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Ladies: how often do you get asked out?


Ladies: How often do you get asked out on a date by a man?  

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A bit of a debate came up in another thread, and rather than clog that thread up, I figured this would be an interesting comment.

 

There's a belief out there, that women get asked out VERY often. Every few weeks even.

 

I'm sure for some ladies this is true, but for your average woman, it's likely less than this.

 

How often do you get asked out? What counts as an approach and what doesn't? How often do you accept or reject?

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I think it depends on the situation. If we're talking no online dating and just going purely on in person, I would say for me once a month? But, that's mainly with people I work with. I have RARELY gotten asked out randomly at like a supermarket or some other random place like you hear people say sometimes.

 

It mainly happens at work, or when I know someone as a friend already.

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venusishername

Good topic!

I consider 'asking out' to sound like this:

 

 

"Are you free on Saturday night?" "I'm at or going to xyz, are you free to meet?", "Would you like to have a drink sometime?"

I get asked for my phone number fairly often, maybe on or less than a weekly basis, most of the time I say no because I'm not interested or if I do, I most often don't hear from the guy (with some exceptions)...

 

 

I met someone that I'd be interested in getting to know more on Friday night. When I was leaving, he said that he REALLY hoped to see me again, but didn't ask for my number, so I offered it, and haven't heard from him since.

I get approached regularly, but most of the time I'm not interested or just shy so I end the conversation. I'm picky though.

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HereAndThenGone
A bit of a debate came up in another thread, and rather than clog that thread up, I figured this would be an interesting comment.

 

There's a belief out there, that women get asked out VERY often. Every few weeks even.

 

I'm sure for some ladies this is true, but for your average woman, it's likely less than this.

 

How often do you get asked out? What counts as an approach and what doesn't? How often do you accept or reject?

 

It depends. I work full time, have two kids and go to school so I'm really busy. Definitely not every week but it's fairly often that I know a guy that is interested. Getting asked out on a date is another story.

 

I don't know if it's just where I live (California) but guys seemed to be programmed to play games. Here and there, usually with the older guys, I get asked out on an actual "date". I almost always say no because they're not usually guys I have any interest in. And when I say yes, it seems like it's going so well and then they get distant.

 

I swear though, the guys I have no interest in but like me are always there if I ever decided to reach out to one of them. This is probably true with guys to I would think though. But I don't ever reach out. 1) because I have no desire to have a FWB relationship with someone I'm not sexually attracted to, and 2) It's not fair to them when I know they like me.

 

The last guy I was dating for a few months. I was asked out twice by two other guys in that time period, if that's more of a direct answer.

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Thanks for the detailed responses! Seems like it's fairly accepted that a man doesn't have to clearcut ask for a "date", for it to be considered an approach or show of interest.

 

I do think it's fair to suggest that OLD will definitely skew these numbers, so I'm mostly interested in real life interactions as examples

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I've been asked out/approached 8 times. Rejected 2 of them

 

1. Friend that I fell for. Resulted in relationship.

2. Another friend, again a relationship.

3. Friend of a friend saw me on facebook, messaged me asking me on a date. I said yes. We decided not to pursue a relationship.

4. Was asked to dance at a party. Went on a date a week later. He soon told me he wasn't interested and we went our separate ways.

5. A stranger at a party complimented me, asked for my number. We dated for a while, but no relationship

6. While dating 5, his friend asked me out, not knowing that I was dating #5. Clearly had to decline.

7. Get asked out by coworker. After 6 years of being single, a short lived relationship happens.

8. Get asked out in a sleazy way by coworker. Decline.

 

And then there was my current boyfriend. So 9!! Not 8

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SawtoothMars
A bit of a debate came up in another thread, and rather than clog that thread up, I figured this would be an interesting comment.

There's a belief out there, that women get asked out VERY often. Every few weeks even.

I'm sure for some ladies this is true, but for your average woman, it's likely less than this.

How often do you get asked out? What counts as an approach and what doesn't? How often do you accept or reject?

