Why did She text me first then not reply? What's the point?

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Hi guys,

 

Cutting it short I dated a girl for about 2 an a half months. She ended it unfortunately due to a lack of effort & contact inbetween dates on my part.

 

We went no contact for 5 weeks then out of the blue she sends me a text which I'm surprised at because when we dated she wanted me to start every convo over text/phone.

 

She said: "So jealous you got to see U2 live! And on Graham Norton too! Eek!"

 

I said: "Ah U2 were so amazing live, I was like two rows away from Bono! Was a good line-up on the show aswell"

 

After that she didn't respond but updates her snapchat story etc so she's obviously ignored it.

 

I just don't get her logic here? Did I say something wrong in my reply because I can't see it? Why start a random convo after never starting them in the past to just not reply? Just curious why girls do this also?

 

I was actually about to break no contact with her because I want her back but strangely she beat me to it literally as I was about to contact her.

 

I know I've read into this way to much & I know she's probably just being friendly but it's just such a frustrating thing to do. I'm gonna contact her tomorrow but I just don't see the point if she's not gonna reply.

 

Anyways if you've taken the time to read this then thanks, please leave your views/what I should do/if you have been in a similar situation.

 

cheers!

[GemmaUK]

Sounds like she saw something on social media and was envious of your luck so said so.

 

You stated you had a good time and that was that.

 

I think she was just being friendly.

[rdet123]

Just out of curiosity, why did it take you so long to contact her in between dates? I am kind of going through the same situation with a guy and would love to know your thought process on it.

 

Regarding the text, I bet she was just being friendly with you

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Yeah i thought so aswell, cheers for getting back!

 

Erm well in my situation at first i didnt want to come across annoying by contacting her everyday/all day and in my case she wanted me to do all the texting/calling which i've never had before, normally the girl contact's me aswell but i understand now why a girl would want the man to do all the contacting, but it does become difficult on the guys part to always come up with things to say to sart a convo all the time. Convos became really mundane with me like how was your day all the time etc which messed it up for me.

 

Also sometimes she would stop responding half way through a convo or not reply at all so that gave me the impression she wasn't interested so i backed off.

 

Anyways in my situation it turned out she was interested and it was just a massive misunderstanding which lead to a break up which shouldn't off happened.

 

But if i was you i would contact him aswell, because i know that's what i would have liked from my girl to know she was interested.

[rdet123]

Ah okay I gotcha! Well in my situation he is the one that doesn't end the convo. I will say something and then he just doesn't respond back to it, that's why I have yet to text him first because he never ends the convo and I don't want to double text him, ya know?

 

It does seem like it was definitely a misunderstanding with you guys, but I guess you live and learn and the next girl you date will maybe be a little more clear that she is interested in you!

[avintagegirl]

I think she was just being friendly. To be quite literal as to why she didn't respond to your words, maybe it was because you didn't give her anything to respond to. There are some people that if a question is not asked that after a message such as that, they wouldn't respond.

 

If you would have said, "How have you been?" Im sure she would have responded. If not, well then, that is a whole other situation.

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Ah right i see! Well it might be worth starting a one off convo with him, he might not show it when you go on dates but over texting etc he may be abit timid in what to say and doesn't want to come off as boring. I'm abit like that and i guess a few other blokes can be.

 

So maybe texting him might give him a little boost to know you want to speak to him aswell. Just a suggestion though, you dont have to take my word for it, im not exactly an expert on this!

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

yeah i agree with her just being friendly, that's what i mainly assumed and that did cross my mind that i should have asked her a question "how you been" so she would maybe reply.

 

I'll just text her tomorrow and see how it goes, if she doesn't reply then there's my answer.

 

Thanks for getting back!

[stillcold]

I'm dating a girl just like your girl OP. I completely understand and experience the SAME exact things as you in regard to conversations and etc and no contact and all I can say is this: she's probably a very traditional girl and expects you to do everything UNTIL it's official that you two are in a relationship, so as long as she ALWAYS reciprocates even though she RARELY initiates then she's interested in you.

 

In regard to the text, it's CLEAR that she's STILL interested in you because she texted you man! Someone who is not interested in you will not text after 5 weeks NC just as a "friendly gesture." She didn't reply cause you have her nothing to reply to. If you asked her how she was and etc. I GUARENTEE you she would have replied. Your text just had nothing for her to work with. So if you still like her OP, then contact her again and set up another date! Cheers.

