Met Her on Tinder - Rescheduled Last Minute

[IronZ]

I guess I'll start by telling you my story. It's kind of long, sorry about that. I'm in my mid 20s, male. For the most part I'm pretty good with talking to the ladies but it's been a while since I've really dated. I recently finished grad school so it's been a lot harder meeting anyone lately.

 

I decided to finally give online dating a shot since everything else is done online now, so why not? A friend of mine had just met his girlfriend on Tinder and swore by the app. To me it felt shallow. Judging someone based on a picture most of the time. But I gave it a shot. For the first few days or so it seemed like endlessly swiping for nothing. No matches at all. I tinkered around with my bio, added better photos, etc. I even expanded my search radius. I then started to get matches all of a sudden. Most were either annoying bots or girls who would just not reply back despite my witty charm.

 

I then met this one girl who did reply. And we talked, and we talked, and talked. She was very nice and she lived a mere 2 miles away. How had I not met this girl before? We decided on a simple coffee date (which I did for her benefit since I know it's awkward/dangerous for women to go out at night with a stranger). I bought the drinks, we walked around the park.. and I felt nothing. Not to take anything away from her, she was very nice, but we had nothing in common. I felt like I was hanging out with a friend rather than on a date. We continued to message back and forth for a few days after but then we both just kind of stopped. I haven't heard from her in a month now. I guess it's for the better. We probably both felt it wasn't going anywhere.

 

So this is probably the part where I give up on this dumb app, right? Well for some reason.. and I don't know why, I went on it one night and looked through a few profiles when I got a match with this beautiful girl. I remember specifically thinking to myself that she would never "swipe right" for me because she's so gorgeous she probably gets hundreds of guys' attention.

 

Well, it was a match. I was confused. I knew it wasn't one of those sex bots because you can always tell. Out of sheer curiosity I messaged her and she replied back. We talked for a few hours back and forth and then I asked her if she wouldn't mind texting instead since it's way easier (and doesn't require an online connection). She said yes. I gave her my number and just like that she texted me.

 

The next week or so we texted a lot. She was funny, charming, and seemed completely interested in me. She also often initiated conversations and asked me questions. This was new from my previous relationship to a girl who never messaged first, and always expected me to start everything. This previous relationship was also very flaky and hard to get a hold of (would often have to make plans with her weeks in advance). Anyway, so I got to know her pretty well and I asked her out on a date. I asked her to get coffee with me at a mall near her area (again, make it safe and comfortable for her). She told me she had never met anyone on this app before but that she would love to.

 

Everything was going great today though, she texted me a few hours before we were supposed to meet and said she got called into work. I was a little disheartened because I was really looking forward to it. I don't know if she really got called into work or if she got those last minute jitters. She did admit to me the night before she was nervous about it but excited. I don't really know what to think. She rescheduled with me for next week but to me next week feels like a lifetime away. Does this kind of thing happen a lot? I really want to give her a chance because I like her but I'm cautious now because this reminds me of my last relationship where things would come up last minute all the time.

 

Any suggestions on how I should approach this? I acted cool about it and told her not to worry. And that I would see her next week. I figured this was the more casual way to go and not overbearing. Didn't want to push her into anything. At this point I'm just hoping it really was a work thing and it doesn't happen again but I guess I don't know that. I shouldn't assume, right?

 

On a side note, what do you guys think of Tinder as a dating medium? I was not for it at all in the beginning but if this really leads to something good then I might change my mind.

[NJ123]

I guess I'll start by telling you my story. It's kind of long, sorry about that. I'm in my mid 20s, male. For the most part I'm pretty good with talking to the ladies but it's been a while since I've really dated. I recently finished grad school so it's been a lot harder meeting anyone lately.

 

I decided to finally give online dating a shot since everything else is done online now, so why not? A friend of mine had just met his girlfriend on Tinder and swore by the app. To me it felt shallow. Judging someone based on a picture most of the time. But I gave it a shot. For the first few days or so it seemed like endlessly swiping for nothing. No matches at all. I tinkered around with my bio, added better photos, etc. I even expanded my search radius. I then started to get matches all of a sudden. Most were either annoying bots or girls who would just not reply back despite my witty charm.