 

Interesting theory. As a guy... I'm going to say this will vary widely per woman. On a typical rating scale the 9-10 girls probably get hit on a bit but not as much as the 6-8 girls... who probably get drowned in male advances. 5's and below probably get generally ignored.

 

Of course a woman who is a 4 to me might be an 8 to another guy. This was a source of endless debate for me as a teen.

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SawtoothMars
I've been asked out/approached 8 times. Rejected 2 of them

1. Friend that I fell for. Resulted in relationship.

2. Another friend, again a relationship.

3. Friend of a friend saw me on facebook, messaged me asking me on a date. I said yes. We decided not to pursue a relationship.

4. Was asked to dance at a party. Went on a date a week later. He soon told me he wasn't interested and we went our separate ways.

5. A stranger at a party complimented me, asked for my number. We dated for a while, but no relationship

6. While dating 5, his friend asked me out, not knowing that I was dating #5. Clearly had to decline.

7. Get asked out by coworker. After 6 years of being single, a short lived relationship happens.

8. Get asked out in a sleazy way by coworker. Decline.

And then there was my current boyfriend. So 9!! Not 8

 

Holy crap! I can't even list the number of times I've had women hit on me. I had probably 9 or 10 love letters just during high school! I think I've probably had more women cheat on me than you have guys ask you out.

 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you must scare the crap out of average guys, or intimidate them. Do you openly carry a pistol or samurai sword?

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Of course a woman who is a 4 to me might be an 8 to another guy. This was a source of endless debate for me as a teen.

 

Definitely gonna vary from man to man, and that is always a consideration.

 

I wear no makeup and my boyfriend says I look beautiful, my best male friend would say I look like poop :lmao:

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One thing I do NOT count as an approach, would be the harassing catcalls. Shouts out of a moving car aren't an attempt to date me. I'd think most ladies agree, but I know this topic has been up for debate before, and some men consider it an approach.

 

Thoughts?

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SawtoothMars
A katana, how did you know?! :D

 

Actually I didn't... you are pretty enough I was betting it would have to be a .44 mag + Katana combo to scare guys off. :lmao:

 

Seriously though... guys tend to run on game theory. I had a period where I dated aspiring models a lot. They surprisingly don't get asked out as often as I would have imagined. The first one I dated told me I was the first guy to ask her out in over a year... which I found totally unbelievable. Part of it also was that she was kind of an anti-social shut in. When I took her to a club I couldn't leave her alone for a minute without some douche trying to make a move.

 

Definitely gonna vary from man to man, and that is always a consideration.

I wear no makeup and my boyfriend says I look beautiful, my best male friend would say I look like poop :lmao:

 

That's why one is your BF and the other is not. :bunny:

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venusishername
One thing I do NOT count as an approach, would be the harassing catcalls. Shouts out of a moving car aren't an attempt to date me. I'd think most ladies agree, but I know this topic has been up for debate before, and some men consider it an approach.

 

Thoughts?

 

Catcalls are in no way shape or form an 'approach'. I get a fair share of catcalls :/ I've heard many, from the clever and flattering to the obscene. I really don't know why men do this. Does it make them feel good or something?!

Once a guy pulled up in a car next to me and asked for my number. I looked at him like, "Are you kidding me?!" and said, "No, I don't give out my number to people who just drive by and ask for it!" Just because you have a slick BMW doesn't mean that **** is gonna work in real life.. geez, buddy.

I consider an 'approach' to be walking up to a woman and asking to buy her a drink, or sitting down next to her and introducing yourself, or asking for a phone number, a meal, coffee, etc.

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Catcalls are in no way shape or form an 'approach'. I get a fair share of catcalls :/ I don't know why men do this. Does it make them feel good or something?!

Once a guy pulled up in a car next to me and asked for my number. I looked at him like, "Are you kidding me?!" and said, "No, I don't give out my number to people who just drive by and ask for it!"