[Kamila]

She just wants to be friends.

 

 

Or

 

 

She's testing the waters again...

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Hey thanks for your response! It's nice to know that i'm no the only one experiencing this. To be fair you're quite spot on because when she did end things before and we spoke she said she's very traditional in the way she wants to be chased by the Bloke, i just wish i caught on sooner now.

 

And in regards to the text i really hope you're right, i did find it odd for her to be the one contacting me but hey it could end up being nothing i guess. I'll defo drop her a text tomorrow and just see what happens.

 

Thanks for getting back mate

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

yeah i guessing the friend thing unfortunately but i'll see what happens,

 

Cheers!

[stillcold]

Hey thanks for your response! It's nice to know that i'm no the only one experiencing this. To be fair you're quite spot on because when she did end things before and we spoke she said she's very traditional in the way she wants to be chased by the Bloke, i just wish i caught on sooner now.

 

And in regards to the text i really hope you're right, i did find it odd for her to be the one contacting me but hey it could end up being nothing i guess. I'll defo drop her a text tomorrow and just see what happens.

 

Thanks for getting back mate

 

No problem at all my brother. I was about to give up on the girl I was dating for the same reasons you were listing but that's just the way they expect a man to court them. The problem you and I had is that we expected every girl to act the same, BUT that's never the case so never use previous experiences as standards in some cases. So hang in there and give it another shot. I'm pretty sure she broke it off because she didn't know where it was going and considering that she liked you, it just made her nervous/anxious/frustrated and she thought you were not interested so she decided to break it off cause she was going crazy and not because she didn't like you anymore. If she broke it off because she didn't like you, then I doubt that would have been her excuse for doing it. She would have given a more typical excuse so I just feel she broke it off because it was driving her crazy in a good way. Let us know how it goes bud!

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

No problem at all my brother. I was about to give up on the girl I was dating for the same reasons you were listing but that's just the way they expect a man to court them. The problem you and I had is that we expected every girl to act the same, BUT that's never the case so never use previous experiences as standards in some cases. So hang in there and give it another shot. I'm pretty sure she broke it off because she didn't know where it was going and considering that she liked you, it just made her nervous/anxious/frustrated and she thought you were not interested so she decided to break it off cause she was going crazy and not because she didn't like you anymore. If she broke it off because she didn't like you, then I doubt that would have been her excuse for doing it. She would have given a more typical excuse so I just feel she broke it off because it was driving her crazy in a good way. Let us know how it goes bud!

Yeah you've got a good point there man, every girl is different and i guess you got to work extra hard for the girl you really want to be with. And again i got the impression she was frustrated and let down by me before and i don't mean to sound cheesy or lame but this girl is different from the others, i've got so much in common with her and when we're actually together the connections amazing, it just goes to **** over text! But like you said, you didn't give up with your girl and its paying off by the sounds of it!

 

I just have one more question for you mate: What do you say and talk about with your girl everyday to keep the convo interesting and stop it from becoming really mundane and repetitive? I just seem to be really slacking in that position at the moment when normally its not an issue.

 

Thanks again for your input!

[stillcold]

Yeah you've got a good point there man, every girl is different and i guess you got to work extra hard for the girl you really want to be with. And again i got the impression she was frustrated and let down by me before and i don't mean to sound cheesy or lame but this girl is different from the others, i've got so much in common with her and when we're actually together the connections amazing, it just goes to **** over text! But like you said, you didn't give up with your girl and its paying off by the sounds of it!

 

I just have one more question for you mate: What do you say and talk about with your girl everyday to keep the convo interesting and stop it from becoming really mundane and repetitive? I just seem to be really slacking in that position at the moment when normally its not an issue.

 

Thanks again for your input!

