Back after a long time off - lengthy

[AlexanderJames]

Hey everyone! I haven't been on this forum in a very long time but it's good to be back. I blogged a lot of details about a really difficult break up almost 3 years ago today and have been happily single ever since.

 

I have recently started spending some time with a woman but never in my life have I met a girl like her and I need a bit of advice. (Not in the sappy way you think)

 

I am 23 and she is 35. Age doesn't seem to bother her as we have been intimate before and we get along fine. Age difference has never even been mentioned. We are pretty different in many ways but that makes her that much more fascinating and interesting. But alas I don't want to dribble on about her like a smitten kitten and bore you to tears.

 

Long story short (as short as I can without leaving questions) she is a very independant and solitary woman. She can go days without hearing from me or talking to me and loves it because she is so used to being her own woman. She has never had any long term committed relationships from what we have discussed and due to an unfullfilling and uncomfortable early sex life being affectionate and intimate isn't something she prioritises highly. Our sexual experiences have been instigated by her, but she made it clear straight away that she isn't heaps into it and doesn't really know what to do.

 

I am very much the opposite in the affection and sexual side but none of this bothers me, in fact it's these differences I find draw me in more. I enjoy my space and when we go out with groups of people we are more than okay going our own way and doing our own thing. It's actually refreshing not having to follow each other and watch each other ect when going out.

 

My issue is, however, I feel like I am at a stage where I am ready to discuss my current feelings and sort of put things out on the table but because I still haven't quite figured out what works and doesn't work with her I don't know how to approach the situation. She is the kind of person that I feel isn't huge on deep and serious conversations, not often anyway, and she has mentioned before that one thing she hated the most about dating was feeling to be made responsible for the man's feelings. It's for these reasons that I don't know if I should strike up a serious conversation because we could still at the stage where coming on too strong could scare her off.

 

She has never really spoken about feelings to me at all. One night after going clubbing (no kisses or dances were had) she explained with apologies that she is not affectionate when she is out drinking and likes to do her own thing. Other times in group conversation she has said things like she won't have one on one time with people unless they are important and that she does not have one night stands. These things were said shortly after the first and only time we have had sex.

 

Basically I want to get some things off my chest and get maybe some clarity about what is going on in her head. Sometimes she is hot with me, other times ice cold. I put this down to her being so solitary but still it would be good to hear her point of view.

 

I wrote a letter to her, not saying I love you or be mine or anything over the top like that. Just outlining the fact that I find myseld incredibly attracted to her and that I really like her, I have enjoyed the time she has shared with me and I feel priveleged to have met her. Things like that. I signed it off with "thinking of you" rather than anything truly or yours ect.

 

Do people still appreciate hand written letters? I don't want her to think I wrote it cause I am socially challenged and I'll be telling her that I wrote it rather than asked to see her because I wanted to give her the time and space to read it without feeling pressured into giving me a reaction straight away. I just dont want to suddenly come accross like a creep for writing a letter in 2014 lol.

 

Known each other a year, been hanging out 1 on 1 for a few months. 3 nights spent together, 2 times cuddling overnight and 1 night involving intimacy. So it's not like we are regularly going on dates or sleeping together. We do see each other most days at work but given we work in different departments it's often no more than a smile and a quick catch up chat.

 

What do people think, letter appropriate? I am seeing her tomorrow when she drops stuff at my house.

 

Thanks for reading my novel

[AlexanderJames]

I forgot to mention we went out clubbing again last night. Her myself and a colleague. While having drinks before leaving we were all telling stories and the girls got into sex stories. The woman I am interested in told a few stories about old past stories but every time she would start telling one she would gesture to me and apologize as if to make sure I wasn't getting upset or annoyed hearing about her past partners. I thought that was interesting but I've been known to over analyze.