KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 So I met this guy on POF and we went out a month and a half ago, since the first date we have gone out 4 times and today I met his friends. Problem is I am still on my dating sites and talking to other guys. I have dates this week. I feel almost like I'm betraying him. He's so funny and nice and cute. I just don't feel like overwhelming like, like I have in the past for other guys. I'm afraid that I am into him because he is nice and cute and is interested in me and he makes jokes about dating me, and then I would be a girlfriend which is my goal. Idk if I should stick with it or not? What of my other dates don't amount to anything? Link to post Share on other sites
the tank Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 So I met this guy on POF and we went out a month and a half ago, since the first date we have gone out 4 times and today I met his friends. Problem is I am still on my dating sites and talking to other guys. I have dates this week. I feel almost like I'm betraying him. He's so funny and nice and cute. I just don't feel like overwhelming like, like I have in the past for other guys. I'm afraid that I am into him because he is nice and cute and is interested in me and he makes jokes about dating me, and then I would be a girlfriend which is my goal. Idk if I should stick with it or not? What of my other dates don't amount to anything? The problem here is that you talk to other guy because you are on old... If you met him in real life, you wouldnt have these options and you will be more into him ! If you dont feel anything , tell him and move on . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 The problem here is that you talk to other guy because you are on old... If you met him in real life, you wouldnt have these options and you will be more into him ! If you dont feel anything , tell him and move on . That is so true! I am going to wait and see if it grows. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 So I met this guy on POF and we went out a month and a half ago, since the first date we have gone out 4 times and today I met his friends. Problem is I am still on my dating sites and talking to other guys. I have dates this week. I feel almost like I'm betraying him. He's so funny and nice and cute. I just don't feel like overwhelming like, like I have in the past for other guys. I'm afraid that I am into him because he is nice and cute and is interested in me and he makes jokes about dating me, and then I would be a girlfriend which is my goal. Idk if I should stick with it or not? What of my other dates don't amount to anything? If you truly "liked" this guy, had good chemistry with him, you wouldn't be on that site anymore, you'd close your account and not be going out on dates with other guys. Don't stay with this guy just because he likes you and he's cute. If you aren't "into" him , end it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 The problem here is that you talk to other guy because you are on old... If you met him in real life, you wouldnt have these options and you will be more into him ! If you dont feel anything , tell him and move on . If you truly "liked" this guy, had good chemistry with him, you wouldn't be on that site anymore, you'd close your account and not be going out on dates with other guys. Don't stay with this guy just because he likes you and he's cute. If you aren't "into" him , end it. Both of these posts are true ^^ Let the guy find someone who's going to actually be into him rather than luke warm about him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 Both of these posts are true ^^ Let the guy find someone who's going to actually be into him rather than luke warm about him. But it takes time don't you think? Idk I feel like I should just try Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Take it from someone that has dated a lot.....if you don't feel it by now you won't. All you are doing is settling because you are desperate to be someone's GF. And yes you are misleading him because he is hinting at exclusivity. If he knew you were out dating others still he would be devastated. Like the other poster said if you are still on OLD site you are not into him. I agree let the poor guy go so he can meet a girl that is actually into him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 Letting him go bums me out because he's into me. I should be into him. I complain so much about being single and I have someone who can change that Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 What is it about him that you don't like? I understand that you are not experiencing a spark with him so what exactly is it about him that you're not feeling? You've met him 4 times and of all these times what activities did you guys do and what kind of conversations have came out each time? Do you guys share similar hobbies? What are his likes and dislikes? I hadn't really exactly had a spark with my bf the first time I met him. But he held my attention because of his humor and his personality. It took a few more dates and a kiss before I find myself falling for him. Also, I wasn't looking for other options at the time. So you may want to stop talking to other guys and experiencing GIGS and try to see if this works out before you move on to the next guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 That is so true! I am going to wait and see if it grows. Your behavior is as a maximizer. What he said is very true. Have you met him in real life and didn't have online options you would feel differently. Be cause you have s many options you are frozen to make a commitment. It isn't him..it's you...and this will likely happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 What is it about him that you don't like? I understand that you are not experiencing a spark with him so what exactly is it about him that you're not feeling? You've met him 4 times and of all these times what activities did you guys do and what kind of conversations have came out each time? Do you guys share similar hobbies? What are his likes and dislikes? I hadn't really exactly had a spark with my bf the first time I met him. But he held my attention because of his humor and his personality. It took a few more dates and a kiss before I find myself falling for him. Also, I wasn't looking for other options at the time. So you may want to stop talking to other guys and experiencing GIGS and try to see if this works out before you move on to the next guy. We both like football, all of our dates have been restaurants and he came to a coffee shop when I was working on a paper and he sat with me. Likes and dislikes idk?? He jokes a lot so that's kind of hard to get to know him you? I can't tell when he's serious or not Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Letting him go bums me out because he's into me. I should be into him. I complain so much about being single and I have someone who can change that This is kind of selfish. What about him? He has introduced you to his friends. He really likes you, and thinks you feel the same way and not out dating other guys. You feel guilty? that's because this is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I thought you were dating a furniture mover who wanted to get you pregnant. This guy sounds like an improvement by comparison. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 I thought you were dating a furniture mover who wanted to get you pregnant. This guy sounds like an improvement by comparison. I wasn't dating him I was talking to him. He told me last week he doesn't know what he wants, he wants a family with me and because I won't invite him over for sex I "don't care about him" and I don't deserve to be happy because I am losing out on the person who can make me happy. I asked him to forgive me and give me another chance and he said no. Well he didn't respond to the texts. So then I texted this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 This is kind of selfish. What about him? He has introduced you to his friends. He really likes you, and thinks you feel the same way and not out dating other guys. You feel guilty? that's because this is wrong. I will just stop talking to the other guys I will leave the dating website Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I have told many people this.....if you truly want someone in your life you have to be true of heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Too many jaded men here. How do you know the guy isn't doing the same thing? Maybe he's happy with a casual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I feel almost like I'm betraying him. You almost feel like you're betraying him? You've seen this guy 4 times and you're still going behind his back to set up other dates. If you aren't sure about it then do him a favor and stop stringing him along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 Too many jaded men here. How do you know the guy isn't doing the same thing? Maybe he's happy with a casual relationship. Exactly, when he mentions exclusivity I will delete Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I wasn't dating him I was talking to him. He told me last week he doesn't know what he wants, he wants a family with me and because I won't invite him over for sex I "don't care about him" and I don't deserve to be happy because I am losing out on the person who can make me happy. I asked him to forgive me and give me another chance and he said no. Well he didn't respond to the texts. So then I texted this guy. Wait, lemme get this straight. You went and asked another guy to be in your life who was clearly into sex, but a guy who is into you you're unsure about. Do I really need to say what we're all thinking here? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 It seems your problem is that you feel guilty about dating other men at the same time. So I think you have two options: Option #1: Drop the other dates and just date the one guy. Option #2: Be open with him about the fact that you're dating others. Your conscience is telling you it's not right to hide or omit the fact that you're dating others, and your conscience is correct. So either stop seeing others, or stop hiding/omitting the truth of what you're doing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 Wait, lemme get this straight. You went and asked another guy to be in your life who was clearly into sex, but a guy who is into you you're unsure about. Do I really need to say what we're all thinking here? It's complicated i online date so I went on a lot of dates talked to a lot of guys. I met Steven (furniture mover) a while ago and we talked and lost contact and then started talking again recently. We made plans he canceled he got mad at me a lot for not letting him have sex, BUT the thing about him is that he really wanted babies and marriage. Like he swore we would date and within a few months start trying to make a baby. So I am all about that, that's all I want. So I was more drawn to him. I met Sean (the guy I made the post about) before Steven and I connected again a second time. We went out and it was nice then there was a time gap and we went out again, then another gap of a few weeks and we went out again, then another and we hung out yesterday. I was motivated to contact him because things fell apart witg Steven, the thing is Sean isn't in a rush for marriage and kids I don't think. I am. We hadn't ever talked exclusivity though you know? So idk if I should bring it up, idk if I want to yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KeepCalmCarryOn Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 It seems your problem is that you feel guilty about dating other men at the same time. So I think you have two options: Option #1: Drop the other dates and just date the one guy. Option #2: Be open with him about the fact that you're dating others. Your conscience is telling you it's not right to hide or omit the fact that you're dating others, and your conscience is correct. So either stop seeing others, or stop hiding/omitting the truth of what you're doing. How do I tell him? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I would not tell him anything if you are remotely interested in this man. If he asks you straight out if you are seeing other men then answer the truth. Your guilt comes from the fact you know he is more into you than you're into him. There comes that feeling of dragging him along. Given time this may turn around anytime who knows. If you are still on the dating site, if you have not talked about exclusivity, the man is not an idiot, he knows you're seeing other people, and he probably is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MadJackBird Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I've been on both ends of this. Either you are multi-dating and meeting other men to have fun with. Or you are dating because you want to be exclusive and have a bf/gf relationship. You can't do both. Either way you need to speak your truth and let him know. Do you know what you want? If you want to just casually date and meet lots of guys be up front with him that is what you want. He may be okay with it or he may not. If his goals are to be exclusive and in a bf/gf type relationship then let him go to pursue that with someone else. If you want to be in a bf/gf exclusive relationship then it sounds like you don't want that form him. Why keep wasting your and his time? Let him go and focus on someone that you do have all those feelings for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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