 

No problem buddy, sorry for the late reply. Well the thing is we do NOT talk every day and I'll explain why in a bit of detail. I usually call her once every 1-2 days and it's obviously me carrying the conversation since she's not that good at conversation/shy reserved since we are not OFFICIALLY boyfriend/girlfriend yet; again, this just goes back to them being traditional and etc.. I don't text her for long conversations because frankly, you can't get close to someone via texts as it makes the whole experience less intimate/memorable so you won't be able to build a connection over text whereas you could easily build connections and attachment over speech and emotions by talking on the phone. And again, if your girl doesn't hold much water in the conversation or she barely contributes yet she still stays for many minutes to hours on the phone then trust me on this: it's PROBABLY not because she doesn't have anything to say but the fact that since you guys aren't officially carrying a title yet as boyfriend/girlfriend, she's not opening up/being reserved until you do. Once you guys ARE officially boyfriend/girlfriend then trust me, she will most probably open up more than you could have ever imagined and begin to initiate and reciprocate A LOT more. So for you, I'd lay off the text and be more direct by calling her. I know you may feel like it's weird or that you are being too pushy but trust me you are NOT; she's waiting for you to initiate those things and as long as she doesn't reject you, then it's fine with her. Remember, with girls like this all they show approval generally by reciprocation and not initiation, so as long as she's playing along with it and not declining you then don't let those doubts and worries plague you. If you need anything else my brother let me know... these women drive us crazy sometimes

[bolase]

She is still interested in SOME level, maybe just friendship...I sometimes text guys I have dated especially if a mutual breakup or I ended it and wish to remain on friendly terms.

 

What you did wrong was not ask her a qn in that text exchange, so she had nthing to reply to. If you want a conversation always ask a question.

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

No worries man, Well i didn't go into to much detail about how things ended between me and her before & i probably should of mentioned it earlier but... she ended things a day before i went on holiday with my boys and whilst on holiday she deleted me off snapchat. So when i came back from holiday i tried winning her back twice over two weeks but she wasn't having it and i think it's because of the reasons you mentioned before "it just made her nervous/anxious/frustrated" that i was all of a sudden trying because she said something about my lack of contact.

 

Another reason i just can't pick up the phone and ask her out on a date at the moment is because when she did end things after my last attempt to get her back, she told me she was "seeing someone else, like properly seeing them" all off a sudden. Thing is she also said the same thing to me before whilst we were actually dating and i later found out when we spoke before my holiday that she wasn't seeing anyone, just talking to some bloke and that she told me it so i would make more of an effort to Chase after her.

 

So i'm not entirely sure if she's doing a similar thing again or actually seeing someone else which i assume she is this time. However 2 weeks into No Contact she re-added me on snapchat & of course text me a further 3 weeks after that. So i was confused to why she would 1. add me back on snapchat 2.initiate contact with me, when she's seeing another bloke. Surely I would be the last person you would want to speak to from her point of view. Then again it could be absolutely nothing!

 

I texted her yesterday and things went pretty well but then it went to the same **** where she'd stop replying halfway through the convo which of course i know we already pretty much covered but it's still frustrating. I sent her a cute goodmoring text and she responded so i guess it's all good signs at the moment. Like you said aslong as she replies even if they are sometimes not massive contributions, it's all good in a way.

 

So at the moment i'm basically starting over and showing her i'm actually making the effort to contact her without her mentioning it. I can't just jump right in to calling her at the moment, i feel like i need to build some rapport of some sort over text to merit a call etc

 

Sorry if i bored you with a little insight into my back story with her there, i just felt it was important to point a few out that happened and why my situation was made more difficult. And again your right "with girls like this all they show approval generally by reciprocation and not initiation, so as long as she's playing along with it and not declining you then don't let those doubts and worries plague you". So stupid the mind games and strategies some girls have.

 

I appreciate if you took the time to read that as it was longer than i'd planned it to be, thanks again mate!

[Tayken]

@OP.....the phenomenon is known as 'bait texting', and the best course of action is to simply ignore the initial text, especially if it has no context to it.

[stillcold]

I'm actually making the effort to contact her without her mentioning it. I can't just jump right in to calling her at the moment, i feel like i need to build some rapport of some sort over text to merit a call etc

 

Don't worry about your post being long man! The longer the better so we can better understand your situation and give out the proper advice. Okay so you NEED to call her because with text it's going to get boring and boring fast. I know you feel you can't just pick up the phone and call her YET, but if you aren't going to call her anytime soon then don't just keep texting her and having conversations as that's not getting anywhere productive. The purpose of texts is to allow for continuity between dates: or a better way to say it is to stay connected between dates BUT phone calls work much, much, better, and should be used when can. Again, every person is different in regard to whether or not texting is enough to build connections and etc. so some people may prefer it over talking BUT if your texting isn't getting anywhere productive then you need to stop using it primarily for contact and transition over to phone calls ASAP.