 

I then met this one girl who did reply. And we talked, and we talked, and talked. She was very nice and she lived a mere 2 miles away. How had I not met this girl before? We decided on a simple coffee date (which I did for her benefit since I know it's awkward/dangerous for women to go out at night with a stranger). I bought the drinks, we walked around the park.. and I felt nothing. Not to take anything away from her, she was very nice, but we had nothing in common. I felt like I was hanging out with a friend rather than on a date. We continued to message back and forth for a few days after but then we both just kind of stopped. I haven't heard from her in a month now. I guess it's for the better. We probably both felt it wasn't going anywhere.

 

So this is probably the part where I give up on this dumb app, right? Well for some reason.. and I don't know why, I went on it one night and looked through a few profiles when I got a match with this beautiful girl. I remember specifically thinking to myself that she would never "swipe right" for me because she's so gorgeous she probably gets hundreds of guys' attention.

 

Well, it was a match. I was confused. I knew it wasn't one of those sex bots because you can always tell. Out of sheer curiosity I messaged her and she replied back. We talked for a few hours back and forth and then I asked her if she wouldn't mind texting instead since it's way easier (and doesn't require an online connection). She said yes. I gave her my number and just like that she texted me.

 

The next week or so we texted a lot. She was funny, charming, and seemed completely interested in me. She also often initiated conversations and asked me questions. This was new from my previous relationship to a girl who never messaged first, and always expected me to start everything. This previous relationship was also very flaky and hard to get a hold of (would often have to make plans with her weeks in advance). Anyway, so I got to know her pretty well and I asked her out on a date. I asked her to get coffee with me at a mall near her area (again, make it safe and comfortable for her). She told me she had never met anyone on this app before but that she would love to.

 

Everything was going great today though, she texted me a few hours before we were supposed to meet and said she got called into work. I was a little disheartened because I was really looking forward to it. I don't know if she really got called into work or if she got those last minute jitters. She did admit to me the night before she was nervous about it but excited. I don't really know what to think. She rescheduled with me for next week but to me next week feels like a lifetime away. Does this kind of thing happen a lot? I really want to give her a chance because I like her but I'm cautious now because this reminds me of my last relationship where things would come up last minute all the time.

 

Any suggestions on how I should approach this? I acted cool about it and told her not to worry. And that I would see her next week. I figured this was the more casual way to go and not overbearing. Didn't want to push her into anything. At this point I'm just hoping it really was a work thing and it doesn't happen again but I guess I don't know that. I shouldn't assume, right?

 

On a side note, what do you guys think of Tinder as a dating medium? I was not for it at all in the beginning but if this really leads to something good then I might change my mind.

 

I had something similar happen to me on OKCupid in terms of us talking & we were going to meet up. But the day we were supposed to meet, she texts me that morning saying she has to work extra hours & we can reschedule later in the week. After that she wasn't chatting with me as much I noticed. Than I just finally decided to go NC with her.

[IronZ]

lol I remember OK Cupid a few years ago. Gave it a shot and met this cute girl and planned a date with her. She lived in the city (myself in Jersey) so it was a bit of a commute but I didn't mind. I had even purchased a round trip train ticket. Then the day before she called me on the phone and said she wasn't really sure if she wanted to start dating. And that was that.

 

At least she had the decency to do it the day before and not during lol but still. I gave up on OK Cupid after that.

 

Anyway so this girl is texting me right now and we're having a very pleasant conversation, so I don't feel like she's completely trying to avoid me or anything lol. She even said she might be free on Friday but that she would need to check and let me know. Maybe I'm overthinking it. She doesn't seem like a dishonest person.

