Should I let him initiate all contact?

[sunshineflo]

I had my third date with a guy I like on Saturday. All 3 dates we've had were initiated by him, and we've had lots of fun on all 3.

We've had contact every day up until Sunday.

 

I stayed over his house after our date on Saturday but nothing happened. Just kissing and cuddling. I told him before I stayed over that nothing was going to happen, and he told me he was fine just wanted to spend more time with me. I left in the morning as I had plans with a friend and he text me that evening asking how my day was. We briefly texted then went to sleep.

That was the last I've heard from him, 3 days ago. I find it a bit strange considering we were talking every day before.

 

I'm beginning to think that maybe he was just after sex and because he didn't get any on Saturday he's looking elsewhere, although all of his actions on our dates didn't point to him just looking for one night stand. He was very affectionate and sweet, and wanting to get to know me..

 

Should I reach out today as he initiated contact last time? Or should i let him do the all the initiating for now?

 

We have no 4th date planned, we havent told eachother we like eachother. But he does mention the future saying, oh we should watch this movie together or i want to cook for you

 

Also i met him on tinder so no idea if hes dating others!

[Ducky71]

Don't play games, if you want to talk to him, call or text or whatever, simple as that.

 

Does it really matter who initiates contact?

 

Try no to read so much into it, if you're unsure about something, ask!

[preraph]

I would wait and see if he contacts you. Because you contacting him isn't going to clarify anything. If he's away because you didn't put out, he'll think now you're going to put out. Three days is nothing. You know, guys dating run low on funds and have to sometimes wait and see what's left over after paying their bills before making more plans. Not everyone wants to just text for no reason. I'd wait. If he's interested, he'll be back. If he's not, he won't.

[oberkeat]

I don't see any problem with you sending him a text and asking if he wants to get together again. I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure there's no law that says you must wait for the guy to ask you out.

[d0nnivain]

Oh for heaven's sake. At this point I bet this guy thinks you are not into him & he's chasing you to a dead end. You have done nothing but take, take, take. If all he wanted was sex, he probably wouldn't have wasted the time to let you sleep over. Without you there he could have at least self pleasured.

 

If you like him & would like to see him again, be mature & proactive. Pick up the phone to use the voice features & ask him to join you for a date. You plan it & you pay for it.

 

If you just want your ego stroked while you sit there & do nothing, continue what you are doing.

[travelbug1996]

i would wait for him. let him lead.

[Stsm5934]

I agree that its your turn to initiate contact. You've been on 3 dates, haven't initiated any of the contact and haven't slept with him (which I think is great, but this is one of the signs that men rely on to know a woman is interested). I think he could very well think he's wasting his time on someone who isn't that into him. If this is really going to be any kind of long-term relationship, stop playing games and be willing to take some risk.

[IronZ]

Don't play games, if you want to talk to him, call or text or whatever, simple as that.

 

Does it really matter who initiates contact?

 

Try no to read so much into it, if you're unsure about something, ask!

 

I agree. I hate mind games, and especially as a guy I'll say that we read way too much into things. Women are mysterious creatures. What if he's not on the other end of that phone going "should I wait for her to text first"? He might not want to appear too eager or whatever.

 

In my experience, I love it when girls initiate a date or contact. It shows me they're interested in me. If I have to plan everything and talk to you first to get your attention, I'm going to feel as if you're not that into me. Think about that for a second.

 

Also, you slept over his place but made sure he got nothing from you. What you're doing is very controlling. You're trying to see how far you can push him and still keep him following you around like a lost puppy. Instead of pulling these childish mind games, just contact him and ask him out.

[singsparkles]

I had my third date with a guy I like on Saturday. All 3 dates we've had were initiated by him, and we've had lots of fun on all 3.

We've had contact every day up until Sunday.

 

I stayed over his house after our date on Saturday but nothing happened. Just kissing and cuddling. I told him before I stayed over that nothing was going to happen, and he told me he was fine just wanted to spend more time with me. I left in the morning as I had plans with a friend and he text me that evening asking how my day was. We briefly texted then went to sleep.

That was the last I've heard from him, 3 days ago. I find it a bit strange considering we were talking every day before.