 

If you want to build enough rapport so you can give her a call, the best way to do so would be to ask her out again as soon as you can. You don't want to be texting her for a week and not ask her out as that could imply you just see her as a friend which will only lower her interest even more. So ASAP, ask her out again cause there's no better time than now SINCE if she is still interested in you, she will say yes and if not, she will say no and you have your answer. You shouldn't play around with the texts too long as that just drags things endlessly.

 

So my recommended advice in a nutshell: to build enough rapport to call her again, ask her out over text ASAP for a date. If she says yes, then she is still interested and you have your answer. If the date goes well, then the next time you contact her call instead of texting in order to further your intimacy and connection. Let us know how it goes!

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

you're most probably right but then again she could just be being friendly like some other's have said. I agree that if your ex texts you back and you want nothing to do with her then you "you delete it, make yourself a nice cold drink, sip it and relax". But if you want her back like in my case then i think its different.

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Again i agree with what you're saying but i think that's only something you do when you don't want her back, where as in this case i do want to give it another shot!

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Thanks again for the advice man and the only real reason why i say i don't wanna pick up and call her asap is because the last time we did speak she told me she was seeing someone else, so me just randomly going "do you fancy going out for a drink this weekend" or something like that i think will be a bit weird.

 

Her response most likely will be something like "i told you i was seeing someone else & that we should be friends" or something along them lines. Then again guess i could somehow ask if shes still seeing anyone still. Oh and shes away on holiday next week so i doubt an arrangement will be made anytime soon.

 

Maybe this is just a lost cause and i'll get absolutely nowhere & maybe the above posters are right "She was merely seeking validation/attention from you & bait texting".None the less i've made contact now and i'm not someone to give up so i'll give it another shot. I do really appreciate your advice on this so thanks & i'll let ya know how it goes!

 

Cheers!

[IronZ]

Sorry I haven't really kept up with every reply on this thread, but has she contacted you at all since you posted? I'm in a similar predicament right now where I haven't been replied to in a while and it's got me a little anxious.

 

I don't get that mentality. I text you and you don't reply, so I feel stupid. Why do you want me to feel stupid?

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Sorry I haven't really kept up with every reply on this thread, but has she contacted you at all since you posted? I'm in a similar predicament right now where I haven't been replied to in a while and it's got me a little anxious.

 

I don't get that mentality. I text you and you don't reply, so I feel stupid. Why do you want me to feel stupid?

No worries mate, erm well basically i sent her a text 2 days after she contacted me just saying "hey, so hows thing been going with you (her name)" we had a alright catch up conversation since it's been like 5 weeks and we spoke about U2 but then she randomly stopped replying halfway through the convo this time like he would do in the past and this time i did ask a question. However i text her this morning just saying "morning, hope ya have a nice day! x" and she replied "morning, thanks you too! x" I havent spoke to her since then.

 

so it's okay i guess i just want to start an interesting/exciting/fun convo with her instead of starting a text saying boring crap like "hey, how was your day" and it dying after 4 texts. That's the kind of stuff that lost me her. Once i get something interesting/exciting/fun to start it off with i wont have a problem. You got any suggestions?

 

Ah i understand what you're feeling, it's frustrating & you feel like a boring person. Whats the last text you sent to her that she didn't reply to if you don't mind me asking?

 

From what previous people have said and things i've read, some girls that liked to be chased don't text back on purpose so you text them again and to see how interested you actually are in them. It's just silly mind games in my eyes. It makes it alot more difficult for us. Do you text her goodmorning/goodnight texts aswell?

[IronZ]

If you want to have an interesting conversation you can send her a picture of something cool or unique you saw and talk about it or you can just start talking about something interesting and she'll join in. I find that if the person really clicks with you then it's very easy to get into a good conversation regardless of how boring it starts (the hello, how's it going, good morning type convos). It's possible this girl really isn't all that interested in you and that's why your conversations aren't going anywhere.

 

 

As for the girl, you can check out my thread (Met her on Tinder - Rescheduled last minute) I posted an update there. Basically last week our conversation just kind of trailed off but I thought we left things on good terms. The next day I texted her about how beautiful the weather was and she just didn't respond.

 

I texted her again today after NC at all this weekend and said the usual hey how was your weekend and even shared an interesting picture with her but still nothing. It really is frustrating. We left on good terms and before that we were both showing good interest. I don't know what to make of this.