[NJ123]

lol I remember OK Cupid a few years ago. Gave it a shot and met this cute girl and planned a date with her. She lived in the city (myself in Jersey) so it was a bit of a commute but I didn't mind. I had even purchased a round trip train ticket. Then the day before she called me on the phone and said she wasn't really sure if she wanted to start dating. And that was that.

 

At least she had the decency to do it the day before and not during lol but still. I gave up on OK Cupid after that.

 

Anyway so this girl is texting me right now and we're having a very pleasant conversation, so I don't feel like she's completely trying to avoid me or anything lol. She even said she might be free on Friday but that she would need to check and let me know. Maybe I'm overthinking it. She doesn't seem like a dishonest person.

 

Yeah, since she's still chatting with you on a regular basis than you don't seem to have anything to worry about. She probably was telling the truth. But if she reschedules on you yet again than you have something to think about.

[GeneralJennyJenn]

As long as she doesn't cancel again in the future, then yeah give her the benefit of the doubt. It has happened to me, for example last winter I caught a bad chest cold and had to cancel a few dates. Some of the guys were nice about it and let me reschedule. Others just disappeared. For now just keep doing what you were doing before.

[IronZ]

Yeah, since she's still chatting with you on a regular basis than you don't seem to have anything to worry about. She probably was telling the truth. But if she reschedules on you yet again than you have something to think about.

 

Yeah I'll definitely keep that in mind. Thanks for the advice. Hopefully it works out.

 

By the way, what do you think of Tinder? And OKCupid too I guess. Like I said originally I kind of find Tinder to be really shallow and pointless but who knows I mean if it actually works out with this really cool and beautiful girl I met then maybe I was totally wrong.

[IronZ]

As long as she doesn't cancel again in the future, then yeah give her the benefit of the doubt. It has happened to me, for example last winter I caught a bad chest cold and had to cancel a few dates. Some of the guys were nice about it and let me reschedule. Others just disappeared. For now just keep doing what you were doing before.

 

Thanks. I guess I've just had instances in the past where being cancelled on last minute was a really telling sign, so I'm having these second thoughts. But it could just be the odds working against me this one time. I think she's awesome enough to try again with.

[GeneralJennyJenn]

I'm on OkCupid, joined late last fall. I have been on a quite a few dates actively since summer because I took a break after going on some last winter when I was so busy with work and all. I have not tried Tinder. As you wrote its seems pretty shallow but I won't lie to you. If I don't find a man appealing on OkCupid then I don't bother to respond or go out with them. But I do check out their profiles, what a guy writes also influences my decision. Along with what they're looking for, whether or not they have kids and lately I seem to have a lot of vegans and vegeterians "Like" me which frankly I am a carnivore and find it baffling.

 

I will say in favor of online dating is, I tend to meet higher quality of people than I do in every day life. Meaning those with higher or advance degrees, steady job and so on.

[NJ123]

Yeah I'll definitely keep that in mind. Thanks for the advice. Hopefully it works out.

 

By the way, what do you think of Tinder? And OKCupid too I guess. Like I said originally I kind of find Tinder to be really shallow and pointless but who knows I mean if it actually works out with this really cool and beautiful girl I met then maybe I was totally wrong.

 

lol I honestly don't view Tinder in a positive light. I've heard lots of horror stories about Tinder. A lot of the girls on there are just looking to promote their instagrams, looking for validation or hook ups. There's probably only a small % of people on there that are looking for anything serious. But that's not to say this girl your chatting with isn't in that small %.

[IronZ]

I'm on OkCupid, joined late last fall. I have been on a quite a few dates actively since summer because I took a break after going on some last winter when I was so busy with work and all. I have not tried Tinder. As you wrote its seems pretty shallow but I won't lie to you. If I don't find a man appealing on OkCupid then I don't bother to respond or go out with them. But I do check out their profiles, what a guy writes also influences my decision. Along with what they're looking for, whether or not they have kids and lately I seem to have a lot of vegans and vegeterians "Like" me which frankly I am a carnivore and find it baffling.

 

I will say in favor of online dating is, I tend to meet higher quality of people than I do in every day life. Meaning those with higher or advance degrees, steady job and so on.

