ctorres626 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I have been dating this girl who is afraid to get into a relationship because of a heartbreak that happened years ago... We have very good chemistry and we compliment each other very well... We talk all the time and go out a lot... We always have a goodnight, flirt a lot but last night I went to kiss her but she turned away. This after holding hands all night at a jazz bar and being very close to each other.... When I arrived home she sends me a lyric.... I am so confused... This music for you... Attention this part of the music... And change the "man" for "woman".... "Guess it's true I'm not good at a one night stand But I still need love 'Cause I'm just a man These nights never seem to Go to plan I don't want you to leave Will you hold my hand? Oh, won't you stay with me? 'Cause you're all I need......" I am very confused and I don't know what to do! Does this mean she likes me and wants me to stick around and just go slower. Maybe she is not ready but needs me... I don't know Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I would say your hunch is correct. Go slower. On the other hand, as a person who is still trying to get over their ex(some 7 months later), you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. I went on a date a few nights ago with a woman who was attractive, successful, intellectual, passionate and kind. There's still a roadblock for me. It's really rather messed up. It's like "we" see you, we see your value, we see how great you are, but there's this emotional bar containing us. You have to decide if you're going to be patient enough to endure that emotional blockade and be cool with any sort of outcome. If you're not ready for that(you sound younger), it might be best for you to train your eye elsewhere. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JohnM Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 You can't make do with someone turning down a kiss ans using lyrics to explain. There's no excuse for poor communication, sit down with her and openly discuss this 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 You can't make do with someone turning down a kiss ans using lyrics to explain. There's no excuse for poor communication, sit down with her and openly discuss this Well, you CAN make do with someone who has to hide behind song lyrics if they are 17 years old or so and haven't learned how to communicate their feelings effectively. OP, how old are you guys? She sounds really, really young and unable to discuss things effectively yet. Unsure how patient you want to be if you can't kiss her yet. How many dates? Lastly, you complEment each other - not complIment. They are different words. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Unless you know how to "handle" these type of situations, I wouldn't suggest that you get involved with them...I understand the lure and the pull for you to kind of check what's under that rock and realistically it might have already gotten the best of you, but she's going to be a handful and this is going to get "complicated" very quickly...if you're looking for something else, something that's more simple and transparent then I'd suggest you move on because you're going to get confused a lot more than this down the road, I promise you that. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Lastly, you complEment each other - not complIment. They are different words. Well you don't know that. Maybe they do compliment each other all the time... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Generally, when someone mentions they are afraid to get into a relationship because they got hurt, I run like hell. This usually doesn't end up well - sorry OP. I also can't help you with the whole lyrics thing. If she has trouble verbally saying what's on her mind, suggest she writes it - in a non-lyric form. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctorres626 Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 (edited) I sound young thanks, but I am actually 27 years old, married once already and I used to be in the military. I divorced about a year and half ago and am starting to get back in the game after being married for almost 5 years. Another reason this complicated for me is because this girl is Brazilian. I moved to Sao Paulo earlier this year and so her English is Intermediate at best and also the same age as me. We have gone out about 6 times alone and many more times in groups and I know her since April. She has communicated before to me that is scared to be involved with someone but that was over two years ago! We go out once a week and each time we get closer and closer but for me I felt totally embarrassed after she turned away... I am willing to go slower! Edited October 19, 2014 by ctorres626 Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 If someone is isn't mentally ready to date seriously, that's their problem, not yours. I would move on and find someone who is less screwed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I have been dating this girl who is afraid to get into a relationship because of a heartbreak that happened years ago... Dump. Still being afraid of being hurt after a break up that happened years go is weak. Emotionally weak, character weak. last night I went to kiss her but she turned away. This after holding hands all night at a jazz bar and being very close to each other.... When I arrived home she sends me a lyric.... I am so confused... Well that support my first impression. Emotionally weak, character weak. How old is she 15? She gets scared away by a kiss attempt? Really? Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 You need to make her aware of the fact that YOU did not hurt her and that it's been years since she got hurt. She needs to give you a fair chance, and hiding behind lyircs is pretty childish if you ask me. Unless you're in high school or something you should be able to talk to each other about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctorres626 Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Yeah, professionally she has a great job, double masters and moving up... But on the mental side and emotional she is a bit immature at times with certain things! I will have a talk with her and try to sort everything out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I think you need to talk to her in person and just ask her if she is just wanting to be friends and if so, tell her you're going to just withdraw for now to give her time to get ready to date and let her know you're looking for a girlfriend, not a one-night stand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I have met women like this who were just using the guy and had no intention of ever getting serious. Does she pay sometimes when you go out? There's also the possibility that she does really like you and enjoys hanging out with you, but the physical attraction isn't there yet. I don't have a good feeling about this one, OP. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Sending song lyrics to someone is sooo high-school. Hell, maybe even middle-school. I would be turned off by that. HOw old is this "woman," anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 She likes you as a friend, desires the companionship, etc., but really isn't into you. She's emotionally damaged, and even if she eventually gets over it, it will be with someone else, not you IMO. If you like her as a friend, keep her for that, and start dating others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctorres626 Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 She is 27 years old, yeah that lyric thing shocked me... She told me she didn't want me to upset at her or anything... Maybe it is a culture thing I am not sure... Remember I am living in Brazil and this maybe something common here IDK... We always pay half for everything because that is culture here, I have offered to pay but that is a "no-no". We hold hands, cuddle, many things but she is afraid for other things. Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Don't worry about the "what ifs" and the "what is she thinking" so much and just open the lines of communication. That's the only way you're going to get a straight answer. Just talk to her, as uncomfortable as it may be for her. Tell her you can take things slow if she wants that, but that you need to know where you stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctorres626 Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Will do! Thanks everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 She is 27 years old . . .We hold hands, cuddle, many things but she is afraid for other things. At 27, "afraid for other things" would be a giant red flag for me... Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 This song is about a one night stand and the protagonist begging her not to leave and not because he loves her or really has feelings for her, he's just a man and lonely. She's replacing the protagonist with herself and telling you that if you two sleep together, she will only be doing it because she is lonely and there are no feelings. Either way, she is being clear that she is afraid and unsure. Take it very slowly if you decide to continue seeing her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 This song is about a one night stand and the protagonist begging her not to leave and not because he loves her or really has feelings for her, he's just a man and lonely. She's replacing the protagonist with herself and telling you that if you two sleep together, she will only be doing it because she is lonely and there are no feelings. Either way, she is being clear that she is afraid and unsure. Take it very slowly if you decide to continue seeing her. She's 27 years old dude. Instead of playing some lyrical mind game she could've just outright told him she's afraid to move things too quickly. Chicks like this do my head in. I would personally avoid her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctorres626 Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 So the past two days, I have just responded to her goodnight messages, that day we had agreed to go out this weekend. I won't bring it up or say anything about going out again unless she does. It is extremely difficult to avoid her because her co workers are my friends/students and we have a big circle of friends. I would like to slow down and not get myself too invested more than I already am. She knows me pretty well and if I decide to not go out this weekend that would be a flag for her that something is wrong and I am upset at her, or that she game the cheek made me angry at her. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 The lyrics thing is just embarrassing on her part. It made me cringe to read that! Don't work yourself in a knot trying to analyze it. I think in a weird, awkward way she is trying to tell you she's interested... don't read into it any more than that. See how it goes the next couple times you hang out, and give her a chance to make the first move. (Maybe not actually moving in for a kiss, but giving you invitations for physical affection, i.e. putting her hand on your knee or something.) If she continues to play hot/cold with you, then you have the right to bail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctorres626 Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 We began to play a game of asking three questions to each other about anything and everything! She thought long and hard and her first question was how I like sex and things that I enjoy done to me. She really enjoyed my response. I then asked her for my first question about what a guy would do to make her wet... Her response was very detailed and left my mind going crazy. She is a freak! It was the first time we had any conversation about an intimate subject. We are going out on Saturday and I don't know how it will go, but I will continue to be physical with her, she allowed me to kiss her cheek throughout the night last time, hold and kiss her hand, and kissed her neck a few times... Will I attempt a kiss at the end of the night, probably not. I suppose I will let her make the move but this conversation we had last night makes it very hard for me not to! Link to post Share on other sites
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