Tired and Sad about Dating

[stormywind]

I think I should give up on dating. First, there's not too many in my area who I am ever interested in dating and I don't meet people that easily. The only way I'm really able to is through the personals usually.

 

There's only a few times I meet someone I'm interested in and it doesn't seem to go well.

 

I met someone recently and he seemed ok and I was willing to give it a shot. I think it's over already though after talking to him yesterday.

 

I knew it was a mistake to hang around an over-over-achiever. Now I feel like crap.

 

We were talking on the phone and as part of a conversation, I mentioned how I had to put a hard drive in someone's computer today. He said he didn't know I did *that*. I asked why not and he asked how it pertained to what my degree was in and how even *he* could change a hard drive.

 

Of course, like most people do, they assumed that I did programming. (I hate programming and do not have much programming experience). And they also place more value on people who do that (programming). I got into a discussion with him on why people place more value on those in the math/science fields---and that I don't consider those fields superior to others. He--like most math/science people, DO consider them superior.

 

Also, lately I've been out shopping a lot looking for clothes for the change in weather. So lately when he calls, I'm out shopping. He makes me feel like there's something wrong with that. He told me I should take up running or something instead (as if I shop just out of boredom). I mentioned that I work out everyday. He said so does he but he'll work out in the morning, at lunchtime and maybe again later. (as if I could be doing more of it).

 

(btw, I'm in really good shape because I work really hard at it).

 

I feel like such a loser after this conversation with him. And he didn't make any plans with me either.

 

Seems like whenever I do find someone with their act together, they have impossibly high standards that I can't meet or they make me feel like I'm not enough for them. And I'm not interested in those who don't have their act together--been there, done that.

 

I'm just feeling really sad because it seems the few times I meet someone that I might be interested in, I don't measure up.

 

 

Then of course, there IS a guy who I think is perfect but he's unavailable.

 

 

Please don't suggest taking a break. I wasted most of my life not dating and getting out there due to shyness and depression. I regret wasting all that time as it is.

[Barby]

I say you should feel that you're MORE than enough to meet his "standards" maybe you're taking things he says the "wrong way" even though he sounds like a competitive jerk.

 

Keep looking/dating you'll find someone who's as cool as you are and who won't act like his sh*t don't stink (pardon the expression). Good luck!

[winnieloveshunny]

He's too self-centred. Also, no one should try to put you down in any way. Don't waste your time on him anymore.

 

Why don't you try widening your social circle? Like making sure that you attend social events such as gatherings, weddings, parties, etc. where you will get to meet many people. Like joining some activities where you can meet people of common interests. If you are more adventurous, you can even try speed dating.

 

It's just that the right guy has not come around. You will meet him someday. Good luck!

[stormywind]

I know people who go to social events but don't meet anyone. They go to the happy hours, volunteer, join groups, etc.... and none of them seem to meet anyone. My one friend did meet someone at a happy hour who she is now living with but that relationship is doomed (he seems like a user).

 

Hate to say it but this guy is a typical frat boy grown up. (and I was NEVER into that scene).

 

Not only that, he is obssessed with thin-ness it seems. (I seem to get those types since I'm thin). I struggle with body image problems (being formerly chubby) and someone like him scares me. He asked on our first dates if my mom was overweight (she's not). He also told me he wouldn't want to date someone with diabetes or hypothyroidism in their families since they would be pre-disposed to gaining weight.

 

Also, while he was married, he was "friends" with a coworker. He told me that his wife didn't like him being friends with her. His wife had just had a second child, also had a 2 year old, worked outside the home and had two family members die within a months time. I think he hung around the coworker to get away from it all. After they were separated, he started seeing the coworker (who is 24--and he is 36). Sounded sorta fishy to me.

 

 

But thing is, there really are not that many type of guys I like around here. And if there are, I certainly don't know where they hang out. And even if I did, they would probably be in high demand --and by more aggressive women.

[winnieloveshunny]

Well, maybe you can set an aim that you are definitely going to make some friends when you attend such events. True, the ultimate The One may not be one of the guys there. But who knows? When your social circle widens, you have more options and this definitely increase the probability of meeting some men whom you find dateable. And who knows? He may be your friend's friend or something.