 

Yeah the problem with every day life meetings is you just don't get them a lot anymore once you leave school or college or whatever. When you're in school you're constantly surrounded by hundreds of potential matches. You go to classes with them, you get lunch with them, you get to know them, hang out with them, go to the local bars together. Some of them are studying the same majors as you. And so on. See what I mean? You have so many opportunities.

 

Once you leave school it's like everything comes to a halt. Where are we supposed to meet potential love interests? At the grocery store? Mall? Walking through the park? It's like all your options become severely limited. So I can definitely see the good in online dating. I just think with some of these things (Tinder especially) it's so easy to get lost in the shallowness of it all. How many girls got to my profile and flicked my picture to the left just because they didn't feel like I was good looking enough or whatever for their standards? In everyday life this doesn't always happen. Usually when you get to know someone you overlook certain things in favor of others. Looks don't become the biggest priority like they are on these apps.

 

Just feels a little pointless sometimes you know? It's like I can't really take this app seriously because it doesn't even take itself seriously. Even if I end up meeting the love of my life by sheer chance on it, I still don't think I could look at Tinder as a legitimate game changer or anything.

[Andy_K]

Generally speaking, if your first attempt at meeting a girl from some form of OLD doesn't pan out, neither will your second. It can often mean they're pursuing other options or simply don't respect your time and effort that much, which is always a red flag.

 

Still, there is an exception to every rule so I would just continue as before, but just try not to get your hopes up too much.

[Diezel]

She "might" be available Friday?

 

The hell with that. Make other plans. She has other plans. You are the backup plan for her.

 

Try to make concrete plans with her so you can stop wasting your time getting infatuated with someone you've never met.

[IronZ]

Generally speaking, if your first attempt at meeting a girl from some form of OLD doesn't pan out, neither will your second. It can often mean they're pursuing other options or simply don't respect your time and effort that much, which is always a red flag.

 

Still, there is an exception to every rule so I would just continue as before, but just try not to get your hopes up too much.

 

Which is what I was initially asking. Her reasoning was that she got called into work. If true, that's not her pursuing other options or not respecting my time. Like I talked about to the other guy in this thread, she's not exactly avoiding contact with me or anything like that, so I doubt she got cold feet at the last minute.

 

I think it's worth giving this a shot. If I gave up on every potential date just because something unforeseen happened, I'd be alone forever. Stuff happens occasionally. Gotta be able to roll with it.

 

 

She "might" be available Friday?

 

The hell with that. Make other plans. She has other plans. You are the backup plan for her.

 

Try to make concrete plans with her so you can stop wasting your time getting infatuated with someone you've never met.

 

That's not exactly how she said it. We made plans for next week. She then said she might be available Friday as well and that she would let me know tomorrow (which is today). I don't know what her previous plans were or if she was working or what. She hasn't told me and I haven't asked. Does it really matter anyway? The offer to potentially see her was there.

 

I told her that would be great and to let me know. I'm not going to flip out on her just because she might have something else going on, but has made it clear that she would see me if she can. I'm not being her backup. At least that's not how I view it in my mind. I probably haven't made this very clear in this thread but she's shown a lot of interest in me. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

[Diezel]

So how many times have you two seen in person?

 

Remind me while you explain to me how much "interest" she has in you.

That's my problem, anyone can show "interest" through a dating site or text messages or maybe even phone calls, but until you meet the person, there is 0 way to gauge that.

 

Did you set a firm date for next week?

 

And I'm sorry, but her telling you she "might" be available on Friday is a hook. If all of her other plans fall through, she's going to expect you to go out with her then, at the drop of the hat.

 

I wouldn't do it. I don't care how much "interest" she shows. I hope you made other plans for that Friday instead of keeping it empty "just in case".

[IronZ]

Well I was paraphrasing a lot of the conversation so maybe I'm not making her words appear very genuine. Hang on lemme view the texts real quick.

