Dubler Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Met a girl recently while on a night out with friends and got on really well with her. I got her number and asked her for a drink one night which went pretty well. We had some good frequent texting all throughout that time. Heard through a mutual friend she was waiting for me to ask her out a second time and apparently she was really happy when I did. Anyway 2nd date was great as well. She said she fancied me and we spent most of the night making out kissing/cuddling. She lives near by and said 'are you about at the weekend it would be good to do something'. I was away unfortunately but said I'd like to meet again and lets do one night next week. She smiles and said 'ok lets do this again, next week'. Great right Well no....the texting continued but then when I asked about the next time she said 'I can see us getting on well as friends but not sure about anything else' Now I'm at a loss as to what happened there? She says she fancies me and asks when I'm free next, the physical chemistry and attraction was there so how did it move in that direction? Anyone share any similar experiences? Is that one dead in the water? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 She may well be a FWB, but no, I don't think this is going anywhere great. Meet her and discuss it. Nothing like having a real talk to clear the air...! Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Met a girl recently while on a night out with friends and got on really well with her. I got her number and asked her for a drink one night which went pretty well. We had some good frequent texting all throughout that time. Heard through a mutual friend she was waiting for me to ask her out a second time and apparently she was really happy when I did. Anyway 2nd date was great as well. She said she fancied me and we spent most of the night making out kissing/cuddling. She lives near by and said 'are you about at the weekend it would be good to do something'. I was away unfortunately but said I'd like to meet again and lets do one night next week. She smiles and said 'ok lets do this again, next week'. Great right Well no....the texting continued but then when I asked about the next time she said 'I can see us getting on well as friends but not sure about anything else' Now I'm at a loss as to what happened there? She says she fancies me and asks when I'm free next, the physical chemistry and attraction was there so how did it move in that direction? Anyone share any similar experiences? Is that one dead in the water? I don't really consider that the friendzone because she was physically attracted to you. When you have that, you always have a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dubler Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Yup I agree with you ^^^^^^ In my mind I feel like maybe she was seeing someone else at the same time or perhaps was on a rebound and has got back with whomever. Doesn't really seem to be much else to explain a total 180 turn. Anyone ever get that line from a girl and hear from her again? I know romance isn't always logical but just trying to rationalise seemingly weird behaviour? Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 (edited) Yup I agree with you ^^^^^^ In my mind I feel like maybe she was seeing someone else at the same time or perhaps was on a rebound and has got back with whomever. Doesn't really seem to be much else to explain a total 180 turn. Anyone ever get that line from a girl and hear from her again? I know romance isn't always logical but just trying to rationalise seemingly weird behaviour? Right. The friendzone is more when you've known a woman for a year and she is not physically attracted to you. I think there is an important distinction because there is more chance of a woman ending up with a guy she made out with that she barely knows than a guy she has known for 2 years and is really tight with, but not physically attracted to. And if she made out with you, then she is physically attracted to you, because women don't do that with just anybody. Unless she was drunk or unconscious. I think more likely, a) she was attracted to you but after more thought, decided she could do better. b) she is attracted to you, but doesn't like your personality More likely b), but you still have a chance. You always have a chance when a woman is physically attracted. It's like a permanent ticket to keep trying. Edited October 19, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Zen Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Start dating other women and only see her again if you're bored and have nothing else to do and its 100% convenient. Men waste too much time and energy barking up the wrong tree and analyzing why they get rejected. Regarding why this happened.. my guess is you fell too hard too fast. If you came off desperate or clingy or spineless, it might have turned her off. I know its been said 500 times, but women need a challenge. You can never allow them to feel 100% secure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dubler Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Men waste too much time and energy barking up the wrong tree and analyzing why they get rejected. This is definitely true. I think this is only natural though. We all want to know if we have done something wrong or if there is just no 'click'. In this case there seemed to be a click which is kind of why my mind wants answers. But you're right. Pursue other avenues and see what happens later down the line Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Common misconception here, but the friend zone (to me at least) has always meant when someone (usually a guy) is attracted to someone else but has a fear of asking that person out because they are friends and have always been treated as friends. It's a fear of dating someone because of the awkwardness of it all. What you're experiencing is a little different. You clearly hooked up with her, so that tells me you were more than friends. You went out twice, right? And now for whatever reason, she decided she doesn't want to pursue that. I don't know what changed her mind, but that's something you can find out yourself by talking to her. If I were you I would ask to see her for drinks regardless of what she told you and then speak to her in person about it. Maybe all she needs is to physically see you again to ignite that spark you had before. Give that a shot. If it doesn't pan out, sorry to tell you but it's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