I consider an 'approach' to be walking up to a woman and asking to buy her a drink, or sitting down next to her and introducing yourself, or asking for a phone number, a meal, coffee, etc.

 

Catcalls aren't too common for me, luckily, but they do tend to be creepy. "Damn girl look at that ass" which in my head is insane because I have a smaller booty lol. And then when I ignore it and keep walking it turns to "bitch! **** you!" In an instant, lol.

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All I get is stupid sexual catcalls

 

"you have good dsl's"

"you're sexy"

"want to be friends with benefits?"

"nice ass"

 

It annoys me that men can say those things I dont care but nice men dont come up and say something meaningful or nice.

 

I dont think a guy has ever politely asked me out =[

 

Seems like im not the only one in this thread

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It all depends on demographics, opportunity, and if you are approachable. Approachable meaning you are not too intimidating, look friendly (you smile or make eye contact). In my dating days I got asked out on a weekly basis, but I also worked at a bar, I partied a lot, I was out a lot. Yes I did get asked out at the grocery store a few times. How often did I reject them? a lot. I didn't find them attractive or they made me feel uneasy (player types). If they appealed to me, and seemed to be genuine I accepted the date. I also actively asked guys out on dates as well too. I was rejected once but that was because I was a smoker. That was his deal breaker.

 

How many dates I have been on? I lost count lol. But quantity doesn't mean there was quality. There were more misses than hits lol.

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As a guy.. i used to approach women all the time. It did not matter where on when and I'd land a number. But I've quit doing this mostly because of the awkward no that I started to receive rather frequently.

 

Net dating I'll message around 20-30 women a week. I get responses maybe 1/3 of them of those I might get 2-3 numbers. Of those 1 in 10 turns into an actual date.

 

I've basically quit flirting with women in real life. Mostly due to the fact that most are rude. If guys check you out but don't ask for your number you can thank your female friends that are rude to men who do.

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It all depends on demographics, opportunity, and if you are approachable. Approachable meaning you are not too intimidating, look friendly (you smile or make eye contact). In my dating days I got asked out on a weekly basis, but I also worked at a bar, I partied a lot, I was out a lot. Yes I did get asked out at the grocery store a few times. How often did I reject them? a lot. I didn't find them attractive or they made me feel uneasy (player types). If they appealed to me, and seemed to be genuine I accepted the date. I also actively asked guys out on dates as well too. I was rejected once but that was because I was a smoker. That was his deal breaker.

 

How many dates I have been on? I lost count lol. But quantity doesn't mean there was quality. There were more misses than hits lol.

 

I'm friendly, but definitely not a social butterfly.

 

Never had a grocery store or any other sort of store approach.

 

I tried my hand at approaching on rare occasion but got rejected each time. Did not ask for a reason though.

 

While I've only been on a handful of dates, they all went well. Can't say I've evr had a bad date.

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As a guy.. i used to approach women all the time. It did not matter where on when and I'd land a number. But I've quit doing this mostly because of the awkward no that I started to receive rather frequently.

 

Net dating I'll message around 20-30 women a week. I get responses maybe 1/3 of them of those I might get 2-3 numbers. Of those 1 in 10 turns into an actual date.

 

I've basically quit flirting with women in real life. Mostly due to the fact that most are rude. If guys check you out but don't ask for your number you can thank your female friends that are rude to men who do.

 

I remember getting a bit irritated at a friend a few years ago. She was getting approached rather often (I'd say she's the most approached woman I've ever known) and she was constantly turning them down. Guys that I would've been thrilled to date, she just brushed aside. Especially when a guy I liked asked her out and she said "eww", I finally told her how I thought it was ridiculous how she wouldn't give these perfectly decnt guys a chance, and it actually caused a fight.

 

Naturally, I was out of line to question her desires, and wish I'd realized it then, but no going back now

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I've been through so many different situations, that I can't really count exactly how many guys I've been through. However, the other day I was doing a flashback in my mind and I realized that during the last 3 years, I got to go out with 20 different guys, being the 20th my current one - that is, guys that lasted at least 4 dates. I'm also the type of woman who will just go there and talk to the guy if I'm interested and I notice he is too. I really don't like the idea of missing out a chance just because the guy is too shy. If he's not coming, I go then lol, maybe that's why there are so many.