 

Ok so after work yesterday I asked her about work and she said it was lame, of course. I made a comment about how seeing me would've been more fun and she said (and I quote) "I completely agree. Maybe Friday"

 

So I said "This Friday? Let me know if you're free"

 

And she replied with "I'll let you know tomorrow :)"

 

I didn't get the feeling that she was keeping me as a backup based on that exchange. It seemed to me like she genuinely wants to see me. Either way, you're talking as if I should shun this girl from my life and be cold to her. I don't think there's any need for that. I appreciate that you want me to be cautious and believe me I am, I've been around the block more than a few times to know when I'm being played.

 

I originally started this thread because of the rescheduling of our date yesterday. Now that it was sorted out and looks like it was just an unfortunate timing issue with her work, I have no problems with her. I don't think I should all of a sudden get a chip on my shoulder for no reason. Like I said, I don't know what else she might be doing or not, I didn't ask her. And I don't feel as if it's "at the drop of the hat" either because she's giving me plenty of notice.

 

As for your other question, yes we set a firm date for next week. Tomorrow's potential date will be in addition to that. I thought it was a very telling sign that she's willing to meet twice. You're right, until we meet, I can't really gauge the interest, but there are other signs that point to that sort of thing.

[Diezel]

Update this thread as you go.

 

You have to remember, there is a reason why someone like me can be "pessimistic/realistic".

 

Friday is almost here. Did she let you know?

[IronZ]

Update this thread as you go.

 

You have to remember, there is a reason why someone like me can be "pessimistic/realistic".

 

Friday is almost here. Did she let you know?

 

Hey sorry I didn't even realize I had a reply in this thread. She texted me earlier. Tomorrow's a no because she has training for her new job (she's transitioning there in a couple weeks). She did mention that we're still on for next week though. All I can do now is wait.

[Diezel]

At least she didn't make plans and then flake.

 

Just monitor her behavior from here until that first date.

[IronZ]

I guess I just wanted to update this with what's going on as of late. To be honest I have no idea where I stand with her because it's like she went from totally hot to totally cold in one fell swoop, if that makes any sense.

 

Last week we were texting like crazy all the time unless she was at work. We would talk about anything and everything and our conversations were always interesting. On Friday however, she didn't reply to my message. I sent her something about how the weather was beautiful and that I hoped she would make the most of it. Nothing. I got that "I text you and you don't reply, so I feel stupid" anxiety going on in my head.

 

I figured hey she mentioned on Thursday night that she would be busy with training, so I shouldn't push for anything. In my head I thought she would probably text me later in the evening like usual and that would be that. Nothing. Saturday, nothing. Sunday, nothing. She went completely cold turkey on me.

 

Today I was in the city for a meeting and I got to go into one of the very well known buildings (I'll keep it nameless for anonymity) and the view from the office I was in was amazing. I took a pic on my phone and texted her asking how her weekend was and I shared that with her saying how cool the view was. It's been almost 6 hours since then and she hasn't replied still. If she's at work she might reply later today. If she doesn't, then I have no idea what's going on.

 

Last Thursday when I asked if we were still on for our date she said yes, even writing a smiley face on it. Now she's basically not contacted me in 4 days. Is the date still on? I have no clue what I should do. I'm trying to wait it out patiently and see if she replies but I'm nervous now. It wasn't like her at all to just ignore me.

[heartshaped]

The thing about OLD is so many people are flaky. Women especially, but men as well. They are multi dating and some are just looking for ego boosts.

 

I'd say it's safe to say that you won't get a response from her.

[NJ123]

I guess I just wanted to update this with what's going on as of late. To be honest I have no idea where I stand with her because it's like she went from totally hot to totally cold in one fell swoop, if that makes any sense.

 

Last week we were texting like crazy all the time unless she was at work. We would talk about anything and everything and our conversations were always interesting. On Friday however, she didn't reply to my message. I sent her something about how the weather was beautiful and that I hoped she would make the most of it. Nothing. I got that "I text you and you don't reply, so I feel stupid" anxiety going on in my head.

