bluskye Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Hi everyone, This is my first time posting but I have been reading for about a month now. You guys seem to give really good advice, and I really need some good advice now. I have been "talking" to this guy for 3 months now. He lives like 2 hours from me. We have slept together once. He has told me that he doesn't want a relationship right now, so we are not exclusive. I just found out that he slept with someone else last week. I'm really upset! I've been crying alot! I haven't slept with anyone else, and when I told him that he acted surprised. I don't feel like I should talk to him anymore but I still really like him, I'm just so hurt. I've tried no contact (b/c he wouldn't commit to me), but he won't stop calling me...I'm not sure I want him to either. I like him, but I'm not sure I would be able to look at him the same after this. I'm not sure what I am asking for but any input would be helpful. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 I'm not sure what you are asking for either. You are not dating exclusively You had casual sex with him He also had casual sex with someone else You are upset about it Why? He didn't cheat on you. You had no commitment or agreement. It doesn't sound like you communicated with him at all. You are allowing yourself to be hurt. If you want a commitment from him, tell him. If he says he doesn't want a commitment then either accept things as they are, or change them and find someone else who is interested in a commitment. Don't have sex until you ARE in an exclusive relationship and you and the guy had discussed the relationship and set boundaries for yourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Originally posted by HokeyReligions I'm not sure what you are asking for either. You are not dating exclusively You had casual sex with him He also had casual sex with someone else You are upset about it Why? He didn't cheat on you. You had no commitment or agreement. It doesn't sound like you communicated with him at all. You are allowing yourself to be hurt. If you want a commitment from him, tell him. If he says he doesn't want a commitment then either accept things as they are, or change them and find someone else who is interested in a commitment. Don't have sex until you ARE in an exclusive relationship and you and the guy had discussed the relationship and set boundaries for yourselves. Hokey.. you're right on the money. Good Luck Blue;) Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Originally posted by bluskye Hi everyone, This is my first time posting but I have been reading for about a month now. You guys seem to give really good advice, and I really need some good advice now. I have been "talking" to this guy for 3 months now. He lives like 2 hours from me. We have slept together once. He has told me that he doesn't want a relationship right now, so we are not exclusive. I just found out that he slept with someone else last week. I'm really upset! I've been crying alot! I haven't slept with anyone else, and when I told him that he acted surprised. I don't feel like I should talk to him anymore but I still really like him, I'm just so hurt. I've tried no contact (b/c he wouldn't commit to me), but he won't stop calling me...I'm not sure I want him to either. I like him, but I'm not sure I would be able to look at him the same after this. I'm not sure what I am asking for but any input would be helpful. Thanks! Okay I doubt you'll like what you're gonna hear but I'll try and be as helpful as I can. First...he TOLD you he didn't want a "relationship" (he basically wants a friend w/ occasional benefits). You KNEW he wasn't "exclusive" with you so I don't understand why you said............. I've tried no contact (b/c he wouldn't commit to me), Okay WHY would you want to "punish" him for not "commiting" to you when indeed he was honest up front about what he wanted??? Sweety you can't win a guy over and make him "your's" by laying down with him. He probably assumed you understood that he wasn't interested in more with you since he told you this. On the other hand I can understand how it would hurt a lot knowing he slept with someone else. I'm sure you hoped he was just telling you he only wanted to "hook up sometimes" but was feeling that he really wanted to be with you. I'm so sorry that you're going through this but you knew what you were getting yourself into before you did it. If you're okay with only being his occasional bed buddy then keep in contact with him and you'll both be satisfied to some extent, (protect yourself since he's sleeping around). But if you're hoping you're gonna change his mind, well I doubt it will happen and you shouldn't have to wait around, find someone who wants the same thing out of a relationship that you want. Or hang around and wait on him but please don't be suprised when he ends up doing this again. Take care and good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluskye Posted October 14, 2004 Author Share Posted October 14, 2004 Hokey....you are so right. I don't know why I am so bothered by it. I guess I hoped that we could be more than what we are. I've been thinking the same things that you put in your post, but there is that little part of me that hopes that one day he will come around and see what a great girl I am...but that won't ever happen. I don't think I can accept this as it is, so I need to move on. It's just so hard! Any suggestions? Should I tell him to stop calling me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluskye Posted October 14, 2004 Author Share Posted October 14, 2004 Barby, Your advice is really true, it stung a little but you are right. I wasn't trying to punish him by not contacting him, I was trying to keep myself from being hurt, and it happened anyway. Also, he told me he didn't want a relationship until three weeks after we had sex. Like Hokey said, I shouldn't sleep with someone until we have established some boundaries. I just feel so stupid! Thanks for the advice though, my friends have not been very helpful Link to post Share on other sites
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