Should I have been sexual with her?

[nyfan1992]

So I've posted a few times on here before about a girl I've been pursuing for the past few months. After many weeks of texting and phone conversations, she finally came to visit me for a weekend with my friends. We had an amazing time together and it's definitely a weekend I'll never forget.

 

She stayed over with me at my friend's apartment and we shared an air mattress both nights. We made out with each other pretty often but it never got carried away. With past girls I was always quick to start touching them sexually and get things going in the bedroom but with this girl I'm not interested in that. She's definitely by far the most attractive girl I've ever been with but I really like her and don't want to mess it up. She also seems like a very respectful and traditional girl so I want to respect her. I'm still getting to know her so I want to play it safe and not make a move and turn her off.

 

The last night we were at my friend's apartment, we got back late from the bars and she moved the air mattress to a more private area away from my friends. We made out more intensely than we ever had before and were much more touchy. At one point she was on top of me and I started moving my hands along her legs. She never stopped me and seemed to be enjoying it. I never went further than that however and I eventually stopped and just held her in my arms until we fell asleep.

 

I'm still on a high from that experience but I'm worried I didn't do enough. My friends think I messed up by not trying to have sex with her because in their opinion she definitely wanted to. I was hoping she would like that I didn't act like a typical guy and actually showed her respect but now I'm worried that I came across as weak and not confident because I didn't pursue anything more. Part of me is tempted to talk to her about it but at the same time I don't want to make a big deal about it especially if she may be happy with my behavior. Can someone please let me know what I should do or if I did anything wrong? Thank you!

[Redhead14]

So I've posted a few times on here before about a girl I've been pursuing for the past few months. After many weeks of texting and phone conversations, she finally came to visit me for a weekend with my friends. We had an amazing time together and it's definitely a weekend I'll never forget.

 

She stayed over with me at my friend's apartment and we shared an air mattress both nights. We made out with each other pretty often but it never got carried away. With past girls I was always quick to start touching them sexually and get things going in the bedroom but with this girl I'm not interested in that. She's definitely by far the most attractive girl I've ever been with but I really like her and don't want to mess it up. She also seems like a very respectful and traditional girl so I want to respect her. I'm still getting to know her so I want to play it safe and not make a move and turn her off.

 

The last night we were at my friend's apartment, we got back late from the bars and she moved the air mattress to a more private area away from my friends. We made out more intensely than we ever had before and were much more touchy. At one point she was on top of me and I started moving my hands along her legs. She never stopped me and seemed to be enjoying it. I never went further than that however and I eventually stopped and just held her in my arms until we fell asleep.

 

I'm still on a high from that experience but I'm worried I didn't do enough. My friends think I messed up by not trying to have sex with her because in their opinion she definitely wanted to. I was hoping she would like that I didn't act like a typical guy and actually showed her respect but now I'm worried that I came across as weak and not confident because I didn't pursue anything more. Part of me is tempted to talk to her about it but at the same time I don't want to make a big deal about it especially if she may be happy with my behavior. Can someone please let me know what I should do or if I did anything wrong? Thank you!

 

You didn't do anything wrong. You went as far as you were comfortable with with her because of your respect for her. Now, the next time you two get physical and she is receptive, you can say to her you'd like to progress further or simply attempt to do so. If she responds in kind, then it's all good. This is not a sign of weakness on your part at all.

[venusishername]

I was hoping she would like that I didn't act like a typical guy and actually showed her respect but now I'm worried that I came across as weak and not confident because I didn't pursue anything more. Part of me is tempted to talk to her about it but at the same time I don't want to make a big deal about it especially if she may be happy with my behavior. Can someone please let me know what I should do or if I did anything wrong? Thank you!

 

I don't think women want men who DON'T act like a 'typical guy'. If I was getting hot and heavy with someone I was into and vice versa, no matter how long we've been spending time or how 'traditional' I might be, I would wonder why he wasn't going for it when I was grinding on top of him and making it clear I wanted him. Women want a man to take charge and go for it in those situations. She could've stopped you if she didn't want to take it further. Next time, I'd suggest you be more aggressive!