 

I figured hey she mentioned on Thursday night that she would be busy with training, so I shouldn't push for anything. In my head I thought she would probably text me later in the evening like usual and that would be that. Nothing. Saturday, nothing. Sunday, nothing. She went completely cold turkey on me.

 

Today I was in the city for a meeting and I got to go into one of the very well known buildings (I'll keep it nameless for anonymity) and the view from the office I was in was amazing. I took a pic on my phone and texted her asking how her weekend was and I shared that with her saying how cool the view was. It's been almost 6 hours since then and she hasn't replied still. If she's at work she might reply later today. If she doesn't, then I have no idea what's going on.

 

Last Thursday when I asked if we were still on for our date she said yes, even writing a smiley face on it. Now she's basically not contacted me in 4 days. Is the date still on? I have no clue what I should do. I'm trying to wait it out patiently and see if she replies but I'm nervous now. It wasn't like her at all to just ignore me.

 

Unfortunately it seems she either met someone else through OLD or just lost interest. It's best to just move in this situation. Now I'm thinking she likely did lie to you the first time.

[umirano]

Sorry about this IronZ. But I think that date is dead, I don't know of many people who have a job so demanding that they can't text in four days. Thanks for keeping this thread updated.

[cristalina]

I really like Tinder. I think it's fun, you get to meet cool people, and it has lead to the guy I am currently seeing.

 

To me, it's efficient. If you meet someone in public, you know nothing about them. You may be initially attracted, but only have the surface to go on. With online dating like with Tinder, you can tell a lot before you even meet for the first time, so that you're not wasting time on people that won't work for you.

 

Couple of examples:

 

1. You can tell if someone is vain by the pictures and poses they choose.

2. You know the age range and if there are kids in the picture.

3. Based on common likes, you know if you at least share a few interests (ie. I'm a geek health nut and I loved being able to tell from the likes if someone was aware of things like Doctor Who and GMO labeling).

4. Based on initial conversation, you can usually tell humor and intelligence which are important for me.

 

So yes, love Tinder. I've made some good friends off of it, and have even had a few good laughs. My BFF and I talked about our experiences with it on our YouTube show, and shared some of the terrible pick-up lines that guys would send our way.

 

Tinder....igniting the flames of passion in your romance...haha. Either that or just giving you fun entertainment and laughs.

[IronZ]

The thing about OLD is so many people are flaky. Women especially, but men as well. They are multi dating and some are just looking for ego boosts.

 

I'd say it's safe to say that you won't get a response from her.

 

Flaky is perhaps what's going on here. I don't get it at all though why the ignoring? I'm a sensible guy, if she didn't want to meet or whatever she could have said something and I'd be ok with that. I've been nothing but nice and understanding with her. I usually have a pretty good personality when having text conversations. I don't know why she would flake out like that but at least tell me. It's the nice thing to do. And she always struck me as really nice, so it's not like her.

 

 

Unfortunately it seems she either met someone else through OLD or just lost interest. It's best to just move in this situation. Now I'm thinking she likely did lie to you the first time.

 

Who knows about that first time. I'm definitely not texting her anything more unless she texts me first though. It just seems like such a rotten thing to do just completely dropping off the face of the Earth like that. I definitely deserve better. If I don't hear from her again then it's a lost cause, I get it.

 

 

Sorry about this IronZ. But I think that date is dead, I don't know of many people who have a job so demanding that they can't text in four days. Thanks for keeping this thread updated.

 

Nor do I. I could work a 14 hour day with no breaks at all, but if I come home and I know there's a text from someone I care about I would at least say hi or that I'm busy or something. Flat out ignoring someone is childish. I wonder if she was playing some sort of mind games or what. It was way out of character for her to do that.

[cristalina]

Just saw your latest response OP. So sorry, but yeah it sounds like she had a change of heart. It's unfortunate that she did the "ignore" thing, which I always feel is very rude.

 

Chin up. Keep going. Her loss.