abriggs Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 So I have found myself in a bit of a weird predicament. I'll try to break it down in an easy way. Everyone is in their mid to late twenties. - Met a girl back in April, dated casually for about a month and then she moved across country for 3 months. We stayed in touch and made it clear we weren't in a relationship. - The month before the first girl came back, I met another girl who I hit it off with immediately. Deep feelings came very fast. - When the first girl came back to town, she wanted to go on a date, and I told her that I met someone else, but that me and the new girl were not in a relationship, but I wanted to be upfront that I was also interested in someone else. The first girl revealed that she actually had developed really strong feelings for me, and even though she understood that we weren't in a relationship and she wasn't mad that I had met someone, it hurt her and she didn't really want to talk anymore. - The second girl and I continued dating for another month and a half, but she has gotten really odd lately and recently told me she needs "space," but isn't able to tell me why or how long she needs. We are not in a relationship, but I really care for her and want to be, but she said she needs time to figure out what she wants. - It has now been over a week since the last time the second girl told me she needs space. I have only heard from her a couple of times, and it is always to say something really dump, like to text me "what ever happened to skeet ulrich?" The first girl reached out to me tonight and wants to see if we can meet for coffee. She asked if I had gotten serious with the second girl, and I simply said "no." My problem is this. I truly have feelings for the second girl. I've only known her for about 3 months, but I truly feel like it might be love on my end. But she is treating me like garbage, and has been doing so for weeks with no end in sight. I don't want to lead on the first girl, but I also feel like I might want to see what is possible there, as we truly did get along very well in the brief time we dated before she left town, and also while she was gone. Should I tell the second girl about the first reaching out? Maybe it will finally get her to get her head out of her ass, or at least admit that she's just not interested anymore and let me move on. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
bolase Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 You don't love the first girl, shes a friend at best, but she has strong feelings for you, so don't use her for companionship and sex, it's really unfair. You will still be thinking about the second girl. The second girl has you around her little finger. Solution is to call her and tell her you have feelings and need to know if she will date you again. Take a clue from the first girl, who is being honest and straight up with you! In either scenario, don't date girl #1 again if you don't have the feelings. It's #2 or move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 (edited) Should I tell the second girl about the first reaching out? Maybe it will finally get her to get her head out of her ass, or at least admit that she's just not interested anymore and let me move on. Thoughts? No. Do not play games to manipulate her to make up her mind. She asked for space, and that means she needs space to figure out if she wants to continue seeing you and/or she is or wants to see other people. I would give the first girl a chance! You even said you're curious to see if there's anything still there... but if it turns out you don't feel the same as she does it's not fair to lead her on. You shouldn't be physical with her though, just spend time together platonically right now. Just see where it goes if the opportunity comes up. And I agree, don't tell the girls about each other. It's fair and honest that you said you had met someone else though. Good for you. But there's no reason to clue them in about each others' existence in your life. Keep the second one on the back burner because you acknowledge that she's 'treating you like garbage' and wanting space from you but texting you stupid little breadcrumbs to make sure you're still hanging around when she wants to come back. There's no respect in that. Edited October 20, 2014 by venusishername Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 @OP....you can't force someone to like you (it will be like a woman trying to change a man). If there is another person that wants, and the feeling is mutual...then it will be silly not to jump on that. There is only so much chasing one can do, and after a while you have to know when to quit. Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 It sounds to me like pursuing the second girl who needs space is pointless. She also seems to be acting strange with the way she texts you. Clearly she's over it. Instead of following her around like a lost puppy, focus on someone who actually wants to be with you. I say go for the first girl and let it go with the second. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Why do you have to tell girl 1 about girl 2 and vice-versa... Look, people date multiple people all the time. I think the only time you should tell them you're seeing other is before sex and/or the exclusivity talk....even then, I don't think you should go into details (i.e. I am still talking to a girl I met three months ago), you should simply say that you are seeing other people until we are exclusive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author abriggs Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 Thanks everyone for all the advice. To clarify, I was mainly kidding about telling girl 2 about girl 1 being interested. I would never start seeing someone to make someone else jealous. What I was seriously asking though is whether I should at least give girl 2 the opportunity to come clean about what's going on with her by telling her that there is essentially a time limit to how long I'm going to wait around for her. But everyone is right, that would be childish and it's up to her to figure her stuff out. I think I will grab coffee with girl 1 and see how it goes. If it goes well, I will suggest that we hang out a few times platonically and see how it goes. I truly did like her, it was very hard to make the decision to come clean to her about girl 2, but I did want to be honest because I respected her too much to lie or lead her on. I definitely don't want to do that this time, but I think if I keep things casual then no one will get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I think it's okay to date both for now as long as you let them both know you are seeing someone else. I mean, the 2nd one did ask for space. You've giving her space. Link to post Share on other sites
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