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I remember getting a bit irritated at a friend a few years ago. She was getting approached rather often (I'd say she's the most approached woman I've ever known) and she was constantly turning them down. Guys that I would've been thrilled to date, she just brushed aside. Especially when a guy I liked asked her out and she said "eww", I finally told her how I thought it was ridiculous how she wouldn't give these perfectly decnt guys a chance, and it actually caused a fight.

 

Naturally, I was out of line to question her desires, and wish I'd realized it then, but no going back now

 

 

I don't think you were out of line. It's women like that who ruin it for everyone else. I don't approach the "hottest" women on earth. But I do approach those I found attractive. I think the problem is there are to many insecure men going after average women. These women over value themselves and end up with nothing. I know one of these women my self. She's average at best but gets approached endlessly. She only goes after the super hot men who just want to bang her, then complains about it. I finally got fed up with hearing about it and told her the truth. It was the end of the friendship but she needed to hear it.

 

This I think makes things difficult for men who are truly interested in more. Even if you flirt with the guy they wont respond.. Why? I've had plenty flirt with me I get their number call and it goes no place fast. I feel like I was nothing more then an ego boost.

 

So thank your friends that do this BS. That is why it happens.

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SawtoothMars

I've basically quit flirting with women in real life. Mostly due to the fact that most are rude. If guys check you out but don't ask for your number you can thank your female friends that are rude to men who do.

 

I am completely in the same boat here! I quit because I'm married... but before that I was really struggling to continue hitting on women in person. Too many of them were just A-holes! Especially, when I didn't have a chance to strike up a quick conversation first.

 

I remember getting a bit irritated at a friend a few years ago. She was getting approached rather often (I'd say she's the most approached woman I've ever known) and she was constantly turning them down. Guys that I would've been thrilled to date, she just brushed aside. Especially when a guy I liked asked her out and she said "eww", I finally told her how I thought it was ridiculous how she wouldn't give these perfectly decnt guys a chance, and it actually caused a fight.

Naturally, I was out of line to question her desires, and wish I'd realized it then, but no going back now

 

Questioning her desires is different from questioning how she treats people.

 

The funny thing is that most women claim to hate cat calls, but rarely provide any negative feedback at the time. Yet directly asking a lady out you are more likely than not going to get treated like some creepy rapist. Although some have been very nice... and I did meet the crazy ferret lady in a museum parking lot. :)

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Snakechammah

It's all seasonal. I don't get approached unless:

1. It's OLD - it's carpet bombing for these guys

2. Bars/Pubs/Clubs - hookup spots + drunk dudes = deluded confidence

3. Friends of friends who have either seen my picture or seen my presence in an event.

 

To date, these are the only times I was ever cold-approached:

-When I was 15, the KFC dude asked my cousin for my phone number

-When I was 29, a creepy taxi driver asked if I wanted to meet him for lunch

 

So yeah, I'm going to vote for "I get asked out once in 10 years"

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I get cat calls several times a month, rude, crude and also funny ones.

I don't respond to the rude and crude ones as I'm always alone and my safety is more important to me than letting someone know I'm disgusted.

 

I get nice compliments about as often and always smile and say thank you.

I get lots of winks and smiles and I always smile back no matter who it is as a smile can make someone's day.

 

Many guys who I 'know of' but don't know well have assumed that I am married but don't wear a ring.

 

The last time anyone asked me out in person was about 4 years ago.

 

I know about 9 guys who years later have said they were into me at various stages but that they thought I would never be interested in them so they never asked me out. By the time they said anything they were married.

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Cool, seems like I'm in the majority. :laugh:

 

For the record, I actually don't know ANY women who get asked out every week. Some of the girls I know are literally models, too. And others are very friendly and sociable.

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