JennyGreen Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Tricky. If you keep her as a friend then she will become use to being "just friends" and never expect anything more. But than again, maybe being around her as a friend will intensify any feelings she does have. Take it easy. Go on that second date, and see what happens from there. No sense in rushing things. Maybe she just felt like things were moving to fast Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dubler Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 If I were you I would ask to see her for drinks regardless of what she told you and then speak to her in person about it. Maybe all she needs is to physically see you again to ignite that spark you had before. Give that a shot. If it doesn't pan out, sorry to tell you but it's time to move on. Yeah to be fair this what I was gonna do. Will leave it for a bit as I don't want it to seem as though it's a big deal. One of the above posters was right - if it's too easy it's not interesting (not sure why but I've seen this as well) Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Yeah to be fair this what I was gonna do. Will leave it for a bit as I don't want it to seem as though it's a big deal. One of the above posters was right - if it's too easy it's not interesting (not sure why but I've seen this as well) It's somewhat true you're right. I do think that the right couple has such good chemistry that they don't need to play childish games like that but it's different when you're just meeting someone or just starting to date. You don't want to give her all of yourself all at once. Maybe lay low for a few days and then send her a message asking if she'd like to grab a drink. Link to post Share on other sites
dragonfire13 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Right. The friendzone is more when you've known a woman for a year and she is not physically attracted to you. I think there is an important distinction because there is more chance of a woman ending up with a guy she made out with that she barely knows than a guy she has known for 2 years and is really tight with, but not physically attracted to. And if she made out with you, then she is physically attracted to you, because women don't do that with just anybody. Unless she was drunk or unconscious. I think more likely, a) she was attracted to you but after more thought, decided she could do better. b) she is attracted to you, but doesn't like your personality More likely b), but you still have a chance. You always have a chance when a woman is physically attracted. It's like a permanent ticket to keep trying. As a female who has been unsure about a guy I was attracted to you, I agree with this ^^^ 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dubler Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 As a female who has been unsure about a guy I was attracted to you, I agree with this ^^^ 100%. Ok well that's encouraging. Will lay low for a bit and give it another go Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Zen Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 This is definitely true. I think this is only natural though. We all want to know if we have done something wrong or if there is just no 'click'. In this case there seemed to be a click which is kind of why my mind wants answers. But you're right. Pursue other avenues and see what happens later down the line Here is something that will blow your mind: If being yourself is wrong, then you should have no desire to be right. Back in my PUA days I got dating, flirting and approaching down to a science. Sure, I was able to date girls out of my league and say all the right things, but since it was all an act, none of those relationships lasted and it caused me a lot of strain and frustration. Took all the fun out of dating hot girls. So what was the point? To get a satisfying relationship, you have to able to be 100% yourself and not send them running. So the moral of the story is, don't worry about doing something "wrong". Be who you are and let the chips fall where they may. Its not a job interview. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I bet money on it that she is talking to her ex again and had to back off seeing you. She drew the friends card out to keep you on the back burner if things don't pan out. Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Till you get a clear answer, assume that you're not the only one, or that she is keeping her options open. I'd just relegate her to a FWB and leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dubler Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 Thanks for all of the replies on this guys. Strangely she is now initiating contact again. Very unusual situation. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 She just is seeking your attention. Not strange. I bet if you ask her out on a "date", you get the whole convo again or she disappears. I just wouldn't respond. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I agree not unusual. If you ignore them they think it's safe again. And yes as soon as you show romantic interest.... bam! gone. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Trust me on this one, don't waste your time on someone that goes hot and cold on you.....or flaky when the heat is on. Link to post Share on other sites
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