 

I'm beginning to think that maybe he was just after sex and because he didn't get any on Saturday he's looking elsewhere, although all of his actions on our dates didn't point to him just looking for one night stand. He was very affectionate and sweet, and wanting to get to know me..

 

Should I reach out today as he initiated contact last time? Or should i let him do the all the initiating for now?

 

We have no 4th date planned, we havent told eachother we like eachother. But he does mention the future saying, oh we should watch this movie together or i want to cook for you

 

Also i met him on tinder so no idea if hes dating others!

 

 

 

 

 

This is rough, because men have feelings more than we think, and they have ego, which is a dangerous, dangerous thing.

 

I think he might have felt let down on Saturday night, of course, but I don't think that necessarily made him uninterested in you

 

His ego is probably bruised and now he's not willing to make the first move when it comes to contacting anymore... he is probably waiting for you to contact him for reassurance.

 

I would say just text him casually asking how his day or his weeks going... maybe then he will see you are interested in him.

 

I could be wrong, but that's the feeling I'm getting from this situation.... Men just have huge, huge egos.

[IronZ]

^ Sounds like she has the bigger ego. She sounds very manipulative. Slept over his place but made sure he couldn't sleep with her. Sits back and lets him initiate all the conversation and dates.

 

Probably lets him pay for everything without so much as trying. Me personally? I'm a gentleman and I will pay for a lady, but I do like seeing women reach into their purses or wallets and try to pitch in. I won't let them, but I really do appreciate the gesture. When a woman expects to be pampered the way she probably is? No thanks. She's showing him no interest at all and wondering what to do about it. Here's a hint lady, pick up the phone and call him! Stop acting like you're too good for him or treating him like an afterthought and maybe he might show a little interest in you as well.

[singsparkles]

^ Sounds like she has the bigger ego. She sounds very manipulative. Slept over his place but made sure he couldn't sleep with her. Sits back and lets him initiate all the conversation and dates.

 

Probably lets him pay for everything without so much as trying. Me personally? I'm a gentleman and I will pay for a lady, but I do like seeing women reach into their purses or wallets and try to pitch in. I won't let them, but I really do appreciate the gesture. When a woman expects to be pampered the way she probably is? No thanks. She's showing him no interest at all and wondering what to do about it. Here's a hint lady, pick up the phone and call him! Stop acting like you're too good for him or treating him like an afterthought and maybe he might show a little interest in you as well.

 

 

 

I never said she doesn't have an ego as well. I just think egos ruin a lot of what could be good relationships.

 

I agree, he is feeling she is uninterested and I think she should definitely pick up the phone and contact him to reassure him she is interested.

[IronZ]

I never said she doesn't have an ego as well. I just think egos ruin a lot of what could be good relationships.

 

I agree, he is feeling she is uninterested and I think she should definitely pick up the phone and contact him to reassure him she is interested.

 

I agree too, egos are no good in a healthy relationship. I'm just calling it how I see it through a guy's perspective though. Guys actually do think about stuff like this and when a woman acts the way she has, it makes us feel like she's not interested. I believe in the straightforward approach. If you want something, go and get it. Don't expect a guy to make every move.

 

Relationships are a 2 way street. There's a give and a take. You have to find the right balance for it. If she gives a little, then so will he. If she just takes, there's no balance.

[singsparkles]

I agree too, egos are no good in a healthy relationship. I'm just calling it how I see it through a guy's perspective though. Guys actually do think about stuff like this and when a woman acts the way she has, it makes us feel like she's not interested. I believe in the straightforward approach. If you want something, go and get it. Don't expect a guy to make every move.

 

Relationships are a 2 way street. There's a give and a take. You have to find the right balance for it. If she gives a little, then so will he. If she just takes, there's no balance.

 

 

 

I TOTALLY agree. See, I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I'm the one constantly giving attention and showing someone I love them, and I hear crickets and get nothing in return. So I know how it is to need reassurance from someone, and I definitely think that's what he needs from OP. I agree; a relationship should always be 50/50.

[IronZ]

I TOTALLY agree. See, I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I'm the one constantly giving attention and showing someone I love them, and I hear crickets and get nothing in return. So I know how it is to need reassurance from someone, and I definitely think that's what he needs from OP. I agree; a relationship should always be 50/50.