And don't talk about it with her.. THAT would be weak and not confident. Just ACT on it.

[Tayken]

You missed a golden opportunity. Live and learn. Next time, escalate HARD AND FAST. Don't be a wuss.

 

Now Now....that is NOT the way to go about things.

 

You didn't do anything wrong. You went as far as you were comfortable with with her because of your respect for her.

 

Voice of reason....and I concur.

 

Now, the next time you two get physical and she is receptive, you can say to her you'd like to progress further or simply attempt to do so.

 

Best approach is the part in BOLD. Here is why below

 

I don't think women want men who DON'T act like a 'typical guy'. If I was getting hot and heavy with someone I was into and vice versa, no matter how long we've been spending time or how 'traditional' I might be, I would wonder why he wasn't going for it when I was grinding on top of him and making it clear I wanted him.

 

Personally, I am good at reading this and never have to be told. It good to hear from a female though on this, but cognizant of the fact that you don't speak for all.

[rdet123]

Okay if it were me in this situation and we were both getting pretty into it, I would just be expecting you to keep pushing the limits. That's usually what happens when I get intimate with a guy, they are very persistent. I only go as far as I feel comfortable though. You could have kept trying to take it farther, but in the end she would have stopped you when she felt it had gone too far. I respect you for thinking so highly of the girl and wanting to take it slow with her though. A true man you are!

[Ruffian1]

You did nothing wrong. Kudos for not "going in for the kill". It is not like you will never see her again, right? And if she has a problem with it, she could have been very blunt about what she wanted. But she didn't go there. Maybe she has some respect for you too. There will be other times to go further. Sometimes the best things come to those who wait.

[IronZ]

I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but if it were me, I would've made a move. She showed signs of wanting to get it on. She moved you guys to a private area, she got on top of you, she didn't stop your hands-on advances. She wanted you to make a move.

 

Next time, if there is a next time, you need to take her like a viking.

[nyfan1992]

Thanks for all your comments. I realized I left out a crucial piece of the story that gives the situation much better context. The private room I mentioned was actually the kitchen and there were several of my friends as well as one of her friends sleeping in the living room right next to the kitchen without any doors or walls dividing us. Yes we did have a little more privacy but someone could have easily seen and heard us having sex so I thought it would be disrespectful to her to try anything in public like that.

[IronZ]

Thanks for all your comments. I realized I left out a crucial piece of the story that gives the situation much better context. The private room I mentioned was actually the kitchen and there were several of my friends as well as one of her friends sleeping in the living room right next to the kitchen without any doors or walls dividing us. Yes we did have a little more privacy but someone could have easily seen and heard us having sex so I thought it would be disrespectful to her to try anything in public like that.

 

Maybe public sex turns her on. I had a gf give me uhh.. not to be crass but "roadhead" I believe is the term that's used, in the car with her friend in the backseat none the wiser. Some people find that kind of thing exciting. If you were behind a counter or something you could have still done something. At the very least you could've gotten your hand in there and made an advance of some sort to gauge her interest.

 

Regardless, in my opinion I think next time you should find a more private setting for just you two and make your move. She seems to be showing interest. Go get it! Bow chicka bow wow

[Redhead14]

Glad to see a woman tell it like it is. NEVER talk about it with her. Her actions will do all the talking. If a woman is grinding the hell out of you and getting hot and heavy, keep pushing and go for the kill.

 

There is another question here . . . why didn't she make a move to progress further? How does he know for sure that that wasn't as far as she was willing to go? Pushing for the kill? That may have scared her too. A simple whisper in her ear to say, "hey, do you want to move to the bedroom" or "can we go further" would have answered the questions. If you can't talk about all this, then you shouldn't be trying to have sex yet.