie type. Farcebook causes more headaches and drama from I hear than any good. The amount of hours people spend on there too, whilst on the go or stationary at home

 

It's one of my red flags when it comes to a female, on my long list of things.

[samverhoeff]

Hmmmm well I have been talking to a girl from an online dating website for 2 weeks over Facebook and we are meeting in 3 days. Is this bad since the chat has been over Facebook?

[Chemist]

Normal human beings?

 

If a guy calls and doesn't leave a message, I see that as wussy and usually lose interest.

 

Are you over 30? I just call again later. I don't think it's wussy that I want to hear her initial reaction.

[umirano]

Are you over 30? I just call again later. I don't think it's wussy that I want to hear her initial reaction.

 

I agree with that. Some people wuss by not picking up the phone to not have to confront the caller in a live conversation. I only leave voice messages if it's paramount to transfer information. If it's about having a conversation I hang up. If it matters to her she'll call back or I try again later.

[umirano]

Hmmmm well I have been talking to a girl from an online dating website for 2 weeks over Facebook and we are meeting in 3 days. Is this bad since the chat has been over Facebook?

 

what kind of a question is that? It doesn't matter where the chat takes place. The problem is chatting for so long in the first place. 2 weeks of chat build up more misconceptions and fantasies than you can undo in 2 dates. You're not doing yourself a favor if you chat for so long. And FB is bad because FB is a presentation of yourself. While some people are very careful with it others just post whatever and may give off an impression that they actually don't want to give to a prospective date.

 

I use FB basically as a contact list for people who I'd be ready to meet again. And I use it to mass communicate with people close to me, say over what I'm doing on holidays. I don't typically use FB to get to know someone from the beginning.

[samverhoeff]

what kind of a question is that? It doesn't matter where the chat takes place. The problem is chatting for so long in the first place. 2 weeks of chat build up more misconceptions and fantasies than you can undo in 2 dates. You're not doing yourself a favor if you chat for so long. And FB is bad because FB is a presentation of yourself. While some people are very careful with it others just post whatever and may give off an impression that they actually don't want to give to a prospective date.

 

I use FB basically as a contact list for people who I'd be ready to meet again. And I use it to mass communicate with people close to me, say over what I'm doing on holidays. I don't typically use FB to get to know someone from the beginning.

 

Funny you say that, she has stopped talking me today and deleted me off Facebook for no reason. I can't understand the logic of how talking too much on Facebook can result in this, its all foreign to me

[umirano]

Funny you say that, she has stopped talking me today and deleted me off Facebook for no reason. I can't understand the logic of how talking too much on Facebook can result in this, its all foreign to me

 

Sorry to hear this, I'm not too surprised though. Text is easy to misinterpret. You said something that put her off. Or someone made real life move on her, i.e. showed more determination.

 

Ask the girl you're interested in for a date within a few days from when you meet her. That shows you're genuinely interested. Warming her up for a date, or even trying to get her to ask you out is generally not a satisfactory technique.

 

Show interest, move on, show interest move on, show interest, go on date. Don't tip toe around asking a girl out that you like. Brush off rejection and appreciate the quick information gain. The focus required for the next girl will make you forget about your hurt ego. Playing games - and that includes playing along - costs you valuable time. Not dating out of fear of rejection costs you valuable time.

[samverhoeff]

Sorry to hear this, I'm not too surprised though. Text is easy to misinterpret. You said something that put her off. Or someone made real life move on her, i.e. showed more determination.

 

Ask the girl you're interested in for a date within a few days from when you meet her. That shows you're genuinely interested. Warming her up for a date, or even trying to get her to ask you out is generally not a satisfactory technique.

 

Show interest, move on, show interest move on, show interest, go on date. Don't tip toe around asking a girl out that you like. Brush off rejection and appreciate the quick information gain. The focus required for the next girl will make you forget about your hurt ego. Playing games - and that includes playing along - costs you valuable time. Not dating out of fear of rejection costs you valuable time.

 

Thanks, really good advice. Anyway, called the initial chick who I got the number of and set up a date. Due to me not having money and not getting payed until a week, the date isn't until 7 days. What do I do in them 7 days, do I keep in any form of contact?

[the tank]

Few texts during the week !

[samverhoeff]

Few texts during the week !

 

Oh cool, what should I say in the texts? Just a simple "hows your day?" or something lol ?

[Tayken]

Funny you say that, she has stopped talking me today and deleted me off Facebook for no reason. I can't understand the logic of how talking too much on Facebook can result in this, its all foreign to me

 

 

I think you just inadvertently did....find out that is.

[Chemist]

ZERO texts. Absolutely NOTHING. You've set the date, haven't you? Then nothing. If she initiates then fine, respond back. Ask a short question. Do this for two or three lines then close the conversation with "I have to get back to my work. See you on whatever day". Other than that, ZERO TEXTS.

 

The only time you text her is the day of the date two hours just to confirm the date by saying "I'll be 5 mins late". Her response will confirm the date. You don't want to ask her if she's still coming or if you guys are still on. Just say the 5 min late thing. It's a subtle manner to see if she's still on.

 

Eff the 5 minutes late. Don't be late. Tell her you will see there when you set the date. If she doesn't text you that she won't be coming, and then she doesn't show up, she is a **** person and doesn't deserve your time. Find another girl to flirt with and never talk to her again.

Edited October 21, 2014 by Chemist

[samverhoeff]

Cool. Both bits of advice sound good. Will just not text until a few hours before the date, will just think of something to say that doesn't sound like I am unsure if shes coming - but something just to get an idea that she is.

[clia]

I don't think it's a good idea to ignore this girl for the next 7 day until a few hours before the date. I would honestly think the date was off if I hadn't heard from a new guy after three or four days.

 

And why would you do that? Don't you like her? Don't you want to talk to her? I'm not saying you have to go gangbusters on her or anything, but in two or three days, reach out with a text to find out how she's doing. Then the day before the date call or text again to confirm plans.