 

My previous relationship was with a girl who didn't seem to go out of her way for me at all. She was constantly too busy to hang out. If I wanted to see her, I'd have to schedule it weeks in advance. And it was always me planing it out, she would never initiate. Sometimes she would cancel dates either the day before or a few days before.

 

If I ever said anything it would lead to a fight and her telling me how we "text all the time." I'm sorry, but being in a relationship requires more than just texting. Anyway I feel you on that one. It sucks to have to do everything. That's not love.

[singsparkles]

My previous relationship was with a girl who didn't seem to go out of her way for me at all. She was constantly too busy to hang out. If I wanted to see her, I'd have to schedule it weeks in advance. And it was always me planing it out, she would never initiate. Sometimes she would cancel dates either the day before or a few days before.

 

If I ever said anything it would lead to a fight and her telling me how we "text all the time." I'm sorry, but being in a relationship requires more than just texting. Anyway I feel you on that one. It sucks to have to do everything. That's not love.

 

 

 

Oh gosh, your relationship sounds exactly like my last one.

 

I initiated literally EVERYTHING...and he would disappear for days and come back with a lame excuse...and many times he would say, "well I texted you, why are you complaining all the time"

 

People like us can't be with people like them, plain and simple...

 

You need to be in a relationship with someone who values the same things you do when it comes to the relationship, and you have to be on the same page with wants and desires for it to work out.

 

One person doing everything is def NOT love.

[Mrin]

Oh for heaven's sake. At this point I bet this guy thinks you are not into him & he's chasing you to a dead end. You have done nothing but take, take, take. If all he wanted was sex, he probably wouldn't have wasted the time to let you sleep over. Without you there he could have at least self pleasured.

 

If you like him & would like to see him again, be mature & proactive. Pick up the phone to use the voice features & ask him to join you for a date. You plan it & you pay for it.

 

If you just want your ego stroked while you sit there & do nothing, continue what you are doing.

 

This. 110% this. The dude thinks you're not really into him and is getting ready or has cut bait. Getting dates on Tinder is insanely easy if you have some good pics. He may be already out the door.

[IronZ]

Oh gosh, your relationship sounds exactly like my last one.

 

I initiated literally EVERYTHING...and he would disappear for days and come back with a lame excuse...and many times he would say, "well I texted you, why are you complaining all the time"

 

People like us can't be with people like them, plain and simple...

 

You need to be in a relationship with someone who values the same things you do when it comes to the relationship, and you have to be on the same page with wants and desires for it to work out.

 

One person doing everything is def NOT love.

 

It's not always easy because at least in my situation, we had a lot in common and we got along really great. I honestly did really like her so it was hard to just let it go. I often stuck around through all the BS because I liked her so much. But like I said, having to always be the one coordinating everything and pushing for the relationship to work. That's not love. It's all me giving and her taking. Really frustrating stuff. Eventually I had to let her go and look for someone who cared enough about me to not be so indifferent.

[singsparkles]

It's not always easy because at least in my situation, we had a lot in common and we got along really great. I honestly did really like her so it was hard to just let it go. I often stuck around through all the BS because I liked her so much. But like I said, having to always be the one coordinating everything and pushing for the relationship to work. That's not love. It's all me giving and her taking. Really frustrating stuff. Eventually I had to let her go and look for someone who cared enough about me to not be so indifferent.

 

 

I totally can relate.

 

I'm glad you got yourself out of that relationship and realized you deserved better.

 

I believe being in a relationship where one gives and the other always takes is toxic and it plays a role and messes up our psyche.

 

I know it's hard. I've been there. When you're together, everything is perfect and they seem like the perfect person for you. They treat you great, you think nothing can go wrong.

 

Until you are apart, it is just all BS and you feel you're the only one giving and giving... and sometimes you may be the only one giving when you're together as well.

 

I'm glad you made the right decision...even though I know it was probably hard. Letting go of someone you care about who you enjoy spending time with is so rough.

 

But in the end, you will realize you did the right thing. Because you weren't getting out of her what you wanted or needed.

 

There will be a great girl down the line who you will meet that will give you everything you need and you won't have to question her love for you ever!

[sunshineflo]

Just thought I'd add that I have been initiating contact, just not dates. Before it was every other day I was contacting him and he was contacting me.