 

Haa that guy really has a problem. I wouldn't want to date him too. Just in case my child will become pre-disposed of being a crazy man like him.

 

But thing is, there really are not that many type of guys I like around here. And if there are, I certainly don't know where they hang out. And even if I did, they would probably be in high demand --and by more aggressive women.

 

Sometimes your perception of a person will change after you get to know him better. You never know! Maybe you will find one of them who has a great personality afterall. You can do a little survey and find out from your friends, including the guys, where do they usually hang out during their free time. Personally, I do not think happy hours are good places to meet guys who are serious about dating though.

 

Mention to some of your friends that you are interested to date, but can't seem to meet the right person. Some of them may have someone in mind whom they think will be suitable for you.

 

Be more optimistic. Don't give up! Haa be more aggressive then

 

There is someone out there for everyone, including you.

[moimeme]

I feel like such a loser after this conversation with him. And he didn't make any plans with me either.

 

Seems like whenever I do find someone with their act together, they have impossibly high standards that I can't meet or they make me feel like I'm not enough for them. And I'm not interested in those who don't have their act together--been there, done that.

 

That guy doesn't have his act together because he wants to control everyone else's. Don't ever mistake 'bossy' for 'confident'. Run far and fast from that jerk because he's nothing but trouble.

[Orchid]

This guy needs to consider himself superior, period. Truth is we're all born equal, don't let him belittle you into believing otherwise. The boy reeks of insecurity. I'm with Moimeme, run far and run fast.

[Orchid]

I'm just feeling really sad because it seems the few times I meet someone that I might be interested in, I don't measure up.

 

If you're carrying around a belief that says "I don't measure up" (ie I'm not good enough), you can only attract someone to whom wont measure up to, thus proving yourself right, over and over. Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Change the belief = change the result.

[Diva]

Hey stormywind, I feel your pain. I'm in pretty much the same situation. Since I broke up with my controlling BF almost a year and a half ago, I haven't really dated at all. I go out as much as possible, even tried a speed dating thing. And I consider myslef to be a pretty good catch, attractive, fit, have my life together, friends, a good life, but it's really hard to meet anyone decent.

 

The few times I have met someone I like and he seems like he's interested, something happens and it doesn't go anywhere. Either they promise to call and then disappear, or like the last guy I went out with, I found out he's got several other girls he's dating or sleeping with and lying to us all about it. There's a guy I work with right now who is very cool and we get along great and have so much in common, but I think he's just not that into me so I think I'll have to accept that that's not going anywhere either.

 

It's tough. I don't have any easy answers, I wish it was something as simple as, "Join more clubs!" I've joined tons of clubs but I've rarely met anyone I wanted to date out of those situations. Personally I find having single female friends is the most helpful thing. (Although getting a new friend can be even harder than getting a date sometimes.) When I go out with my female friends, we go more places when we can meet men and I am more likely to be approached by men than when with couples or male friends. If you can find some female friends who will be your allies in this, it helps alot, if nothing else than to have someone to commiserate with. Of course one of these days they're going to meet men and start dating and I'm going to be SOL.

 

P.S. Stay away from that guy. He's a controlling jerk, and I should recognize the signs.

[stormywind]

Sometimes your perception of a person will change after you get to know him better. You never know! Maybe you will find one of them who has a great personality afterall. You can do a little survey and find out from your friends, including the guys, where do they usually hang out during their free time. Personally, I do not think happy hours are good places to meet guys who are serious about dating though.

 

Mention to some of your friends that you are interested to date, but can't seem to meet the right person. Some of them may have someone in mind whom they think will be suitable for you.

 

 

Most of my friends can't find anyone either.

[stormywind]

This guy needs to consider himself superior, period. Truth is we're all born equal, don't let him belittle you into believing otherwise. The boy reeks of insecurity. I'm with Moimeme, run far and run fast.

 

Well he told me he didn't mean things that way. I think I was taking things too sensitively. I'm not saying he's the greatest or anything but I think I took it wrong.

 

Also he did tell me the other day that he is already impressed with me, etc....

 

I think I was just down on myself so was taking what he said pretty critically.