PinkFriday Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 I know this sounds so teenager while I'm already in my 30s. My bestie is not the prettiest but she's got a great personality. I say great because I can't pinpoint what part of her personality is so so attractive to guys. I guess she's funny, laughs freely and sometimes says shocking things which a more reserved person like myself wouldn't say. I have been hanging out with this guy for a few weeks, we texted each other everyday. And then it happened. We all went out together (myself, the guy, the bff). Since then no text from him. I saw on my friend's facebook that they hanged out together last Saturday without inviting me. She knows we've been texting each other everyday. I'm not particularly upset because I'm not head over heels for him. I just feel like I've been suddenly kicked to the curb because I'm the boring friend, she's the fun friend, I'm the spare part, she's the star. Does it mean that I can't introduce anymore guy friends to my bestie? Or stop being bestie with her? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 How about stop being the boring one? You don't have to compete with her. Just feed off of her, learn how to enjoy life like she does. Then try it out when you're out on your own. My wife has pals just like you. They want what she's got, but I'd never go for them because they can be real sticks in the mud. Let loose a little. Embarrass yourself from time to time. People will love you for it. Put yourself out there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 I know this sounds so teenager while I'm already in my 30s. My bestie is not the prettiest but she's got a great personality. I say great because I can't pinpoint what part of her personality is so so attractive to guys. I guess she's funny, laughs freely and sometimes says shocking things which a more reserved person like myself wouldn't say. I have been hanging out with this guy for a few weeks, we texted each other everyday. And then it happened. We all went out together (myself, the guy, the bff). Since then no text from him. I saw on my friend's facebook that they hanged out together last Saturday without inviting me. She knows we've been texting each other everyday. I'm not particularly upset because I'm not head over heels for him. I just feel like I've been suddenly kicked to the curb because I'm the boring friend, she's the fun friend, I'm the spare part, she's the star. Does it mean that I can't introduce anymore guy friends to my bestie? Or stop being bestie with her? She doesn't sound like a best of anything if she's doing things like that behind your back. She should have asked if it was okay with you first before doing that since she must have known you two were talking everyday. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 A bestie who would do this to you is a worstie. drop her and forget the guy 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 What kind of best friend is that?! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkFriday Posted October 7, 2014 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 (edited) So, some personalities are simply more attractive than others. And if I want to be as attractive as her, I cannot be "myself"? Fake it till I make it? Why do I get the feeling that even if I drop her I'd still be the loser... Edited October 7, 2014 by PinkFriday gram Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Of course some personalities are more attractive than others. I think many people refuse to be "themselves" because they are afraid to put themselves out there. This may or may not be you. Who knows? Only you do. You make a good point. Your pal may be the most miserable person in the world, and her "out" persona is a complete front. But even if that is true, there is a wisdom in her approach. She's trying to change things. Or maybe you were just "attracted" to her as a friend because she attracts other people with her bubbly and fun personality. I'll bet you have some of that in you somewhere. Use her to find it. Let it out. You'll never be her, but you don't have to be. You used the word boring first. Just don't be that, and I'll bet you'll do fine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 So, some personalities are simply more attractive than others. And if I want to be as attractive as her, I cannot be "myself"? Fake it till I make it? Why do I get the feeling that even if I drop her I'd still be the loser... Hey guys, she said she liked the guy. She didnt say that she loved him. Her bestie did the just the thing and outgoing, funloving, girl would do. She took initiative and went out with the dude. She cant read the OPs mind. Anyway OP, no one is telling you not to be "yourself". But be your best self. If you "yourself" say that youre more "reserved' that means that you know that you can be more outgoing. I challenge you that you are in-fact- not being "yourself". - Why you ask? Because you are keeping your feelings in, and being reserved. - You are not showing people who you are. Think about it. All of us need friends like that, that show us how to enjoy life a little more 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Please don't ever consider giving up your BEST friend simply for guys. When you find a guy you like just try keeping him to yourself until hes smitten before introducing to your friend? Idk Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 PinkFriday, I agree with others that this person is no way a "bestie". I used to know a girl like this who was very outgoing. When I was divorced and dating (in my 30's) I was rather quiet and a bit shy, but I still managed to engage guys in conversation and be friendly. I soon realised that she was using my connection with these guys to get dates with them, sleep with them and dump them. I challenged her about this and she said "It's not my fault you can't keep a man". She stopped being a friend at that point, as I wasn't going to keep her supplied with dates any longer and her attitude was just downright nasty. I realised that we wanted different things. She wanted a good time, I was looking for an LTR. My suggestion would be to lose her and cultivate friendships with girls who you can respect and trust and who can reciprocate. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Sounds like a bit of repressed resentment here. Hey, no one said you can't be yourself, but you can't blame your "bestie" if she looks like the more attractive option to someone else when you are the one who brought them around in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 is it bad from the guy as well to do that? what were you texting about for the last few weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 This is NOT your BFF! Drop her. Sure you could work on opening up a bit but loud/obnoxious/slutty is hardly an attractive trait. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stillits Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Since I'm a reserved person myself, I have been in similar situations before. The outgoing, outspoken person who is good at small-talking and making fast connections just seem more interesting. I tried changing myself to become those things, but it sucked the energy right out of me and I realized (crushingly so, depression as a result) that I can't keep up this fake persona. So, I'm reserved but if you give me some time I am funny, intelligent and loyal. Just that in this world, people don't seem to have time anymore - instant gratification and all. Anyway, it's more important to meet someone who likes you for the person you are, rather than the person you're pretending to be. Also, I don't think what she did resembles the actions of a good friend. Neither is the guy someone you'd want to deal with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkFriday Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 is it bad from the guy as well to do that? what were you texting about for the last few weeks? Nothing intimate.. Just casual talks really, throughout the day and everyday.. I feel insulted really, feel "used" that I was just a filler until someone better comes along... I can drop both of them, but that's it? Is there anything I should do? Just drop them, accept that I was "used" and move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 I can drop both of them, but that's it? Is there anything I should do? Just drop them, accept that I was "used" and move on? Yes. Why would you have users in your life? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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