I just let him initiate dates as I was making sure hes interested and also slightly traditional like that.

Although every date we've had he has NOT paid, we split the bill on everything.

 

Also I wanted to wait to see if he would contact after saturday to see if he was only interested in sex, because on saturday night when he asked me to stay over and I told him I wasn't ready for that, he got kind of pissed off. I don't know whether he was insulted that maybe I thought he would push me for sex, or maybe because he wasn't going to get any??

But I ended up staying as he said he just wanted us to watch a movie and spend more time together. And it was really late for me to get home at that point. also may I add, all 3 dates took place near where he lives or works, I am the one who has gone out of my way not him.

 

I don't know if hes dating others (and he must be if he hasnt contacted me for 3 days or asked me out for this week), which is why I'm afraid of putting myself out there if he hasn't.

[sunshineflo]

Also I do believe in both parties putting the work in, once in a relationship... But I believe the guy should make more effort/chase a little in the beginning so the girl knows how interested he is

[IronZ]

I just think (in my mind at least) if you care about someone you should make an effort, you know? On the days we did see each other, it really was magical. I remember one day we actually just sat around in my room while I was lying in bed strumming on my guitar trying to figure out some song I was working on and she was on the couch next to me playing my new Xbox. It was simple, and free. I didn't need to take her on some grand adventure or buy her a meal at a 5 star restaurant. It was just us enjoying each other's company. And it was magical.

 

I really loved the simple times like that. But then she would leave and I'd try to see her again and all of a sudden I wasn't a priority anymore. It's like she became someone totally different when I wasn't with her.

 

I'm currently in the early stages of dating someone else though. I met her online but she's a very sweet girl, beautiful, and actually shows interest in me and initiates the conversations and asks me to do things. I'll be meeting her soon (maybe by Friday) so I can't wait.

[IronZ]

Just thought I'd add that I have been initiating contact, just not dates. Before it was every other day I was contacting him and he was contacting me.

I just let him initiate dates as I was making sure hes interested and also slightly traditional like that.

Although every date we've had he has NOT paid, we split the bill on everything.

 

Also I wanted to wait to see if he would contact after saturday to see if he was only interested in sex, because on saturday night when he asked me to stay over and I told him I wasn't ready for that, he got kind of pissed off. I don't know whether he was insulted that maybe I thought he would push me for sex, or maybe because he wasn't going to get any??

But I ended up staying as he said he just wanted us to watch a movie and spend more time together. And it was really late for me to get home at that point. also may I add, all 3 dates took place near where he lives or works, I am the one who has gone out of my way not him.

 

I don't know if hes dating others (and he must be if he hasnt contacted me for 3 days or asked me out for this week), which is why I'm afraid of putting myself out there if he hasn't.

 

I didn't know all of these conditions since you didn't really provide that info on the first post. This might change things a little bit. I can't say for sure because I'm not him but if you're actually initiating and he's not responding then maybe he's the one not interested. The best way to find out is talk to him about it. Honestly if you want the childishness of it to stop you have to say something.

[Ami1uwant]

He got pissed about not having sex. That makes it sound like he checked out.

[sunshineflo]

He hasn't actually ignored any of my messages. I haven't text him since I replied to his message on sunday, but then he hasnt contacted either!

 

Argh this is so confusing. We could both be thinking the other isnt interested, but then surely hed just message if he really wanted to talk to me or see me??

[Diezel]

Argh this is so confusing.

 

You mean... kinda like staying at someone's house (implied sex) and then outright saying nothing is going to happen?

 

NOT confusing at all.

 

Of course he was pissed. What guy has a girl stay over and announce that sex isn't happening only to be met with a parade?

 

You are part of the problem. You were part of the situation to begin with. Why would you go there or even tempt the scenario? You going and staying over sends men a CLEAR message and when you overtly state that it's not going to happen... it dictates a shift in the frame and pulls the rug out from under our feet.

 

If I were him, I wouldn't contact you either. If he had a thread in here about how a girl stayed over but said "no sex", I'd tell him to not try anymore. Simply because everything is going to be on your terms and you get to dictate the flow, there is no "50/50". Not worth the effort. Nothing but a giant tease. I'd much rather a woman go home or not come over until she is ready. If you weren't ready to be at his place, you should have changed the venue.